How I got cancer. Rami Blekt Intro to number four...
Every person in childhood, most often unconsciously, thinks about his own future life, as if scrolling through his life scenarios in his head. Everyday behavior of a person is determined by his mind, and he can only plan his future, for example, what kind of person his spouse will be, how many children will be in their family, etc. “A scenario is what a person plans to do in the future in childhood (E. Berne). A scenario is a gradually unfolding life plan that is formed in early childhood, mainly under the influence of parents.
This psychological impulse pushes a person forward with great force towards his destiny, and very often regardless of his resistance or free choice.
life scenarios are based in most cases on parental programming, which the child perceives for three reasons: first, it gives life a purpose that otherwise would have to be found by itself; everything that a child does, most often he does for other people, usually for parents. Second, parental programming gives him a way to structure his time (that is, acceptable to his parents). Thirdly, the child must be told how to act and do certain things. Learning by yourself is interesting, but not very practical to learn from your mistakes. Parents, programming the life of their children, pass on their experience to them, everything that they have learned (or think they have learned). If parents are losers, they pass on their loser program. If they are winners, then they program the fate of their child accordingly. The long-term model always involves a storyline. And while the outcome is predetermined by parental programming for good or ill, the child can choose his own plot.
According to the concept of transactional analysis by E. Bern, the scenario involves:
1) parental instructions;
2)suitable personal development;
3) solution in childhood;
4) the actual "inclusion" in some special method that brings success or failure.
Theatrical scenarios are mostly intuitively deduced from life scenarios. The best way is to comprehend to consider the connections and similarities between them.
1. Both scenarios are based, oddly enough, on a limited number of topics.
2. A certain course of life basically has a predictable result, unless, of course, there are obstacles and obstacles on the path of life. But for a dialogue uttered in a certain way, it is necessary that the motivation corresponding to this dialogue be developed. Both in theater and real life replicas are pronounced in such a way that the reaction justifies them and further develops the action. If the hero replaces the text and the "I" state, then the partners will react differently. For example, if, during a performance, Hamlet suddenly begins to read lines from another play, then Ophelia will also have to change her text in order to make what is happening meaningful. But then the whole show will go differently.
3. The script must be finalized and rehearsed before being ready for a dramatic performance. In the theater there are readings, auditions, rehearsals and a run before the premiere. And the life script is launched even in childhood in that primitive form, which is called the "protocol". There are other performers here. They are limited in the family by a circle of parents, brothers, sisters, and in a boarding school or orphanage - by a circle of comrades and educators. They all play their roles, for each family (or Orphanage) is an institution in which the child most often does not receive lessons in special flexibility. During adolescence, the child meets large quantity of people. He intuitively looks for those partners who would play the roles required by his scenario (they do this, because the child plays the role suggested by their scenario). At this time, the teenager is finalizing his script, taking into account his environment. The intrigue remains the same, but the action changes slightly. In most cases, this is something like a trial presentation. Thanks to a number of such adaptations, the script takes on a certain form, it is already, as it were, ready for the "big scene" itself - the final act. If this was a so-called good scenario, then everything ends happily with a "farewell dinner". If it was a bad scenario, then "farewell" can be heard from a hospital bed, from the threshold of a prison cell, or from a psychiatric hospital.
4. There are roles in almost every life and theatrical scenario. good people and villains, lucky ones and losers. Who is considered good or bad, who is lucky and who is a loser, is determined very specifically for each scenario. But it is quite clear that in each of them these four types are present, sometimes combined in two roles. For example, in cowboy script the good guy is almost always the winner, and the villain is the loser. The winner usually survives, while the loser is killed or punished. In scenario analysis, therapists call winners Princes and Princesses, and losers are called Frogs. The task of analysis is to turn the Frogs into Princes and Princesses. In order to do this, the therapist must find out whether the patient's scenario represents good people or villains. The next thing to figure out is what kind of winner the patient can be. He may resist turning him into a winner, as perhaps he does not go to a psychotherapist for this at all. Maybe he wants to be a brave loser. This is perfectly acceptable, for by becoming a brave loser he will feel more comfortable in his script, while by becoming a winner he will have to abandon the script in whole or in part and start all over again. This is what people usually fear.
5. Scenes in a person's life scenario are determined and motivated in advance, just like theatrical scenes. The simplest example: the situation when the gasoline in the gas tank of the car ends. Its owner always determines this a day or two ahead according to the meter readings, he thinks: "We need to refuel", but ... he does not. In fact, it does not happen that gasoline runs out instantly if everything is in order in the car. However, in the scenario of the loser, it is almost always a gradually impending event and, as it were, a planned scene. Many Winners go through their entire life path, never "without being left without gasoline." If the scenario is what a person plans to do in the future in childhood, then the life path is what happens in reality. The life path is to some extent predetermined genetically (recall the concept of victimology by C. Teutsch), as well as the position that parents create, and various external circumstances. Illnesses, accidents, war can frustrate even the most thorough, comprehensively justified life plan. The same thing can happen if the "hero" suddenly enters the scenario of some stranger, for example, a bully, a murderer, a scorcher. The combination of such factors can close the way for the realization of a certain line and even predetermine the tragedy of the life path. There are many forces that influence human destiny: parental programming supported by the "inner voice" that the ancients called the "demon"; constructive parental programming, supported, pushed by the course of life; family genetic code, predisposition to certain life problems and behaviors; external forces still called fate; free will of the individual. The product of these forces is different types life path, which can mix and lead to one or another type of fate: scripted, non-scripted, violent or independent. But in the end, the fate of each person is determined by himself, his ability to think and reasonably relate to everything that happens in the world around him. The person plans own life. Only then does freedom give him the strength to carry out his plans, and strength gives him the freedom to comprehend them, and if necessary, defend them or fight against the plans of others. Even if a person's life plan is determined by other people or is to some extent conditioned genetic code, then even then his whole life will testify to a constant struggle.
There are four main life scenarios:
1) "I" - good, "They are all good, life is good" - the scenario of the "winner";
2) "I" is bad, "THEY" are bad, life is bad" - the scenario of the "defeated", loser;
3) "I" is good, but "THEY" are bad, life is bad" - the scenario of "embittered pessimist";
4) "I" - bad, and "THEY" - good - the scenario of "inferiority complex".
The life script exerts its influence on those life positions that a person shows in a career, work, marriage, in the sphere of human relations. Life positions, or a person's attitude to a certain life, can be positive, negative, seven variants of life positions can be distinguished.
1. Idealization of reality 7. Conviction
2. Crush of hopes 6. Decisiveness
3. Challenge everything 5. Awareness (defiance)
4. Retirement
Rice. 6.8. Types of life positions
The idealization of reality is the position of a beginner, it is characterized by expectation, enthusiasm, the belief that literally everything will go well for them (typical for initial stage career, marriage).
When a person becomes aware of a deepening gap between exaggerated expectations and desires, on the one hand, and real circumstances, on the other, feelings of anxiety and anxiety begin to visit him, he begins to ask himself questions: “What, in the end, is happening? ?" - these are typical signs of the "Crash of hopes" attitude.
There comes a period full of anxiety and indecision, caused by a growing fear that things will go further worse than expected. The continued destruction of hopes (occurring, by the way, quite often simply because of false fears and one’s own indecision) brings an increasing feeling of anxiety, irritation, anger, a desire for active rebellion, protest, the essence of which can be expressed approximately in the following words: “I think I will have to force them to change everything here, since no one dares to do it." Underlying this attitude of defiance is anger and defiance.
There are two levels of manifestation of the position of defiance: covert and overt. Neither is constructive, but covert defiance is especially counterproductive in the long run. Retirement - this life position is formed when a person begins to feel that it no longer makes sense to even try to somehow change the course of things. Often people retire from work or at home, physically continuing to supposedly take part in the activities of the team or family. People who have taken such a position, as a rule, become obnoxious, vengeful, prefer loneliness, begin to experience an increasing interest in alcohol, are easily irritated, and diligently look for shortcomings in others. The life position described is fraught with serious consequences not only for the one who professes it, but also for those around him: the fact is that it can become a contagious disease, and in this case only the next life position in order can help.
People take the position of Awareness in life when they see that they must be willing to change, when there is a sense of responsibility and a desire to change something in themselves. We need to be realistic about who you really are and realize that there is a very real possibility that things will go very bad if we don't change something about ourselves.
Decisiveness is an active life position, you have decided to take real actions in the chosen direction, an invigorating, refreshing feeling arises in your soul that relieves stress, you feel a surge of strength and energy. Conviction - comes to us when we stop expecting perfection from our work, our family relations, from relationships with others, and yet we want our affairs to go well. There is an active, permanent desire to improve the current state of affairs. Work gets done and human relations- productive, when we consciously refuse the "sky in diamonds", become shoulder to shoulder and go together towards our goals.
The sequence in which life positions are objectified in different people, is not fixed once and for all. However, one way or another, these life positions have a very definite influence on everything that this or that person does.
life positions and life values(what is most important and valuable in life, what is necessary for life satisfaction) are different for people, and therefore their life is different. To take control of his life into his own hands, a person needs to analyze his life position, life goals.
Answer these questions for yourself:
1) What position is typical for me at the moment (for each area of life: at work, in the family, in informal communication)?
2) What has been my position in life in each of these three areas over the past twelve months?
Discuss the answers to these questions with someone who knows you well and who will be able to openly disagree with you. So you can more accurately assess the real state of affairs. Then show with an arrow what position in life you would like to take in the future.
My life position
1) at work
2) in the family
3) in informal communication
1. Idealization of reality 7. Conviction
2. Crush of hopes 6. Decisiveness
3. Challenge everything 5. Awareness
4. Retirement
Analyze the discrepancies between past expectations, today's reality and hopes for the future:
1. List all your previous expectations (everything you hoped for before).
2. Assess your present position.
3. Point out, point by point, what you expect (what you would like) from the future.
4. Determine for yourself what changes you can make in your hopes for the future, in your current situation, and also in your future. Highlight the ones that really work for you.
5. Discuss these proposed changes with a good friend.
6. Count 30 days in your business calendar and write down by day what goals you set for yourself:
a) write to yourself opposite tomorrow: "Work with full dedication of strength";
b) write to yourself opposite the day after tomorrow "I wholeheartedly believe in the achievability of the goal";
c) write to yourself opposite the next number "Instantly determine necessary components success";
d) write to yourself opposite the fourth day: "Act decisively and creatively";
e) write the same words in the order in which it seems most reasonable to you, opposite all the other days of this month.
7. Realize the intended. If you need, as it seems to you, more additional strength and resources to fulfill your plans, contact a psychologist, he can help you mobilize the conscious and unconscious resources of your psyche (special techniques have been developed in psychology for this).
Why does someone succeed in everything, and someone is haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction? Looking closely at the events that happen to us, you can notice certain patterns.
Recurring events are a sign of the presence in our life of a script, that is, a life plan that exists in the subconscious, which is formed in early childhood and gradually unfolds over many years, often against our will.
How to identify trends that indicate the presence of a scenario? I would suggest several options for scenario analysis that anyone can conduct on their own, without the help of a psychotherapist or consultant.
Analyze repetitions
Let's analyze the recurring events of our personal or business life. Which of them happen against our will? Let's make a list of situations of the same type and try to understand what unites them. At the same time, we will try to be as objective as possible, focusing not on assessing the behavior, intentions or character of other participants in the events (“envious”, “slanderers”, etc.), but on our own actions. This will help to see certain patterns and, perhaps, to understand the reason for the failures.
Take a look at yourself
Pay attention to your manner of speech, vocabulary, facial expressions, gestures. For example, a loser, as a rule, is extremely surprised by his achievements. Even if he succeeds, he repeats: “No, there’s something wrong, it can’t be ...” He seems to be programmed to expect trouble, some kind of catch.
The winners are calm, self-confident, they like to repeat: “Victory is ours, success is guaranteed to us, next time I will do better.” The very appearance of the winner suggests that he is a successful person, and failures only mobilize him.
Remember your favorite story
The “program” laid down in childhood can be brought to light by analyzing fairy tales. Having “discovered” a scenario fairy tale, one can determine the program according to which an adult lives.
The fairy tale "helps" to form the outlined scenario. Let's remember who was our favorite hero in childhood, what books we read to holes. Let us remember how parents were tortured, forcing them to re-read the same thing several times. Perhaps we will find a surprising resemblance between ourselves - an adult, serious person - and some beloved hero. Maybe he imperceptibly controls our lives? ..
GO ANOTHER WAY
Scenario analysis is one way to help a person look at his life from the outside. Then everyone decides for himself whether he needs to change something or not. You can continue to play the same role if the script suits you perfectly, or you can take on the director's functions - rebuild the mise-en-scene, or even put on a new performance with a different plot.
Getting rid of an unsuccessful script is not so easy. Here, according to Eric Berne, "war, love and psychotherapy" help. But we can also recall other statements, for example, “saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves” and “going the other way” (by the way, both of these slogans are undoubtedly scripted). It makes sense for a person who decides to rewrite his program to take the following steps on his own.
Understand your script
Sometimes this alone makes a very strong impression on a person. He is experiencing an emotional shock, a flurry of emotions turns everything upside down not only in his soul, but also in life. One day I accidentally got into a conversation with a successful businessman. He said that he always achieves his goals, but only on the third attempt - this was the case both when he studied and when he was engaged in science and business. This pattern obviously annoyed him. Word for word - it turned out that since childhood he liked the fairy tale "Glass Mountain", where the hero tries to get to the princess and he succeeds - but only for the third time. I explained to him the meaning of his scripted fairy tale, he was amazed, laughed for a long time and at that moment, apparently, parted with his script. At our next meeting, a year later, he said that he was no longer wasting time on rehearsals.
Break with unambiguous attitudes
It is important to learn to listen to yourself. Let's pay attention to what and how we repeat to our child or subordinates. For example, we like to say: “You will not succeed until ...” These words carry a strong negative charge, doubt about the possibility of success. A strict condition is set: “You won’t get an A until you learn the theorems ...” or “You won’t get promoted until you get an MBA.”
By themselves, such statements are quite controversial. After all, you can not cramming theorems, but understand how they are proved, and promotion is not necessarily associated with an MBA. But the essence of scenario programming, its strength lies in peremptory, unambiguous. To understand that in fact there are many options is to already find the path to freedom.
Let's try to modify, rewrite this program phrase as follows: "You will do better if ..." This is also the so-called "conditional script", but it is much softer. Now we can say to ourselves: “My life will become more successful when I part with unambiguous attitudes that interfere with me.”
Deal with your "provocateurs"
Let's try to mentally review the same type of unpleasant situations that repeat against our will and evaluate our role in this horror film. What actions of ours provoke these twists of fate? Who acts as provocateurs - what words, deeds? Having calculated provocateurs, you can try to change the situation and do something fundamentally new in familiar situations, at least as an experiment. After all, if we do what we have always done, then we will receive what we have always received.
Create your own set of restrictions
By analyzing repetitive situations and understanding where we constantly stumble, we can draw up a certain set of rules and prohibit ourselves from participating in certain situations. For example, I know that it is difficult for me to communicate with people of a manipulative-moralizing warehouse. Entering into contact with them, I doom myself to defeat in advance, and if I still want to achieve victory, it will come to me at too high a price. So, I should make it a rule to avoid such a situation by any means or modify it so as not to step on the same rake every time.
Enter into a dialogue and get "permission"
Permission is a special procedure used by the therapist in scenario analysis. When a person is freed from the script - it's like a miracle, they say: "It's as if they disenchanted him."
Not only a therapist, but also someone from important people, which is not inferior in strength to the parent figure that created this program. For example, a coach, saying to a timid youngster: “You can do it!” But if a person is ready for transformation, even the words of a random fellow traveler can affect him. Many can remember a case when one phrase or meeting turned out to be fateful, changed their whole life.
YOUR OWN DIRECTOR?
You should not perceive the life scenario as something necessarily negative and immediately try to get rid of it.
If there were no scripts, our life would turn into a continuous improvisation. But not everyone wants to, and not everyone is given the opportunity to improvise, it is more convenient and calmer for someone to “play by notes”. There are people who are not allowed to compose at all - if their parents do not write a script for them, it is not known how they will live their lives. So for many, the script is the anchor that keeps them going.
A worked out, run-in scenario is a kind of panacea for surprises and troubles. And an attempt to break out of the script is not always successful: external world can be unfriendly, and most importantly - unpredictable. Therefore, some people are comfortable even in unsuccessful scenarios, benefiting from them in their own way. And this is not surprising - unconsciously following the script allows you to save time and effort.
Our life path is the result of the action of many forces. But scenario analysis is interesting in that it makes it possible to look at the events of our life from a new, unusual angle, to find an explanation for actions that are inexplicable at first glance, to escape from vicious circle recurring events.
Why does someone succeed in everything, and someone is haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction? Looking closely at the events that happen to us, you can notice certain patterns.
Recurring events are a sign of the presence in our life of a script, that is, a life plan that exists in the subconscious, which is formed in early childhood and gradually unfolds over many years, often against our will.
How to identify trends that indicate the presence of a scenario? I would suggest several options for scenario analysis that anyone can conduct on their own, without the help of a psychotherapist or consultant.
Analyze repetitions
Let's analyze the recurring events of our personal or business life. Which of them happen against our will? Let's make a list of situations of the same type and try to understand what unites them. At the same time, we will try to be as objective as possible, focusing not on assessing the behavior, intentions or character of other participants in the events (“envious”, “slanderers”, etc.), but on our own actions. This will help to see certain patterns and, perhaps, to understand the reason for the failures.
Take a look at yourself
Pay attention to your manner of speech, vocabulary, facial expressions, gestures. For example, a loser, as a rule, is extremely surprised by his achievements. Even if he succeeds, he repeats: “No, there’s something wrong, it can’t be ...” He seems to be programmed to expect trouble, some kind of catch.
The winners are calm, self-confident, they like to repeat: “Victory is ours, success is guaranteed to us, next time I will do better.” The very appearance of the winner suggests that he is a successful person, and failures only mobilize him.
Remember your favorite story
The “program” laid down in childhood can be brought to light by analyzing fairy tales. Having “discovered” a scenario fairy tale, one can determine the program according to which an adult lives.
The fairy tale "helps" to form the outlined scenario. Let's remember who was our favorite hero in childhood, what books we read to holes. Let us remember how parents were tortured, forcing them to re-read the same thing several times. Perhaps we will find a surprising resemblance between ourselves - an adult, serious person - and some beloved hero. Maybe he imperceptibly controls our lives? ..
GO ANOTHER WAY
Scenario analysis is one way to help a person look at his life from the outside. Then everyone decides for himself whether he needs to change something or not. You can continue to play the same role if the script suits you perfectly, or you can take on the director's functions - rebuild the mise-en-scene, or even put on a new performance with a different plot.
Getting rid of an unsuccessful script is not so easy. Here, according to Eric Berne, "war, love and psychotherapy" help. But we can also recall other statements, for example, “saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves” and “going the other way” (by the way, both of these slogans are undoubtedly scripted). It makes sense for a person who decides to rewrite his program to take the following steps on his own.
Understand your script
Sometimes this alone makes a very strong impression on a person. He is experiencing an emotional shock, a flurry of emotions turns everything upside down not only in his soul, but also in life. One day I accidentally got into a conversation with a successful businessman. He said that he always achieves his goals, but only on the third attempt - this was the case both when he studied and when he was engaged in science and business. This pattern obviously annoyed him. Word for word - it turned out that since childhood he liked the fairy tale "Glass Mountain", where the hero tries to get to the princess and he succeeds - but only for the third time. I explained to him the meaning of his scripted fairy tale, he was amazed, laughed for a long time and at that moment, apparently, parted with his script. At our next meeting, a year later, he said that he was no longer wasting time on rehearsals.
Break with unambiguous attitudes
It is important to learn to listen to yourself. Let's pay attention to what and how we repeat to our child or subordinates. For example, we like to say: “You will not succeed until ...” These words carry a strong negative charge, doubt about the possibility of success. A strict condition is set: “You won’t get an A until you learn the theorems ...” or “You won’t get promoted until you get an MBA.”
By themselves, such statements are quite controversial. After all, you can not cramming theorems, but understand how they are proved, and promotion is not necessarily associated with an MBA. But the essence of scenario programming, its strength lies in peremptory, unambiguous. To understand that in fact there are many options is to already find the path to freedom.
Let's try to modify, rewrite this program phrase as follows: "You will do better if ..." This is also the so-called "conditional script", but it is much softer. Now we can say to ourselves: “My life will become more successful when I part with unambiguous attitudes that interfere with me.”
Deal with your "provocateurs"
Let's try to mentally review the same type of unpleasant situations that repeat against our will and evaluate our role in this horror film. What actions of ours provoke these twists of fate? Who acts as provocateurs - what words, deeds? Having calculated provocateurs, you can try to change the situation and do something fundamentally new in familiar situations, at least as an experiment. After all, if we do what we have always done, then we will receive what we have always received.
Create your own set of restrictions
By analyzing repetitive situations and understanding where we constantly stumble, we can draw up a certain set of rules and prohibit ourselves from participating in certain situations. For example, I know that it is difficult for me to communicate with people of a manipulative-moralizing warehouse. Entering into contact with them, I doom myself to defeat in advance, and if I still want to achieve victory, it will come to me at too high a price. So, I should make it a rule to avoid such a situation by any means or modify it so as not to step on the same rake every time.
Enter into a dialogue and get "permission"
Permission is a special procedure used by the therapist in scenario analysis. When a person is freed from the script - it's like a miracle, they say: "It's as if they disenchanted him."
A scenario program can be removed not only by a therapist, but also by one of the significant people, who, in terms of the power of influence, is not inferior to the parental figure who created this program. For example, a coach, saying to a timid youngster: “You can do it!” But if a person is ready for transformation, even the words of a random fellow traveler can affect him. Many can remember a case when one phrase or meeting turned out to be fateful, changed their whole life.
YOUR OWN DIRECTOR?
You should not perceive the life scenario as something necessarily negative and immediately try to get rid of it.
If there were no scripts, our life would turn into a continuous improvisation. But not everyone wants to, and not everyone is given the opportunity to improvise, it is more convenient and calmer for someone to “play by notes”. There are people who are not allowed to compose at all - if their parents do not write a script for them, it is not known how they will live their lives. So for many, the script is the anchor that keeps them going.
A worked out, run-in scenario is a kind of panacea for surprises and troubles. And an attempt to break out of the script is not always successful: the outside world can turn out to be unfriendly, and most importantly, unpredictable. Therefore, some people are comfortable even in unsuccessful scenarios, benefiting from them in their own way. And this is not surprising - unconsciously following the script allows you to save time and effort.
Our life path is the result of the action of many forces. But scenario analysis is interesting in that it makes it possible to look at the events of our life from a new, unusual angle, to find an explanation for actions that are inexplicable at first glance, to break out of the vicious circle of repetitive events.
Etc. Let's look into this topic a little deeper.
Despite the fact that life scenarios are different for everyone, Eric Byrne identified 6 common ways living these scenarios. They are called script patterns or script processes, or simply scripts. We will talk about them today.
Each of the 6 scenarios corresponds to a specific ancient Greek myth.
"Never" scenario or Tantalus scenario
In the story of Tantalus, the hero was tormented by hunger and thirst, but, despite the proximity of water and food, he could not satisfy these needs. People living with such a scenario are sure that they will not be able to achieve the goal or get what they want.
They often talk about how difficult the path to the goal is, but at the same time they do nothing concrete in order to achieve this goal, because they are absolutely sure that they will never succeed.
The basic attitude of people with this pattern is "I can never get what I want most."
Script "Until" ("Until") or Script Hercules
Surely, everyone knows the myth of Hercules, where the hero could not receive forgiveness until he completed 12 labors. In the same way, people living in this scenario are convinced that they will not be able to get what they want until they fulfill a number of conditions.
You can often hear them reflect on what great amount things they need to do in order to achieve the goal. Here is a recent client example of such a scripted persuasion from a girl who completed a master eyebrow course and had an internship: “I can’t charge for eyebrow shaping and coloring until I work for free with 10 clients.”
The basic attitude of people with the Hercules script is "I can't have what I want until I pay for it."
Script "After" ("After") or Script of Damocles
Yes, this is about the very sword of Damocles that hung by a thread over the unfortunate Damocles, and made him constantly expect retribution.
Surely, you have heard phrases like “You laugh now - you will cry later”, “You have to pay for everything in this world” and others, the main message of which is the indispensable onset of an unpleasant retribution for whatever joys of life.
The basic attitude of people with the script of Damocles is “Today I can rejoice, but tomorrow I will definitely be reckoned (disappointed) for this”
"Always" scenario or Arachne's scenario
In this myth, the goddess Athena turned a skilled weaver named Arachne into a spider so that she would weave forever. People who exhibit this script pattern are confident that something will haunt them forever. They are so sure of this that they do not even allow the thought that one day this can change. For example, “Yes, I always have bad luck with men. That's who I am. And there's nothing to be done about it."
The basic attitude of people with this scenario is "I must always remain in this situation."
"Almost" scenario or Sisyphus scenario
Remember Sisyphean labor? When Sisyphus was forced to roll a heavy stone up the mountain, but as soon as the stone was almost at the top of the mountain, it rolled down, and Sisyphus had to start all over again.
This scripting process has two varieties.
“Almost” type 1 are people who stop things when they are almost done. For example, I almost finished reading the book and abandoned it or “almost finished knitting the blouse, it remains only to sew on the buttons,” and this blouse has been almost knitted for years. A very common scenario.
Basic attitude: "I almost succeeded"
"Almost" type 2 - these are people who bring things to the end, but every time it seems to them that this is not enough and they urgently come up with a new business for themselves, more complex. Speaking metaphorically, this is Sisyphus, who lifted a stone up a mountain and saw that a new mountain was ahead, higher than the previous one.
Everything would be fine, but the problem is that people with the scenario pattern "Almost" type 2 do not know how to rejoice in their achievements and successes. They skillfully devalue them, saying “Is this a success? Is this a mountain? There ahead - the mountain is so mountain! Here I will pump my stone into it and then I will rejoice. But after this mountain they will see the next, more large sizes. And this will continue until the person is freed from this scenario.
The basic attitude of people with this pattern is "I'm still not successful."
Open-Ended Scenario or Philemon and Baucis Scenario
Philemon and Baucis were virtuous husband and wife, as a reward for this, the gods gave them the opportunity to never part, turning them into two trees standing next to each other.
In practice, this is a scenario of people who do not know what to do after reaching the goal. People with such a scenario are sure that if they live by the rules, without violating anything, observing the norms and limits, then in the end they will definitely be rewarded.
The problem is that there may not be a reward. Often this scenario can be observed in families where parents tried to properly raise their children, the children grew up, left, and the parents do not know what to do next (the very well-known empty nest syndrome).
The basic attitude of people with this scenario is “After reaching a certain goal, I don’t know what to do next.”
The same person may have several scenario patterns that manifest themselves in different areas life. Of course, the script is not something given once and for all. You can free yourself from it and start building your life according to your own scenario. As always, it all depends on you.
Why does someone succeed in everything, and someone is haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction?
Winner, loser and "golden mean"
Why does someone succeed in everything, and someone is haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction? Of course, we ourselves plan our lives, and our destiny is determined primarily by our decisions, our intuition, the ability to think, to adequately relate to everything that happens in the world around us. But, looking closely at the events of your life and the lives of those around you, you can notice certain patterns.
How often does this happen! A person constantly has problems in the service: no matter where he works, he immediately has conflicts with the management, and he feels that they find fault with him, overwrite him, undeservedly offend. He moves from one company to another - it would seem, new people, different corporate culture, but history repeats itself: an "envious", "schemer", "rival" or "gossip" will certainly appear next to our hero, who interfere in his relationship with the boss, do not allow him to work productively.
One has been trying to save money all his life, denying himself everything, but as soon as a certain amount is accumulated, he instantly lowers it. Another, helping his neighbor, for some reason constantly encounters ungrateful people, then suffers, reproaches himself for indiscretion, but the next time the object of his charity again becomes a person of the same kind. The third takes on a new business with pleasure: a bright start, bright prospects, wide opportunities, but ... interest gradually fades and finally fades away, and the business is never completed. And the person takes on the next case with the same enthusiasm, and again there is no result.
It seems that these people act according to some given scheme. Circumstances of place and time change, but the mode of action remains unchanged, events repeat themselves, as if the same plot is being played out - only on new stages and with new actors. What is it - evil fate, a mockery of fate?
There is a perfectly rational explanation for this. We will focus on one - from our point of view, the most interesting - approach: scenario analysis, proposed by the famous psychologist Eric Berne. Usually, recurring events - a sign of the presence of a script in a person's life(in English - "script"). A script is a life plan that exists in our subconscious., which is formed in early childhood and gradually unfolds over the years, often against our will.
Scenario elements are present to a greater or lesser extent in the life of any person. no matter how free (from conventions, stereotypes) and independent (morally and financially) he considered himself. True, their specific gravity, the significance in the life of each of us has its own. Some people follow a certain scenario all their lives, others plan their lives based on free will, free aspirations. Do not forget about what we call "His Majesty the case."
Our life path is the result of the action of many forces. But scenario analysis, in my opinion, makes it possible to look at the events of our lives from a new, unusual perspective, to understand the motives of people's behavior, to find an explanation for actions that are inexplicable at first glance, to correct one's own behavior, to break out of the vicious circle of repetitive events.
The script is formed in relationships with people from our immediate environment. As children, we are more receptive and trusting. Therefore, some judgments of adults, especially those that are repeated many times, cut into our consciousness for life. And our further destiny largely depends on what exactly we heard in childhood.
When a child is supported, encouraged, never tired of repeating: "We believe in you, you can do anything, you are great, you are smart, talented, strong" - and at the same time he is ready to make efforts and overcome difficulties, then a self-confident person grows up more likely, with high self-esteem, feeling adequate in any situation, able to constructively resolve all emerging issues.
Often parents, grandparents or someone else from significant adults, watching the child, repeat something like this: “You are stupid, you can’t do anything, nothing good will come of you, you are nothing but trouble, don’t be arrogant, you are the same like everyone else" etc..
Statements like these—also known as "parental prescriptions" or "script curses"—can have a twofold effect on children's later lives. One can come to terms with such a forecast of his future and, becoming an adult, live according to the scenario prepared for him by his parents. Another, a strong personality, on the contrary, will try to implement the anti-scenario, that is, act exactly the opposite, proving to parents that it is worth something.
There are many scenarios. Any classification is rather conditional, but for the convenience of analysis, we will divide the scenarios into three main groups: scenarios of the winner, the loser and the "golden mean".
FORTUNE'S FAVORITES
About the strong successful person often say:"He's from a breed of winners." As a rule, winners know how to manage themselves, soberly assess their strengths and weak sides. They know what they will do tomorrow, they are at the right time in the right place, they are always lucky.
They can create a lot of problems for others: all the time they are inventing something, organizing, involving people in something, fighting, "chopping off the heads of dragons", not for a moment doubting that victory will be theirs. Winners feel that life is successful - it is written on their face, and, among other things, the very image of a successful, contented person really helps them succeed.
But victory, success are relative concepts, it is rather a state of mind, and not external attributes.
The winner is the one who sets a goal and achieves it. It is more important for the winner how he himself evaluates his achievements, and not how others evaluate them.
The scenario of the winner is formed by people whose parents believed in the capabilities of their children, invested a lot of effort in them and supported them, never tired of repeating: "You will succeed." And children grow up confident in themselves.
Often the winner scenario emerges as an anti-scenario. For example, children from dysfunctional families, strong natures, trying to resist negative programming or "scenario curse", begin to act with extraordinary perseverance and perseverance contrary to parental forecasts, proving their strength and significance to themselves and the rest of the world.
So, a single mother constantly told her son: "You have no one to help you, you have no father, you will not be able to break through. And your heredity is bad." If the boy were weak and dependent, he would certainly become a failure. But he turned out to be a strong man, and his life turned out differently: he became the owner of a large holding, is engaged in politics and does not take a drop of alcohol in his mouth. All his life he puts his achievements at the feet of his mother like war trophies, proving that she was wrong.
Any of us will surely find among our friends and acquaintances people from the cohort of winners. Each of them goes to victory in his own way, acts according to his own scenario.
Looking at people who know how to achieve their goals is not only interesting, but also extremely useful. You can see certain patterns in behavior that help them win, understand what basic qualities they rely on. Each "winner" has his own "proprietary" strategies for doing business, negotiating, resolving conflicts, etc.
It is worth taking a closer look at yourself, analyzing your own successful strategies and think about how to use them more effectively - this will surely help you become more successful. After all, winners are not born, winners are made.
PEOPLE OF THE "GOLDEN MEAN"
It's not just mediocre who managed to avoid the fate of losers, but never received the laurels of the winners. They are the same golden mean without which no society can exist.
Non-winners - adherents of the basic human values, keepers of family and national traditions, a reasonable counterbalance to those extremes into which both winners and losers so often fall.
Most non-winners live by the principle "the main thing is not victory, but participation" it is more important for them not so much to succeed as to avoid failure. If a non-winner sets a goal, he achieves it, however, his goals are usually modest. He is predictable, loyal, not prone to self-affirmation, and usually does not enter into open confrontation. Life will not pass him by, although without much ups and downs. He will live with dignity and in accordance with generally accepted standards.
Representatives of the "golden mean" are hard-working, conscientious, and, as a rule, occupy average managerial positions. They often follow the path of least resistance, lower the bar: they enter a university where the competition is smaller, they make an offer to a girl who definitely will not refuse.
The non-winner scenario, as a rule, is formed by parents who love their children, but at the same time constantly hold them back, beat their hands, and from the best of intentions, the desire to protect them from trouble. They never get tired of repeating to their children: be more modest, keep your head down, mind your own business, etc. initiative is punishable, so it's safer to be like everyone else, even if you have great potential.
"Golden mean" is the majority. Therefore, there are a great many scenarios for this part.
FAILERS: OBVIOUS AND HIDDEN
A person with a loser scenario often feels left out by fate, a sufferer even when everything seems to be fine with him. He always waits for something unpleasant, unforeseen to happen, pities himself and revels in his own suffering. If the child "agreed" with the parent's "instruction", subconsciously believed that nothing would come of him, then he would never succeed and become an obvious, "outright" loser. Everything is simple here.
But there are also hidden losers. Unfortunately, often they are capable, even gifted people. Strange as it may seem, such losers can also be those who were inspired by their parents that everything was “ok” for them, but did not teach their children to work.
As a rule, these people were given without much effort what others spent a lot of time and effort on. They always felt their superiority over their peers, they studied easily, without straining. But when the work required some effort, they could not finish the job.
At first glance, they even seem quite successful. A "scenario curse", or a negative parental prescription, can appear unexpectedly - at the most inopportune moment, a person seems to break down, stumble and make an unfortunate oversight.
HOW TO UNDERSTAND YOUR SCENARIO?
Today, like 500 and 1000 years ago, humanity is tormented by the same questions: why is fate favorable to some, loyal to others, and cruelly punishing others?
Someone throughout life stubbornly repeats the same mistakes, while someone, on the contrary, uses the same successful strategies. And if the winner rarely cares about the reason for his success, then the loser constantly asks himself: why?. No one and nothing will help a person if he himself does not want to figure out what forces make him act this way and not otherwise.
To How to identify trends that indicate the presence of a script in a person's life? I would suggest several options for scenario analysis that anyone can conduct on their own(without the help of a psychotherapist or consultant).
Analyze repetitions, that is, recurring events in your personal or business life. Which of them happen against your will? Make a list of similar situations and try to understand what they have in common. At the same time, try to be as objective as possible, focus not on assessing the behavior, intentions or character of other participants in the events ("envious", "slanderers", etc.), but on your own actions. This will already help to see certain patterns and, perhaps, to understand the cause of failures.
Take a look at yourself. Pay attention to your manner of speech, vocabulary, facial expressions, gestures. For example, a loser, as a rule, is extremely surprised by his achievements. Even if he succeeds, he repeats: "No, something is not right here, it cannot be ...". He seems to be programmed to expect trouble, some kind of catch.
The winners are calm, self-confident, do not fuss, they like to repeat: victory is ours, success is guaranteed to us, there are no problems, everything will be “ok”, next time I will do even better.The very appearance of the winner says that this is a person successful, and failures only mobilize him.
Put on the "scenario T-shirt" of the winner with the inscription: "The main thing is to be the first", "Who does not risk - he does not drink champagne", "Well, let's see who wins", etc.
What will the person of the "golden mean" write? "Always do your duty", "Be a professional", "You have to be good boy" etc.
And finally, the loser: “You can’t trust anyone”, “I deserve more”, “Everyone envy me”, etc.
The "program" laid down in childhood can be brought into the light of day by analyzing fairy tales. Having "discovered" a scenario fairy tale, one can determine the program according to which an adult lives.
The fairy tale "helps" to form the outlined scenario. Remember who was your favorite hero in childhood, what books you read to holes. Remember how they tortured their parents, forcing them to reread the same thing aloud several times. Perhaps you will find a surprising resemblance between yourself - an adult, serious person - and some favorite hero. Maybe he imperceptibly controls your life?
So I propose a few steps that will help you unravel your own life scenario. Surely everyone who is interested in this method will come up with other options for analysis.
HOW TO CHANGE THE SCENARIO?
Scenario analysis is one way to help a person look at his life from the outside. Further each decides for himself whether he needs to change something or not. You can continue to play the same role if the script suits you perfectly, or you can take on the director's functions - rebuild the mise-en-scene, or even put on a new performance with a different plot.
Getting rid of an unsuccessful script is not so easy. But let's try to recall statements like "saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves" and "to go the other way" (by the way, both of these slogans are undoubtedly scripted). It makes sense for a person who decides to rewrite his program to take the following steps on his own.
Get to know your script. Sometimes this alone makes a very strong impression on a person. He is experiencing an emotional shock, a flurry of emotions turns everything upside down not only in his soul, but also in life.
One day I accidentally got into a conversation with a successful businessman. My interlocutor said that he always achieves his goals, but only on the third attempt - this was the case both when he studied and when he was engaged in science and business. This pattern obviously annoyed him. Word for word, it turned out that since childhood he liked the fairy tale "Glass Mountain", where the hero tries to get to the princess, and he succeeds - but only for the third time. I explained to him the meaning of his scripted fairy tale, he was amazed, laughed for a long time and at that moment, apparently, parted with his script. At our next meeting, a year later, he said that he was no longer wasting time on rehearsals. No wonder they say: humanity, laughing, parted with its past.
Break with unambiguous attitudes. It is important to learn to listen to yourself. Pay attention to what and how you repeat to your child or subordinates. For example, you like to repeat "you will not succeed until ...". These words carry a strong negative charge, doubts about the possibility of success. A strict condition is set: "You will not get an A until you learn the theorems ..." or "You will not get promoted until you pass the management exam." By themselves, such statements are quite controversial. After all, you can not cram theorems, but understand how they are proved, and promotion is not necessarily associated with passing the next exam. But the essence of scenario programming, its strength lies in peremptory, unambiguous. To understand that in fact there are many options is to already find the path to freedom.
Let's try to modify, rewrite this program phrase as follows: "You will do better if ...". This is also the so-called conditional scenario, but it is much softer. Now you can say to yourself: "My life will become more successful when I part with unambiguous attitudes that interfere with me."
Deal with your "provocateurs". Try to mentally review the same type of unpleasant situations that repeat against your will and evaluate your role in this "horror movie". What are your own actions that provoke twists of fate? Who acts as "provocateurs" - what words, deeds? Having calculated the "provocateurs", you can try to change the situation and do something fundamentally new in familiar situations, at least as an experiment. After all, if we do what we have always done, then we will get what we have always received. So, experiment?
Create your own set of restrictions. By analyzing repetitive situations and understanding where we constantly stumble, we can draw up a certain set of rules and prohibit ourselves from participating in certain situations. For example, I know that it is difficult for me to communicate with people of a manipulative-moralizing warehouse. Entering into contact with them, I doom myself to defeat in advance, and if I still want to achieve victory, it will come to me at too high a price. So, I should make it a rule to avoid such a situation by any means or modify it so as not to step on the same rake every time.
So, if the scenario weighs us down, it is important to avoid (at least at the first stage) any situations that could turn into a repetition of our negative program: in a clear and conscious adherence to this rule will be our strength, not weakness, as it might seem at first glance.
Enter into a dialogue and get "permission". Permission is a special procedure used by the therapist in scenario analysis. When a loser is freed from the script, it looks like a miracle, they say "the person seemed to have been disenchanted."
A scenario program can be removed not only by a therapist, but also by one of the significant people, who, in terms of the strength of influence, is not inferior to the parental figure who created this program, for example, a coach, saying to a timid youth: "You can do it!". But if a person is ready for transformation, even the words of a random fellow traveler can affect him. Many can remember an example when one phrase or meeting turned out to be fateful, changed their whole life.
Your own director? You should not perceive the life scenario as something necessarily negative and immediately try to get rid of it.
If there were no scripts, our life would turn into a continuous improvisation. But not everyone wants to, and not everyone is given the opportunity to improvise, it is more convenient and calmer for someone to "play according to notes." There are people who are not allowed to compose at all - if their parents do not write a script for them, it is not known how they will live their lives. Therefore, for many, the script is the anchor that holds them back.
A worked out, run-in, prosperous scenario is a kind of panacea for surprises and troubles. And an attempt to break out of the script is not always successful: the outside world can turn out to be unfriendly, and most importantly, unpredictable. So some people are comfortable even in their failed scenarios, taking advantage of them in their own way.
Unconsciously following the script allows a person to save time and energy. As a rule, winners living according to tough scenarios are not inclined to think and doubt, they are purposeful and efficient, they are people of action. The script laid down from childhood tells them the right strategy.
Scenario analysis cannot answer all questions about human life, and of course it would be naive to assume that all of our behavior is script driven. But if you think about it, you can get information to think about why fate turned out this way and not otherwise. It is extremely interesting and quite accessible to everyone. published
