Peeling skin can be caused by a variety of factors. To deal with ...
It just so happened that they try to raise boys to be strong and courageous, and women to be shy and in need of a man's shoulder.
With age, every man begins to appreciate tenderness that he did not receive in childhood, but girls always need it, because it is in a careful attitude that they see love. Your man allows himself to be rude, what, to wait until he crosses the forty-year mark to feel the need for care and tenderness? How to make him be softer?
What is tenderness for you
Some women put increased attention in this concept, others - romance, still others - affection, and still others - respect. Accordingly, the answer to the exciting question will be your own. However, in any case, you must first let the guy know how you feel. That's why you can't do without a frank conversation... Share that you are offended by his rudeness, desire to finish foreplay faster and immediately go to storm your monastery. Or, on the contrary, that he gently touches you only when he wants sex, and so, for no reason, no. You are missing nice words and compliments and so on.
Honest conversation
Conduct the conversation openly, without accusing, namely sharing your feelings: say not “You don’t love me at all”, but “I feel unloved because I miss your affection”. Do you feel the difference? In the first case, the man will immediately begin to aggressively defend himself, in the second he will feel that he is doing the wrong thing with you, and will try to improve if he really loves you.
Encourage expressions of affection
You talked to the man, he promised to improve, what's next? Every time he behaves the way you expect him to, say it, mark it and say that you really like it, that you feel happy. Look at him fondly and sometimes touch him silently, especially if you are not alone. Say that only a real man can afford to be affectionate with a woman. All others who do not have these qualities are unworthy to bear this proud name.
Don't hit the wall
If your man doesn't really care about you, all your requests and hints will go unheeded. Think about why you need a person who openly uses you, not caring about your feelings. You will never change him, only he can do it himself, and apparently, he is not going to strain to make you happy. As long as you are not married or committed, break off this relationship, because you deserve a better party.
Unfortunately, most men live under this slogan and do not want to express their feelings in any way, and women suffer from this, because they want warmth, sincerity and romance. For men, showing tenderness is comparable to weakness, so they prefer not to show their feelings. Strictly speaking, there are explanations for this. The stronger sex is influenced by many genetic and cultural factors.
If you are patient and use feminine tricks, you will be able to teach your loved one to be more attentive and caring.
You should not make a man scandals if he lights a cigarette immediately after making love, does not write you beautiful SMS and does not call you affectionate words. More than 60% of women in various forums complain that their boyfriends are not affectionate. Why did it happen? The behavior of a strong half of humanity is influenced by society. From the very birth, they teach that you cannot show your emotions - this is the weakness. They have been playing war games since childhood, fighting and pulling their pigtails. In addition, male rudeness has biological roots. There are more hormones in the male body that are responsible for aggression and cruelty. Consequently, the male sex is more resilient and his primary task is to protect his offspring and territory.
It follows from this that gripped in the grip of biological characteristics and social rules, men simply do not tend to show feelings, but they can learn this thanks to female wisdom.
How to teach a man to show tenderness?
Only with patience and gentleness can you avoid the biggest mistakes. You should not blame your loved one for not being a romantic. This will cause aggression on his part and even more reluctance to do something for you. A man changes when encouraged, but even then, the expressions of affection are a little hesitant and need your support. Appreciate these moments.
Show by example how to behave, but don't overdo it. The golden mean is important in everything. Try replacing the phrase "sorry you are so rare that me" with words of gratitude and encouragement. In addition to moral support, bodily is also important. An unkind man unconsciously reduces any bodily contact to sexual contact. That is, every touch for him has a sexual meaning. To bring him closer to gentle impulses, it is necessary to destroy this dependence in his mind. It is very important to learn how to please him not only in bed. Give him a massage and from time to time go for all sorts of procedures - this will bring you very close. Spend more time with your loved one and do not skimp on emotions and feelings.
How to make your husband more affectionate and gentle, attentive and caring, more romantic? For us women, this is not an idle question, because we want to see our men not only brutal and courageous.
The need for sensitivity never diminishes. Over time, she strengthens the relationship more than sex because she best expresses feelings and care for the other person. So why do men have such problems with her expression and is there anything that can be done about it? How to make the husband become more tender, caring, attentive, so that in his actions there is more romance and warmth?
Love is an intimate touch without an erotic connotation. But it can also be shown by tone, word, gesture. It helps us feel loved, understood, and accepted. Gives a sense of intimacy, security and the confidence that our bond is built on a solid foundation. Is it possible to teach a husband to openly show warm feelings, if until now he has done so extremely reluctantly?
Crybaby and sissy
It is worth recalling that men need tenderness as much as women. And if they do not show it, this does not mean that they do not love. It's just that from childhood they are taught to hide feelings associated with weakness. A boy should not cry, so as not to be considered a sissy and crybaby. He is not allowed to hug, because he will be considered a mama's boy. Sensitivity, tenderness will only make him laugh in front of his peers. Therefore, the boy grows up with the conviction that a man should not show his emotions.
When such a guy falls in love, he doesn't want his partner to know how vulnerable he has become to her. A man keeps his love inside, believing that to demonstrate it is wrong for a representative of the stronger sex. That is, he will tell the woman that he loves her (but only once!), And then he will just take care of her. The very fact that he spends time with her is for him an undeniable proof of warm feelings. What else, from his point of view, can be added? The man himself, in principle, loves to be treated with tenderness. However, he doesn't know how to reciprocate. We'll give you some tips on how to teach him this. Even if it seems like a hopeless case, it's worth a try.
Teaching a husband to be more affectionate and attentive: the science of tenderness step by step
Provide arguments
Explain to your partner that sensitivity, caring, attention, and gentle handling are essential to you. Explain how they work on you (improve mood, add confidence, relax). Position them as a way to reduce tension between you. It would be good to mention that it is good for his health too. It is a fact! Men don't have many opportunities for touch outside of sex. Even affection with a growing child looks "suspicious". Meanwhile, touch is important for their psyche. They even reduce the risk of depression and heart attack! It is not surprising that in situations of threat people tend to them intuitively, looking for protection under someone's wing. It doesn't matter how old they are and what gender they are.
Give him the instruction manual
Be clear about what you are waiting for. That you want him to take your hand. I stroked the head when you are sad. Do not be afraid that this approach will kill romanticism. It's about developing a skill, because the more often the husband makes such gestures, the easier it will be for him to behave spontaneously later. And believe me, he may not even have a clue what you need most at the moment - so why not give a hint?
Reciprocity principle
If you want your husband to become more affectionate and sensitive, behave towards him as you would like him to act towards you. Compliment, touch, surprise with heartfelt gestures, show understanding and condescension when he makes some mistakes and mistakes. Sensitivity can be contagious. Our natural reactions to it are smiles, hugs and expressions of gratitude.
The reward is required!
Whenever your husband manages to cope with a difficult task with dignity and demonstrate sensitivity and romance, show that you appreciate his efforts. To help him better understand how sensitivity "works", add specific reasons. When you receive a confession text message or nice emoticons from him, emphasize that this seemingly trivial message helped you get through the stressful shift at work. And if he buys you flowers, don't show surprise (“What have you done again?”). Say that by doing so he gave you a lot of joy. Thanks to this, he will feel like a patron, supporting someone weaker than himself.
Tenderness in the male version
Better without witnesses
If your husband is having trouble expressing affection, don't insist that he show you affection in public. Let the moments in which he opens up to you emotionally remain your secret. When your partner is confident in your discretion, he will feel safer and then he will become more inclined to affectionate gestures.
The strong man
The husband wants to be in your eyes, first of all, a strong man, a support, a rock. And it will be grateful to you if you show that you still think it is just that. Emphasize his virtues that he values most: responsibility, courage, ability to make decisions. Let him know that he is a great support for the whole family. Then your loved one will not be afraid that gestures that indicate his sensitivity and romance are perceived as a lack of strength.
Joyful closeness
Men don't like to talk about emotions. Their restraint sometimes stems from the fact that they do not want to give the green light to this kind of discussion. Therefore, you should not interpret the partner's sensitivity as an incentive for talking about feelings, because then he will avoid them like fire. These moments are not appropriate for discussing problems in your relationship. Let them be the reason for the joyful experience of intimacy.
In his style
Don't use other, more empathetic men as an example to your partner, because this will have the opposite effect. Let him find his own way of expressing affection, in which he will show himself best. Only then will the husband feel free enough to take the initiative himself and be more affectionate and gentle.
How to make a husband affectionate How many women on earth suffer from the fact that their men have ceased to show their tenderness and affection, to make compliments, hug, kiss and just let us know how much they need us. Many men believe that the manifestation of tender feelings is weakness, and a man should not be weak, he should be brave, courageous, decisive. But we women know that you can remain courageous and at the same time be gentle and affectionate. And in order to convey this, a man needs a little time and female cunning. You can read more about this and not only on the website womenspassion.ru
More than 50% of women say that their man does not show tenderness and affection. Previously, he gave you flowers, made compliments, said pleasant words, called you affectionately, hugged and kissed you, not embarrassed by people. And now he does not kiss you in public, gives flowers exclusively on holidays, calls you only by name, does not write gentle, grateful messages. Do not worry, firstly, you are not the only one, and secondly, this is fixable. So, how to make your husband affectionate ...
The reasons for the rudeness and inattention of a man
First of all, you need to understand why a man is not affectionate. Studies of biological indicators have shown that men release a large amount of hormones that are responsible for rigidity and aggression, in them by nature it is laid to be earners and protectors. The second thing that affects a man is how he was raised in childhood and what he saw in childhood. If the parents rarely showed feelings for each other and for the child, were restrained, did not say affectionate words, then it will be difficult for a man, then he will learn to express his affection. The reasons are clear, but how to make your husband affectionate? To do this, you need to work day after day on the tenderness of your chosen one. Be gentle with him and encourage tenderness for yourself.
Make your husband more affectionate
Psychologists have developed several methods for making a husband affectionate. First, you can't be very demanding. To pester him with questions about love or to beg for tenderness in every possible way. In no case do not give him ultimatums and do not reproach him. This will not give him tenderness and affection, but, on the contrary, will cause a feeling of resentment, humiliation, anger and aggression. Just thank him for every pleasant word and affectionate action.
Second, don't be overly intrusive with your affection. You don't need to write him 100 SMS a day about how you love him. There is no need to lisp with him as with a small child. If you lisp, then do not evoke a feeling of tenderness in him, but point out to him his weakness, which he already fears. A man shouldn't feel like a rag ...
Third, talk to your man more often. Perhaps he lacks understanding and support from you. If he opens up to you and starts talking about his problems and worries, it will only bring you closer.
Well, the last method: become a defenseless weak woman next to him. Do not show your ambition, independence, strength. There will never be a gentle man next to the iron lady. Let your husband feel needed, help you with something, solve your problem, become your protection and support. In this case, he will feel his strength and masculinity and become a real knight who can solve all problems and at the same time be gentle and affectionate.
"I am an old soldier, I do not know the words of love ..." How often do we suffer from the fact that our beloved do not know how or do not want to outwardly show tender feelings towards us! But we really want our men to be always affectionate, to constantly tell us warm words, to be attentive. However, for men, the concept of "tenderness" is equivalent to the concept of "weakness", so they try to avoid all this, remaining courageous and tough.
But there is an explanation for all this: as a rule, the male sex does not behave this way at all on purpose, and this does not mean at all that he does not love you or does not want to understand. No! In fact, his "thick skin" is due to many cultural and genetic factors. And if you try a little, be patient and apply some female tricks, then very soon you can teach him to show his feelings and be more attentive.
He lights up a cigarette right after you've finished making love. He thinks he's funny when you take his hand or kiss him on the cheek in public. After a long marriage, he still calls you by name and will never say "my love", "my sun", "my baby." He just fails to pronounce this word - "love". He never asks how you feel. You will not wait for love sms or postcards from him. He will not say: "Take a rest, dear, I will do everything myself." He gives you only when he knows that he is guilty in front of you, and gifts - only on official holidays ... If this story is about you - do not be discouraged, you are not the only one. About 60% of women reproach their lovers with the fact that they do not know how to show tenderness.
Why are men unkind?
Men are no longer born gentle by nature. Boys have been playing war since childhood, shooting at crows, fighting and offending girls. In fact, male "rudeness" has both cultural and biological roots.
At first, men have more hormones responsible for aggression, rigidity - thus the male sex becomes more resilient, able to protect offspring and their territory.
Secondly, from time immemorial it was believed that a real man should not cry, lisp and express his emotions too vividly. Other roots come from childhood and family relationships. If the child has received less from his parents and saw that they are extremely restrained in their daily relationships, then later it will be quite difficult for him to show affectionate feelings himself. If a person is not used to physical communication (kisses, hugs, touches), to tender words, if there was no example of loving parents before his eyes, he becomes “tough”. Although it happens the other way around: overly caring parents caress their child so much that then it is simply afraid and embarrassed to repeat such a relationship, so as not to be known as a "mama's boy" in life.
Trapped in the grip of their biological characteristics, on the one hand, and cultural and family traditions, on the other, men, after all, simply cannot be gentle. Anyway, without outside help. A man becomes gentle if he is encouraged to do so by a woman. Even then, his tenderness is a little hesitant. She needs constant support. In order for a man to remain gentle, it is necessary to "tame" him day after day. Only gentleness will help to avoid major mistakes along the way.
Here are some ways to help your man become gentle and affectionate.
1. Don't pounce on him with demands. It is completely useless to torment him with the questions "Do you love me?" and requests, "Tell me, finally, something warm." This behavior will only make the man angry. Do not demand constant attention from him, countless sms, flowers and gifts - except for irritation in response, you will not expect anything else. Never try to deliver an ultimatum - "If you will not call me" kitten "and pat me on the head, I will not cook dinner for you." Such statements will only cause aggression and resentment, he will think that you do not love him and do not want to show concern. Instead of all this, try to appreciate every time he does something sensually, thank him for it and say that you are very pleased and great (and not “what a pity that you do this so rarely”). Try to take his side - maybe what he gives you is not so little?
2. Don't overdo it with your tenderness. Another trap lies in wait for you when you completely take the initiative in manifestation, thinking: "I must give him more in order to get more later." You are exhausted to give him maximum pleasure, you think about him every minute, lisp with him and almost drown him in an ocean of tenderness. As a result ... nothing comes of it. Moreover, he is further away from you. The psychological reason for this restraint is that he is afraid of being overwhelmed, consumed by his own softness. It seems to you that you are setting an example for him, showing all the good things that manifestations of affection bring: love, happiness, etc. He sees only harm: a feeling of his own weakness, dependence. He feels like a "rag", "a dirge" ...
3. Take care of his body. Tenderness begins with the body. An unkind man is a man who unconsciously reduces physical contact only to sexual contact. For him, every touch has an applied sexual meaning. To make him more tender, you must destroy this “body - sex” dependence in his mind, teach him to receive and give pleasure not only in bed. Try sending him for some beauty treatment or giving him a massage yourself.
4. Talk to him about his problems, feelings, emotions. Often, even the strongest and toughest man lacks basic understanding and support. If he starts talking about his feelings and experiences, then later it will be much easier for him to show and show them in relation to a loved one.
5. Be with him a little defenseless girl. If you behave like a real iron lady, take the initiative into your own hands, quickly grab for solving any problems, then it will be clearly difficult for a man to take care of you. By showing that you are a strong and independent woman, you may just scare him. After all, it is necessary to feel like a defender, to be able to show care, and therefore, to become softer and more tender. Therefore, when you show your feminine, or better even a little childish weakness and unobtrusively ask him to help in something, your man will feel like a real knight and at the same time a “big dad” who will find it easier to show his affectionate feelings towards you.
