How to solve and change your life script? Life scenarios of a person.

Each person is still in childhood, most often unconsciously, thinks about his future life, as if scrolling his life scenarios in his head. The daily behavior of a person is determined by his mind, and he can only plan his future, for example, what kind of person will be his spouse (spouse), how many children in their family will be, etc. "The script is that man is still planning to make a person in the future (E. Bern). The scenario is a gradually deploying life plan, which is formed in early childhood mainly under the influence of parents.

This psychological impulse pushes with a great power of man forward, towards his fate, and very often independent of his resistance or free choice.

Life scenarios are based in most cases at the parent programming, which the child perceives in three reasons: first, it gives life a goal that would otherwise have to find out himself; Everything that the child does, most often he does for other people, usually for parents. Secondly, parent programming gives him a way to structure his time (that is, it is acceptable for his parents). Thirdly, the child must indicate how to do and do certain things. It is interesting to learn to learn, but not very practical to learn from your mistakes. Parents, programming the life of their children, give them their own experience, all that they have learned (or think that they have learned). If parents are losers, then they convey their program of losers. If they are the winners, then accordingly program the fate of their child. The long-term model always suggests the storyline. And although the result is predetermined by parent programming in a good or bad side, the child can choose his own story.

According to the concept of transact analysis, E. Bern, the scenario suggests:
1) parental instructions;
2) suitable personal development;
3) a decision in childhood;
4) Actual "Including" in some special method carrying success or failure.

Theatrical scenarios are mainly intuitive are derived from life scenarios. The best way is to comprehend consider communication and similarity between them.
1. Both scenarios are based, oddly enough, on a limited amount of topics.
2. A certain flow of life basically has a predictable result, unless, of course, there is no interference and obstacles on the life path. But for the dialogue pronounced in a certain way, it is necessary that the motivation corresponding to this dialogue has been developed. Both in the theater and in real life, the replica is pronounced so that their reaction justifies and further developed the action. If the hero replaces the text and the state of "I", then the partners will respond differently. For example, if the Hamlet will suddenly start reading the lines from another play, then Ophelia should also replace its text to make what is meaningful. But then the whole view will go differently.
3. The script must be finalized and rehearsed before will be ready for a dramatic presentation. The theater exists reading, listening, rehearsal and run before the premiere. And the life scenario launches in childhood in the primitive form, which is called the "Protocol". There are already other performers here. They are limited in the family around the parents, brothers, sisters, and in the boarding school or an orphanage - the circle of comrades and educators. All of them play their roles, because each family (or orborhood) is an institution in which the child does not most often receive special flexibility lessons. During the execution period, the child meets with a large number of people. He is intuitively looking for those partners who would play the roles required by his scenario (they do it, for the child plays the role of their scenario). At this time, the teenager graduates with his scenario, taking into account his environment. Intrigue remains the same, but the action changes slightly. In most cases, this is something like a trial presentation. Due to a number of such adaptations, the script acquires a certain form, it is already ready for the "big scene" - the final act. If it was the so-called good scenario, then everything is safely ends with a "farewell lunch". If it was a bad scenario, then the "farewell" can sound from the hospital bed, from the threshold of the prison chamber or from a psychiatric hospital.
4. Almost every life and theatrical scenarios have the roles of good people and villains, lucky and losers. Who is considered good or bad, whom the lucky man, and who is a loser, is defined very specific for each scenario. But it is clear that in each of them there are these four types, sometimes combined in two roles. For example, in the cowboy scenario, a good guy is almost always the winner, and the villain is a loser. The winner usually survives, and the loser dies or punishable. In scenario analysis, psychotherapists call the winners of princes and princesses, and losers are called frogs. The task of analysis is to turn frogs in prison and princesses. To implement this, the psychotherapist should figure out what is in a patient's scenario of good people or villains. Next, you need to find out what kind of winner is able to be a patient. He can resist the transformation of it into the winner, as it may not go to a psychotherapist at all for this. Maybe he wants to become a brave loser. It is quite acceptable, for becoming a brave loser, it will feel more convenient in his scenario, whereas turning into the winner, it will have to abandon the script partially or completely and start all over again. This people usually fear.
5. The scenes in the human life scenario are determined and motivated in advance, just like theatrical. The simplest example: the situation when gasoline ends in the gas tank car. His owner always defines it for a day or two forward according to the meter's testimony, he concerns: "We must refill," but ... this does not. In fact, it does not happen that gasoline will end instantly if everything is fine in the car. However, in the scenario of the loser, it is almost always a gradually imaginary event and as it were, the scheduled scene. Many winners take all their own life path, never "without gasoline." If the scenario is that a person is planning to make in the future as a child in childhood, then the life path is what is happening in reality. The life path to some extent is predetermined by genetically (remember the concept of victimology Ch. Tycha), as well as the provision that parents create, and various external circumstances. Diseases, accidents, war can disrupt even the most careful, comprehensively substantiated life plan. The same can happen if the "hero" suddenly enters the scenario of some stranger, such as hooligan, killers, Avolikha. The combination of such factors can close the way to implement a specific line and even predetermine the tragity of the life path. There are many forces affecting human destiny: parent programming supported by the "inner voice", which ancient named "demon"; Constructive parental programming, supported, pushed by the flow of life; family genetic code, predisposition to certain life problems and behavioral methods; external forces, still called fate; Free aspirations of the person himself. The product of these forces and turn out to be different types of life paths that can be mixed and leading to one or another type of fate: scenario, uncenarial, violent or independent. But ultimately, the fate of each person is determined by them by himself, his ability to think and reasonably belong to the whole occurring in the surrounding world. Man himself plans his own life. Only then freedom gives him the power to exercise his plans, and the power gives him freedom to comprehend them, and if necessary and defend them or deal with the plans of others. Even if the human life plan is defined by other people or to some extent due to the genetic code, then the whole of his life will indicate a constant struggle.

Four basic life scenarios are possible:
1) "I" - good, "All of them are good, life is good" - the scenario of the "winner";
2) "I" - bad, "they" - bad, life is bad "- the scenario of" defeated ", loser;
3) "I" - good, but "they" - bad, life is bad "- the scenario of" embittered pessimist ";
4) "I" is bad, and "they" are good - the script of the "incompleteness complex".
The life scenario has an impact on those life positions that manifests a person in his career, work, in marriage, in the field of human relations. The life positions, or the attitude of a person to a certain life, can be positive, negative, you can distinguish seven variants of life positions.

1. Idealization of reality 7. Conviction
2. Werewind of hopes 6. Decision
3. Calling everything 5. Awareness (disobedience)
4. Care from affairs

Fig. 6.8. Types of life positions

The idealization of reality is a beginner's position, it is characterized by waiting, enthusiasm, faith in the fact that they are literally everything will go well (typical of the initial career stage, when marriage marriage).

When a person has awareness of an in-depth gap between exaggerated expectations and desires, on the one hand, and real circumstances - on the other, it is beginning to attend feelings of anxiety and anxiety, he begins to ask himself questions: "What, in the end, going? Where am I rolling ? " - These are typical signs of josorizing "wise hope."

It comes the period, full anxiety and indecision caused by a growing fear before things will go further worse than expected. The continued destruction of hopes (what is happening, by the way, it is very often simply because of false fears and their own indecision) brings an increasing feeling of anxiety, irritation, anger, the desire of active riot, protest, the essence of which can be expressed in about the following words: "I think I will have to Make them here to change everything, since no one is decided to do it. " The urgency is based on the wrath and challenge.

There are two levels of manifestation of the position of disobedience: hidden and obvious. None, none of the other is constructive, but hidden disobedience turns out to be particularly unproductive in the long run. Care from affairs - this life position is formed when a person begins to feel that no longer makes sense to even try to somehow change the course of things. Often people are departed from work at work or in their family, physically continuing to allegedly take part in the activities of the team or family. People who took such a position, as a rule, become obestly, preferred, are preferred, they begin to experience more and more interest in alcohol, easily annoyed, they look for disadvantages with zeal. The described life position is fraught with serious consequences not only for who confesses it, but also for others: the fact is that it can become infectious illness, and to help in this case only the next life position in order.

People occupy the life position of awareness when they see that they should wish to change when a sense of responsibility arises and the desire to change something in themselves. It should be given a real report in who you actually have and realize that there is a very real possibility that things will go very bad if we do not change something in ourselves.
Decisitancy is an active life position, you decided to make real actions in the selected direction, in the soul there is an invigorating, refreshing sensation, relieving stress, you feel the tide of strength, energy. Conviction - comes to us when we stop expecting perfection from our work, our family relationships, from relationships with others and nevertheless we want our things to go well. An active, permanent desire to improve today's state of affairs appears. The work becomes fulfilled, and human relations are productive when we deliberately refuse the "sky in diamonds," we are going to shoulder and go to the goals set.

The sequence in which life positions are objectified from different people, is not once and forever installed. However, one way or another, these life positions are provided - a completely definite effect on everything that a person is doing.
Life positions and vital values \u200b\u200b(what is most important and valuable in life, which is necessary for satisfaction with life) people are different, from being different and their lives. To take control of your life into your own hands, a person needs to analyze its life position, life goals.

Answer yourself on such questions:

1) What position is characteristic of me at the moment (for every sphere of life: at work, in a family, in informal communication)?
2) What was my life position in each of these three spheres over the past twelve months?

Discuss the answers to these questions with someone from those who know you well and will be able to openly disagree with you. So you are more accurate to rate the real position of things. Then show the arrow, what life position you would like to occupy in the future.

My life position

1) at work
2) in the family
3) in informal communication

1.Idealization of reality 7. Lowness

2. Hope. Hope 6.Statism

3. For all over 5. Consciousness

4. Care from affairs

Analyze the discrepancies between the previous expectations, today's reality and hope for the future:

1. Transfer all your previous expectations (everything you hoped before).
2. Contain your present position.
3. Here on the items that you expect (what would you like) from the future.
4. Use for yourself what changes you can make in your hopes for the future, in your current situation, as well as in your future. Especially note those of them that you really are silent.
5. Watch these alleged changes with your good friend.
6. For 30 days in your business calendar and write out of day, what goals are you set:
a) email yourself opposite tomorrow: "work with full recycling";
b) Write yourself opposite the day after tomorrow "Unless to believe in achievability of the goal";
c) email yourself opposite the next number "instantly define the necessary components of success";
d) Write yourself on the contrary of the fourth day: "Act decisively and creative";
e) Write the same words in the order in which you yourself will seem most reasonable, opposite all other days of this month.
7. Realize the outlined. If you are required, as you think, even additional forces and resources for performing the scheduled, consult a psychologist, it can help you mobilize the conscious and unconscious resources of your psyche (special techniques have been developed for this).

And what if we say: not always the choice is conscious. I wonder if it is not true? We always thought that we decide our fate. And so we, it turns out, not far away from animals? It is even unpleasant somehow. No, a person is really different from the brothers of our smaller. It can consciously make a choice even despite the strongest fear of responsibility. But this is an energy-consuming process. It is much easier to live according to the familiar scenario, which in us was treated in the nearest environment in childhood. In general, this is a rather serious topic, and it must be considered successively. Let's all in order.

What is the life scenario on Bernu?

If you write this term literally, everything will be right. man - This is a scenario of life. That is, those behaviors that are spelled in advance in certain situations. Habits, simply speaking. The script is a concept integrated and deployed, but is formed in childhood with the help of parents. But this does not mean that it cannot be changed, already being adults.

The concept of a life scenario was proposed by the famous psychologist Eric Berne. One of his key concepts is socio-psychological games that people do with each other. The life script is in fact how this game will be deployed in the presentation of this person. We all have a certain plan with clearly prescribed details: what people should be in our lives, what should do what reactions will be on your part who cannot be allowed. And we involve others in the drama that we write. But the life scenario base is the events that occurred in childhood. So spoke Eric Bern.

How and when it is formed by a life scenario

We already understood that the life script begins to write in childhood. In fact, what is called upbringing, and is the process of attracting a child a certain life scenario. Usually, the script for which our parents or their faces are replaced. Therefore, often children of successful parents also achieve success. The same applies to poor families. However, not always. There are many cases when the sons of millionaires became almost homeless in the end, and children from disadvantaged families - millionaires.

What does it depend on? From the style of upbringing or at least its presence. After all, often rich parents are so busy that they do not pay attention to the child. Then his life scenario is formed on the basis of the rules, which are taken from his environment. In adolescence, they can be deviant (that is, uncontrollable, simply speaking) persons both older and peers. When the upbringing is almost absent, we are talking about pedagogical neglection. It is worth remembering that everything has its reason.

And what happens to the life scenario after the teenage age ended. Is it already formed or continues to form? Of course, the second option is correct. But not for everyone. There are two categories of people: authors and victims. The first take responsibility for their own life, and the second dump it into external circumstances. The last more often do not have any goals and live according to that scenario, which was formed even earlier. Often, if you observe such people, they both lived ten years ago, and continue to live. Even if there is some experience, the conclusions made on its basis fit into the same template paradigm that was raised in them.

For example, a person that at 20 years, that in 40 may after unsuccessful undertaking say "I am not capable of anything, so I will never do it anymore." Unlike victims, the authors can change greatly for the year. They have completely different behaviors, and they are ready to change them if necessary. They may understand that the former habits interfere with them to achieve the desired, and therefore teach themselves to something new.

People with the position of the author are changing from year to year. It can be seen that a person develops and raises himself. And here there is a key to the answer to the question "but is a life scenario in adulthood formed." We have previously disassembled that it appears due to upbringing. So, an adult man with the position of the author brings up himself and comes to this issue even more carefully than many parents. Consequently, it can radically change the script. Naturally, he will form it himself.

If you think about a second, you can easily determine, "From where the legs grow":

Example # 1

Dad wanted a boy, but a girl was born, but the ambitions to raise himself the heir did not subside, and now this girl first succeeds in the school circle on karate, then the technical university finishes and now the director of a large corporation, but unfortunately, not one novel was not crowned Success. And all because she could not find an equal man, the same strong and independent. She always felt that she dominates in a relationship, and I would like the opposite. And here it is already on the verge of a business center, where the training for the development of femininity is being held.

Example # 2.

The woman wanted to give birth to a child for themselves. Gave birth. Boy. But, in-depth resentment for men did not allow her to make a new relationship. In this connection, the boy did not have a sample of male behavior, sample scenario of the behavior of the father, her husband, partner. This certainly affected his relationship with women.

Who and what affects its formation

Alfred Adler believed that the life scenario was formed in the first five years of human life. Well, this is food to think about your life path and make a reason to think about the upbringing of your children by Spring.

In general, the concept of a life scenario is incredibly large-scale, so it is pointless to say that it is influenced by one or two factors. What else affects the formation of a life scenario?

1. A family. Perhaps this is the first and most important author of our life scenario. It is in the family that certain installations are laid, are shut-off, which we later repeat in our lives. The saying that a man chooses his wife similar to his mother, and a woman's husband like a father is not good. We repeat the scenarios of our parents in their lives. And you do not need to say that "I will never be like my parents. I will not repeat their behavior, "when your father wanted you to become a lawyer, and you have always been pulling into sports, then do not be surprised when you will also insist on sending a son on hockey when it is pulling to the exact sciences .
2. Social environment. Most often these are friends, although there may be just good acquaintances. Mentors, which can be found in this paragraph, which can be found in an intermediate position between friends and teachers. These are people who have seen a lot and formed a qualitative life scenario themselves and are ready to convey to their close person. Quite interesting observation : More and more young girls of marriage are confident of the root, still at the stage of acquaintance with a guy that they will have unsuccessful relations with mother-in-law. As a result, it turns out. And they do not even try to somehow change the situation. Well, what, "half of the country so ..." they are confident. Is it all where? From the stories of others, television, media, girlfriend, mom, etc.
3. Teachers, coaches and coaches. These are people for whom the formation of life scenarios of others is professional activities. They get money for it. Teachers category include school and university teachers ( with the latter, the situation may be ambiguous, because there are real teachers, and there are lecturers. The latter do not form a life scenario directly, but only indirectly, and it is not always). Coaches and coaches take decent money for their customers. Most often, mature people are addressed to them, which themselves do not mind changing. That is, working with the coach and coach is characterized by the responsibility divided by half. A professional affects a person, and the other intentionally gives away. This distinguishes the work of coaches and a coaches from the usual social environment, since our friends and coming people affect us unconsciously, we do not turn on actively in the process of forming our own life scenario. Is that we can choose those people who will imperceptibly affect us.
4. Live sources of information. These are people who do not put themselves for the goal to form a life scenario of another person (even subconsciously do not seek this), but they can give facts, say something that will cause resonance in the soul of another person quite by chance. These may be random passers-by or the same lecturers in universities.
5. Non-resident sources of information - Media, books, video tutorials, audiobooks, articles and everything else that transfers certain facts, but there is no interaction with a living person. The installation of a person plays the role. If he is configured to independently change his worldview, the life scenario under the influence of read or heard, they influence, if not, he can know a lot, but nothing will change in his life. In addition, a person's ability to memorize information is played here.

To understand even more deeply in this topic, let's understand several types of life scenarios. A detailed classification of negative life scenarios offered Bob and Mary Goulding. Analysis of life scenarios is impossible without this classification. Let's look at the species detailed:

1. Do not live. Very often, people with this life scenario appear thoughts on suicide. Parents of such children involuntarily prohibited their child to live, which is generally paradoxical. It is clear that he wanted only good, but the little man perceived so much. And how does such an installation appear? Very simple. Parents often children say something like "it would be better not to appear on the light" or "I will kill you for it." And it is clear that we can talk like this in a rustling of anger (we are all people), but you need to understand that it is impossible to talk to such children. Life scenarios of the personality of this type are actually found very often. Installing a person who, despite this scenario, has not yet committed with him (unconscious, it is worth noting), as follows: "I can live, for now."
2. Do not be. Another popular parental ban. There are two types of scenarios "Do not be a person of your gender" and "just do not be myself." The first case came across when parents wanted a girl, and born the boy (or vice versa). The second case comes across much more often. Comcribed you with neighboring children. Of course yes. Comparison is the natural need of a person. It is absolutely normal. But if the child constantly say that he is worse than Peter the auch of Masha, then it is definitely negatively imprinted on his psyche. Yes, if one time say, nothing will be, but where is the one-time case, there is the second, and then and then the habit is not far. And it is difficult to eradicate it, because the education of the child in the style of "do not be ourselves" is embedded in the life scenario of the parent. And then the child will raise his own children in this way. Not always, but the probability is big.
3. Do not be a kid. This is when the parents of the wishing to constantly play and frolicate the children ship, as a real adult. Early. First, psycho-emotional overloads are harmful and in adulthood. Secondly, on the child it will give a negative track for life. In fact, when parents say the son or daughter "do not be a kid", then they forbid him to rejoice. And this scenario will be stamped for life. Is it necessary at all?
4. Not adult. Interestingly, this installation is often inspired by the same parents and the same children. After all, on the one hand, it's good to have an adult child, but there are advantages of the reverse side. Therefore, parents cannot independently determine what advantages are more important for them. Consequently, the child is inspired by the thought of "not adulgers" in parallel with the previous one, which leads to a psychological crisis. Any attempts of independence be stopped, and the parents say "what you would do without me", "you still have no milk on your lips."
5. Without reaching it. Parents impose a child a ban to achieve something, saying phrases like "Well, not yours, throw and do something else." First, we can not know for sure what our talents are. It is necessary to refuse the idea that we are given more than any special abilities. No, of course, there are genetically determined deposits, but we will not be able to determine them, because they are expressed to the maximum degree of development of a certain skill. What is talented that neutlative, must constantly work to achieve the goal. And this should teach children or yourself.
6. It is impossible. Just can not. It is impossible, it is impossible. The child does not try anything and does not know what it is in general, this life. He does not learn and matured. Why? Because scary.

There are many other types of life scenarios that all do not fit in the article. All of them are negative. At the same time there are polar scenarios that are made by forming an anthony design. Simply put, you need to exclude a particle "not". For example, "Live", "be yourself" and so on.

How to determine your scenario in life

In fact, we all internally feel your own life scenario. After all, subconsciously we always have the action with psychological installations, the coordinate system is always drawn in the head. Therefore, it is necessary to not define rather, but to realize. How to do it. There are many various techniques. But we will take a simple.

First you need to put a goal. Many of this do not, and therefore do not analyze themselves. To determine your scenario, you need to enter the position of an adult and purely logically think about how you enter certain situations. You can use the above classifier (although it is not all scenarios). Think of what the above refers to you.

Well, put a goal. Now you have to determine why you do not have this now. Actually, the life scenario is what helps us or interferes to achieve the desired one. It will just be easier to repel from the real facts of your life. The work is very heavy and deep. It is advisable to record your thoughts on a piece of paper.

And even better the option - make a mental card. Scheme, simply speaking. Go to this process creatively. But with a high probability you will have one of the above scenarios. It so happened that in our educational culture, such installations are inspired with enviable ease. It is easier to educate. And since parents go along the path of least resistance, then children also learn this, this becomes their life scenario.

1. Remember your first memories of childhood. You can write it. The main thing is that it be yours, and not what you told you about you.
2. Who is the main character of this memories? From adults people.
3. What do you feel in this memory? Are your needs satisfied?

Decryption of memories:

Adult man is the person who has had the greatest impact on the formation of your ZS. He whose opinion about you formed the basis of your own opinion about yourself.

Your feelings, desires and emotions from the memories are what you adhere to in life, your leading need.

Work on the awareness of the life scenario takes not one day and not even a month. And not even a year. This is a permanent process. It is important to analyze your behavior, but in moderation. In other cases, you can inspire negative installations, and then it will be more difficult to determine your scenario in the future. If you analyze your actions according to approaching a goal or distance from it, then the picture of your life scenario is wounded by itself.

It is worth noting that the above classification is not exhaustive and final. How many people and fate of human, so many scenarios. Each life requires an individual analysis and all under one comb can not tighten. You can perfectly give our own names, because creativity includes the brain to complete.

How to change the life scenario

So, we defined the life scenario and realized that it did not correspond to what you wish. How then change the life script? Slowly, step by step. To begin with, write down the habits that are associated with life scenario, looks at the world and so on. After that, start doing a small chamber every day. Want to start thinking as a confident person (setting "be yourself" + the script "reach"), then dedicate this at least five minutes a day.

So you can paint on other points. And here again, there is no ready-made magic pill. You need to come up with those small steps that are suitable for you, based on the conclusions made on the previous item.

Some want to change their lives quickly, but it is impossible. Parents instilled in you these installations not one year, but do you want to change them per day? So does not happen. Even if one or two days can be able to live on another scenario, it will still come back all the circles. And part of the time will be even worse, because there will be no strength at all. Therefore, introduce useful habits gradually.

It is very good to demonstrate on the example of a person who decided to start playing sports (wants to introduce a life scenario "Be healthy and beautiful"). He was actively worn out on the simulators, the next day the muscles hurt, and in the day he cannot even move. Was it to introduce a new script? Of course not. Most likely, he will not come to the simulator at such a pace.

The second option - he just get bored. That is, the muscles are capable of doing work, but since this person is not used to making 50 pushups per day (and some two people want to come), it will quickly return to the circles. Everyone will always postpone on tomorrow.

And if in his head there was a script "You can't give anything", then he will quickly surrender. By the way, a very important remark: You do not need to perceive a specific script as a template. That is, if the thought is sitting in the head "you can't do anything", it does not apply to all areas, but only new for this person. You need to change the life scenario in the paradigm of the one that you have now.

That is, in this situation it is necessary to ask the question "what you can", and from this to repel and gradually increase the intensity of measures to re-educate yourself.

Remember that the process of self-education is much more complicated than ordinary education. To redo it is harder, and therefore it is not necessary to rape. Just do not stand. You go quiet - you will be further, as they say in a famous proverb.

Relationship Scenario: What is he

Everything described above concerned human life scenarios, and people were found there as a separate part. And there are still separate scenarios for which relationships between people proceed. All this topic is no less complicated, and you can dig very deeply. However, let's consider the main scenarios for the development of relations that may have negative consequences for them.

1. Avoiding negative evaluation. The essence is as follows: A man talks about himself, and then critics are afraid. Consequently, he does not listen to another person, and then suffers that they talk a little and no emotional reaction with him. And in fact, only one variety is important for him - positive.
2. Prove your love. Such a person always has little love, and the other will have to climb out of the skin to prove it. If he won't do it, a person with such a scenario will not feel necessary. It comes from low self-esteem.
3. I owe everything. For such a person, the inadequate sense of guilt is characterized, its own desires are manifested only alone, has no strength to resist other people. Easily succumb to any manipulations based on the feeling of guilt type "In Africa, children are starving, and you decided to earn a lot here. There is no shame or conscience. "
4. Unconsciousness. Such people do not understand their emotions, which makes it uncontrollable. Emotional intelligence of such personalities is very low, which makes them unpredictable. At the same time, it cannot recognize the emotions of other people and hopes that everyone will be psychics and will understand that he feels, without his participation.
5. Well, finally, the latest strategy is similar in type - emotional closeness. In this case, a person is aware of his own feelings, but does everything possible to not show them around. Scenarios of family relationships are predictable, if at least one of the family members is classified as one of these five types.

And finally. If you are interested in this topic, then you should be viewed and / or listen to the following materials that we picked up specifically for readers of our site. Leading psychologists in detail telling simple words about the scenario of life. They talk in more detail about how the ZHS is formed and what to do in order to change the unconscious life patterns.

№ 1 Opinion of a professional psychologist. Radio interview.

No. 2 Women's reasoning and opinions on the change of life scenario. Female scenario of life.

No. 3 Family Scenario or Scenario Relations also originates from childhood. About this and many other things in the following video.

Let's not live thoughtlessly as gray and faceless mass. Let's take life into your own hands and will already begin to build it as we would like to, and not as I would like others to live it. Realizing the life of your life lives, we can refuse it. No need to deceive yourself. No need to try to please someone except myself. Remember, once forgotten dreams and plans and already complete them.

Today I suggest you understand what affects our thoughts and our psycho-emotional background. Let me remind you that our mental state has three levels: the level of emotions (instant reaction), the level of mood (our state during the day, week, month), and the most depth level - psycho-emotional background (peculiar to human throughout life). It is from this third level and depend on the thoughts that will prevail in the thinking of a person.

The fact is that psycho-emotional background is beliefs, human worldview. This is his life scenario, according to which he plays his role. And from the fact that the person believes, his mood will depend on the reaction to the events taking place and, of course, those thoughts that are spinning in his head. Therefore, in order to change your thoughts, and with them and action, sometimes it is necessary to deal with those roots that are deep in the subconscious.

Where do our beliefs come from? And how is our life scenario formed?

There are three main sources of origin of beliefs:

Parents are what they have laid in us day after many years;

Personal experience - events that influence our beliefs about something;

Today I want to introduce you to the wonderful way, with which you can reveal and change your generic programs, that is, those life scenarios that are transmitted by the family. We all know many examples of how lonely women raise girls, which will also not build a happy relationship, or boys who come in the footsteps of an alcoholic father, and many other examples of negative life scenarios repeated from generation to generation. Why is this happening? The human life scenario directly depends on those beliefs that parents launder in it with their example.

If you want to understand what a life scenario is laid in your subconscious parents, I suggest you do the following exercise.

To do this, get a diary or document in the computer and write down in it now:

The beliefs of your mom about the following aspects of life:

Attitude towards me

Expectations from people

Expectations from the Future

Attitude towards men

Psycho-emotional background, that is, an emotional state that prevails throughout life.

Write down the beliefs about each of the above-mentioned areas of life, which, as you think your mother adheres to. What, in your opinion, Mom could say about these areas.

If you recorded the beliefs of your mom, you can move on. If not, I recommend that you first do it, and then continue reading this article.

The beliefs of your mother is what she believes. But it is also the beliefs that Mom laid in you. You can realize it or not, but this is the program of your life actions - your generic scenario. The thing is that each of us has mechanisms of psychological protection and therefore in themselves we can not always see the problem beliefs. But if you see some negative beliefs in your mom, then most likely it is in you, and in the relevant situation it will definitely manifest itself.

But you can work with this. And now our task is to change the programs that you do not like on those that will be more positive, efficient and favorable for you and all others.

For this, firstly, it is necessary to understand what it was necessary for this conviction, that is, what positive function it performed. It may be protection, avoiding or receiving something, etc. In any case, it was something vital for us. Because our subconsciousness is always taken care of something important, but not always effective ways.

Therefore, the step of the second is to replace the old inefficient beliefs to new more favorable and effective, but fulfilling the same vital functions for us. For example, if it was to get love or security, how can you get love and recognition of people more efficiently and reasonable. You can do it with every conviction according to the scheme: the old conviction is the benefit of it - a new conviction.

Now you need these programs to introduce into your subconscious. To do this, you can write a new generic scenario. Take a blank sheet of paper and write on it "New Life Scenario F and O". And then write about what old negative programs you replace new more effective thoughts and actions. Put the number and signature. But do not forget that they were vital, as they performed some positive intentions, and therefore it is necessary to replace them with their new programs.

The same work must be made with the beliefs of your dad.

This exercise can change not only your destiny, you will also transmit these more favorable and efficient programs to your children and grandchildren, so you should try, you do not risk anything!

In the following releases, we will understand more detail how to learn to think by the new convictions of a happy person you have prescribed.

Our life seems to us sometimes strange and unpredictable.

"Apparently, not fate ...", we sometimes say, networks on one or another episode.

But if you think about - what is fate? Why in our life everything happens exactly so, and not differently.

What scenario do we live and who is it written?

Our life scenario - The key to understand that, how, when and why happens to us. Accidents are not accidental. And indeed it is. And realizing why it happens so and not otherwise, seeing causal relationships, we can change your scenario.

And, therefore, and change your life ...

I suggest you make practical work to identify your scenario and its change.

Scenic tree of your life.

Prepare a large sheet of paper (no less than A4) and draw a silhouette of a tree on it.

This is your life.

And right on this sheet you make your records.

Roots - These are plants received from parents in childhood. We absorb them at the very beginning of our life path. They begin to be aware of the child even in the womb and are based on the formation of its existential scenario.

I can be type settings: Do not do, do not be closer, do not be significant, do not be healthy, do not be yourself, not adulgers. Those may touch: do not think so, do not think differently than me; About feelings: do not feel, do not feel otherwise, etc.

Are there positive installations? Yes of course. One of the most important things: just live and rejoice. More options (opposite from negative): You are important, love, be loved, you succeed, be independent, etc.

For example.

As a child, only when you behaved badly. Then everyone began to actively be interested in your affairs, needs, actively help. And when everything stabilized, it was as if forgotten ... It is possible that one of the installations: "Do not be good." Those. When I'm bad - I need me when I am good - I am completely unhappy.

There may be several such installations.

Think, what message did you give parents during the upbringing? It is perceived by the child both with the words of parents and from his actions towards him, another person, the outside world.

It can be some strong family phrases Type "Money is given only by hard work."

Find 5-6 such messages and record them on the roots of your scenario tree.

The soil - Psychological environment.

Remember when you grew up (and the scenario of life is formed up to 7 years and re-"edited" in adolescence) What environment surrounded you? What was the most important thing in her? You can take both a children's period and teenage.

Perhaps you were in the Class "Ugly Dutch" and Wednesday was overwhelming, did you have a scary and feeling of uncertainty in yourself was a permanent companion? Or maybe on the contrary, the parents always said: "You must be ...", "Have you already done the lessons?" etc. And it always seemed to you that someone observes you, controls each of your step? And maybe parents tried to make your world as much as possible, allowing you to be. Or all the time they convinced that you are much better than others, and the rest is so ... misunderstandings, and only you are the center of the Universe.

Think and write it up where the soil of your scenic tree. The medium could be different, because the soil is heterogeneous in its composition.

Now pay attention to the trunk is your main scenario process.

The main exactional scenarios are four.

"I am good - the world is good" - Scenario of well-being. In real life, unfortunately, it is very rare.

"I am good - the world is bad" - I'm better than everyone, the rest are not smart enough, beautiful, rich, educated, etc. True, sometimes they do not notice it. But what will take them?

"I'm bad - the world is good" - I am unworthy of something good. In any case, I can never in life just so lucky, everything must be achieved hard. This may have happiness, good luck, money, family, etc. And my lot is to suffer. Or punish yourself, feeling guilty.

"I'm bad - the world is bad" - Here I think the comments are superfluous ....

Please look, please, is removed, which one of them is yours. Of course, everyone wants to say: "Oh! I have the first! ". But ... be frank with you. The main thing is to see. Do not forget that it "grows" from children's settings (horses) and psychological environment (soil).

Write the script on the trunk of your tree.

More details on life scenarios can be found here. (one of the open webinars) .

Branches - These are smaller scenarios, with regard to some kind of processes of your life. Regarding work, relationships, money, health, etc.

For example, the main life scenario "I'm bad - the world is good." And it can grow from it:

In the field of relations: "All good men have already disassembled ... Therefore, a happy marriage is not for me"

In the field of money: "High-paying work is not for me. I do not have enough experience / education / smelting / etc

Kidney (from which new branches will grow) - these are your scripts that can be. They are still in the infancy. Look in the future, what exactly can grow from these kidneys, if you do not change your life.

Leaves, Flowers and Fruits - realized goals, your achievements.

You can conditionally "divide" - the leaves are your emotional states, flowers are your projects and plans for the future, the fruits are directly achieving, what was realized.

This work is not as simple as it may seem at first glance. Of course, it is better to spend it with a specialist, because we don't see any lot in your life or do not want to see. It all depends on what we want to be true.

If you do work yourself, it is very important to do it as if for another person, not for yourself. Emotionally need to be removed. Then you can see the situation impartially, as if from. So it is more realistic.

It seems to me that you have already understood that the most important element It is a tree trunk - your existential script.

Is it possible to change it?

Sure you may. It is best to do this in individual work, but we would work with him and at the training.

Schedule open meetings is located.

I will be glad to see everyone.

Record First Meeting:

But, if you decide not to go into training, can something be done with him yourself? Yes.

For example, you can draw next to a tree basket with fruits collected from another scenario tree. These fruits will represent what you would like to get in this life, the results of your activity. Sign every fruit that it means. What is your desire, your goal, your dream.

And now carefully look at your tree. What conviction or scenario process does not make it possible to grow this fruit in your life, on your tree?

Defined? If not, then think what conviction will help you. Draw a kidney on the branch that refers to the sphere in which you want to fulfill your goal and write this belief near her.

And now think how can you embed this belief in your life? What to change? What will go different? How important to you, so that this happens? How coordinating it does / disagree with the main scenario (tree trunk). What can help you? What situations from the past tell you that it is possible?

Successful to you practice !!!

With love and gratitude

The idea of \u200b\u200bpredestination worries every person. Professionally, fate solve writers, philosophers and psychologists. All other are engaged in the study of the lines of life solely at leisure. Writers and philosophers create only the sketches of permission of an eternal anthropological question, and psychologists sometimes give accurate recipes. Rather, they try to issue their hypotheses for workers' fateful mechanisms. First of all, Eric Bern is remembered and his psychological concept, in the center of which a life scenario.

In order for the conversation to be subject, you must first determine the concept of a life scenario. So, the life scenario, according to Bern, is the unconscious plan formed by the parents. The contour of human destiny occurs at an early age.

Formation of life scenarios

E. Burn is a student of Freud, so he pays close attention to the first years of the child's life. At the beginning of the life path or distrust of the world, and the child does (not consciously) conclusions in two parameters:

Evaluation of yourself.
Evaluation of parents and the surrounding social world.

Four response options:

Both positive parameters. This is the best option - the "Primary Protocol of the Winner". Formed a healthy, strong personality.
A person assesses himself positively, and the environment is negative. So arise. Those who love to advise everyone and always take offense when their advice do not follow. Those who define their children and parents on the care of the state. The extreme degree of such a scenario gives the world - murderers. After all, such people are always to blame for others.
A person assesses himself negatively, others positively. This is the psychology of the loser and the one who practices constant self-use. Sad, but people who regret themselves give such behavior to their children. "I'm bad and nothing is worth" - this is thinking that is extrapolated to all spheres of human life.
A person assesses himself negatively, others - also negatively. Psychology, which leads in impenetrable hopelessness. In a person's life, all the possibilities are painted black.

This is generally the formation of life scenarios. Two factors are responsible for them that affect the development of a person of a person or other world.

Main life scenarios (species)

Do not be afraid, life is a diverse of opinions about her. Human existence never fits completely even into the most developed and detailed theoretical scheme. However, theories need support points, and Bern is there. So, the main life scenarios are as follows:

Winners. An American psychologist recognizes the winners of those people who have been managed by the mechanism of goaling and there is will to achieve the tasks.
Unbeators. They are written on the clan to extract bread then and blood. But such a lifestyle will not bring them victory. Their goal is to stay at the same level. And they do not want either higher, nor below. This type that in journalism is called the "ordinary manner". Unbeators are law-abiding and satisfied with their "life, wife and work."
Losers. These are those who are forever and everyone is unhappy. No matter how much such a person has earned, whatever reached, he will be in a psychological sense at the bottom. The danger is that if such subjects fall, they pull them around.

It is noteworthy that the middle of the list (unbeators) delivers the least trouble to society. And the extremes are disturbed by society. Some (winners) in a positive sense, others (losers) in negative.

The main life scenarios are not so difficult if you watch people.

Winners say: "Today I was mistaken, but tomorrow I will not miss."
Unbeators say: "Yes, I brought a mistake, but it might be worse. At least I ... "
Losers say: "I would do it, but ...", "I could, but ...". The main thing here is the subjunctive inclination and inaction.

Early childhood and the formation of a person's life scenario. Scenario elements

The script consists of 7 components:

The final. In early childhood, when a person's parents talk in anger offensive or evil words, it is symbolically circumscribed on the "Curse" - a tragic outcome. If the mother compares the child with an alcoholic husband - she provokes. When parents act in the opposite way (they say good words and praise the child) - they program a successful script.
Prescription This is a system of prohibitions and permissions. They are divided into degrees: a) socially acceptable and permissible - "behave as follows as follows," you should not boast ", b) cruel and excessive -" do not say too much "," do not tell your mother ", c) rude orders and arbitrary Bans. Such orders are reduced to ordinary unjustified rudeness "Leave me!", "Do not lead", "not Yakai". The third type of prescriptions creates losers and acts as a "curse".
Provocation is recognized where parents consciously or unconsciously approve. As a result, the child turns into a drug addict or an alcoholic. And it happens that the parents are "unsuccessfully joking" over the child, calling him "asshole", "fool" or exposing his weaknesses to each other before him. Adults do not understand: they build rails for chad, which will not bring it there.
Moral postulates are those identifying signs for which a person is focused on the moral dimension of his life, considers it "correct" or "wrong". Moral dogmas lay parents. "Learn good", "Work hard." Everyone will remember not one dozen of such "morals". Poor when postulates are interspersed with provocation. In this case, again a person can roll there.
The example of the parents serves a person with a visual example, how to behave and what to count on. Moms orient the behavior of girls, and the image of the father affects the boy. In addition, the example of parents illustrates what they are taught if there is a gap between the affairs and the words of the nearest ancestors, the child's scenario does not promise anything good.
Scenic pulse. This is a protest against a too detailed script. If parents strive to excessively manage the child, an impulse arises against excessive mentoring.
Antisenacy or internal liberation. If a person's life is unfortunately, he defines its realizations for future time, for example, at age after 40. And this often frees the scenario from power.

The functions of the elements are not the same. Paragraphs 1, 2, 3 control the script, and the remaining components can be used against the programming of fate by their parents.

So the early childhood and the formation of a person's life scenario are connected.

How to change the life script?

As a highly qualified psychologist and a person who needs, E. Burn claims: the scenario is recognized only by a third-party observer - a psychotherapist. But there are four questions helping a person to open the door to the secret of their fate.

What phrase like to repeat your parents? An honest answer makes it possible to understand how to split the script.
How did your parents live? The answer gives an understanding that in a person's person, and that the parent, imposed.
The main ban of parents? If a person responds to this question, it will understand the boundaries of his own scenario, and maybe find the key to what he is tortured.
What actions or behavior approved by the parents or pleased them? The answer gives the key to understanding how a person responded to parental prescriptions.

E. Bern to illustrate the last item leads an example of a person who cuts out, because the parents said to him all the time: "Do not think!".

When answering a question how to change the life scenario, it must be remembered that the first step to liberation in the awareness of the "theatricality" of its own existence. If a person knows the types of scenarios, their elements, as well as "magic" questions, he will be able to "awake" his fate.

Change of life scenario. Philosophy VS psychology. "Freedom lies inside"

This time it is necessary to move away from the presentation of the concept of E. Karna to offer his recipe from the scenario as a form of human life.

Man manages what he believes. If a person thinks his life is written by his parents, and he is doomed - his life will be black and impenetrable. You can rely on the construction of E.Bern and frantically look for an "antidote" against "curse" or "evil rock", and you can deprive the idea of \u200b\u200b"unfortunate fate" of energy, having ceased to sign it with your fears and complexes.

This is a difficult path, because a person acknowledges that only he and no one or misfortune. Heaven is silent, God sympathically looks at his share, but does not help, therefore, that determining the quality of a person - freedom of will!

For changing the life scenario, the person himself answers. If a thinking and acting subject will understand this simple truth - "curse" will be shaken.

There is a lawsager question, the life scenario has an individual or not? There is if a person believes in it. Bern's concept is popular because she removes responsibility with a person for his own life. The Primary Protocol, written by parents, is to blame for failures, drops, wounds and disappointments. Of course, the psychological doctrine E.Bern leads a person in order to wake up thumbs up and take the management of fate into their hands, but the initial promise is formulated as follows: "Parents are to blame!" And this is not honest, nor towards man nor towards his parents.