INSTRUCTIONS AND PROPHECIES OF THE Blessed MOTHER ALIPIA GOLOSEEVSKY, Kyiv...
Start
Fanfare sounds
IN 1: Let them say that time heals
That the circle will not open for days
However, a magical evening came
And everything here suddenly changed.
IN 2: Candle decayed wax will drop
With a strange silence in tune
And, suddenly, you want in the palm of your hand
Catch the elusive star.
IN 1: And between the future and the past
Dream and childhood behind
IN 2: Like a fragile bridge thrown
Tonight is graduation night.
V.1: We are starting a festive ball for 2012 graduates of the Kerch Lyceum of Arts.
To your endless applause, we invite graduates. Meet 11 A class.
By the way, why A?
Yes, because it is the most active and ambitious, aristocratic and gambling, authoritative and accurate.
And yet - artistic and relevant, astral and angelic, avant-garde, adventurous ...
V.2: Well, now the hall will explode with a storm of applause!
We meet 11 B class.
Anticipating your question, I immediately answer: because he is the most - unrestrained, noble, fighting, insane, reckless.
Flawless, incomparable and divine!
On May 12, 2012, from the side of the pier, located on the Black Sea coast, a young man entered the boarding house Kyiv, in the city of Kerch. His name was Ostap-Suleiman-Berta-Maria-Bender-Bey. There were few lyceums in the city and therefore it seemed that all people want to go to the graduation party in this particular one - the Kerch educational and educational complex-boarding school of the arts, located on Kurortnaya street. 4. The great strategist did not have the keys to the apartment where the money was, but he took with him for the holiday all 12 chairs he won in the hardest battles and finally assembled ...
Ostap Bender's exit to the music of "12 chairs"
Take off your hats, gentlemen, bare your heads, now my body will be removed. The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury, I will command the parade! And what, there are brides in your city?
Ellochka's exit to the music (retro dance)
Ellochka Shchukina's life credo - you need to be able to squeeze out money
even from the board.
Ellochka's dictionary was only 30 words, but with them she could express almost any of her thoughts. Here are the words, phrases and interjections, meticulously chosen by her from all the great, verbose and powerful Russian language:
Ho-ho! (Expresses, depending on the circumstances, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction.)
Horror. (Terrible. For example, when meeting with a good friend: “creepy meeting”).
Boy. (In relation to all familiar men, regardless of age and social status).
Don't teach me how to live.
Let's take a taxi. (To male acquaintances).
Shine (Again, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction).
The exit of the Ostap team with chairs to the song "12 chairs"
Meet couples monsieur and ladies
Leave the tears and fill the glasses
Our Graduation Team Arrived Today
Shout "Bravo" and clap for us.
Oh what wonderful moments
We smile, the time is lived happily
Today we give to teachers relatives
Your confessions of sincere love!
We came to congratulate you -
Beloved, lyceum, relatives ...
And the proud title of teacher-mentor
Ostap knew 1,000 ways to make money, but now a new plan has matured in his head that had nothing to do with money.
Ostap:
Who do I see gentlemen? Here gathered the most respected people of the city, representatives of the secret pedagogical union of the sword and plowshare, the democratic elite of the new time. Comrades, let's support the teachers with a chic applause! This is quite enough to break the ice, gentlemen of the jury! I'll be in command of the parade!
Ellochka:
Ho-ho, boy!!! How much is opium for the people?
Ostap:
Since you, my dear, undertook to be my assistant in such a scrupulous and solemn event, I would ask you to help me in holding today's holiday.
Ellochka:
Ostap:
Please pay attention to these 12 chairs, gentlemen. As you understand, there are no more jewels in them, but today they will tell us something more valuable and dear to the heart of everyone sitting in this hall - memories, gentlemen ...
Ellochka:
So, the chair is the first, the initial one ... How did it all begin?
Music sounds and against its background Ellochka reads Asadov's poems:
Years run on grass and snow,
It's like an eternal schedule.
And only one thing is not subject to their run:
Our memories.
And in childhood, and in youth, and in the heat, and in silence,
At the first sign, from the darkness of the crown,
Memory will drive us to all our dates,
Faster than any time machine.
And is there any other way
Suddenly return your freckled dawn,
To take and step you again into childhood,
In some six or eight years?!
The music "17 Moments of Spring" and words against its background sound.
Presenter1:
From the secret archives of the public education department. In the early autumn morning of 2001, groups of people of different ages flocked to the gray, but widely known in certain circles, building of the Lyceum of Arts, the identity of their appearance led to strange reflections.
Host 2:
At the entrance to the building of public education, a group of people aged 6 to 7 was formed to set up another experiment, which for the first time was designed not for 10, but for a long 11 years. As it became known later, they could even study for 12 years thanks to the current Minister of Education. But fortune nevertheless smiled at them and Euro 2012 eased their suffering by shortening the last academic year by a whole month.
The music “What they teach at school” sounds and children take the stage.
Chair "first, initial"
We all learned the alphabet in childhood. And our first teachers explained that "A" - accuracy, "B" - nobility, "C" - politeness, "G" - heroism, "D" - kindness.
How lucky we were with our first teachers. But if the “great strategist” taught us, it is not known what would come of it. So, let's look.
(Scene "ABC")
To the motive of the song "Love me like this"
We entered the lyceum in the autumn sometimes
And our teacher was so young
Loved you so cute, mischievous
Loved you for who you are!
We crammed the multiplication table with you.
They returned home very late.
Let's never forget those first years
After all, our teacher is still young.
We will always remember about hiking and the sea
We want you to always be like this!
Ostap:
Welcome, welcome, can you hear me? Everything is fine? I'm going to plan "A"!
Ellochka:
You are an amazing person - everything is in order with you! With such happiness and freedom?
Ostap:
Please don't get personal. Let's get down to business. So, we proceed to plan "A" - the chair of the second - is dedicated to the Administration ...
The music of "17 Moments of Spring" sounds and words against its background.
Presenter 1:
Top secret… The groups of people formed in 2001 had to endure many different state experiments for 11 long years under the supervision of the chief of public education agents. Information for thought. Characteristics for the chief - director of the school. The director is also the father of school experiments. Character: balanced in places, very persistent, vigilant against violators of cleanliness and order, academic performance and behavior, has an authoritative voice: he sees everything, hears everything, knows everything ...
Host 2:
Top secret. Characteristics for assistants to the chief - agents of public education in the field of all sciences and education. Natures are active, superactive. They underwent special training in a special purpose group, acquired skills and abilities in communicating with any individuals. Special signs: enthusiasm, the ability to quickly search, the ability to be in several places at once, to see everything, hear everything, know everything.
Chair "main, administrative"
Scene "Meeting"
To the motive of the song "Help me" from the movie "Diamond Arm"
We want to say words of love now to the administration
You are the captains in our voyage of training passions.
Today we give you, beloved, we are our applause
And let hundreds of guests support us in our desire.
Without you, the heart dies, the heart dies.
You took care of us for so many years ...
We want your life
Bright colors, good luck and victories!!!
Ostap:
Lord! Children will not forget you! It's not so funny to live without you!
Ellochka:
Darkness! Comrade Bender, this is the administration, why do you complicate your life so much? Better complicate someone else's.
Ostap:
What does all of this mean? Something I can not keep up with your congenial thought.
Ellochka:
So I knew that you are neither a giant of thought, nor even a giant of lyceum democracy. Our fate is in your hands, everyone is waiting for the toast, and it is at the bottom of the glass.
Ostap:
Madam! My toast is the heavy legacy of the tsarist regime. It must be listened to standing up. So, ladies and gentlemen, chair 3 (third) - teacher's!!!
Presenter 1:
And hello again, our dear, golden, unforgettable teachers!!!
For us, the lessons have already ended, but for you ...
Presenter2:
It is with great pleasure that we will host our last one today, and for you it will be innovative, creative, unconventional (In good sense of this word) a lesson using interactive technologies, some critical thinking techniques, sorry, without a multimedia board
Presenter 1:
The office is locked, and the key to the lock is with Evgenia Sergeevna, who, according to our intelligence, teaches you the intricacies of computer life.
Teachers are invited to the stage to the music
Host 2:
As students today you will see:
Larisa Anatolievna
Lyubov Nikolaevna
Tatyana Vyacheslavovna
Lydia Grigorievna
Elena Valentinovna
Alexander Sergeevich
Sketch for teachers
A song is performed to the motive "Everything is fine, beautiful marquise"
Everything is fine! You are a wonderful teacher. The lesson is good for sure.
Not a single unfortunate surprise, except for a trifle.
Your oral survey will be delayed and it has not matured to methods,
The answers are full of water, and discipline is nowhere,
And there are no interdisciplinary connections - what does the teachers' council teach you?
You do not use a codoscope, questions are asked in the forehead,
The interactive whiteboard is not applied yet.
You don’t check your diaries, you are clearly not ready for the lesson !!
Other than that, you are a great teacher. All is well, all is well!
All teachers are called to the stage
Teacher's horoscope
There are horoscopes of all stripes in the world,
Adults and children love them
Only Horoscope for teachers
No one has composed on the entire planet.
It's time for us to fix this mistake.
And make a teacher's horoscope.
Aries will not let us bleat at the blackboard -
He's a real wolf in sheep's clothing
But Taurus is not formidable bulls,
And good calves by nature.
All the Twins mercilessly sculpt couples,
Grunting angrily: "What kind of baby talk?"
Cancers have very tenacious claws,
They don’t let go of the board for a long time!
You freeze stupidity - they back away,
And the Lions roar, but generously reward.
For Virgo appearance and diligence
More important than answers is content!
Libra wants justice
Yes, but the balance is unstable.
And the Scorpion harbors a terrible poison,
Suddenly, how it stings - and there is a deuce in the magazine!
Shoots remarks Sagittarius,
Who can dodge - well done!
It is impossible to butt heads with Capricorn,
The teacher is right - he knows in advance!
And it is also difficult to argue with Aquarius,
It will flood - and who will save you?
And you are silent when you go to the bottom, -
After all, Pisces love silence!
Now we know everything about teachers
And we are not afraid of any flood,
After all, the student will be unsinkable,
When will study this Horoscope!
Children read poetry to music
We love you! What more?
And these are not words at all!
How good it is in this school
Fate brought us together!
We will keep everything that you gave us,
What a kind, selfless gift.
Soul fire, heart heat
We were kept warm during these years.
We have learned to love life
Work hard, sing, play on stage.
You wisely taught us to live,
Without trampling on our opinions.
We love you very, very much -
Openly, sincerely, sincerely.
And in this precious hour
We want to remember you forever!
Thank you our teachers!
Dance with teachers
Ellochka:
What's new in the papers? What gossip is still unknown to us? Who was born, died, got rich? Who has nothing to do? Comrade Bender, can you hear me? Can you quickly, without preparation, answer all these questions?
Ostap:(puts away newspaper)
Only cats will be born quickly, ma'am. You should already know this. On the front page of the Lyceum Pravda newspaper, a sensational article was published about some unusual musical postcard prepared by graduates.
Ellochka:
So , chair 4 gentlemen, Dedicated to the music school...
The music of Igor Krutoy sounds
Daily, hourly
Every moment of existence
I hear beautiful music
I am a familiar sound.
Listen, she's everywhere.
You hear, as if someone's hands
From the course of our destinies
Smoothly extract sounds.
And deep silence
To the rhythm of the rain that hits the roof
This is the sound of music.
Listen and you will hear...
Graduates sing the song: "We wish you happiness"
In the world where the great Bach created,
Salieri poisoned Mozart
Where did Beethoven compose the Moonlight Sonata?
We wouldn't know these names
'Cause times are different now
If not for the music school ...
We wish you happiness,
And, although we sing in the style of rock,
He's just closer to us
We remember every lesson.
We wish you happiness,
And it must be big
And let all the failures melt away like smoke.
(Musical numbers will be performed by graduates for their teachers)
Ostap:
You and I are strangers at this celebration of life.
Ellochka:
Sorry for dirty question how much money do you have?
Ostap:
Darling, you are making me angry. I am a man tormented by Narzan.
Ellochka:
What are you yelling like polar bear in warm weather? I just wanted to go abroad, because I heard that our graduates have been there, and more than once.
Ostap:
Abroad, my dear, is the myth of the afterlife. Whoever gets there will never come back...
Ellochka:
Well they are back...
Ostap:
I think bargaining is inappropriate here. You need to think about the house ... And for graduates about their studies - UPE is just around the corner. And the teachers won't help them. All hope for self-preparation. So we now remember what our dear graduates have been doing after school all this time ...
Ellochka:
Darkness! Horror! Shine!!! Chair five - life after school... Dedicated to self-training ...
Presenter 1: After a hearty lunch, we sat in the offices ...
Host 2: It was evening, there was nothing.
1st: Arkasha crammed physics,
2nd: Vadim drew graphics,
3rd: Sasha was tormented by a tutor,
4th: Anya tormented "Active",
5th: I was looking for prototypes
6th: And I'm the right reagent.
Lead 2 1: There are two girlfriends on the couch,
Leaning on pillows
All in thought and worries
So we were getting ready for the test.
First ( guessing):
Love does not love,
Will understand - will not understand.
Set a record
Send to hell.
Second: Oh, tired, no strength,
I would take it and not ask
And I would have scribbled "automatic".
Would you like?
First: Who is not happy
Get credit without looking.
But listen, for God's sake,
Don't dream about it
Better read a book.
Presenter 1: So we dreamed a little,
Read a book a little
Then they fell asleep on the couch.
They sing V. Serdyuchka's song "Pie"
I walked to the board, walked, walked,
Didn't know a damn thing.
She got up, paused and went back.
I quietly walked, walked, walked,
And in vain took the diary
She stood, was silent and left with a deuce.
Why did I go to the blackboard
Knowing nothing?
I stood silent and left with a deuce.
I walked quietly. How did I go?
So ashamed of myself.
After all, I stood silent, like a fool was.
I walked quietly ... I walked
Didn't know shit...
Host 2: Dreams are dreams, but worries
Lyceum students have a full mouth.
They make my head spin
And you barely remember
Who are you and what is your name.
This is how exams are taken.
1st: But as soon as reports, abstracts, essays, presentations, tests ...
2nd: Tests, projects, tests, seminars, colloquia, exams are over...
3rd: And most importantly, it's all done! Then...
4th: Then we will come off in full!
Presenter 1: Dear teachers!
You all know our faces
(Sorry, they couldn't put on the uniform.)
We managed to do everything: to study,
Fall in love, even sing songs.
Host 2: You had to work with us
Year after year and day after day.
Alas, it's time to say goodbye
We leave the school house
5th: Throw sad words
I can hardly stand it!
Everything can be said differently
I won't pay now.
6th: The attention of the hall is dear to us,
And I can hold back the tears
For memory, but not for goodbye
Chastushki for lyceum teachers.
Chastushkas are performed on a school theme and dedicated to teachers to the tune of the song "Our Neighbor".
1. Without teachers, girlfriend,
Gray, gloomy, even during the day,
So let's ditties
We will sing about them to you.
Really, Vika?
True, Vera!
We cannot offend them.
Well, the scene will help in this,
So let's continue.
2. If you rushed to school,
Our psychologist is already at the door
So it's a pity that your form
You forgot in a hurry.
If Lydia Vladimirovna
Also standing next to
So it will be very soon
You have a face...
Pam Pam…
3. Our knowledge will be checked right now
'Cause the story goes
Drop your bags at the door
Oral will be right now offset.
Ah, Tatyana Vyacheslavna,
We want to say from the bottom of our hearts
We will always be your subject
Good word to remember...
4. To the motive of the song "Pinocchio"
Who allows you to look into the microscope
Consider a living cell?
Who knows about bacteria?
And who is the great anatomist?
Where do the wonderful fish live?
Tell me, what's her name?
La-ri-so-chka A-na-tolyev-na!!!
5. And who is the nicest of all?
There are no more such people in the Lyceum.
She gives us knowledge
Gives smiles and sings
On the "Russian" gladly run
Tell me, what's her name?
Ah, E-le-na A-na-tolyev-na
6. To the motive of the song "Smuglyanki"
Once, for some reason, the devil brought me to physics in the morning.
Alexander there Sergeyevich begins his survey.
I blush, I turn pale and I have nothing to say.
Enough for me "seven", because I can not become a scientist.
Oh girls let's get serious
But all courage disappears at the same moment
I am shy, and I am numb when I see his face ...
It just so happened, we can’t become physicists
Better songs, let's sing songs
But we will not forget, we will not forget you, and this dance is for you ....
Ostap:
Moscow time - 24 hours. Ukrainian, respectively, minus 2 hours. For graduates tortured by the GIA - a large arrow at twelve, a small arrow at eleven. For parents - it's already evening ...
Ellochka:
We bring to your attention the program "So far, everyone is at home."
Ostap:
Well, for now, so to speak, everything is in memory ...
Ellochka:
And the home of many of our graduates for many years has become a native lyceum hostel. And therefore chair number 6 - dormitory…
Children take the stage to the music.
Host 1: Good evening, Dear friends!
Presenter 2: Dear graduates and parents!
Presenter 1: Dear teachers and guests!
Presenter 2: Today we have an unusual evening with you, one of a kind.
Presenter 1: Firstly, because for graduates this is the last evening in the circle of their classmates.
Presenter 2: And secondly, because this is the last evening in a huge house called "school".
Host 1: They say that the school is our second home. Why the second one? Let's calculate how much time a 11th grade student spends at school and at home.
Presenter 2: Six to seven lessons daily plus special courses plus electives plus individual consultations ...
Host 1: Plus cool watch plus duty plus extracurricular activities...
Presenter 2: Plus cleaning the school grounds.
Host 1: And how much time do we spend at home? Have you calculated? Therefore, we can rightly say that the school is our first home! News of our Lyceum
B.1- Good evening!
B.2- Hello!
B.1- On trial testing, a controversial question arose from the field of geography, after joint discussions by teachers of geography, it was answered no, there is no such field.
B.2- Foreign news. Poland was discovered on the Russian-German border.
B.1- Another olympiad in mathematics ended with another fight, the participants again did not share something.
B.2- At a theme party in the lyceum, guys were seen dressed as girls.
B.1- And the girls dressed like - fools!
B.2- In the Lyceum of Arts, the abbreviation of the Airborne Forces has received a new meaning, now it stands for Eternal Debtor Vyacheslavovna.
B.1 - And now about these and other events in very, very detail.
B.2- You are watching the program “Details of the Lyceum of Arts”, Kerch, Kurortnaya street, 4-storey building, 3 buildings, 270 employees, 500 students, 2 dogs.
B.1- Alina is with you in the studio - she got a credit for her beautiful eyes, but she told her mother that for a big box of chocolates.
B.2-I Vladislav -17 years old, flat feet, tells everyone that he pulls himself up 30 times, in fact he is lying, and in general ...
B.1- Crime news. Lost diaries of visiting 11-B class were discovered, according to casual witnesses, the kidnapper gave himself away with the phrase: “Oh, probachte, middle zoshitiv bulo”
B.2 - After studying the immortal work of N.V. Gogol " Dead Souls”, in the 11-A grade, the facts of the disappearance of 2 breakfast began to occur, nothing more than the presence of“ dead souls' is not explained.
Moreover, otherworldly forces prefer sandwiches, buns, meanwhile, completely reject waffles and gingerbread.
B.1- The fire was successfully extinguished in the dormitory of the lyceum. Details from the scene, according to our special correspondent, the fire was liquidated by Vladimir, after he decided to cook dumplings with a boiler. The question of our correspondent was answered: “Damn, I didn’t know that they stick”
B.2 - Greenpeace conducted research and this is what it turned out: the students of the Lyceum of Arts Vladimir and Edem were named the biggest nature lovers - over the past two years alone, they dug flower beds 9 times, collected leaves 10 times, cleaned up garbage 12 times and dug them 10 times tuiki on the territory of the lyceum, the guys performed all these actions after the affectionate words of their teacher “Well, what, did you hit again?”
B.1- Inexplicable, but true. A certain “Kapitoshka” settled in the dormitory of the lyceum, this creature appears only during the adoption of the morning and evening toilet by the residents. Interestingly, no one saw him, but everyone heard this chilling “drip-drip”. To the question of plumbers, an exhaustive answer was received: “That it is harmless, just don’t turn on the water much.”
B.2- International news. The lyceum of arts was visited by the inspection commission with another friendly visit. This time, the inspectors asked the guys “Why is the fish day on Thursday, and the bath day on Wednesday?” The lyceum students gave a cheerful and intelligible answer: “Because Monday, Tuesday and Friday are subbotniks!” After these words, the members of the commission finished their work and left for their homeland.
B.1- Cultural news. After the release of the TV series Dormitory on the screens of the country, a club of fans of cinema and television series was created in the dormitory of the lyceum. The guys, despite the prohibition of educators, gather at night to watch the new episodes of "Dorms". To the question of our correspondent, why at night, in the girls' room and in just shorts? The students answered “Oh, so that no one would guess” and promised not to stop nightly film screenings, thereby continuing to bring culture to the masses.
B.2- And, the latest news, as it has just become known,
in the nomination "the most inquisitive" - the teachers of the Kerch Lyceum of Arts won. Here are some frequently asked questions:
“Are you sleeping?” is usually asked at night to sleeping students.
“How much is possible?” - is set regardless of the time of day, season, and it is not specified what and to whom.
And, the question that broke all records, “What can you do in the toilet?”
B.1- For today, this is all the news of our lyceum.
B.2- Tomorrow there will be new news.
B.1- Alina was with you in the studio.
V.2-I Vladislav. See you again.
Leaders leave to the music
All the children come out of the hostel and sing a song to the motive
« Migrant»
Years flew by in the school dormitory
We are satisfied with everything
Rooms, cleaning, self-preparation
Breakfasts, lunches, school canteen
Life in the hostel was interesting to us
Do not hesitate - everything is wonderful with us
They were freaking out in the rooms, they cooked in teapots,
They brought sausage from home.
We sang songs, we played cards
But at the same time, they got up on time in the morning
We are leaving our hostel
Brilliant smoke enveloped the banquet hall of the boarding house "Kyiv". In our restaurant, champagne was flowing like a river. It seemed that nothing and no one could disturb the serene state of this graduation night. But suddenly, as if from the underworld, the voice of Ostap-Suleiman-Bertha-Maria Bender was heard.
The exit of Ellochka and Ostap to the music of Kirkorov "With chic-shine"
Ostap:
Madam! You have been dishonestly deceived. This beautiful fur on your shoulders is not a snow leopard, this (looks through binoculars) is a wonderful animal grown in a secret laboratory on special order in accordance with the A + B plan. It was intended for the coolest educators of the 11th grade, Irinam Viktorovna, as souvenirs from grateful graduates. Where did you get this fur? I have to report you to the relevant authorities.
Ellochka:
Don't make a blizzard, boy!
Ostap:
Of course, I'm not Santa Claus, and I'm not a cherub. I have no gifts, much less wings, but I respect the Criminal Code. This is my weakness.
Ellochka:
Comrade Bender, maybe I can pay off the unfortunate fate prepared for me by fate?
Ostap:
Of course, I love money and suffer from a lack of it, but not to the same extent. I would take parts, but I need everything! And remember, we have long arms...
Ellochka:
Don't teach me how to live! I'll arrange everything now. So, chair number seven - a surprise for the most beloved, relatives and class teachers !!
Leading: Information for thought. Top secret. Characteristics of the agents of public education in the field of education, edification, encouragement, punishment, encouragement, reprimand, nutrition, in general - education. Special signs - the ability to open the soul of each with a special key and keep it only for yourself.
IN 1. Our dear Irina Viktorovna!
The hour of parting is getting closer,
But the heart doesn't want to know.
How you want to shake your own hands,
How I want to hug you tight.
B.2. We have been looking for your image for a long time,
Desperate, exhausted, tired.
And suddenly, why break your head?
After all, there is a simple and close image - the mother.
B.3. You have become close, dear
Taught to live in love and peace.
The life of mothers with many children is difficult:
No rest, no sleep.
B.4. After all, you need to dress everyone, put on shoes
And, if necessary, then take to the tram station
Equip on the way and be with us on the way,
To come to our aid in time.
AT 5. Isn't it educators now
Grow. And they are chilling. And they cherish us.
Yes, they are one! We are undivided
Inspirational to the end
We entrust our minds, and hands, and hearts!
game program for educators:
Compliments to teachers from classes
Building by last name;
Dancing around caregivers;
The eighth chair is the coolest
IN 1. As in every state
there is a keeper
As in every fairy tale there is a princess,
We have great leaders
Lyubov Nikolaevna,
Tatyana Vyacheslavovna is!
B.2. Dear and most beloved!
We somehow simply, imperceptibly,
But they are very attached to you.
For us, separation will be difficult,
And tears run down your cheeks.
B.1 Summer has already approached us,
Goodbye school days.
We will not forget this time
And only you are with us in our hearts.
B.3. Maybe we offended you,
But it wasn't serious.
Forgive us for all insults,
We are sad to say goodbye.
We wish you only happiness
Don't forget about us.
So smile at us today
After all, this song sounds for you!
Song "Empress" (for class teachers)
These classes in our school
We've seen a lot in our lifetime.
The lesson schedule was confusing
Sometimes we feel sad.
Just don't tell your heart
It breaks beyond these walls.
And the last call takes us away,
Waiting for change.
1 (And, only, Lyubov Nikolaevna)
2 (Where are you, Tatyana Vyacheslavovna)
From year to year to life escorts
Our young hearts
Here in these walls we grew up
We are leaving, we are you for sure
Let's never forget!
You are just our empress
And your example of service
Let's never forget.
It's easy to fall in love, fall in love with you
When gait strict in the classroom,
You enter in the morning.
Tomorrow again work - school,
There will be a new class again.
But we believe in the turmoil of school affairs,
You will remember us.
And, as if, electricity will hit
School nostalgia.
And the delight of memories
We will be returned here at any moment ...
Ostap:
I don’t want to make a cult out of food, but still breathe deeply, gentlemen - comrades, the smell of food wafted from the restaurant. This marvelous aroma seems so subtle and elegant that it captivates our minds and inevitably brings the minute of toast closer with every second.
Ellochka:
Keep in mind, Comrade Bender, champagne for toasting is only available to union members.
Ostap:
Okay, no need for toasts, better help me financially. But in general, I need a very bright star and preferably a blue bird that brings good luck ... Do not offer a sparrow.
Ellochka:
Then put out the light, Comrade Bender. The brightest stars of tonight are our children, our dear graduates. So, the eighth chair - Dedicated to the stars of tonight
Film about children
The music sounds parental home and all the kids take the stage
IN 1: Our dear mothers and fathers! Admire! Your kids have grown! What you see in front of you is the result of your daily work!
IN 2: It was we who provided you all these years with life in extreme situations! it is to us that you owe unbearable days, smoothly turning into sleepless nights!
AT 3: Yes! We did not always bring you only joys and diaries proudly swollen from twelves.
AT 4: Hand on heart, we are ready to admit that you cannot call us exemplary children!
AT 5: But we know: no matter what we do, no matter what we throw out SOMETHING, you will write everything off for a protracted transitional age and you will love us even more
And we want to tell you a secret:
All: We love you very much too! Dance performed by parents and children
Ostap:
They say that everyone should
At least once in your life
Build a house with a garden bed on the left,
Plant a tree near the house.
Ellochka:
And for the sake of completeness
Raise a daughter or a son.
Ostap:
I ask you to raise your glasses
For our big plans!
Chair nine presenting
And parents are invited to the stage!
Scene and congratulations from parents to children and teachers.
Ostap:
Monsieur, it's not mange pa sis jour. Geben zi world bite zwei mark. Good people, give as much as you can to a veteran graduation shows programs for tea, preferably in large denominations .... What, no one wants? Have the underground millionaires moved to Kerch? Well, gentlemen, I will have to fill my grief with song.
Ellochka:
And for some reason I wanted at that moment to remember our school years spent in our native lyceum, funny, and sometimes a little sad stories that happened to us ... Chair ten, gracious ladies and gentlemen, sentimental ...
To the music from the film "Baron Munchausen", graduates come out in pairs and share memories of school life and teachers.
Everyone sings a song to the motive "You know, it will still be"
And you know, it will still be, the graduation candles will go out
We will remember this evening and look forward to a new meeting.
Today we gathered together, danced and sang songs,
Relax and remember. The time has gone great...
Time, what is it, the same bird, you will miss and not catch
Let's not frown
Happiness does not fly away, because happiness is next to us ..
Please save him, please save him
Please don't lose him. You let go and you don't get back...
Never complain about fate and rejoice at any moment,
And rejoice in someone else's success and people will love you.
After all, love, it is the same bird, you will miss it and you will not catch it.
Love while we're alive...
After all, life will not repeat itself ... we all know this ...
Ostap Bender:
It's all? Are we as free as plywood near Paris and can’t even drink tea with bagels? What about talking?
Ellochka:
You have requests for a million dollars, dear Ostap - Suleiman - Berta - Maria Bender - Bay!
Ostap Bender:
My comrades are trying to compromise me, I ask, no, I demand just one final song on the track, and if you don't mind a very immodest salute.
Ellochka:
Shine! Chic! Chair eleven gentlemen, final. Wait, sir, but are there twelve chairs?
Ostap Bender:
BUT twelfth These are dreams, ma'am.
Yes, the story of the school is coming to an end,
Chapters written, dreams revised.
Already, not relying on someone's clues,
We must solve all problems ourselves.
Ellochka:
Not every path will be smooth
Not all trials will be easy
And life lies before us like a riddle
We promise to pass it with dignity!
The game "Pass a kiss" - all graduates pass kisses to each other and to the whole hall ...
The song "Graduation" sounds
final song
We will remember this evening with you for a long time.
Let's wipe the tears from the eyelashes
We all look forward to meeting again
Will not forget the memory of our faces
Through the years, through the distance
Our faces ask you not to forget
We will visit you often
Life will rush and we will have children
Let's bring them to the lyceum to enter
Through the years, through the distance
On any road, on any side
We will say to the Lyceum: “Goodbye!
We don't say goodbye to you!"
Saying goodbye to this song
We leave you with pain in our hearts.
We have big plans ahead
You will be proud of us!
Through the years, through the distance
On any road, on any side
We will say to the Lyceum: “Goodbye!
We don't say goodbye to you!"
Admiring the panorama of the area passing under him, Ostap began to sing, succumbing to an internal delightful feeling of flying above the earth, unknown to him even before.
Aviette was already flying up to some large village, when strong clouds blocked her path. A few minutes later she was already bathing in the clouds. In order not to lose the ground, Roshchin went down below - under a cloudy barrier. But here, too, it was raining. And the farther, the clouds were lower and lower.
Bender suddenly felt a sharp turn and looked inquiringly at Roshchin, who turned to him. He shook his head disappointedly: nothing, they say, can be done, it is necessary to sink to the very ground.
They flew so low that a herd of sheep on the way fled in fright, and people with their heads up in surprise looked after the plane. The speed of the aircraft at high altitude is imperceptible, now it was felt thoroughly. Flickering houses, trees, fields ...
A strong chatter began. The plane was thrown in all directions so that Ostap was even thrown from the seat.
– Anton! shouted Bender, reaching out to the pilot, “is it possible to be quieter?”
“Air pockets, there’s nothing to be done,” turning around a little, he also answered with a cry.
Ostap was seriously afraid that their car would fall apart, shouted again:
- Will our airhorse fall apart?
- No, Comrade Bender, he is tested and ready for such a chatter. Soon Uman, - the pilot looked at the map on his knees.
Not far from the city, the engine, which worked so smoothly, suddenly went haywire: raindrops got into the carburetor, and the gasoline was of low purity. Roshchin tried to give full throttle, but this attempt did not suck out the water and the engine died down.
- Let's sit down! – he said, without turning around, and began to look for a flat place to land.
But the pilot did not find such a place. The situation was created very critical: bushes, trees, hills all around, and further buildings, houses.
Seeing that the car was planning to descend, but not to a flat and free place, Bender clearly felt the threat of crashing.
– Anton! he shouted, although there was no longer any need to shout, the engine was silent. - There is no place?
“We’ll reach it, we’ll sit down on the outskirts of the city,” the resourceful pilot replied coolly.
And it has come. Aircraft, although skillfully piloted skillful hands Roshchina, at first softly touched the street road with his wheels, jumped up, was again ready to strike the wheels on the ground and rush along it, losing speed, but ... Suddenly he dived with his wheels into a deep rut and, making a forced jerk to the left, the plane hit its wing on a telegraph pole. The wing crumpled and flew off the fuselage.
The impact threw Ostap overboard. Hitting the ground painfully, he lay with the thought: “Is he alive?”.
Roshchin also fell out of the car, but immediately got to his feet and, staggering, took a step towards his offspring. In front of him was half an airplane. There was no wing, the landing gear was broken, although the propeller was intact, it froze lifelessly on the axis of the motor shifted to the side. The crumpled plane with the ailerons slid into the ditch and lay next to Bender.
Now the pilot finally realized that his non-stop flight was irrevocably over this time. Aviette R-1 will require a thorough and lengthy repair. Roshchin sat down on the ground and was ready to cry. Bender touched him on the shoulder and said in an encouraging voice:
- Anton, the local Osoviahim will help us.
The pilot stood up and, looking at his emergency creation, slowly lowered himself back to the ground.
“Cheer up, Anton, I will go and contact the local authorities,” Ostap assured. - And you guard the aircraft ...
Around the plane that crashed, local residents began to gather, sympathizing and sighing. And the kids were already touching and trying to rotate the tail ailerons.
“Nothing is wrong,” Bender continued to reassure the pilot. - You will have many more famous flights, Anton Yakovlevich ...
Roshchin shook hands warmly with Ostap, although he felt like a jockey who had driven his beloved horse to death at the races. It seemed to him that now in Moscow he would not be considered not only an aircraft designer, but also a pilot.
After the accident, Bender's rosy mood also faded. But he, once again assuring Roshchin of his help, sat on a passing cart with barrels and went to the city center.
The editorial office of the local newspaper "Umanski Visti", located on the first floor of the House of Culture of the city, was busily picking up material for delivery to the set. The editor Sochnik was especially diligent and responsible in this, preparing the editorial for publication.
In the midst of the work, the reporter Kolyada quickly entered. Behind him stepped into the room a man in overalls, a helmet, with glasses shifted to his forehead. With his arrival, the smell of gasoline and oil spread in the room.
“Attention, Nikolai Ustinovich,” said Kolyada, “the pilot is very interesting business. The comrade will explain to you, - and modestly stepped aside.
- The pilot of the non-stop flight Moscow - Odessa - Moscow Bender and the aircraft designer Roshchin, he is at the plane ... We made an emergency landing with you, comrades, we need help ...
– Non-stop flight?! Why don't we know? the editor stared at the reporter in bewilderment, and then at Bender.
“That means there is a flaw in your work,” Ostap shook his head accusingly. - All newspapers.
- All right, all right, comrade, where you sat down? the editor got excited.
On the outskirts of the city, comrades.
“Let’s go, let’s go immediately, Kolyada…” the editor twisted the handle of the telephone and grabbed the receiver. - Semyon, leave room for an emergency message. - And throwing the receiver on the levers, he repeated: - We are going, we are going, comrades, - rushing to the door.
“Yes, but not to the plane at first, but to Osoviahim, comrades,” Bender warned the newsmen, walking ahead.
Soon, a car of an unknown brand drove up to the emergency landing site of the R-1 aircraft. In a freshly painted car, assembled by Osoviahimov's car enthusiasts from a Packard, Ford and other cars, sat the chairman of the city Osoviahim, newspapermen Sochnik, Kolyada and "pilot" Ostap Bender.
Near the plane, in a noisy environment, children and residents from the nearest houses, Anton Yakovlevich boredly paced. Ostap introduced him both as a non-stop pilot and as an aircraft designer.
After examining the aviette, the chairman said:
- Yes, comrade pilots, we do not have the opportunity to repair your aircraft. What we can do is send you with a car to railway to Moscow.
- Or to Kyiv, - suggested the head of the Osoviahimov aviation assistance section. He and two other amateur aviators drove up behind the car in a horse-drawn carriage.
“Or to Kyiv,” the chairman agreed.
“Gyroplanes have now begun to be produced there,” the amateur aviator said authoritatively, looking into the inside of the fuselage of the aircraft.
“No, comrades,” Roshchin shook his head sadly. - Well, if you send, for which I will be very grateful to you, it’s better to go to Moscow. There I have a workshop, spare parts, experienced assistants ...
- Thank you, thank you very much, - Roshchin was scattered in words of gratitude, followed by Bender.
It was already late in the evening when a horse team dragged the R-1 aircraft into the courtyard of the district Osoviahim. Here she was already under the protection of local enthusiasts. The next day, she was to be dismantled, packed and with her designer go to Moscow.
Roshchin and Ostap, who joined him, who during this time became almost the head of a non-stop flight, were assigned to a city hotel and endowed with coupons for a catering canteen.
At dinner, Ostap said:
- Anton, you see, everything is settled in a not so bad way. Tomorrow you will read your interview in the newspaper about your non-stop flight. Your car will be packed and you will go home with it. As for me, I am faced with a dilemma: to go with you or not to go.
“Decide, we have already become friends and I will be bored without you,” the pilot smiled for the first time in recent times. “Together with you, we will repair the aircraft, we will design a new model. You will become a member of our Osoviahim. Decide, dear Ostap.
“Yeah…” Bender drawled, and his past Moscow deeds flashed before his eyes.
He remembered the student dormitory of the monk Bertold Schwartz, Kisa Vorobyaninov, who attempted on his life, the chase for chairs, the last meeting with Shura Balaganov at the Ryazan railway station and many, many other things. All these pictures, like fragmentary film frames from different films, glued into one tape, flashed before his eyes. He said softly:
- I'll think, I'll think, Anton ...
That night they slept soundly on clean and soft beds. And in the morning, after tea with pies in the hotel buffet, we rushed to the courtyard of Osoviahim.
Ostap watched with interest all this fuss, Roshchin's instructions and did not take part in the work. There were plenty of working hands, and even in abundance.
Bender wanted to smoke, stepping aside, but then Roshchin's voice was heard:
- Ostap Ibragimovich, here is your bundle of clothes. Take it, otherwise he will go to Moscow without you, because you did not decide to go with me, - the pilot looked at his unusual friend with regret in his eyes.
"Ah, yes," Ostap caught on. - If you knew what these things were, dear Anton, to whom they belonged until recently ...
“Tell me,” the bundle twirled inquiringly.
“Some other time, Anton,” Bender replied. And he began to take off his pilot's overalls.
Looking at his dressing up, Roshchin said:
“Well, perhaps I’ll take the overalls, there is a lot of master work to be done, and I’ll give you the helmet. In memory of our flight,” the pilot smiled with a good feeling at his unexpected passenger, who had given him so much help in his extraordinary adventures.
- Thanks. In return, I give you this army cap. True, she is without a visor, but let her remind you of me, dear Anton. And I’m returning this to you, ”he handed the pilot glasses, which even now adorned his head in a helmet.
- I'll take them, you don't need them. Well, shall we say goodbye, dear Ostap?
- Oh no! Pack up, I'll accompany you again. Yes, and in the evening we will meet at the hotel, Anton, - Bender waved his hand.
“Excellent, friend,” the pilot also answered with a wave of his hand and returned to his assistants.
Bender put on Kozlevich's sweatshirt, wrapped his only boot, which for some inexplicable reason he could not part with, in a piece of newspaper, and went out of the courtyard of the local Osiviahim to the street.
The sun hung over the houses. The wind wrinkled the puddles after the night's rain. In the yards, roosters were crowing like spring, and hens were worried. Mud sloshed through cracks in the boardwalk. Carts with bast mats rumbled along the bare pavement. Sparrows flew to the manure. At the corner of Sofiyivskaya and Obshchepitovskaya, vendors of pies and seeds were shouting. Grasping a pole with a fragment of an announcement: “I am treating sexual diseases ...”, Athanasius, a completely drunk attendant, shouted out something inarticulate.
“Damned Siguranza, of course, this is not Rio de Janeiro,” the owner of the Order of the Golden Fleece said aloud with a hearty sigh, brushing the splashed drops of dirt onto his bottle leggings.
“Or maybe, really, go with Roshchin to Moscow and become an aircraft designer - a pilot? Ostap smiled. - No, these are worries, this is work, I have no craving for the aircraft industry. Here is Adam Kozlevich there, yes. He would be a glorious assistant to Anton Yakovlevich. And I am a free man, like a mountain eagle. In my head, despite the crash, the crystal dream of my youth still sits. Now I won’t make such a stupid transition across the border to the Romanian boyars, damned Siguran,” the last words did not utter, but the robbed descendant of the Janissaries hissed angrily.
“Uh-huh,” he rasped. he with his teeth and rapped his fist on the palm of his other hand, almost dropping his newspaper roll.
Ostap went out to Lenin Avenue and stopped dead in his tracks. In front of him, striking in eye-catching type, a colorful poster hung on a pedestal:
“From April 3 to April 15 this year, the performance “NECK” is staged in the club of horse-drawn transport workers.
Folk tragedy in 3 acts by R. Gluhomlinov.
Entrance 50 kop.
Start at 6 pm.
The buffet has tea, cakes, kefir and beer.
Directorate»
- Deaf! - Ostap laughed joyfully, like a man who suddenly found his lost value, - With my "Neck"! Well plagiarist! the descendant of the Janissaries shouted vindictively.
After the collapse of the Horns and Hooves office, Bender found himself in a penniless state. Passing by the 1st Black Sea film factory, he had the idea to write a screenplay for a long film.
Living in an inn, Ostap, by the light of a kerosene oil lamp, wrote a screenplay called "The Neck" overnight. In the morning I took it to the factory. Breaking through the mess that reigns there, Bender offered his script.
- Which? they asked him.
- Good! Ostap answered convincingly.
For silent or sound films?
- Silent.
- No need!
- How not to!
There are no more silent films. Contact the sound engineers.
The sound engineers also refused, since there is no sound film yet.
- Yes, how is it? Ostap shook the sheets of his creation.
- Yes, it is. Silent films were no longer made, and sound films were still being organized with problems due to the transition from silent to sound films. And then the writer of the precocious script heard a rumor that a man was sitting in some room and was urgently creating a sound film. Ostap rushed to him. The innovator of sound film turned out to be deaf. Cry Bender announced his script.
- Wonderful! said the deaf man. "We'll put you to work right now."
- What about an advance? shouted Ostap.
After waiting for about two hours, Ostap left the room and found out that the deaf soundman had left long ago and would not return, as he had been urgently transferred to Uman to conduct cultural work among the draft cabs. This would have made Bender laugh, but now it horrified him, as the deaf man took away his script for the long-running film The Neck.
The horse-drawn transport club was located in a former forage warehouse. Above massive door, upholstered in tin, hung a banner:
"The horseshoes! Feel free to culture!”
Ostap fearlessly stepped under the heavy vaults of Melpomene's cab-driver's temple and looked around.
Through the tall, narrow windows, scanty patches of light fell on disordered rows of benches, chairs, and stools. The low stage was covered with a curtain with two yokes painted on it, braided equine harnesses. Through broken glass birds chirping could be heard from the windows. Behind the wall, a violin sobbed. It smelled of tar, oats and mice.
- And they go here, and they go. And what? Already the ticket office was beating the entrance itself, - the sheepskin coat, lying on three stools, turned displeasedly.
“I need Glukhomlinov, oh, how I need him, papa,” Ostap held his hand at his neck, bending over his sheepskin coat.
- Deaf? The director himself? So yogo and nothing ... Yeah, check, - the old man got up, - the axis of win ide ...
Bender's heart beat with joy when he saw a deaf man with a briefcase in the gap of the wide doors.
- Before you! the watchman blurted out into the ear of the deaf man, pointing his hand at Ostap.
- I'm talking about plagiarism! Bender yelled. - Do you know?
The deaf man, not yet recognizing Bender, flashed his gold pince-nez and nodded in agreement with his Bedouin beard:
- Please, please come to me. We will draw you into the work now ... We need fresh forces ...
- I'm talking about plagiarism! Recognize?! Ostap shouted even louder, menacingly advancing towards the deaf man.
The beard shot up, the glasses of the pince-nez stared at Ostap, the hand convulsively shook the briefcase. Gluhomlinov recognized the author of The Neck...
- I would crush people like you with a pillar weighing two hundred and fourteen kilos. But I won't pressure you. I am a philanthropist, I am a psychiatrist, and so far I sacredly honor the criminal code, ”Bender walked around with the step of a judge around his victim.
Glukhomlinov sat resignedly on the edge of his chair, his head bowed, clutching his briefcase in his hands like a mischievous schoolboy.
- Disgrace! What has it come to. I will sue! I have a witness - Comrade Spouses from the first Black Sea film factory! Spouse! Ostap shouted hoarsely in syllables into the ear of the director of the horse scene.
At the word "Spouses," Glukhomlinov raised his head and, looking round cowardly, said:
- Yes ... But ... Maybe compensation? I have children...
- Everyone has children. How? Bender shouted sternly.
“A boy and a girl,” bashfully blushed the unfortunate innovator of sound films.
- I ask, how much compensation? - Ostap crowed in his voice.
“Two hundred,” muttered the deaf man.
- What?! Robbed! Deprived of fame and money! And after all, you offer only two hundred?! - Bender pressed on the director of the club of draft cabmen. - Never!
- Three hundred! exhaled the unfortunate sound engineer, completely overwhelmed by the weighty arguments of the plaintiff.
- Yeah, three hundred! Then you will have to buy this too,” Ostap triumphantly unfolded his roll of newspaper.
A clay-stained boot thumped on the table.
“For your horse club props,” Bender said. - This boot belonged quite recently, you know to whom? Ostap moved closer to the deaf man and whispered mysteriously in his ear: “To the Count of Monte Cristo himself!” Count, brutally murdered by the Romanian boyars and thrown from the high bank of the Dniester. And the place for him is not on your horse and mother stage, but in the capital's museum for viewing by descendants, ”Bender proudly tossed his head. But I am generous. I have always loved phaetons, and therefore I give it to your horse club for only a hundred rubles, ”he thrust the “count’s” boot into the hands of the deaf.
Glukhomlinov did not hear all the words from Ostap's impassioned speech, but he clearly understood that he could not get away from buying this boot.
When Bender left the office of the director of culture of the Uman cabbies, carrying four hundred rubles in his pocket - the monthly proceeds of the club's work - the watchman's coat on three stools was motionless.
“Papa,” Ostap leaned over to him.
- And they go here, and they go. And why ... Ah, - the faithful guard of the horse club recognized Bender.
- And you have a director, in! - lifted thumb Ostap. - In a word, dad, eat pineapples, chew grouse! Bender slapped his sheepskin coat with his hand.
- What, what? “Daddy” got up.
But the answer was:
- Oh, bayadère, ti-ri-rim, ti-ri-ra ...
“Wonderful, tai and godi…” the sheepskin coat lay down again on the stools.
Participants of the play “The Neck” gathered for a rehearsal at the club of Lomoviks.
Chapter III. BEFORE THE DILEMMA: HOW TO BE?
The next day Ostap saw Roshchin off at the station. Dismantled and packed in boxes and tarpaulin, the aircraft was loaded into a baggage pullman for transportation to Moscow.
Before parting, the friends drank in the station canteen and sat facing each other in silence.
“You know, Anton,” Bender said at last, “I won’t go anyway. Do not be offended, but this occupation is not for me. I still don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know where I need to go, but I’m not drawn to Moscow.
“As you wish,” the pilot shook his head.
"Yes, I'm not going..." repeated Ostap.
– What will you do? As I understand…
– And what is there to understand, Anton. I will undertake some business to fulfill my blue dream of youth ...
- Excuse my interest, dear Ostap, what kind of dream is this? - the pilot reached across the table to Bender.
"Some other time, Anton," Ostap turned away.
He had great respect for the aircraft designer-pilot Roshchin, but now he did not want to talk about it.
The station bell struck.
The railwayman who entered the hall of the station announced the imminent departure of the train. Friends got up and went to the platform.
If you are in Moscow, Ostap, then I ask you to come to me, I will be very glad, ”Roshchin handed the great dreamer a piece of paper with an address.
Bender took it, looked movedly at what was written, began to say something grateful, but the long whistle of the engine drowned out his words.
He pulled Roshchin to him, kissed him and pushed the pilot towards the train, the cars of which were already rattling with their plate buffers and couplings.
Roshchin jumped onto the running board of the moving carriage and waved his hand in farewell. Ostap slowly followed the train, making mutual farewell gestures.
In the evening, Ostap was tormented by doubts: did he do the right thing by not going with the pilot? Did he make a mistake by refusing Roshchin's promising offer?
Lying in a hotel bed, he mentally pondered his next steps in life. “Sell the Order of the Golden Fleece? And live for your own pleasure with this money ... I have already experienced such pleasure for a million. No spiritual satisfaction, no expected effect. No. Live, then what? Where is the path to the realization of my crystal dream? Open any commercial and industrial business? No, he shook his head. - Finorgans will crush, force me to have another conflict with the authorities. Never! Yes, and bind yourself with official duties ... Enough already of the former office of "Horns and Hooves," he grinned. - Polygamy is out of the question. Distribute brilliantly conceived, but not yet written, paintings? All of these options reek of criminality. And after the arrest at the border, I have to read the criminal code even more. Otherwise… otherwise, goodbye freedom and hello to the White Sea Canal.”
I won't do it! Ostap said aloud.
– No, just listen… “Old Russian treasures found on the territory of Kyiv make up almost a third of the total number of treasures found in Kievan Rus! The vast majority of the Kyiv treasures were hidden during the siege of the city by the hordes of Batu Khan in 1240. The objects date from the end of the twelfth - the beginning of the thirteenth centuries. The composition of the Kyiv treasures includes coins, more often Arab dirhams, silver hryvnias, but they are dominated by gold and silver jewelry: tiaras, kolts, earrings, neck hryvnias, necklaces, bracelets, rings, etc. Some contained hundreds and thousands of coins and precious jewelry. The treasure found in estate No. 15 contained 2,930 gold dirhams and 6 gold bracelets... In the treasure found in the estate of St. Michael's Golden-Domed Monastery... there were about 40 silver ornaments... The richest treasure was found in the estate of the Church of the Tithes... "Can you imagine?
When the naturalist left, Bender took Proletarian Truth and carefully read about the Kyiv treasures.
In the morning, Ostap, walking along the main street of the city, stopped at a store with a huge sign: "Various fashionable clothes." It showed mustachioed men in shawl-collared coats and tuxedos, ladies in coats with veils over their faces and muffs in their hands, rosy-cheeked children in scout suits, and stern men in plaid caps, hunting leggings, and khaki blouses.
- And where are the robes of the post-revolutionary period? Say, the leather jackets of the security officers, the service jackets of the commissars, the tunics of the girls in red scarves? This Nepman store did not crush the fashion of the heroic time, - he noted aloud and entered the wide doors.
In the store, the great strategist accused the owner that his trade was out of step with the post-revolutionary times, that instead of the fashion of the heroic era, he was offering the working people obsolete bourgeois attire.
- Where are the leather jackets for my comrades from the check? he asked sternly.
“Uh-uh, no-s-s-s-s…” the Nepman got excited in earnest.
- Where are the commissar's jackets, the tunics of our red fighters? Bender asked.
“Uh, let’s not hold…” the owner babbled, completely bewildered by such questions.
- And for Komsomol members? For Komsomol? - Ostap sorted out the clothes hanging on his shoulders. - I do not see!
“Don’t worry, we’ll arrange everything, we’ll get it, we’ll request this product today, my dear,” the owner began to assure, sweating with excitement, following the strict and demanding visitor to his store.
“Well, well, let's hope that you will improve the range of your goods in accordance with our heroic time,” Ostap lowered the severity of his tone. - I was instructed to meet a delegation of naturalists from Kyiv. Therefore, I ask you to dress me as befits a representative of our city, dear ... - condescendingly looked at the NEP Bender. - I was given a little money, but ...
“Don’t worry, don’t worry, my dear. I am at your service, I ask for a mirror, I ask here, - the owner began to fuss, feeling how the unpleasant state caused by such a dangerous political accusation was relieved from his heart.
Ostap lingered in the store and went out into the street already in a new dark protective raincoat of the Macintosh cut. Underneath was a dark blue pinstriped three-piece suit, on his feet he wore boots of his favorite canary color, a fashionable speckled cap adorned his head, a scarf of light fine wool covered his neck, which covered the collar of a snow-white shirt with a bow tie. The obsequious owner put the sweatshirt, leggings and the pilot's helmet in a dark brown bag and handed it over to the buyer with a bow. And all this cost Bender half the price indicated on the goods sold.
Going to the local bazaar, Ostap stood among the vendors selling everything. He took out a sweatshirt and leggings from the trunk, began to shout in a serious voice:
- Who almost a new sweatshirt! And to her fashion leggings, which are now all worn in Paris! Cheaply sold on the occasion of things! Most recently they belonged to the count! Discount for trendsetters of modern fashion!
Vladimir Ilyichev:“Once, for a very respected person from Sberbank, I was asked to write a script on the theme of Ostap Bender, as a prototype of the Anniversary, who turned a round date ...
The fact is that the image of Ostap (even with the most gloomy forecasts) is a win-win. And you can use it as much as you like! I got lucky the first time...
The hero of the day was pleased. He himself played the role of Ostap and was happy with how he did it!
The outside:
"kisa"- at the entrance to the restaurant obsessively asks the approaching guests for alms with the words " Give Christ for the sake of the leader…»
At the entrance to the premises under the poster "bargaining is inappropriate here."
« Collectors" with badges of the name of the bank sell tickets for the anniversary (with discounts) 10 rubles. per piece
Hall:
In the hall melodies from k.f. "12 chairs" performed by a jazz band.
Several pairs of dancers are dancing retro dances.
The walls of the hall are covered with posters:
« Let's hit the Jubilee on the impassability of slovenliness.
"All for the fight against corruption"
"Places under the sun are distributed in the shade..."
“Since you have come, there is nowhere to hurry!
They will come for you…”
"Eat as much as you can take"
"Life dictates its income, but our hands are long"
At the level (height) of these posters, on one of the walls of the hall there is a map of the USSR, where the path of the hero of the day is marked (in red ink with dates) (“I remember how it all started”).
From the place of birth - and to Moscow! Each city is illustrated with photographs of the birthday boy, relatives and close friends (photographs of different years).
On the other wall is a poster of the holiday menu /
Aperitif:
Vodka "Stargorodskaya"
Herring "Yesterday"
Bagels "From kitty"...
and other restaurant delicacies...
Under this poster are covered buffet tables, stylized as the menu of the times of Ostap - old dishes, faceted glasses, plates with bagels, a samovar with a boot, jam, black bread with herring, jacket potatoes, vodka, cucumbers, tomatoes, garlic, etc.
In the hall (under the slogan "Play chess! Go mother!")
A session of simultaneous chess is arranged (on several boards) on birthday prize!
Two animators are sawing a kettlebell inviting guests to take part in this process…
Birthday friends sign in the Book of Honored Guests
"Descendants of Ostap" ...
Right there with the guests of the festive evening photo session in progress against the backdrop of recognizable characters from the novel "12 Chairs"!
(In the hall there are cardboard images of the heroes of the famous novel in human height with a hole for the face)
The only "live" character on this opening day - "Panikovsky" with a live goose!
He poses and invites guests to hold the goose in their hands with a replica: “please hold the goose, and I will tell you the story of who Panikovsky was before the revolution!”.
At the entrance to the banquet hall, Madame Gritsatsuyeva, on behalf of Ostap, distributes silk white scarves or ("Jubilee") caps.
Artist - caricaturist draws express portraits of the guests of the hero of the day.
The invitation of guests to the hall is symbolized by the 3rd bell!…
Hall:
On the stage, as an element of the scenery, the slogan (with a photo of the hero of the day in the center): “I will command the parade!”
After the guests are seated, according to the tickets purchased at the entrance, the hall plunges into darkness.
Beginning of the movie. Credits. Talk show with a birthday man in TV format - version.
Prologue.
Then, the prologue turns into an interview...
"12 questions about the main"
An image of a birthday boy appears on the screen, answering the questions of a TV journalist.
For example, "What genre would you classify your life story as?"
The hero of the day discusses this topic, gives brief maxims, describes different situations from life.
And as an element of surprise, in parallel, the image of Ostap Bender appears on the screen in cuts from different films, which, as it were, comments on the text expressed by the hero of the day ...
After the final question related to the business biography of the birthday man, frames of various objects (construction and social) to which the hero of the day was directly related appear on the screen. The significance of the individual is revealed through concrete deeds. This talk show ends with Ostap's catchphrase “There will be more Tolya! The meeting continues…”
The stage is brightly lit. From behind the scenes to the opening chords of the song “My sail so lonely is whitening,” a birthday boy comes out in a stylized (retro) suit and begins to sing the aforementioned song. During the song, a dance group is dancing on the stage (also in stylized costumes).
At the end of the song, the hero of the day reads (in best traditions Ostap) appeal "To descendants". His speech ends with the phrase "The ice has broken!"
The live orchestra on the stage solemnly beats out each fragment of the evening to enhance the staged accents: whether it will be the unexpected appearance of new heroes of the evening or the pronunciation of festive toasts.
After appeals the birthday boy invites the hosts of the evening to the stage and introduces Shura Balaganov and Zosya Sinitsina to the guests.
Official part
Shura and Zosya introduce themselves and thank the birthday boy for the appeal "To descendants." And then, they invite a representative of the State structure to the stage to read the Government telegram. After reading the telegram, the birthday man says fiery words to all those gathered and, to thunderous applause, descends from the stage into the hall. The point of the congratulatory platform moves closer to the feast.
From the seats (without going on stage), private congratulations are addressed to the hero of the day from those persons with whom the hero of the day is still working and maintaining relationships. These congratulations are interrupted by impromptu guest numbers (for example, poetry readings or other numbers).
Concert part.
Zosya and Shura inform the audience about the opening of the concert program, presenting to everyone's attention the performance of the women's choir (made up of bank employees) ... with the song "Scavs full of mullets ..."
Thus, through the songs of the invited artists, the hosts build the biographical logic of the life line of the birthday man with interruptions for toasts (according to the approved Lists of Guests, observing the order and family proximity).
The performance of the favorite songs of the birthday boy and their editing in time orbits will entirely fall on the ans. "Chebatukha", which will cement the harmony of the anniversary program of the evening.
Naturally, the literary leads to these songs (from the lips of the presenters) will retain the style of replicas from the Great Works of Ilf and Petrov.
For example, the songs of the youth of the birthday boy will be presented by the group "Gems", which will perform "My address is the Soviet Union ..."
This song is picked up by the friends of the youth of the hero of the day, who, together with the “gems”, sing an immortal hit.
After the performance - a collective toast, congratulations from childhood friends ...
In the same way, blocks of colleagues at work will be presented through songs. different times.., family friends of the birthday boy and close relatives.
Concert departments will be divided into special competitions for Madame Gritsatsuyeva Prize(competition for the best performance of retro dance), and Panikovsky prize(all the same, before the revolution, Panikovsky was “blind”! Blindfolded contestants must definitely find and describe a loved one among five figureheads)
The climax of the evening
The presenters announce in the hall that the jewels that Ostap so dreamed of have not been found...! There are 13 chairs!…
Whenever a dream prevails over consciousness, there is always a chance in the fate of every person!
The assistant presenters bring 13 (unnumbered) chairs onto the stage and set them up in a different order.
Everyone sitting in the hall is given the opportunity to participate in this story. They purchase lots on a competitive basis in order to guess in which of the chairs the jewels are hidden!
The owner of the lot is given only one opportunity to name the number of the chair.
Having named the number, the contestant enters the stage and publicly searches the chair ...)
If the participant did not guess correctly, then he remains on the stage and sits on this chair. So, it continues until there are 13 chairs ...
Prize? An expensive set of glasses from the hero of the day with a bottle of expensive anniversary wine...!
The birthday boy presents the prize to the winner. Photo for good memory with the laureates (Jewels search engines). Performance of a common song.
dance program.
The dance program opens with four pairs of ballroom dancers. In the first round of the waltz they demonstrate their skills, and in the second round they invite the guests of the evening to dance...
Thus, they warm up the audience and set the tone for fun ...!
The presenters announce the beauty contest "Love will suddenly come"! list various nominations, according to which they, together with the hero of the day, will determine the most, most ... (“to whom the mare is the bride”).
Miss Charm…
Miss charm...
Miss Elegance...
Miss style!
Miss inspiration!
Miss Grace!
Participants are formed from among the guests ...
Pass along the alleged podium ...
Defile...
The host comments on the exit of each participant ...
In the final round, each participant must charm the birthday boy in 60 seconds.
Exactly so much time is given to women and girls to dance with the birthday boy!
Dancing:
Latino, twist, tango, waltz, rock and roll…etc.
At the end of the competition - the distribution of prizes to the ladies from the hands of the hero of the day!
In honor of the hero of the day and the winner, L. Lyutvinsky sings (soloist of the group "White Eagle").
The song "Because you can't be beautiful like that"
Collective photo for memory with account. competition!
Final part.
The hero of the day raises a toast to all the guests who came to his holiday! ... Then he invites them to go out to admire the festive fireworks!!!
"The New Adventures of Bender"
(something like annotation)
This is another story about Ostap Bender and other heroes of Ilf and Petrov. This time Bender is announced in our city. And it begins with Kisa Vorobyaninov, who never found himself in a new life. He looks like a bum, and begs people for alms. But, as always on time, Bender appears. Bender is a completely different matter, he is often lucky, he is in a great mood, and is ready to plunge headlong into another adventure. He edifyingly declares to Kise that in order for life to be successful, one must have some kind of talent, but rather a whole set of talents. He also notes that Kisa is shabby, hungry and pathetic, all because he has no talent for life. And life, according to Ostap Bender, should be easy. Kitty is at a loss as to what to do...
But Bender encourages him, involving him in a new adventure. And again 12 chairs! But this time the object of their interest is a casket filled to the brim with complete set talents for a long and happy life. This secret was tricked out by Bender in Odessa from a slightly tipsy inhabitant of Odessa by the name of Zhvanetsky. This inhabitant of Odessa knew everything there was to know about Odessa. He told Bender about how the Russian nobles, in a hurry to leave their homeland in the 18th year of the last century, hid a precious chest with talents in one of the chairs of the family suite of an old Odessa family. They did everything to prevent these talents from falling into the hands of the Bolsheviks. Bender conducted his little investigation and found out that the mentioned headset still exists, and is now located here - in our city. But all the chairs are in different places: one in the library, two in the music school number 2, two more chairs in the city museum of local lore, two chairs in the school of arts, two chairs in the Tukay club, two in the Yubileiny and the last chair in the theater. Kisa is incredibly happy and enthusiastically agrees to help Bender in his search for talents. They both visit the aforementioned places, where they encounter a lot of interesting sights. Every chair they find brings them closer to their goal. Without noticing it themselves, they gradually reveal their dormant talents, and when the last chair is in front of them, they suddenly realize that they no longer need any chest, that they have already acquired all the talents they need. They decide to bring this chair as a gift to the whole city so that talented people will never be transferred from us.
Scenario
(To the day of workers of culture and art)
"The New Adventures of Bender"
The melody of Bender's song from the movie "12 Chairs" sounds. The curtain is down.
Voice (as they say) behind the scenes: There were so many hairdressers and funeral parlors in the county town of N that even such a conservative person as Ippolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov got bored with it very soon. And therefore, the unforgettable leader of the nobility set off to wander around the cities and villages in search of happiness. Maybe someone will say that this is not possible, that all this was a very long time ago, and the heroes of Ilf and Petrov simply could not live to this day. It's a delusion. After all, everything ingenious is immortal. This means that Kisa Vorobyaninov and Ostap Bender and all the other heroes of the novel "12 Chairs" will never die. But, as they say, it is better to see once than not to see at all. Some of these heroes ended up in our city by chance. In a city that is not at all like the county town N described by Ilf and Petrov, at least in that we have fun here.
The curtain rises. On the stage choreographic number……………………………………….
During the number, Kisa walks around the hall and looks around with curiosity at both the audience in the hall and the concert number, and when the number ends, Kisa rises to the stage.
KISA. Medam, monsieur, what is the name of this city? And yet, it doesn't matter to me. The thing is, I haven't eaten in 6 days. (takes off his hat) Give what you can to the former marshal of the Russian nobility.
He walks downstage with a hat and begs for alms, but he does it so badly that no one gives him anything. Bender appears from behind the scenes. He is in a great mood, stylishly dressed, he has a guitar behind his back.
BENDER. (notices Kisa) I can't believe my eyes in this place, but it's ... Kisa Vorobyaninov! What are you doing here, leader?
KISA. How, Bender, are you alive? I killed you...
BENDER. Well, well ... Calm down. I could be stabbed, but never killed me. I am immortal, and you, unfortunately, are too.
KISA. Why "Unfortunately?
BENDER. You ignored my question. What are you doing here, Kisa?
KISA. I'm trying to earn a living.
BENDER. Well, yes, well, yes ... An old song: "Madame and monsieur, I have not eaten for six days." So how much did you earn?
KISA. (shows empty hat) Not yet.
BENDER. I am surprised at you, leader, you have survived to the 21st century, and yet you have not learned how to live. And to live, my dear, should be easy! I show only once, mind you, completely free.
Bender picks up the guitar.
BENDER. Substitute, Kitty, your hat under the generous hands of this wonderful audience.
Bender sings the song "My sail is whitening". Kitty wanders around the hall with a hat in the hope that it will be filled with alms.
BENDER. Show, Kitty, what is the catch.
But the audience, as a rule, does not readily succumb to such requests, so Kisa does not have a lot of hats.
BENDER. Hmmm ... Notice, the hat is not thick, not because I sang so badly, but because you do not know how to work with the public. (to the audience) Well, citizens, rejoice! Your guest is Ostap Bender!
KISA. Let me ask you, Bender, what are you doing here?
BENDER. I'm not here by accident. (looks into the audience) Yes, it's not Rio de Janeiro, it's much cooler. And if you want, Kisa, I will tell you the reason for all your failures. It is one and very obvious. You are untalented. You have no talent for living. And life without talent is not life, but the expectation of death. Only the one who possesses true treasures is happy - a set of talents for a long and happy life.
KISA. What should I do?
BENDER. Hold on to me, field marshal, and you won't be lost. There are two ways to get hold of talents: the first is to carefully observe talented people and try to imitate them. And here is a convenient case.
Choreographic number………………………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………………………………………………….
Kisa tries to dance the same way, but his dance is so ridiculous that even Bender laughs.
BENDER. Yes, I think the first method will not work for you.
KISA. And what is the second way?
BENDER. The second method I keep for myself, but so be it, for old times' sake I'll take you as a helper. And I warn you, if you talk, I will hurt you.
KISA. I'll be dumb like a fish.
BENDER. It's a secret. Imagine some kind of casket, box, casket, whatever. (Kisa nods her head) What are you nodding, imagined?
KISA. Introduced.
BENDER. Very well. And in this very casket is stored a complete set of talents for a long and happy life.
KISA. Like this?
BENDER. And God knows how it is, but only I know for sure that it is so.
KISA. (very interested) Go on, go on!
BENDER. And you are a gambler, leader. But just keep in mind that this time
my secret, and more than 5% do not count.
KISA. I agree to everything.
BENDER. Are you not trading? You are right, it is useless to bargain with me. So, I know where this casket is hidden. You will laugh, Kitty, but he is hidden in one of the twelve chairs of an antique furniture set!
KISA. Can't be!!!
BENDER. Maybe, maybe. I bought this secret in Odessa, from a half-drunk inhabitant of Odessa named Zhvanetsky. This Odessa citizen knows everything about Odessa that one can know about Odessa. And so, among other things, he told me how the Russian nobles, in a hurry to leave their homeland in the 18th year of the last century, hid this chest with talents in one of the chairs of the furniture set of an old Odessa family. I did a little research and found out that this set exists to this day, and quietly stays in the city of Buguruslan, where I went.
KISA. Can't be!!!
BENDER. Maybe, maybe. There is only one small problem - our chairs are all in different places: one in the library, two in the music school number 2, two more chairs in the city museum of local lore, two chairs in the school of arts, two chairs in the Tukay club, two in Yubileiny and the last chair - in the theatre.
KISA. Can't be!!!
BENDER. What did you do: "can't, can't!" I have no reason to lie. I am an optimist, and I wish you the same. And then you, look at that, fill up the whole thing for me. So, are you with me?
KISA. What should I do?
BENDER. Go to Jubilee, Kisa, and find out where our chairs are, and I'll take care of the library. The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury, the ice has broken!
They scatter in different directions. On stage, a concert number from the city library…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………….
BENDER. (to the speaker) Citizens! Please everyone stay where you are! Total Inventory! (examines the artists) So, costumes, jewelry ... (names everything that will be at that moment with the artists) microphones, .. as if everything is in place ... Stop! And the chair? Where is the chair? Citizens, this is not a joke! A whole chair is gone!
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. (coming off stage backstage) Here! There is one chair here!
BENDER. (to the artists) Everyone is free.
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. (takes out a chair) My God, Comrade Bender! It is you?
BENDER. (confused) Yes, I mean, no... I mean, it's kind of like me, but at the same time...
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. Do you recognize me, Comrade Bender?
BENDER. No, sorry, I'm very busy! (rushes away) Damn, I should have sent Kitty here!
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. It's me, Madame Gritsatsueva! Where are you, comrade Bender?
BENDER. Sorry, I'm in a hurry. Besides, I'm married!
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. Yes I remember. But don't you have a single free minute?
BENDER. I'm very sorry!
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. But what about the chair, Comrade Bender?
BENDER. (stops) A chair? Oh yes, the chair... You see, madam, for some time now, I have become an opponent of marriages. So the maximum that I can offer you for this chair is three rubles. I don't have any more.
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. I need nothing. Because this chair is not mine. I ask you only one thing. Listen to my poetry.
BENDER. (cautiously) Poems?
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. Ah, Comrade Bender, for some time now I have been drowning in poetry. Poetry is the most magical music for my subtle nature. I beg you, listen to my poetry.
Reading a poem……………………………………………………………………..
Bender, clinging to a chair, reluctantly listens, but with every second he is more and more imbued with the performance of Madame Gritsatsuyeva, and when she finishes reading, the first one applauds and kisses her hand.
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. Of course, these are not my poems, but they are so close to me that they could well be mine. Did you like it?
BENDER. Crazy, love it! Damn it, you have talent!
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. Thank you Comrade Bender! I don't know how I did it myself. So I sat on this chair for a while and, suddenly, it was born ... Do you understand me?
BENDER. Oh yes, I guess I understand.
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. (delighted) Ah, thank you, Comrade Bender! you made me happy man! (lightly fluttering runs backstage).
BENDER. (alone) It can't be that lucky. The first chair, and immediately on target ... (guts the chair, but, of course, finds nothing in it.) No, there are no talents in this chair. I'll hasten to the Jubilee. Perhaps Mr. Vorobyaninov was more fortunate. (Runs away)
On stage, a concert number from the Palace of Culture Yubileiny…………………………………………………
……………………………………………………………………………………………….
At the end of the number, Kisa appears on stage, dragging two chairs behind him.
KISA. What I like here is that it's fun here. All around they sing, dance ... people of life rejoice. And in these chairs, perhaps, my happiness ...
He is about to gut the chairs, but then the priest appears. Kitty sits down on one of the chairs, pretending that he is just resting, and in general there is nothing to do with it. The priest silently walks across the stage, throwing glances of suspicion at Kitty, but without stopping goes backstage.
On the stage, a concert number of museum workers………………………………………….
……………………………………………………………………………………………….
During the act, Bender walks around the stage, pretending to look at the exhibits. At the end of the performance, the artists leave the stage, Ellochka Shchukina (Cannibal) appears
ELLOCHKA. Hey man, we're closing!
BENDER. (aside) Do I have deja vu? Or am I confusing something? .. (Ellochka) My surname is Bender, the son of Lieutenant Schmidt!
ELLOCHKA. Famous!
BENDER. And you, if I'm not mistaken, Ella, nicknamed "The Cannibal"?
ELLOCHKA. Ho-ho!
BENDER. My memory didn't fail me! Do you work as a guide in this museum? I must tell you that I have visited thousands of museums in the world, and all the guides of the world pale in comparison to you!
ELLOCHKA. Wow! Horror!
BENDER. I am interested in antiques, more specifically antique furniture, and more specifically, chairs. I am a big connoisseur of antique furniture.
ELLOCHKA. There is something. (two chairs appear on the stage) (guide official tone) Before you are chairs by the greatest master of the 19th century. Pay attention to how the carved details of the back and legs are combined with the overall colors the entire product. Once upon a time...
BENDER. They are great!!! I take them! Will three rubles suit you?
ELLOCHKA. Hamish, boy!
BENDER. Have mercy! To be rude to such a charming woman is inhumane! You know what, I know the secret of longevity from the party officials and the Reverend Moon sect. Shall we exchange? I give you the secret of youth and longevity, you give me chairs.
ELLOCHKA. Ho-ho!
BENDER. What's "ho-ho"? Do you agree to an exchange?
ELLOCHKA. Ho-ho!
BENDER. Ho-ho? Do I look like a crook?
ELLOCHKA. So?
BENDER. The secret to longevity and endless youth is simple. Have you read Rembrandt?
ELLOCHKA. Darkness…
BENDER. I thought so. Then sing! Drink more! And sing fun songs!
ELLOCHKA. Famous!
Sings a song……………………………………………………………………..
Bender dances with chairs and leaves the stage in the dance. Having finished singing, Ellochka also leaves.
Concert number on stage ……………………………….
……………………………………………………………………………………………….
At the end of the number, Kisa, looking around, enters the stage.
KISA. (to the auditorium) Excuse me, is this music school number two?
In the depths of the stage, either a janitor or a watchman appears, but everything shows that he is drunk, and is not averse to becoming even drunker.
WATCHMAN What is it to you, citizen?
KISA. Excuse me... I'd like to... You're here by chance...
WATCHMAN We don't happen to have a beer stall here! There are all sorts of drunks walking around here, they can’t connect two words ... There is a school here, so you know!
KISA. Excuse me ... And who are you here, a watchman, a janitor?
WATCHMAN What ignorance. And put on a hat! Yes, I'm here! And without me, everything here is nothing! Why are you here?
KISA. I, you see, are interested in two chairs from an old furniture set. I would like to purchase them.
WATCHMAN It's possible.
KISA. Would like to know what the price is.
WATCHMAN It will depend on the fullness of the poured glass.
KISA. I agree!
WATCHMAN There are two chairs, which means there are also two glasses.
KISA. I agree. When can I pick up the chairs?
WATCHMAN Glasses in the morning - chairs in the afternoon, glasses in the afternoon - chairs in the evening, glasses in the evening - chairs at night, glasses at night - chairs in the morning ...
KISA. Is it possible to have chairs during the day and glasses in the evening?
WATCHMAN Can. But glasses first!
KISA. (pulls change out of his pocket) Here, take it. Here are two rubles and another twenty-seven kopecks. I hope this is enough.
WATCHMAN (takes money) It's nice to deal with an intelligent person. The chairs are there. (points to backstage and leaves)
Kitty pulls out two chairs from behind the curtains, takes out a knife and eagerly deals with the chairs. This "execution" from the depths of the stage is watched with interest by the newly approached Bender. Alas, there is nothing in the chairs.
BENDER. Such is fate, Field Marshal! Someone with the first scream in their life gains luck for a hundred years ahead, and someone is doomed to rush along the road with steep zigzags. I'm beginning to believe in fate, Kisa, and I'm almost convinced that the talent chair will be the last of the twelve.
KISA. Do you have nothing too?
BENDER. So far, nothing. Unless, of course, you do not count the strange craving to alienate something like that ...
KISA. Yes, yes, I confess to you, Comrade Bender, I also want something like that ... My soul just flutters! Oh, now I'm going to sleep!!! Song about rabbits!
BENDER. Kitty, about hares - this is not relevant. Island of bad luck!
Sings the song "Island of Bad Luck" from the movie "Diamond Hand" Kitty dances.
KISA. In my opinion this aria is not from our opera.
BENDER. But the performer is the same! The meeting continues! Let's go, Kitty, us
waiting for art school number one!
KISA. Do you have a plan, Comrade Bender?
BENDER. Be careful with this word, Kitty, do not forget, we are in the twenty-first century! Follow me, no questions asked.
They leave.
Madame Gritsatsueva appears on the one hand, and Ellochka the cannibal on the other.
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. Oh, this chair is a trifle! Only the entourage.
ELLOCHKA. Iron!
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. And in general it is useless to look for talents in him,
After all, it is just a chair.
ELLOCHKA. Ho-ho!..
MADAM GRITSATSUEV. And yet to those who spend in search of a year
I will say one thing - talent cannot be hidden under the upholstery of a chair.
ELLOCHKA. He always hides in the heart.
Both freeze.
Bender and Kisa appear.
BENDER. Listen to my heartbeat, Kitty.
Kisa listens.
KISA. And you listen to how mine knocks.
Bender listens.
BENDER. Knocking.
They shake hands.
KISA. Is it because we are so close to the goal?
BENDER. This is because we have already achieved this goal.
They shake hands.
KISA. It remains only to get a casket from this chair?
BENDER. No, no, there is no casket in this chair, of course. It's just a chair. And the casket was actually hidden in our hearts.
They shake hands.
KISA. It is a pity that all our searches were in vain.
BENDER. Not at all, Field Marshal! All these 12 chairs showed us the way to our true talents. Haven't you noticed a change in yourself?
KISA. Yes, you are right, I have become a different person. What about this chair?
BENDER. And the chair is just a symbol. Let's leave it to this city, a city where everyone is talented!
All the participants of the evening come on stage and sing the final song……………
……………………………………………………………………………………………….
Characters: Ostap Bender,
Kisa Vorobyaninov,
bully boy,
Ellochka.
The stage is festively decorated.
Voice. In May 200__ at ___ o'clock in the evening from the north-west, from the side of the pier, a young man entered the city.
called young man Ostap-Suleiman-Bertha-Maria Bender Bay.
There were so many schools in the county town of __________ that it seemed that people were born here only to study.
A bully boy ran after the young man.
Bully boy. Uncle, give me 10 rubles... Well, uncle, give me 10 rubles...
Ostap. Maybe give you the key to the apartment where the money is?
Voice. The young man lied: he had neither money, nor an apartment where they could lie, nor a key with which this apartment could be unlocked.
At the same time, a giant of thought, the father of democracy, a person close to the emperor, was heading towards the center from the side of the embankment. They haven't seen each other for many years.
Ostap. Kitty, what fate!
Kitty. Ostap Ibrahimovic! Are you spoiling the chairs again?
Ostap. No, Kisa. I calmed down, decided to land on a safe harbor. I'm choosing a city. Don't you know, Kitty, are there brides and daring fellows in this city?
Kitty. To whom and the graduate bride.
Ostap. You know me, field marshal. I need a sultry woman, a poet's dream.
Kitty. Then you have come to the right place. After all, today is the graduation ball at school No. __. The best representatives of this city gathered there.
Voice. Ostap Bender knew 1000 ways to make money. Now a new plan has matured in his head, which did not concern money.
Ostap. So, Kitty, let's go to this very school.
Music is playing, guests are sitting. Ostap rises to the stage.
Ostap. In that case, the ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury. I will lead the parade.
The heroes of the occasion are invited to the stage.
Music sounds, graduates come out, rise to the stage, sit down on chairs.
Kitty. Allow me to introduce (when a graduate is called, he comes forward, the girls curtsy, the boys nod their heads).
Fair ___________
Charming _____________
Talented _____________
Smart _________________
Cheerful _________
Happy ________________
Patient _____________
Changeable __________
Gallant ______________
Reasonable __________
Energetic _____________
Soulful _______________
Capable _____________
Kind _________________
Unpredictable _________
Strong-willed ________________
Strong _______________
Elegant _____________
Serious ______________
Modest _______________
Charming ________
Principal _________
Mysterious _____________
Stately _______________
Caring ____________
Ostap. Yes, there is where to roam.
Kitty. Oh, you won't see that!
Ostap. The meeting continues. Nervous please leave. I'm about to interview the principal of the school.
Dear _____________________!
1. What do you remember most about the antics of these citizens?
2. And how did the girls of this class differ?
3. What do you think your graduates will achieve in the future?
4. Tell me, who should I hit on?
5. How is this class different from all the others?
Kitty. It seems you have already learned a lot, Ostap Ibrahimovic?
Ostap. Not quite, Kisa, not quite. Who can get the information you need?
Of course, class teacher ___________. The meeting continues.
Ostap is interviewing.
Is being a class teacher a dangerous profession?
Tell me, are there my successors in this class?
Girls are of particular interest to me. Which one is the prettiest?
What is the most memorable event that took place in their lives?
Who do you have the highest hopes for?
And who is the most sincere in the class?
What would you wish guys?
Quiet music sounds, the class teacher speaks.
Kitty. Ostap Ibragimovich, you somehow dragged out our evening.
Ostap. It is not important.
Kitty. And what is the main thing?
Ostap. The main thing is that the suit sits. Look how the suits on our graduates sit. So, they need to give the floor.
Graduate.
Dear teachers!
separation ahead,
Graduate.
We love you so much
Here is such a thing.
Graduate.
In life already big
The door is open for us.
Graduate.
sad to leave
We are with you now.
Graduate.
Dear teachers!
We wish you happiness
Graduate.
Let them bypass
Woe and misfortune.
Graduate.
To have enough for everyone
Health and strength
Graduate.
So that your dreams come true
We really want.
Graduates give teachers flowers and souvenirs.
Ellochka Schukina enters.
Ellochka. Ho-ho!
Ostap. I'm not ho-ho, I'm ho-ho!
Ellochka. You're kidding, boy!
Ostap. Allow me to introduce myself, Ostap Bender. Do you know where you got to?
Ellochka. Darkness.
Ostap. Not a very talkative person.
Ellochka. Your back is white.
Ostap is spinning.
Ostap. Your jokes are inappropriate. Now we have a report with the participation of the first teacher of our chicks.
Who was the most obedient student?
Who learned to write and read the fastest?
What did your kids like to do?
What was the children's favorite subject?
What do you wish for your little ones?
Presentation by the first teacher.
Ellochka. The beauty.
Ostap. Ellochka, do you know how difficult it is to teach children?
Ellochka. Don't teach me how to live.
Ostap. Do you know what they write?
Ellochka. Ho-ho.
Ostap. That you are all ho-ho, yes ho-ho. Read what the guys leave their school.
Ellochka. Do you think I can read?
Ostap. It's good that at least everyone in the school can read.
Graduates take out a poster with wishes to teachers and the school and give it to the class teacher.
Ostap. Here comes the moment of truth.
Music sounds, the director hands certificates to graduates.
Kitty. Ostap Ibragimovich, have I brought you to the right place?
Ostap. In the most, that neither is, a real place.
Kitty. What's next, Ostap?
Ostap. The session is over, gentlemen of the jury.
It remains to wish our graduates:
The school gets quieter
The last dunce subsides.
If you don't read it yourself, you'll hear
How many miracles happen in life
Let your life become more beautiful
There will always be only victory in it,
Don't Forget What You Learned
At your school you have teachers.
Ellochka. And I want to dance.
Ostap. And really, it's time to start the ball.
Music sounds. The ball begins with a waltz.
