Reasonable egoism and unreasonable manifestations. Examples for children from the life of reasonable selfishness

selfishness is in psychology value orientation, the quality of a person, thanks to which he puts his own interests above the interests of other people, groups, collectives. An egoist will never take part in a cause that will not bring benefits to him, he does not understand the sacrificial morality of serving his neighbor. The behavior of a selfish person is completely determined and guided by the motives of personal gain, regardless of how much his benefit may cost others dearly.

Altruism and egoism are opposite concepts, and it follows from this that the egoist is focused on satisfying his own needs, while completely neglecting the interests of others and using them as a means by which selfish personal goals are achieved.

An egoist is in love with himself with all his heart, sometimes he forbids others to love him, because he considers them unworthy of his attention, so such people almost always remain lonely. A selfish type of behavior inherent in people who have too much self-confidence. When they have a certain desire to possess something, they should be served it right away and on a silver platter. They completely rule out the fact that they will not have it or that they need to wait for this for a while.

Egoism and egocentrism difference

There is also a concept similar to egoism - this is egocentrism. There is a difference in definition between the categories of egoism and egocentrism.

Egoism is a personality trait, part of its character, which manifests itself in behavior, and egocentrism is a way of thinking. The egocentrist sincerely believes in the existence of only one correct opinion, and this is his own. Only his idea has the right to exist, and he sets the rules, and he will not hear anyone else's reasoning. The center of the universe closes on the egocentric, he is the navel of the earth, he sees only himself at the head of the world, he was born with such a feeling and it can pass or more or less weaken at the age of 8-12. If an adult behaves like an egocentric, then he is “stuck” in the past, something happened and this did not allow the person to grow up.

Selfishness examples from life. Selfish people have too strong a desire to have everything, even what they will never need, but others have. This too much focus on own desires and their satisfaction, even at the most inopportune moment, inherent in small children who do not yet know what is good and what is bad, and what can be done right now, and what can cause a negative reaction in society. But terrible truth in the fact that such manifestations of egoism are inherent in both children and adults who physically have long gone beyond that age, but psychologically have not matured. They do not have a sense of satiety, and not only in food, but in all things, they are always short, always lacking. They don't just want a big piece of cake, they want the whole cake.

Human egoism has childish traits in it, but the brain of such individuals works better than it should. They always need to look for ways to get more. You need to come up with cunning tricks to get what you want. Their mind is always tense, it is directed to the calculation of ways to achieve their own benefit.

It is because of this that human egoism is considered the trigger for progress. A person is in motion, and, therefore, develops, invents, creates and achieves. It is this feature of egoism that gives it a positive connotation. If from childhood in a certain way to direct egoism in the right direction, use this energy as a motivation for achievement and at the same time teach the child moral and ethical principles, according to which it is necessary, but respecting the needs of other people, you can bring up a very purposeful person.

The problem of selfishness

Most selfish individuals do not allow anyone into their world, they experience all their inner impulses alone, and do not need outside help, but there are those who really need the presence loved one who will help, hear and understand. But, it also happens that they just need the physical presence of a person without any mental impulses. For such people, the absence of others in their lives is equal to a state of crisis. But with just anyone, they will not make acquaintances, let alone let them into their personal space. It is not easy for them to learn to trust others, they must personally verify, understand on own experience what a person is and after such a strict check they decide to trust.

The problem of egoism lies in the peculiarities of personality formation, the circumstances of its growing up, the correctness of education. At certain life stages of growing up through the influence adverse conditions a person is developing egoistic qualities of character. Thus, manifestations of selfishness are possible at any age.

Selfishness in a relationship is big problem, since there are two people in a couple, and they are obliged to love each other, and not one another, and the other themselves. Often behind such an excess was self-doubt, and in order to overcome it they had to work hard, and as a result of such work, they gave too much strength, and, submitting to the temptation, overdo it, and they liked this new sensation. And when such a person just found a mate, or returned to his current relationship as a completely different person, then problems begin. For a selfish person, everything seems to be normal, even better than it was, because now she knows her own worth, which means she can demand twice as much. She does not understand that such behavior interferes with building a relationship, because all the attention and care is given to only one person. A couple is a couple, if there are two people in it, then the initiative should come from everyone.

Selfishness in relationships breaks families and destinies of people. But if a person values ​​relationships, he will work on himself and be able to change.

Selfishness is considered a problem in the sense that a person who spends life energy on himself often does not notice how he poisons the lives of others, not heeding their needs, he will never be able to feel the joy of a selfless act for others.

egoism and altruism. If we compare altruism and egoism, then we can distinguish in them general idea- the value of a person. But in altruism, the needs of others are respected and selfless acts are done for their benefit, while in egoism a person respects himself and realizes his personal needs.

A sense of selfishness can alternate with altruism, depending on what life has brought lessons. A person could one day do a selfless good deed, and in return receive misunderstanding and condemnation of his act. Then a protection mechanism is activated in him and from that moment he will begin to do good deeds only for himself. There is also his mistake here, since it is impossible to generalize all cases, there are sincere grateful people in the world who will appreciate the deed, you cannot be so immediately disappointed in people. There is a problem in society associated with the rejection of either selfish selfish acts or sacrificial altruistic ones. Selfish actions are condemned for catering to the needs of one person, and in altruism they try to find a catch.

Reasonable selfishness

There is a theory of rational egoism. A person who is inherent in reasonable egoism defends his opinion, refuses the point of view that is imposed, since it can be detrimental to the individual. He's willing to compromise if it's a way out conflict situation. If he feels a threat to himself or his loved ones, then he applies all possible ways protection.

A person with reasonable egoism will never obey others, this is below his dignity, but he also does not allow himself to lead the lives of others, and does not do this even if he can use it. If there is a question of choice, then healthy egoism suggests that it is necessary to make it for personal benefit and not indulge in feelings of guilt.

Reasonable selfishness pays attention not only to his own needs, but also to the needs of other people so that the satisfaction of his own does not hurt the interests of others. It is necessary to express your opinion, even if it is the opposite of the opinion of everyone else. You can express your criticism of others, but without sinking to the level of insults. Act according to your own principles, but also respect the wishes and comments of the partner. A person who follows healthy egoism has a special mindset, thanks to which he understands life better. When it comes to material things, a person does not get hung up on the fullness of his own benefit. He tries to get his own, but at the same time, without going over the heads, and without causing suffering to others, he is inclined to cooperate and find compromises. It has more ethical principles than selfish impulses.

A person who is engaged in self-improvement does it personally for himself; accordingly, other people do not interfere in this. But in this self-improvement, he can go very far, he can begin to teach others how to live, here the line between reasonable and ordinary egoism is already washed away a little.

Egoism is the antonym for this word altruist. Reasonable egoism is also altruism.

An example of reasonable selfishness. When a person does selfless useful activity, the result is joy and happiness. Since this happiness was calculated on, the person who did this act also shows joy, which means that the goal has been achieved. All of this is just good.

Every person is really selfish to some extent, because he must take care of himself every day: eat, sleep, dress, earn money, spend it primarily on himself. This is absolute reasonable selfishness. Working on your body, developing your brain, working on your spiritual essence is also a reasonable egoism that benefits everyone.

Examples of selfishness

Each person can name examples of selfishness from the life of their loved ones, or their own. Almost every person has such an ardent egoist in his circle of acquaintances. His rhinestone can be calculated, in principle he does not hide, but on the contrary, he tries to be in front of everyone.

An egoist is a very prudent person, before he takes up a business, he will think how beneficial it is for him, what fruits his participation will bring to him, and, after weighing all the pros and cons, he agrees to the business or not. He does not make quick decisions in business.

Almost all conversations with him will be one way or another, but it necessarily comes down to his personality, a discussion of his successful past and luck in the present. The egoist recognizes the existence of only his own opinion. He cannot even imagine that the opinion of others, even much more experienced people than he himself is, can be true. If circumstances force him, he will be able to find a way out, but only through the efforts of others, or completely unfairly accuses them. He is not at all interested in the intrigues or problems of others, he lives quietly for himself, as long as nothing affects him.

Examples of selfishness from life. Possessing the techniques of manipulation, he makes others yield to him. If he is offered a compromise, he refuses it and waits for the person to give up. Selfish individuals often love to give advice on how to live right, although they themselves are far from being role models. In any case, they find a benefit, or frankly, without ulterior motives, demands it. You can also give examples of selfishness from life beyond the characteristic external features of this type of people.

manifestations of selfishness. The egoist is very concerned about his appearance, he looks at himself and admires. And in order to be beautiful all the time for himself, and for others too, he needs a lot of time to pay attention to himself in front of the mirror. Almost always, selfish people are the most attractive people, obsessed with their body, they cannot stop admiring their appearance and know that others like them. To emphasize their beautiful appearance, they dress very stylishly, sometimes even shockingly. A selfish person always tries to make a good impression, therefore he uses good manners in his behavior, tries to create the impression of a well-mannered person. Also, a selfish person is distinguished from others by his lexicon, he ripples with phrases: “the end justifies the means”, “everything is possible for me”, “I am much better”, “I am the most ...”, “I have”, “I want”, “for me " etc.

Selfishness in life. Selfish individuals can apply the features of their character, working in power structures, the police, military affairs, business, cosmetology.

Examples of egoism in literature. Scarlett "Gone with the Wind" Margaret Mitchell, Vronsky "Anna Karenina" L. Tolstoy, Dorian Gray "The Picture of Dorian Gray" O. Wilde and others.

A very famous and striking example of egoism is Grushnitsky's "Hero of Our Time" M.Yu. Lermontov. The author himself believes that Grushnitsky is low and false. The hero does everything against himself. He wants to feel what he cannot feel, tries to achieve something, but not what he truly needs.

He wants to be hurt, wants to be just a soldier who, at the same time, unhappy in love, wants to despair. He dreams about it, but fate disposes differently, saving his soul from life's upheavals. If he fell in love, and the girl did not reciprocate, he would be disappointed in love and close his heart forever. He so desired to become an officer, but having received news of the production, he forever abandons his former costume, which he loved so much, as it turned out in words.

Examples of manifestation of selfishness show that the problem exists, and many people become unhappy because of their own unreason. And if you come to your senses, look at your life and learn a lesson from it, then you can change, get rid of selfishness, because it does not promise happiness, but only breaks human hearts and destinies.

Arthur Schopenhauer

Is selfishness good for a person? Certainly useful and even necessary, but not in all manifestations. Selfishness can be reasonable or, as they say, healthy, but it can be so rude, uncouth and primitive that it disgusts people. At the same time, all people are selfish. It’s just that some of them skillfully disguise their egoism, while others do not know how to do this, therefore they behave arrogantly and arrogantly, which deserves an appropriate attitude towards themselves. In general, thinking first of all about yourself and your interests is an absolutely normal desire and aspiration for healthy person. But in order to properly relate to this manifestation of human nature, one must understand well the meaning of egoism. In this article, we will do just that - we will study egoism in order to properly understand it.

What is selfishness?

Selfishness is the preference of one's own interests over the interests of others. You can also say that selfishness is selfishness. Personally, I understand selfishness as the desire of a person to always do everything only for himself, without thinking about the desires, interests, needs and feelings of other people. A pronounced egoist is a kind of vacuum cleaner that sucks everything into itself, but gives nothing in return.

Primitive selfishness

Selfishness can be reasonable and the way most people imagine it, let's call such selfishness - primitive selfishness. Primitive egoism is immediately visible - the person demonstrating it clearly ignores the interests of others, always rows everything for himself, does not consider anyone, does not think about anyone, often adheres to a narcissistic model of behavior. It is unpleasant to be around such people, it is very difficult to cooperate with them, they sometimes cause great irritation. Most often, only those who do not have self-esteem communicate with them and therefore they allow themselves to be used. And self-respecting people, as a rule, shy away from pronounced egoists, because they see no point in communicating with them, unless such communication is somehow beneficial to them.

Primitive egoism is, in my understanding, childish egoism, since it is inherent in psychologically and intellectually immature individuals. Such people are often completely unable to analyze their behavior and look at themselves from the outside. They openly seek to satisfy their desires and needs at the expense of other people, without thinking about how it looks in the eyes of others. And sometimes they are genuinely surprised at people's dissatisfaction with their overly selfish behavior, which they themselves seem to be quite normal. Sometimes there are such egoists spoiled by their parents who are firmly convinced that others should do everything for their happiness. And if this does not happen, then they fall either into depression or into a rage.

How do people become so selfish? Yes, it's very simple - they are born by them. Imagine a baby who is completely helpless and unable to take care of himself. He needs the help of adults to survive. When he needs something, he cries, thus attracting the attention of adults. We can say that he is an egoist who thinks only of himself. And he is like that because he has to think about himself in order to survive, and he is not capable of thinking about others. Growing up, the child becomes more independent and if he is brought up correctly, he develops his independence, reducing his dependence on other people. Thus, up to a certain age, a person is forced to think mainly only about himself, otherwise he simply will not be able to satisfy his basic needs. So we think about ourselves because we are not strong enough and smart enough to think about others. And as long as we are, selfishness in its primitive form is the only intuitive means for us to achieve our goals.

Reasonable selfishness

Developing, a person develops his egoism, which becomes less obvious and more sophisticated. In adult life, no one is in a hurry to satisfy the desires and needs of other people, without special need. Therefore, capricious and impudent behavior in it often turns out to be ineffective, and sometimes very harmful. As a result, a person's egoism changes - it becomes more sophisticated and thoughtful, unless, of course, the person himself gets smarter, and does not get stuck in his development at the teenage stage.

Sophisticated egoism is not an obvious, hidden egoism, when a person does not show others that he strives to do well for himself - he shows that he wants to do well for others, that he cares about everyone, and not just about himself. People like it, so they are more willing to cooperate with such a person and help him achieve his goals. And thoughtful egoism is when a person understands that in order to make himself feel good, he needs to think about other people. For without caring for others, it is impossible to properly take care of yourself. We all depend on each other, therefore, even if we don’t want to, we are forced to help each other. As a result, the egoist must think about the interests of the people around him in order to act according to the formula: you to me - I to you. Then he gains many friends, allies, partners, with the help of which he improves his life, simultaneously improving the life of most of them.

And in an even more mature form, egoism turns into deliberate altruism, this is when a person matures in order not only to take, but also to give. This makes it even stronger, because by giving [giving wisely], we receive more. The formula is very complicated, I will write about it separately someday, but the point is that a person’s strength multiplies as the scope of his responsibility expands. The ability to give and care for others is required quality for a good parent and for a leader who, by definition, must be responsible for other people, who in turn can give him great power and power. Therefore, a truly strong person simply cannot be a petty egoist, for whom the interests of others do not matter. Imagine a leader ancient tribe who thinks only of himself. With such a leader, the tribe may die, since there will be no one to take care of it, which means that the leader will lose his power. Or imagine parents who only think about themselves and don't think about their child at all. You understand what it is fraught with. That is why not every person is suitable for the role of a leader and for the role of a parent.

This is how selfishness becomes reasonable. It develops with the person. The smarter and stronger a person becomes, the more reasonable his egoism becomes. And the more reasonable the egoism of a person becomes, the more powerful the person himself becomes.

People who are intelligently selfish either always seek cooperation with other people or try to outsmart them in order to achieve their goal. But they never talk openly about their desires, do not behave arrogantly with those who are stronger than them, do not act up and do not complain if someone does not fulfill their desires. They look for workarounds to their goals, demonstrating to others the behavior that they, others, like. Where have you seen a politician who would tell everyone that he seeks power in order to improve his life, and not to make it better for all people? You have to be a complete moron to declare your desires like that. Reasonable egoists achieve their goals much more often than those who, guided by primitive egoism, rush ahead, striving to satisfy their needs and desires. Reasonable behavior is complicated behavior, the meaning of which is not always obvious. Therefore, it is more efficient.

The meaning of selfishness

Man must be selfish, whether he likes it or not. Even though living in a society, it is important to be able to cooperate with other people, for which it is necessary to take into account their interests, one's own interests should be higher than the public ones in the vast majority of cases. You can only sacrifice your interests only when it comes to the lives of children - our future, or the survival of humanity as a species. But in the vast majority of everyday situations, there is no point in thinking about others, to the detriment of one's own interests. Our whole life is a little less than entirely composed of a constant clash of different interests. We all want something and often our desires do not coincide with the desires of other people. Therefore, we have to somehow negotiate or compete with them, compete, be at enmity in order to survive and succeed in something. After all, we know perfectly well that all people cannot be rich or have power, and even cannot have the same standard of living. There will always be those who have more and who have more rights. People are unequal and cannot be equal, this is contrary to the principle of natural hierarchy, in which the strong live at the expense of the weak and use it for their own purposes. In nature, the strong eat the weak, simply because that's how nature works.

So, living in such a world, in such conditions, to expect that people will think about you more than about themselves means not understanding life and people at all.

I am sure that a person can come to caring for others only through caring for himself. This is in addition to those cases when it makes sense to sacrifice yourself and your interests for the sake of the future of people dear to you or humanity as a whole. And in Everyday life When a person does not have such a responsible choice, he needs to think first of all about himself and, thanks to the pursuit of his interests, learn to take into account the interests of other people.

So, the meaning of egoism is that a person, pursuing his own interests, at a certain stage of his development, begins to take into account the interests of other people. And not just take into account, but effectively respond to them. He can do it the better, the stronger he is. Because a strong person can take care of himself, which in any case needs to be done, and at the same time, his capabilities allow him to extend his care to others. The strong man can give other people a lot in order to get even more in return. And what can give other people a weak person who is not even able to take care of himself? Can he become a strong leader or a good parent? As a rule, no. However, many weak people neglect their own interests, for the sake of the interests of others, thus showing that they are not selfish. Why do they do this? They strive to help [they strive, but not always help] others, not because they are not selfish, but because they themselves need the help of other people, and to a much greater extent. They sacrifice their own interests for their own good, and not for the good of other people. Giving something to others, they expect to receive in return more than they gave, intuitively relying on the rule of reciprocity. Therefore, their altruism is only a special form of egoism, as one of the survival strategies.

selfishness and success

There is an opinion according to which selfishness is necessary to achieve success, for which sometimes you have to go over your head, thinking only about your own benefit and not considering anyone. This is too crude an understanding of the benefits of selfishness. Indeed, selfish people [and we are all moderately or without measure selfish] often succeed - substituting, betraying, using, deceiving other people, including those whom they knew well and who unconditionally trusted them. Meanness and deceit have always taken place in human society and there are certainly benefits. But don't blame everything on selfishness. To go over the same heads, you yourself need to have a head on your shoulders, which prompts the egoist different ways to achieve his goals, and does not call him, as a primitive egoist - an aggressive insolent, being at the very bottom, spit on everyone and not to reckon with anyone. Often, we learn about the deceit, meanness, cunning and selfishness of a person who used others to achieve success when he has already achieved this success and it is too late to try to prevent him. Up to this point, such an egoist can behave very nicely, so that no one will even think that this kind-hearted person is able to set up, use, deceive, betray someone for his own selfish purposes.

Some people, such as bandits or swindlers, express their selfishness through aggression, assertiveness, courage [often this is an unjustified risk], arrogance, cunning, manipulation. It is these qualities, and not the selfish attitude itself, that can allow them to succeed in their affairs. But this success is not always sustainable. Bandits, who are often secretly admired by the uneducated part of the population, expose themselves to unjustified risks in order to gain some kind of resources and power. They act the way they do, simply because they do not know other, more sophisticated and less life-threatening methods of achieving success. They are no more selfish than, say, politicians who care about the people's welfare, it's just that their selfishness is expressed in the form of pronounced violence, and not in the form of a cunning that is thoroughly confusing to understand. It's dangerous to be a bandit, we all know that, so the life that bandits live has its price. Fraudsters, despite their ability to hide their true intentions, still often give themselves away by revealing the truth about their fraud to victims too quickly. This is because most scammers are short-sighted, short-term interests when they satisfy their selfish needs at the expense of other people - their victims. And so they are often punished by society for their deeds. So selfishness expressed in this way is not very helpful. The success to which he is able to lead a person may not be long.

To achieve serious, stable success, it is necessary, even if you do not want to, to respect the interests of other people. Alone in the field is not a warrior, and in order to have allies, you must be able to involve other people in your affairs, which can only be done when you interest them in something. Rowing only for yourself and not taking into account anyone, you are more likely to make enemies for yourself, who, at any opportunity, will tear you to pieces. The egoist who betrayed everyone, framed, deceived, used to achieve success in something, is like Damocles, over whose head a sword hangs on a horsehair. Like any tyrant, he can at any moment become a victim of those on whose head he walked and those who hate him for it.

It is much more profitable to pursue your selfish interests by cooperating with many people on different conditions. This is the most The best way achieving your goals. Most successful people of the world are not selfish loners who do not care at all, but good sellers, literate diplomats, reliable partners and generous virtues who know that in order to achieve success, you need to be able to share with others. No violence and no impudence will allow you to get the same return from people that you can get from working with them. Sometimes, however, this can be done with the help of deception and manipulation, but then it must be such a deception that will not be revealed for a long time and from which many will benefit, and not just the deceiver himself. So you need to mask your egoism and dress it in a human form, so as not to cause resistance in people to their desire to achieve something. No reasonable egoist acts alone, betraying and substituting everyone in a row. Even if he is not going to take into account the interests of all people, wanting to achieve something, which for obvious reasons is impossible to do, then at least he has allies and friends with whom he takes into account to a certain extent and whose interests he takes into account no less than his own, for he understands that without this he cannot count on their help, support and devotion.

Let's recap. All people are selfish. Everyone's selfishness manifests itself in different ways, depending on the level of development. specific person. The simpler a person, the more primitive his egoism. Clever egoists never stick out their egoism, showing everyone their disregard for the interests of others. On the contrary, they focus on the interests of other people, seeking to promote their own interests. This allows them to enlist the support of others in achieving their goals.

Egoism in a mature form turns into altruism. Strong people consider the interests of others because they can afford it. They do it disinterestedly. They are just strong and smart enough to think not only about themselves, but also about others and get even more benefit from it. Both responsible, loving, caring parents and real leaders are people whose selfishness has developed so much that now they want and can not only take, but also give. And when they give, they get much more.

Some weak people seek to help others because they themselves need help. They are selfish, although they behave altruistically, it’s just that their strategy for survival and achieving their goals is based on sacrificing their interests for the sake of others, counting on their reciprocal help, which weak people really need. And if you don’t understand what is the interest of another person who allegedly does something for you disinterestedly, then the whole point is precisely in your misunderstanding of his true intentions, and not his lack of selfish motives as such. True, sometimes some people, trying to please others, do not themselves understand why they do it, because they are not aware of their motives and in some cases cannot control them. This is a separate topic, which we will definitely discuss. Here it is important to understand that selfishness is part of our nature. It's okay to be selfish. Only the form of expression of egoism can be abnormal, from the point of view of its effectiveness.

There are also fanatics who can be altruists due to some of their beliefs. I did not touch on them in this article, since this is also a separate topic. However, I want to note that the belief of some people in certain things can be so strong that they can suppress their innate egoism to the detriment of their interests, and sometimes to the detriment of their lives, simply because they think it is right. To some extent, these people are also selfish, as they do something because they consider it right for themselves. It's just that their selfishness may not meet their real interests, it will only amuse their conceit and indulge their erroneous beliefs.

And the most important. In order to best achieve your goals, it is important to be able to disguise your selfishness as altruistic intentions and take into account the interests of as many people as possible in your plans, especially strong people, whose help and support may be of particular use to you. So your opportunities will expand significantly. Even if you are not one of the strong people who can take care not only of themselves, but also of others, which allows you to gain power, try to at least act as if you think about the interests of others, at least as much as about your own. . Remember that no one is interested in you with your desires, interests and needs. People think mostly only about themselves, which is natural. So they will meet you halfway only if you interest them in something, if you involve them in your plans, showing them that by helping you, they will get a lot.

The primitive egoist who thinks of no one and who does not give a damn about anyone is a loner who, at best, will achieve short-term insignificant success through arrogance, treachery, deceit and violence. And this success will be the shorter, the fewer people will be involved in it. And all because in this world you need to be able to share in order to have more friends and allies, and not enemies and envious people. That is why a reasonable egoist is a true leader and a good strategist who achieves success through cooperation with other people whose interests he considers [to a certain extent] in order to enlist their support and loyalty. Of course, his own interests are more important for him than the interests of other people, otherwise he would not be an egoist. However, he skillfully hides it. Such a person achieves success seriously and for a long time.

In our society, the remnants of Soviet morality are still heard, in which there was no place for any egoism - neither reasonable nor all-consuming. In the same time the developed countries, in particular, the United States, built their entire economy and society on the principles of selfishness. If we turn to religion, selfishness is not welcome in it, and behavioral psychology claims that any action performed by a person has selfish motives, since it is based on the survival instinct. People around often scold a person who does what is best for him, calling him an egoist, but this is not a curse, and the world is not divided into black and white, just as there are no absolute egoists and altruists.

Reasonable egoism: the concept

First of all, let's define what distinguishes reasonable egoism from unreasonable. The latter manifests itself in ignoring the needs and comfort of other people, focusing all the actions and aspirations of a person on satisfying his, often, momentary needs. Reasonable egoism also comes from the emotional and physiological needs of a person (“I want to leave work right now and go to bed”), but is balanced by reason, which distinguishes Homo sapiens from creatures that act purely instinctively (“I will finish the project, and tomorrow I will take the day off”) . As you can see, the need for rest will be satisfied, without prejudice to work.

The world is built on selfishness

There are hardly a dozen real altruists in the history of man. No, we do not in any way diminish the merits and merits of the numerous benefactors and heroes of our kind, but, to be completely honest, altruistic actions also come from the desire to satisfy one's ego. For example, a volunteer enjoys work, increases his self-esteem (“I am doing a good deed”). By helping a relative with money, you relieve your own anxiety for him, which is also partly a selfish motive. This does not need to be denied or tried to change, because this is not bad. healthy selfishness inherent in every reasonable and developed person, he is the engine of progress. If you do not become a hostage to your desires and do not ignore the needs of others, this selfishness can be considered reasonable.

Lack of selfishness and self-improvement

People who give up their desires and live for the sake of others (children, spouses, friends) are the other extreme, in which their own needs are relegated to the background, and this is unhealthy. You definitely won’t achieve happiness in this way, it’s for this that you need to understand where golden mean in the subtle question of selfishness.
In the process of self-improvement, a person inevitably shows reasonable egoism, which is combined with concern for others. For example, you are trying to become a better person, increase your self-esteem and get away from the control of your parents or partner. At first, others may be offended by your newfound independence in decision-making, but eventually they will understand that you are becoming the best person and improving the quality of your life will definitely have a positive impact on loved ones and loved ones.

Here is a rough list of what I think should be done solely for yourself, resolutely and ruthlessly discarding any other incentives:

- Choose a job, your main activity – create (if creativity is your activity, you should still like it first of all).

- Change your appearance, image, first name and surname and other attributes of earthly life. Doing this for someone else besides yourself is most of the time stupid and leads to frustration (as well as minimizing the importance of your own opinion). The exception is if you treat your appearance very easily and with experimental enthusiasm, then why not? - Engage in self-improvement. Strictly speaking, in general, you need to change something in yourself only with motivation “for yourself”, otherwise you can get carried away and reshape your subtle soul in someone’s image and likeness or desire. A line can be drawn here: if I have relationship problems with a person, it is in my best interest to adjust my perception and behavior (remembering that the responsibility is shared between two and not trying to become better for both). It’s another matter when a partner demands (hints, puts an ultimatum, presses, bargains) that you change this and that in yourself, and no matter how much you comprehend, you come to the conclusion that you just don’t want to change it, but you still do it to keep the person.

If you decide to become more educated, more sociable, more attractive, more interesting, richer - that's great. If at the same time you are driven by the desire to “please Mikhail”, “prove to colleagues that I am not a fool”, “amaze everyone at the reunion of graduates”, “poke your mother with her nose into a pile of money so that she understands that I am not a loser” - this is what what I call rotten motivation. It not only smells, but at any moment it can collapse like a rotten floor of the second floor - for example, as soon as you realize that Mikhail, colleagues and classmates do not care about your achievements, and your mother will still find a reason to consider you a loser if she wants to .

- Rest. Even if the rest is couples or family, it is necessary that you enjoy it - to act to the detriment of your desires and interests means to take away your own strength, mental health and future productivity.

Nobody needs your sacrifices

Surprisingly, people value only those sacrifices that they made themselves, and not those that were made by others for their sake. Do not confuse “appreciate” and “feel guilty” - if, for example, a spouse stays with his wife only out of guilt (“she did so much for me, went out, sculpted, now I will repay her debt”), this is not happy, productive relationship. Sacrifice is generally a terrible thing that has the form of a deal: one puts his desires, dreams and half his life, or even his entire life, on a fictional sacrificial altar, and the second is obliged to be grateful for the rest of his life and remember this “debt”.

“Give yourself all”, “live for the sake of children”, “dedicate yourself to humanity” are false desires. Why? Because they are dictated either by the fear of losing love, respect and the very presence of this person (people) in your life, or by the desire to get away from your life and your own pressing issues into science social activities, etc. True desires can be unselfish - for example, I want this person to be happy, whether he is with me or not. And if I want him to be happy, but always next to me, and for this I try to bind him with my sacrifices and bestowals - this is unhealthy egoism and a destructive model of relationships.

Everything that you did not do for yourself while you were busy doing for others will not return, will not be rewarded to you and will not be offered in the form of a reciprocal sacrifice, this must be clearly understood. A life lived for others is always kind of lost for you - and what's the point?

Is it possible to live both for yourself and for others?

My opinion about the need to do something only for yourself concerns global, significant issues and events in a person’s life. At the same time, I understand and recognize the importance of both the ability to compromise, learn to understand other people, and provide assistance to close and random people when you can provide it and really need it. (with)

From childhood, we are taught to help the weak, to be caring and attentive to others, to take actions, and in some cases even sacrifice values ​​for the benefit of something or someone. And with all this, we must feel guilty about our own selfishness ever shown. Such a position, on the one hand, is absolutely correct and does not need to be refuted. But if you look at it from a psychological point of view, then some nuances are revealed to us that it would not hurt to clarify.

Psychology claims that all actions performed by a person, whether they are bad or good, are done only for the sake of own good. The most powerful motivation for every person when committing any actions is precisely hopeless egoism. Of course self-love is not the only driving force our activities, but it is always present and this is an indisputable fact!

In fact, selfishness in itself is not bad. After all, to fight the human race is to go against self-preservation instinct. The ideals and moral principles that have been instilled in us from infancy are a little not correct, in view of the fact that they consider a person vicious from birth and try their best to lock a person in the fetters of morality. But, as a rule, it is the established framework provoke human to bullying and atrocities.

There is an opinion that the feeling of selfishness negatively affects society and gradually destroys it, as a result of which it should be in without fail exterminated. But it is important to realize that the primary motive of selfishness is survival. In the event that order and position in society, from an objective point of view, will be enough effective way life, then egoism itself will only be happy with this alignment.

Naturally, this method, as a means of survival, has its own varieties. Exist two types of selfishness:

• reasonable;
• unreasonable.

Unreasonable selfishness is characterized by a clear obsession with oneself, one's own desires, needs, and the like. At the same time, the interests of the surrounding people noticeably shift not only to the background, but are practically ignored. The peculiarity of unreasonable egoism is that it brings suffering to everyone, and to a greater extent to its bearer. Often this species egoism is aimed solely at satisfying financial needs, and spiritual ones are not at all interested in him, which as a result only leads to trouble.

But today we are talking about reasonable egoism, which has tremendous differences from the previous one.

It manifests itself in a deep understanding of the meaning of life and oneself. Of course, it can also be aimed at certain material desires, but the very way to achieve significant goals is distinguished by special wisdom, intelligence and the absence of inadequate obsession with one's own personality. Reasonable egoists understand that everything should be in moderation and that excessive self-love can lead to negative consequences. With all this, they try to use those methods, when obtaining what they want, that bring minimal inconvenience and experiences both to others and directly to them. Reasonable selfishness is characterized by the presence of ethics, mutual respect, lack of aggression, as well as a predisposition to cooperate with other people.

A manifestation of reasonable selfishnessis an:

• Self-development or spiritual growth. If a person is engaged in improving himself, then this means that he wants to improve his own health, spiritual state, and other people are not taken into account at all. Naturally, this is considered selfishness, but reasonable enough and quite reasonable. After all, what better man will feel, the more it will radiate positive, kindness and inspiration. In the end, everyone will benefit without exception.
• Helping the community, selfless activities. Strange as it may seem, but this is also a separate case of selfishness. Agree that if the help that a person provides to others did not bring him more positive emotions, would he begin to do this, and even free of charge? Unlikely.

Scientists argue that consciousness in its purest form does not have the nature of selfishness. This means that such a phenomenon in the character of a person is acquired over time and is exclusively an attribute physical body and mind, but not pure consciousness.

improvement your body spiritual development, mental skills are all signs reasonable egoism, which is able to lead a person to self-knowledge, enlightenment and to the infinite harmony of soul and body. But this is possible only when any signs of unreasonable egoism are completely eradicated. But it will be impossible to get rid of egoism, which manifests itself from the positive human side, as long as his mind lives and functions.

As a rule, a person in the spiritual sphere is most interested in knowing himself and achieving the desired heights. Hundreds of questions that always pop up in our heads prevent us from relaxing and enjoying ourselves. healthy relationship with ourselves, the people around us and the world as a whole. All these questions, one way or another, always lead to one thing - one's own perception and personal values.

AT School of Self-knowledge and finding oneself It covers many of these issues that concern you, as well as the topics of self-esteem, attitudes towards money, human thinking, relationships and much more. In a separate free course, which is included in school curriculum, "" there is 7 effective practical exercises thanks to which you will learn the nuances of the subconscious, right attitude to their desires, adequate self-esteem, personal motivation, and most importantly love yourself, but at the same time, get rid of unhealthy egoism.

The word "egoist" in our society is considered abusive, because since childhood, that you can’t think only about yourself, but you need to share with others and give in. With age, the attitude that selfishness is bad becomes more and more strengthened in the mind of the child, because both parents and teachers tell him that respectable people take care of the needs and comfort of others and work for the good of society, and do not live by their own interests. Therefore, it is natural that the majority of adult men and women do not want to appear selfish in the eyes of society and often, to the detriment of their own interests, realize the desires of others.

Altruistic behavior, compliance and sacrificing one's own interests for the sake of the needs of others are encouraged by public opinion, so many ordinary citizens are confident that selfishness is a character trait that needs to be eradicated. Meanwhile, more and more psychologists and psychotherapists are changing their minds towards egoism and claim that being an egoist is absolutely normal for every mentally healthy person. Connoisseurs of human souls tend to think that people should not suppress their selfish aspirations and not sacrifice their own needs for the sake of others, but nevertheless, selfishness must be "reasonable". Let's try to figure out, in fact, selfishness - is it bad or good? And what is the difference between reasonable egoism and not reasonable?

Who are the egoists?

Before considering the question of whether selfishness is a bad or a good character trait, it is necessary to determine who the egoists are. The word in the dictionary egoism is interpreted as a character trait that forms a type of behavior in which a person is aimed at satisfying his own needs and needs and puts his own interests above the interests of others. That is, egoists are people who live as they want and do what they want, without taking into account the desires of others. Egoism in the common people is often confused with egocentrism, but in fact these concepts are not identical.

Egocentrism is characterized by a person's inability to perceive any opinion that differs from his point of view. Based on this definition, we can conclude that egocentrism can be inherent in an egoist, but not always, because many people who put their interests above the needs of others can still listen to others, perceive their arguments, admit mistakes and change their point of view.

Complete the opposite of selfishness is altruism - the willingness to do selfless acts for the benefit of other people, without taking into account personal interests and desires. Altruism and selfishness are, at first glance, complete opposites, however, in fact, both of these character traits are inherent in almost all people to one degree or another, since in some situations even the most kind and disinterested can behave selfishly, and in some cases they can even be selfish. capable of altruistic deeds.

Is selfishness good or bad?

Nature is designed in such a way that everything living beings are primarily guided by instincts aimed at survival and the preservation of the species, and this rule is no exception. Both animals and people instinctively strive to fulfill their own needs and are ready to compete with representatives of their own and other species for the right to possess resources. So selfishness is innate human nature, since it is he who allows you to realize the needs associated with the provision of life and the establishment of one's own status in society.

However, people are social view, and in isolation from society, the development of a person's personality is impossible. Just to make comfortable accommodation each individual in society, and the so-called social contracts were formed - unwritten rules and norms that regulate the interaction of members of society with each other. Altruism, mutual assistance, guardianship and protection of the weakest, and conflict resolution through compromise are important components of the social contract. in human society, as they provide a comfortable and safe life for each member of society individually.

Based on the foregoing, it becomes clear that selfish behavior is the norm for a person, however, each member of society must restrain his selfish impulses, to . And the most important thing for every person is to be able to find a balance between egoism and altruism in such a way as to be able to realize their needs and goals and at the same time not infringe on others.

Distortions in behavior, both in the direction of egoism and altruism, are always fraught with negative consequences for the individual.. A person who always adheres to a selfish line of behavior and infringes on the interests of others, sooner or later runs the risk of becoming an outcast in society and losing all friends and relatives, since no one will tolerate a notorious egoist for a long time. And people who are always ready to give up their own interests for the sake of others can very quickly turn out to be, as they will begin to use their kindness without giving anything in return. A striking example of what excessive altruism leads to is women who are in relationships with tyrants, alcoholics and drug addicts. These women spend their time and vitality trying to please their partner and save him, but in the end they have only a crippled psyche and undermined physical health.

It's obvious that egoism is a necessary character trait for every person, since it is he who allows people to realize their needs, achieve your goals and find your happiness. But still, each person must behave in such a way that, while satisfying his desires, he does not infringe on other members of society. And it is precisely this line of behavior that modern psychologists call rational egoism.

What is intelligent selfishness?

According to psychologists, reasonable egoism is such a strategy of behavior in which a person makes active efforts to self-development and achieve his goals, without prejudice to the interests of others and without coming into conflict with society. And the main differences between reasonable egoism and excessive are the following:

Reasonable egoism is an ideal balance between innate egoism and altruism acquired in the process of socialization. And more and more psychologists recommend that their clients develop precisely this strategy of behavior, and not deny their own egoism. According to experts, reasonable egoism is precisely the form of thinking and behavior that allows a person to live in harmony with himself and the world around him, realize his goals and find his place in society.