Self-esteem boosts quickly. Three views on the problem of low self-esteem

Life hacker has collected five tips that will open your eyes to a lot and help you improve your beloved's opinion of yourself.

1. Stop thinking of yourself as "just a woman"

Society inspires us with the idea that women are inconsistent, cannot find themselves, and therefore at work, many feel like impostors, claiming someone else's place as a breadwinner. At home, women suffer from the fact that, due to employment, they cannot devote exact time"Truly feminine" affairs: creating comfort, caring for children, and so on.

This confusion in social roles, the impossibility of torn between diametrically opposite statuses of a "purposeful Amazon" for colleagues and business partners and "an affectionate domestic cat" for a husband and children lead to the fact that a woman loses self-confidence, begins to doubt her own abilities.

At first glance, everything is so. Indeed, a woman has many reasons for doubt. But important nuance lies in the fact that men have no less such reasons.

There is no evidence that women suffer from low self-esteem more often than men.

3. Use Popular Techniques to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Both sexes can effectively use universal guidelines for developing self-love:

In addition to them, you can also concentrate on methods that take into account physical and psychological characteristics namely women.

Find a comfortable way to appear taller

“Look down” is not just a common phrase about snobbery. This is one of the principles on which they work social relations: high growth we subconsciously perceive as one of the signs of a leader. for example, you can read a detailed article by the authoritative American edition of Business Insider on this subject: it contains the benefits that a person receives from growth. Subconscious perception shapes reality, and if you feel physically superior to those around you, your self-esteem rises as well.

It is relatively easy for a woman to feel “majestic” if she puts on high-heeled shoes or platform shoes, or at least lifts the seat higher. office chair to rise above the vis-a-vis during negotiations. Yes, it can have a positive effect to increase growth too.

Watch your posture

A straight back has a powerful effect on behavior and self-perception. The reason is in many ways: a raised chin and straightened shoulders trigger the release of testosterone - a "masculine" hormone that gives assertiveness and self-confidence. Plus, proud posture reduces stress levels and reduces anxiety.

Gesture

Confidence is often associated with how much space we take up in space. Remember wildlife: Large dominant beasts move with sweeping and imposing movements. But those who are hunted, on the contrary, try to be as small and inconspicuous as possible. Gesturing during a conversation helps expand the space in the space that you occupy. As a result, you will feel more freedom and self-confidence.

If you are not used to gesticulating, it is worth practicing in front of a mirror to find exactly those movements that will look as natural as possible.

Don't cross your arms over your chest

This closed pose is also a way to seem small and inconspicuous, therefore, a person who has closed his hands from the world is perceived by others as weak. And he himself begins to feel that way.

If during a conversation you do not know where to put your hands, rest them on your hips: put your palms on your waist, bending your elbows. This is an open posture that exudes confidence.

Don't be afraid to laugh at your mistakes.

Insecure people tend to make excuses or hide mistakes. Confident people know how to take responsibility for their decisions, both good and bad. To say “Yes, I was wrong here, next time I will have to act differently” is actually much easier than it seems. And this is how others define a psychologically strong person.

Ask yourself the question "So what?"

Often we are afraid of some things that do not actually have meaningful consequences. To sober yourself up in such moments, it is useful to ask the question "So what?" For instance:

• “I want to voice it, but what if other people don’t support me?” - and what?
• "I would like to go to this event, but I hardly know anyone there ..." - so what?
• “I can forget what to say next during the presentation” - so what?

This simple express self-analysis allows you to understand: even in the most negative scenario, nothing bad will happen to you. So, you can safely act.

Find an object to follow

Among the people around you, there are likely to be those who demonstrate confident behavior and high self-esteem. Take a closer look at them. Try to act like them. This is one option for adopting successful life principles and “copying” the level of confidence you desire.

4. Do what you like

Doing what you love is one of the most effective ways to raise self-esteem. The hardest part here is finding one that you really like.

5. Be active

There is a very popular version that low self-esteem is a peculiar form of passive aggression Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior... Someone says: “I don’t want!”, “I won’t!” And someone is afraid to voice their refusal aloud, and then they say: "I can't, I'm just small and weak." Not believing in yourself is often just a way to justify your own inaction, to blame others. But this method is destructive.

Low self-esteem is only cured by action. Action (even through fear) → success (even after one or two not very successful attempts) → increased self-confidence and self-confidence. This is the most effective remedy for self-dislike.

The only way to know who you are is to find what works for you.

Discussing relationship problems reduces the fear of being abandoned.

You are constantly trying to guess what the norm is. It is important for people with low self-esteem to know and understand that the concept of "normalcy" does not exist. It is more effective to ask yourself the question: what is really important to you? What is important to your family? The challenge is not to guess what is okay for you, but to understand what works best for you and your loved ones.

The first step in overcoming any bad habit is realizing it. Just watch yourself. Instead of judging yourself, try to get to know yourself by analyzing how you are behaving. When a person begins to look at himself honestly and without judgment, he can separate himself from his behavior, he is able to change, develop and grow.

Feelings cannot be right or wrong, they just are. If we consider our feelings to be wrong, then guilt feelings are added to it, and this makes the situation even worse. The anger you feel is real. If you decide that it is wrong to feel angry and that you should show compassion instead, it will not help you. You cannot substitute one feeling for another.

It is impossible to completely overcome feelings of loneliness, but there are ways to reduce it. First and foremost, you need to take the risk of opening up to others. The best way get what you need - start doing it yourself. If you want to be loved, first offer your love to other people yourself. It is a risk to be misunderstood, abandoned. But by avoiding risk, you doom yourself to loneliness. If you decide to take risks, then you get the opportunity to change. It's not enough to try once. Make a commitment to yourself that you will be communicating with other people a little bit each day.

There is a good group exercise that shows that self-criticism is always very subjective. Participants sit in a circle, the task is to free themselves, in whole or in part, from those qualities that they no longer want to possess.

If the rejected qualities are liked by someone, he or she can appropriate them. Usually one participant says that he wants to get rid of his procrastination, and this quality does not have time to reach the center of the circle, as the other already says that he would like to take it, because, on the contrary, he is hyperactive. Someone else says: “I want to get rid of my feelings of guilt” - and immediately receives the answer: “I need a little of your guilt. I feel too selfish. "

This exercise demonstrates that our traits need to be learned. To what extent are they useful to us? How much do they interfere? Obviously, judging yourself and your shortcomings is not helpful. When you make the decision to be yourself, you have many more options.

A sharp reaction to a minor incident - for example, friends canceling a meeting at the last minute - is usually related to our past. Something similar has happened before - once or many times, usually in childhood. The first thing you should do is be clear about when you start to react sharply. How appropriate is your reaction to the circumstances? Is the situation worth it to react so sharply?

If these questions make you want to be defensive, then you are indeed overreacting to the situation. The first step towards overcoming such reactions is to understand their essence and understand what caused them in your past.

Another way is to consciously change your habits. Ask yourself how attached you are to your regular plans. Can you go home a different way? Or go to the store on Wednesday instead of Thursday as usual? Can you change your plans without disorienting yourself? This is your chance to become more flexible. Flexibility in one area makes it possible to develop flexibility in other areas.

Analyze what kind of people are in your life and what is the essence of your relationship with them. Do you receive from others as much as you give to them? How much stronger or weaker are these people? Perhaps if you objectively assess your surroundings, you will see that you are giving people more than you are receiving from them. Then you will have to change your social circle and maintain relationships only with those people who are capable of symmetrical relationships.

Perhaps this is because you yourself do not allow others to do something for you. You consider yourself strong enough to take care of yourself on your own, but you should empower other people to participate in your life.

If you say to yourself day after day, “Why am I staying with this person? Why can't I give it all up? " - it is worth analyzing your relationship. People who don't deserve our loyalty are often very critical of us. They often talk about what is wrong with us. Be careful when you hear this - who is the person really talking about? Do these statements really apply to you, or is this person projecting their own shortcomings onto you?

Pain, sadness, or anger can only belong to the one who experiences it. These feelings do not have to be yours, you can only show empathy and compassion. You may have been dragged into an unhealthy relationship by playing on guilt. If you are easily manipulated on the basis of this feeling, you begin to think that you owe something to another person. “He was kind to me. He took care of me. " Feeling guilty or obligated for these reasons is wrong. You don’t owe people anything for supporting you. You are valuable in yourself. If you feel obligated to be supported, you are saying, "I am not worth anything."

You will gain self-confidence if you can solve the tasks that you have set for yourself. The tasks can be simple or complex, but you need to be sure that they are achievable. Everything does not always work out. If something worked out, it’s great and it didn’t happen by chance, you deserve your success. Reward yourself for doing things. Always keep in mind the things that you do well. Don't ignore them. Use them as a foundation to become a whole person. If you didn't succeed, you need to get out of this situation and try something new. This shouldn't devastate you.

about the author

Janet Voytits(1939–1994) was the first in the 80s to study the problems of children and relatives of alcoholics. The impetus was the alcoholism of her husband. Voytits found that children of alcoholics and children who grew up in single-parent families, as well as families where one or both parents suffered from addictions and phobias, as a rule, grow up with low self-esteem and have great difficulties in communicating with other people. Her book, Adult Children of Alcoholics, became a bestseller and fueled the worldwide movement.

Pills for happiness, alas, do not exist. In order to get it, you need to work. Only a wise and self-confident person receives happiness as a reward. If you have low self-esteem, it will be difficult for you to earn recognition from other people, be successful at work, and find your soul mate. When a person appreciates himself, he is able to move mountains! This article focuses on human self-worth and happiness.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is primarily your real perception of your place in the world and what is happening to you. Many people are wondering how to increase it. You will not find an unequivocal answer to this question anywhere. It is important to understand yourself, to give an adequate assessment of your own actions, successes and abilities. If you don't believe in yourself, you will never achieve anything. Low self-esteem is always opposed to happiness.

It should be said that each person sooner or later has to evaluate other people. For example, their behavior, mannerisms or appearance... The criteria of the ideal were laid down in our creation in the earliest childhood. The result allows us to understand how we relate to a particular person or object in reality. After the creation has formed an impression, it complements the finished image with new details. This is why it is said that the first acquaintance is the most important. There are many factors that shape our personal self-esteem. The opinion of the people is the main one. In the same way that we evaluate us, we are evaluated.

How to improve self-esteem and why do it?

Have you ever wondered why some people are more fortunate than others? Everything that happens to you is in your head. Success comes only to those who really really want it. Our beliefs and thoughts are the foundation on which all life is built. If you do not understand this, you cannot become more successful and happier.

There are people who, on a subconscious level, do not allow themselves to come to success in their life. Beliefs and thoughts create a kind of block. They also often think that they are entitled to much more than they already have. They list why they are worthy, and then begin to accuse themselves of imperfection. Different thoughts begin to come to their minds, they say, they need to work harder, be in the right place at the right time, etc. It is these judgments that form low self-esteem. You need to live here and now, rejoicing in every moment lived. Drive away negative thoughts, otherwise they will eat you.

Let's take small children as an example. They never think badly of themselves. This understanding is inherent in nature. Over the years, a person becomes overgrown with complexes, self-doubt and low self-esteem. This prevents you from getting what you want. One has only to set a clear goal for yourself and believe in yourself, how life will work out by itself. You will have good matches, pleasant events and happy meetings. Self-love is the key to happiness.

Thoughts and deeds

How to improve self-esteem and self-confidence? The answer is simple. You just need to enjoy life for no reason. When you wake up in the morning, smile at yourself in the mirror. When we gain confidence, we become brighter, more beautiful, more attractive and more interesting to the people around us. Do not communicate with those who envy you or wish you harm. It will not bring you the happiness you are striving for. Move aside your fears and concerns. Just go for it! Don't assume people or circumstances are to blame for failure. All of this is not true - we create life with my own hands and choose our friends ourselves.

Self-esteem in children

Many people ask about how to increase a child's self-esteem. You should always praise him. Although at birth the baby does not have complexes, they may appear over time. In adolescence, the worst qualities begin to manifest. Let's see why this is happening?

The fact is that a person forms an opinion about himself in accordance with what he hears and sees in his environment and in the family. We live in a world of standards. Many parents call their children "head full of holes", "muddlehead", "clumsy", considering these nicknames to be quite harmless. Over time, they form low self-esteem in the child. He is less likely to show initiative, becomes insecure and tries to avoid serious tasks. Children who are constantly scolded by their parents rarely succeed. Do not forget that the recognition of the people around and personal success depend on self-confidence. It is very important to learn in time how to increase the child's self-esteem. It is necessary to trust him with difficult tasks, and after completing them, praise and reward. There are different children. For some, public approval is very important.

Since self-esteem is formed during childhood, it is the parents who lay the foundations for it. If you constantly scold your child, it will grow up unhappy due to a lack of parental love. At school, teachers constantly say that thinking about yourself is bad, selfish. What a child hears from others is taken literally by him. Peers are also often violent. They ridicule personal qualities and blame them for shortcomings. As a result, the child's bar falls so much that in adolescence he cannot fully realize himself. Moreover, he feels unhappy and lost. V in this case Parents need to think hard about how to improve their teen's self-esteem. His merits should be constantly celebrated and encouraged. It is also important to praise your child just for being there.

But do not rely on the fact that low self-esteem occurs solely through the fault of parents or people around you. Failure, depression, stress can suppress confidence even in an adult. successful person... Not everyone is able to adequately assess their actions, achievements, character traits and skills. Agree that parting with a loved one, dismissal, financial crisis, death loved one can cause low self-esteem. The result is that the insecure person considers himself unworthy of all good things. It doesn't matter to him if others think so. In his eyes, he looks like a failure, even if others consider him successful.

Human self-esteem is of three types:

• Adequate. Everyone should strive for it. A person with such self-esteem sees only positive qualities in himself and in other people, not noticing shortcomings and weaknesses.
• Overpriced. People see in themselves exclusively strengths character, completely cutting off flaws. Such conceit makes others feel worse to them. Arrogance is a natural problem in relations with others.
• Understated. A person considers himself to be worse than others. He thinks that he is not worthy of privileges and bonuses at work, does not deserve good attitude their colleagues, relatives, friends, family. This state is often accompanied by feelings of guilt. That is why the most common advice from a psychologist on how to increase self-esteem is to love and accept yourself with all your shortcomings. Trust me, it works.

This is not easy to do. That is why we will outline certain methods that will help a person understand himself and adequately assess his actions.

1. Take clear sheet paper and pen. Write on it your achievements since childhood. Here you can write that you did exercise, met a nice person, fell in love or found Good work... Write everything that you consider your personal victories. It is important not only to make a list, but also to regularly replenish it. This will give you an additional incentive to perform small feats every day. This way you will be able to notice your merits. Thanks to this method, you will no longer wonder how to increase your self-esteem. Personality psychology says that this system really works. If you don’t believe it, try it and see for yourself.
2. It is very important to motivate yourself. As we said earlier, the main reason for low self-esteem is failure, stressful situations, depression and inattention of others. In general, a negative perception of yourself or events happening to you. Allow yourself to relax and let go of the situation. Light meditation will allow you to forget about all the problems that bother you for at least five minutes. Practice yoga. It will help you look inside yourself and remove blocks.
3. Find a hobby or hobby for yourself where you can achieve success. Do some strength training in the gym or painting. The main thing is that this activity should bring you inner satisfaction.
4. One final tip on how to boost a person's self-esteem is: Make a list of all positive qualities(at least 20) and hang it on the refrigerator. Every time you feel sad, you will look at a list of your successes. This will help you to love yourself, at least a third.

Still, the main answer to the question of how to increase self-esteem is that in no case should you compare yourself with other people. Don't look at a neighbor who married an oligarch, or a classmate who got a high position in the largest clinic in the city. All this has nothing to do with you. Understand that these people have their own lives, with their own problems. It is possible that they are unhappy. And yet, you should constantly remind yourself that in this world there is great amount people who have achieved more than you, but not less, and those who have nothing compared to you. All people are very different. Look around: perhaps someone is looking at you with enthusiastic eyes, wanting to live your life that you do not value.

How can a woman gain self-confidence?

Many women cannot arrange their personal life. Psychologists believe that self-doubt is to blame. There are also tips for them on how to increase their self-esteem and love themselves. To begin with, it should be said that women are more emotional than males. That is why they tend to have complexes because of their shortcomings. In addition, women are more suggestible and gullible. They are prone to resentment and depression. It should be noted that there are many ways to raise your self-esteem, applicable exclusively to the female sex. Nothing cheers you up like a trip to your favorite store, a beautiful hairdo or a new dress. For a representative of the fair sex, it is enough to understand that she is beautiful, and then the whole world will fall at her feet. Life will acquire colors and love will blossom.

Dear ladies, remember: to be liked by men, you must love yourself. It takes a little for this. Go to a beauty salon and party. Break away to the fullest, throw out all your emotions. Sign up for a dance group, fitness or yoga class. There you will be able to look at yourself and your body in a new way, notice in yourself what you have not noticed before. Sports can help relieve stress, and exercise can improve your mood. Don't forget that you will also purchase beautiful figure if you regularly attend classes, which is important.

Sometimes men wonder how to increase a woman's self-esteem. They can only be advised of one thing: more often to compliment their beloved. It is very important. A woman should feel desired and loved. Only then can she feel truly happy. If a man wants his beloved to feel comfortable, he should from time to time make nice gifts, for example, a membership to a fitness club, spa treatments or massage. Now men know how to increase a girl's self-esteem. Once you start paying attention to your loved one, she will change. And as a token of gratitude, he will do whatever you wish.

How to build self-confidence after a breakup or divorce?

For a woman, divorce from a man or parting with a loved one never goes unnoticed. Family life is very important for both parties, it cannot be simply taken and crossed out. Scars remain in the soul that heal long time... Women are more susceptible to divorce. From an early age, girls were given the idea that they were the keepers of the hearth. That is why a broken marriage is perceived by a woman as her own fault. If the reason for the divorce was her husband's betrayal, self-esteem falls below the plinth. The thoughts that the opponent turned out to be better settle in my head. In fact, this is not true. It's just that men are always looking for variety. There are those who need to constantly taste the risk. They do not take relationships seriously, but only seek passion. Why do you need a man who doesn't respect you?

Self-love is the key to happiness and success

In order to get the coveted key, you need to follow a very simple technique on how to increase self-esteem after a breakup. Her main goal is introspection. Sit down and think about what worries you the most. Ask yourself specific questions that you have long dreamed of getting answers. Then turn off your thoughts and try to hear your inner voice. Psychologists say that the answers to the questions lie in ourselves. If the first time does not work out, do not despair, try again. Your main task is to turn off thoughts.

In order to forget a person, it is enough to forgive. It's easier than you think. Lie on the floor with your legs extended and close your eyes. Review the situation in your head that is unpleasant to you. Try to change it and mentally express what you have boiled over. Then pretend you are telling the person about your forgiveness. Always tell yourself that marriage is not only a fragment of life, it is a source of experience. Thank the Universe for giving you the chance to experience what you have experienced in life and to overcome all difficulties. Once you put things in order in your head, you no longer have to watch movies and read books on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. You will simply know that every question has its own answer, which is in your soul.

Success diary

In order to become happy, you need to constantly record your achievements on paper. Write down the compliments you received, the pleasant meeting with your friends, and how great you look today. You can write whatever you want there. Celebrate the nice little things. Time will pass, and you will re-read what you have written with a smile and pride.

Wish card

A wish card will help answer the question of how to increase a woman's self-esteem. Take a Whatman paper and paste your photo in the middle. Cut beautiful pictures from different magazines and glue them next to your portrait. They should symbolize success, happiness, health, wealth and beauty. Hang the poster directly on the wall. Waking up in the morning, you will look at him and smile. The wish card is a model of your ideal life... After a while, dreams will begin to come true.

How can a man become more confident?

Men also suffer from low self-esteem, however, unlike women, they do not always show this. They are not characterized by weakness and the manifestation of emotions. In order to answer the question of how to increase a man's self-esteem, you must first delve into the essence of the problem. Think about when there was a turning point in your life and what contributed to it. Assess your strengths and weaknesses... Try to look at yourself from the outside. Once you understand exactly what you did wrong, you can move on. Do not berate yourself too much. Just try to assess the situation soberly. Now let's move on to specific tips and tricks on how to increase a guy's self-esteem.

What does a man need to become self-confident?

1. Intelligence. Develop. Read more books, be interested in what is happening in the world. Chat with smart people... A smart man always stands out from the crowd.
2. Sport. Sign up to gym, go swimming, basketball or soccer. The main thing is to practice regularly. As a result, you will not only get rid of depression, but also gain beautiful body... Just imagine how you will catch admiring female looks on yourself!
3. Hobbies. Find a hobby where you can express yourself to the fullest. Start doing something with your own hands, such as assembling ship models or making furniture. If you creative person, painting is just what you need. Don't be afraid to experiment with yourself and try new things. You may ask: "How can you improve a man's self-esteem through a hobby?" Very simple. Self-respect depends on the results of one's labor. The main thing is to do what you really like.

By observing all these points, you can easily not only raise your self-esteem, but also grow in the eyes of the people around you. The main thing is not to postpone everything until tomorrow. We live here and now - remember this.

Many men feel untenable because they did not feel the shoulder of their father in childhood. Often, women ask psychologists the same question: "How can you increase your husband's self-esteem?" You need to find a mentor for him who will serve as an example. For some it is a faithful friend, for others it is a father. If your beloved has no one who could give advice in difficult times, try to find such a person. Even a trainer in the gym can act as a mentor.

We ourselves form our self-esteem. The main thing is to love yourself and set a goal. You will succeed!

Low self-esteem can be compared to a bad habit: a person understands that it interferes with him, but getting rid of it is difficult. The problem can be found in many people, so the question "how to increase self-esteem" remains relevant.

There are many ways to combat low self-esteem. The article contains rather non-trivial, yet highly effective methods. It is also a good idea to familiarize yourself with them for those who have everything in order with their self-esteem (for preventive purposes), and for some people, leadership will be the first step to a fulfilling life.

Be able to face your fears

People with low self-esteem have had many situations, the mere thought of which causes panic. It may be the fear of speaking: suddenly someone will say an offensive phrase, another will criticize to smithereens, the third will reject feelings ... Some are even afraid to go out and get acquainted in order to avoid potential "failure". Fears must be dealt with, otherwise they can seriously ruin life.

Of course, it is worthwhile to reason sensibly, objectively assessing the risks. But more often than not, the problems are far-fetched. Nothing bad will happen if a new acquaintance is not interested in communicating. It hurts to understand that sympathy is not reciprocal, but such feelings sooner or later pass. In addition, if you are afraid to admit, you may not know that the other person experiences the same in response.

To become bold, determined, and respect yourself, you need to take action. Few things can destroy self-esteem more than blind faith in your own failure. After the streak different situations understanding comes - not everything is as scary as it seemed initially, other people are not aggressive, ready to communicate and are not going to criticize for trying to improve with them mutual language... The rest of the problems also turn out to be frivolous, far-fetched. It is important not to stop after the first step, to continue the path to your goal, rejecting fears.

Learning to say no and not feel guilty about it

The advice is far from new, but it really works. The most important part is to stop feeling guilty after rejection. Some people who have learned to say "no" do not cope with it. There may be a feeling that the refusal is letting someone down, deceiving other people's expectations. But first of all, you should focus on yourself. You can follow the lead of others all your life, not paying attention to your own negative feelings.

Another option is to strike a balance between what is being done for yourself and others. For some cases, you have to sacrifice something. However, justifying the expectations of everyone else, forgetting about yourself, is a refusal from a full-fledged happy life to please those who can use someone else's reliability.

Break the ties pulling to the bottom

This advice can be considered a continuation of the previous one. A person who has learned to say “no” to maintain his interests may hear unpleasant things about himself. Friends who constantly asked for help will be perplexed why this time they are refused. If you do something for others for many years, they get used to it and "sit on their necks." It is very convenient for them - there is always someone to whom you can shift some of the responsibilities.

For many girls, who are accustomed to doing bright makeup even before going to the store, this turns out to be a difficulty. At first, the thought “how awful I look” does not leave my head. An “ugly” appearance without makeup is not an objective reality, but just a factor of unfamiliarity. Every day to see yourself in the mirror with makeup, and then get used to the natural look is difficult, but possible.

The girl realizes that she looks good without decorative cosmetics, and may use it less often. In addition, it will be useful for the skin to take a break from thick foundation, blush, mascara, and other cosmetics for a while. The same applies to hairstyles and uncomfortable wardrobe details.

On the Internet, you can find tips for changing your image, choosing good clothes, and makeup. By itself, the advice does not carry anything bad, but it is fraught with hidden danger. If a person feels confident and only loves to look in the mirror when they are dressed smartly and perfectly combed, this is still a sign of self-esteem problems.

You should not take everything literally and rush to the other extreme - look untidy, throw out beautiful things, leaving only stretched in the closet home clothes... In everything you need to know when to stop. A girl who wears heels or uncomfortable but beautiful underwear on a regular basis will feel relieved if, at least for a while, she switches to more practical clothes that do not cause discomfort. An even greater joy will be the realization that attractiveness, the feeling of being beautiful does not depend on clothes - this is an internal state.

Do not depend on compliments and criticism

Listening to what others have to say and building self-esteem based on this is a dubious exercise. It is not uncommon to find people who repeat the opinion of others. “A colleague said that red hair suits me better”, “the girl says that I look better without a beard”, “my mother is terrified of my new sweater, she advises to buy a turtleneck” ... It is worth pondering why people trust their environment more than their own sensations.

Where does the desire to never wear new comfortable clothes come from if someone snorts disapprovingly? A person who realizes that his comfort is primarily important will not worry about the fact that someone does not like his appearance, clothes or behavior. The point is not in shielding oneself from criticism, which can be useful and help to progress, but in dividing it into objective / subjective. If the boss criticizes the unfinished report, the friend says that you are hurting him by your actions, and the parents are begging to call at least once a month, it is probably worth listening and changing your behavior. But annoying advice to change your hairstyle, image, or flattering compliments, on which a person literally depends, can be safely pushed into the background.

Be selfish

For some reason, it is believed that a person who knows his own worth, who cares about his own happiness, is incredibly selfish. If you take these measures, then it is worth being selfish. It is unlikely that a person loses something when he decides to devote more time to himself, to develop, to restrict himself from unpleasant contacts, to remove unnecessary things from life. But he gets a lot in return.

It is important to find time for yourself, value it and use it wisely, choose your own interests in the first place, spend resources on yourself. After such a kind of "therapy", new forces appear, a desire to take care of others, but not to do it to the detriment of oneself.

Learning to take loneliness as a plus

One of the reasons for low self-esteem is feeling lonely. When a person has few friends, no pair, there is a feeling of uselessness. But at the same time, loneliness can be turned to your advantage. You should not become a recluse, deliberately doing everything to shield yourself from others. The pros of being alone a large number of time and free space, complete freedom of action. You can learn languages, dance in front of the mirror, get rid of embarrassment, read books, lounging on the bed, watch any movies and listen to pop music at high volume.

The most important thing about this is the realization that being alone is not necessarily boring, and that your own company is unexpectedly pleasant. Taking pleasure in being on your own is a huge step towards boosting your self-esteem. The bonus includes self-development and, no matter how trite it may sound, getting happiness from the freedom to choose your leisure time.

Be ready for new unusual sensations

Changing self-perception inevitably leads to mixed feelings. Sometimes anger may appear: a person does not understand how for so many years he allowed others to dictate to him how to look, communicate, act. We can say that in this case, anger is to a certain extent justified, just like bewilderment. Lashing out at others, trying to take revenge is a bad option.

It is important to realize that these emotions and feelings are inevitable, but they should not be thoughtlessly splashed out or suppressed. A person needs to comprehend the changes that have occurred, to continue to improve his life. The next steps can be new acquaintances, hobbies, change of unloved job, serious conversations with loved ones, helping to understand each other.

Track balance

High self-esteem is also a negative phenomenon. You should not consider yourself the best, most beautiful and intelligent on the planet, dismissing other people. The goal of raising self-esteem is to accept yourself as a whole, with all the disadvantages and advantages, harmonious and happy life... This does not include self-affirmation at the expense of others, deification of the personality and opposition to most people.

There is a big difference between adequate self-esteem and praising your own qualities, boasting, immoderate pride. Noticing attempts to rise, a person should stop them in the bud. In addition, often those who consider themselves better than others, in fact, mask low self-esteem with the other extreme. The happy ones have no need to raise their self-esteem by humiliating others.

Some of the tips seem difficult to implement, but it's worth a try nonetheless. A person will not lose anything, but he can gain self-confidence. The main thing is not to rush and not give up if something does not work out. Change is rarely lightning fast; everything needs its time. The main friends on the road to change are persistence, determination and awareness of the desire to make life better.

Such a personality quality as self-esteem is inextricably linked with self-confidence, the achievement of certain successes in professional activity or personal life. After all, people who have given characteristic underestimated, often have many complexes and problems associated with it. Accept yourself for who you are, believe in own strength- these are some of the main components of future success. So - common reason appeals to psychologists. However, you can work on yourself on your own, taking into account some of the nuances and observing fairly simple rules.

First, you need to determine what self-esteem is and how it is formed. In psychology, this quality is considered as a subjective attitude to one's own personal qualities. Most often, self-esteem is formed in childhood, and it is largely influenced by the attitude of others, in particular, significant adults (parents). However, in later life it can change. So, if a person is surrounded by colleagues or acquaintances, negatively disposed, constantly criticizing him, then, as a result, his self-esteem may decrease.

You can try a simple test and rate yourself overall on a 10-point scale. Most people give themselves 5-6 points, and this is an average result. But you need to take into account that such an answer suggests that you treat yourself half positively and as much negatively. Improving self-esteem is a sine qua non for success. Indeed, only in this way a person has the opportunity not to be afraid of difficulties, to believe in a positive outcome of the case.

Psychologists recommend working on yourself and doing exercises to increase self-esteem, which are offered in a lot. So, you should never be guided only by the opinion of others. Of course, it is important, but not as much as you think. The behavior of acquaintances who constantly criticize your successes or achievements can be analyzed. One has to ask the question: "Why do they do this (say)?" It is noted that many assert themselves and raise their self-esteem at the expense of humiliating others. If this main reason, such people must be ignored or completely excluded from communication.

Also, the increase in self-esteem depends on their own results. You can sketch out for yourself a plan of what you plan to achieve and begin to implement it. At the same time, you should not immediately set yourself the goal of becoming an Olympic champion or Nobel laureates... What is planned must be realistically feasible. If for some reason you are not successful in something, do not be upset. Analyze the situation. Is it just your fault? Maybe external circumstances also played a role?

Self-esteem can be improved by using short persuasion phrases (affirmations). So, it is recommended to start your morning by saying the phrases: "I am successful," "I will succeed," etc. You should never make excuses in front of the environment. This contributes to the fact that you will feel even more. Another key to success is harmonious relationships with loved ones. It must be remembered that there will always be someone who will help in difficult times, which means that you are strong enough to survive the setbacks and try to make another attempt.

In order to improve self-esteem to be effective, you need to constantly work on yourself. You can do what you love, let it be your main occupation or hobby. Almost everyone has confidence when they know they are doing something better than others. And one of the main rules is to act, because only in motion, with the help of trial and error, can you achieve any results.