How to achieve your goal? Secret technologies for success.

How to achieve your goals

What goals to set, how to set goals correctly, and the necessary steps to achieve any goal you set.

Good time to you! In the last article, we analyzed the importance that, as it seems to many, nonsense, success in any area of ​​life depends in the first place.

And today we will consider: what goals you need to set, how to set them, and what is generally needed in order to achieve your goals without fail.

By and large, I will not tell you something particularly new, everything has long been known, rather I will draw your attention to some key points, and I will give a simple, but really working scheme that I use myself, and which helps me to achieve certain success step by step.

I will not say that I have achieved great results in financial terms, but it's good that I was already able to get out of deep hole in the form of considerable debts and loss of housing after his first bad experience in business.

So, with regard to goals in general, I am sure that the first thing that should be most cherished for any person is goal - BE HAPPY.

That is, you need to want not to survive, not to reach old age somehow, but want to be truly happy! It means living a life in which you will increasingly feel comfort, peace and joy within yourself.

And until this goal becomes paramount for you, some fears, laziness and excuses will stop you all the time.

"Everything comes true when the decision to be happy becomes a lifestyle."

But very, very many people, without even realizing it, live just the same survival, if only to somehow live. They do not try to change something for the better, to achieve something, but simply go with the flow, living in the usual (old) comfort without caring about the quality of their life, and believe the well-known saying - "Better a titmouse in the hands than a crane in the sky" .

Well, okay, if this tit can still fly somewhere, but for some it has been half-dead for a long time, its wings are clipped and not only fly, but spruce-spruce weaves.

Of course it's very important be able to live comfortably with what you have, but you need to strive for the crane .

Therefore, you just need to put yourself main goal become happy. This is the most important and beautiful goal!

But the point here is that in itself this goal is vague, it does not indicate what we need for happiness. Therefore, to begin with, we will analyze what it may consist of, where to look at all.

What goals to set for yourself.

There are many areas in our life and each is important in its own way:

• inner state of mind , this is the most important! If you mentally experience suffering, all the time or often you feel some kind of inner pain, then everything else (given below) begins to lose its meaning. And this is the first goal that you need to set for yourself - to find peace of mind. After all, life is first of all - internal state, not achievements, events and situations.

• physical health , in bad health, for example, a person is paralyzed, even having a million dollars, this will not make him cheerful, money can only give some comfort.

• Work(creative realization), if a person goes to work like hard labor, is forced to obey, endures and is afraid of losing his job, and every morning begins with thoughts: "God, how to live another working day, if only the weekend", then we can hardly talk about happiness;

Take a closer look, everyone has some plans for you, colleagues at work, firms (organizations), the state and even relatives. Everyone wants something from you, but by and large, no one cares about what you yourself want. But it is very important not to ignore your sincere desires, to satisfy them and to do in life what just for you like and give pleasure.

Remember what aroused your interest or try yourself in something new, and listen to yourself what resonates with you in your soul. It can be any activity - dancing, music, painting, knitting, photography, cooking, gardening, programming, or even animal training.

And start getting involved in this, study and gradually become an expert, in the future, this can become the main source of your income, because it is in your favorite business that people achieve the greatest success. Especially now, when, with the development of the Internet, a lot of new professions and opportunities for self-realization and earning have appeared.

And for this it is not at all necessary to take drastic steps, quit your old job or arrange a revolution, act for the future just start experimenting and learning.

• Financial(material) sphere, if there is not enough money and you have to worry all the time, where to get something to at least eat normally and give the most necessary to relatives, this is also not very bright and will strain all the time. I'm not talking about our dreams and desires - to travel, pamper ourselves, relatives, etc.

• Personal(family) relations. A lonely person can live well, but he will be happy only if he has been able, so to speak, to develop spiritually deeply, when only his own existence can please him. But you and I are not some kind of enlightened, not Buddhist monks, and constant loneliness will be a burden to us.

• Environment and friends , all this is also important for the joy and pleasure in life, besides, our success largely depends on it.

But you need to be careful in choosing such people and not be afraid to leave those who do not support and inspire you.

• Self-development . Here I will simply say that it is always important for us to strive to develop, even in the smallest steps. We do not have such a thing that, having achieved some result, it would be possible to hang in this state and somehow hold back the development. We either move forward or degrade.

If, for example, you have overweight and weak muscle tone, then it would be good to strive for the development of the body, if internal problems are bothering you and you often experience negative emotions, and perhaps there are emotional disorders, then it is important to take care of your inner world, something to study and apply to improve your well-being and its stability.

In general, you need to set your own goals in these areas, because all these moments together make us happy, inspired and energetic, and they will differ in some way for everyone, because we are all different, for everyone different conditions and resources, different predispositions and inclinations, and for everyone right now something may be of particular need.

How to set goals the right way.

Take a pen, a piece of paper and, slowly, think and write down what goals you have now. What do you want from life? Write first everything that comes to mind, it can be 10, 20 or more goals.

Next, take another piece of paper and write out of all the goals described earlier, the most necessary , the most cherished 2-3 goals for you, without which you cannot imagine happy life, in which you will give yourself with all your heart, which excites when you think about it. In general, determine what you will want to wake up for every day, what will give you the feeling that your life is not in vain.

By the way, one of these goals, for a given period of life, will take precedence over the others, this is the most what you need now, but the priority may change over time.

When you write these two or three goals, leave space between them about a third of the sheet, here we will enter “required actions”.

So, for this purpose, describe in details How would you like to live and what to do? For example, I would like to do this, to have such and such a family, to have such and such, specifically in numbers, material income, where and how to live, for example, in your own house on the river bank, there are so many rooms in the house, there is a garage, etc., in general, describe in more detail and more colorfully.

And write not some unrealizable dreams, like: to have a billion dollars and to be loved by everyone, but let them be bold and hot dreams, but it is imperative that realistically achieved in some foreseeable future(eg 1 or 3 years).

You can take your time and draw up a list with goals gradually, over several days, now the main thing is to begin, and then, without too much delay, bring to the end.

How to achieve the goal - concrete actions

After describing the goals, in the space left, we write the paragraph: "The most necessary actions leading to the goal."

At this point, think about and note those specific actions to take in order to achieve what you want.

And write actions starting with the smallest steps, what will be the first and what will be next.

For example, if you are single and want to start a family, then the first action would be to go outside and take a walk where you can meet certain people, or find a dating site. And the second step will be: without too much thought, continuing to feel embarrassed, go up and talk to a person, say at least a couple of words or write him a message.

And if now these actions prevent you from doing excessive fullness and the uncertainty associated with this, then we set ourselves intermediate goal: “Start eating right and exercising in order to become more confident and attractive.”

The same applies to the most important thing - our health.

What do you need to feel good, be cheerful and energetic? And now think about how best to achieve this - what actions, where to start here and there?

These actions must be reliable, that is, proven, proven and effectively working, and not some of their own or others, little-verified stories and conjectures.

Example. For your good health, stable, well-being and energy I need:

• relax regularly (what specific actions?)
• complete rest (when, how and what?)
• playing sports (what sport, what do I like best, what will be especially useful in my case?)
• learn (what exactly are the ways?), etc.

That is, describe the specific actions in stages necessary to achieve the goal.

Scheme:

1. Detailed clear goal that we have set for ourselves

• (most effective actions)
• (... action)
• (... action)

1. The second detailed goal

• (... action)
• (... action)
• (action), etc.

Fixing the set goals

After writing a leaflet with goals and actions, often find a separate minute and remember (dream), periodically look through this sheet, and even better if you at least sometimes (preferably more often), and for example in the morning, rewrite goals in a separate notebook, in this case motor skills will be connected. It has been scientifically proven that the brain begins to perceive the information described by the hand in a different way, more deeply and purely, and assimilates it better. Imagination and writing on paper are the most powerful tools for self-development.

It will also help if you record your goals on an audio player and occasionally listen to the recording. After all, it is important not only to know your goal well, but fix it in the mind, make it an idea and start living it . After all, there is nothing stronger than an idea, if some thought has built a nest in the head, it begins to control our life, and it’s good if this idea is useful!

I also want to recommend you one very convenient service, which was created specifically for setting and achieving goals using the SMART methodology. The service was created by Russian enthusiastic developers, it has everything necessary tools and the possibility of additional self-motivation with the help of like-minded people and social networks. Probably for some of you this particular method of tracking and achieving goals fit better Total. SmartProgress.do >>>

What should always be remembered

Dreaming and acting towards your goals, it is important remember the present , otherwise constantly thinking about where you would like to be, you lose the ability to enjoy life here and now.

It doesn’t work in life that, they say, I will achieve my goal and then I will live, I will become happy. In life it's the other way around at first you mentally relax and start to relate more easily to yourself, to your goals and life itself, and without unnecessary stress, without burnout, you begin to move towards your plan, then that's it magically, albeit not always quickly, it turns out.

Therefore, keep a big goal for the future, but try live by one day , solving small problems as they come, and not thinking ahead about everything, and not bringing yourself to illness and the pursuit of achievements. A big goal, as a bright landmark to which you need smoothly pursuit.

Just do not forget that everything you do is primarily for the sake of your happiness, and to be in good mood and be content with life, you can already right now, and this, if not strange, depends only on you!

How to achieve your goals

Having set goals and periodically remembering them, start moving towards this, trying no distractions on harmful thoughts, useless and stupid people, quarrels, arguments with someone and empty activities.

And start now right now at least just do first steps without waiting for the perfect moment .

Many people make one of the biggest mistakes, they are constantly waiting for this perfect moment to start something. They spend their whole lives in this expectation, until one day their dream turns into disappointment. And in life very often this happens.

People think so, I’ll start when I’m ready, when I get more knowledge, or when my condition improves and I gain confidence, or in general, when some stars converge and there will be a sign from above.

In fact, everything is simple - there will never be a perfect moment, and you disturbing yourself change life for the better. You are afraid and listen to your fear, you do not have faith in yourself and your strength. Probably sometime earlier you made a mistake and maybe not one, or maybe someone told you some kind of "nasty thing", you believed and that's it. And now they are fixated on the fear of failure, which now does not allow you to do something necessary, and someone even began to think that he was in life.

And it always seems to the maximalist that they are not competent enough, that you need to gain more knowledge, although, in fact, you don’t need to gain anything, it’s enough if you just know something well and can bring real benefits, and perfection will come with practice and time.

And all it takes is trust yourself, trust life and take the first step!.

Of course there is a risk, but risk, this is the second gold, it is always there, and it is different from recklessness great opportunities to make your life and the lives of loved ones happy.

And often in life, one necessary action is more important than all knowledge, just like a few seconds can change everything. For example, when meeting, when all you need is to make up your mind and just speak.

Finally:

Surely, many of you are now thinking, they say: “Ah, reluctance, I’ll write about the goals later, I’m not up to it now,” or “It’s not so important, I won’t write anything, it’s unlikely to help anyway.” It means that your old beliefs have worked inside you, which slow down and spoil your whole life.

For those who did, keep this goal and action sheet, review and apply it, it will come in very handy!

If nothing comes to your mind right now and it’s incredibly hard to think about goals, perhaps

Best regards Andrey Russkikh

P.S. Watch Brian Tracy's video on how to set goals.

Motivation is the process of making informed choices between different possible actions. Every second we make this choice. We are constantly doing something and not doing something, and what we do, of course, affects our lives. Often we have to fight with ourselves in order to achieve our goals - we have to do what we would not want to do now and vice versa, give up what we would love to do. Here are some self-motivation tips:

1. Any of your actions should be meaningful and directly or indirectly, should lead you to the result. The way you organize your activities greatly affects your motivation. Try to organize them in a way that makes it interesting and pleasant for you to work.

2. At the current moment in time, you should have one goal, and nothing else should distract you. One of the most common mistakes we make is when we start doing one thing, then another, and we end up spreading ourselves across a lot of things, and most of them are left unfinished. We set ourselves too many goals that take a long time to achieve. It should be understood that motivation is fickle - today it is, but tomorrow it is not. You have to choose one goal, focus on it completely and achieve it before the motivation is gone.

3. It is very desirable, especially in small things, to remove the time gap between intention and action. If you just say to yourself “you should do something”, then you set yourself a task for some incomprehensible uncertain future, leaving you with a feeling of unfinished business and the discomfort associated with it. It is best if you solve the problem as soon as it arises. In other words, if you need to do something, then do it right away, before you have time to come up with excuses for your laziness.

4. Think about the benefits, not the difficulties. Instead of thinking about difficulties, think about why you are doing what you are doing. Thinking about the benefits of your business will give you strength. You must be clear about the end result and think about it, constantly trying to find ways to achieve it.

5. Find support. If it is difficult to do something alone, then have someone help you. Find a like-minded person and partner. Although sometimes it can be useful to find an opponent - healthy competition is very motivating, and work turns into a kind of game.

6. Try to find inspiration. It could be a book, a story of some people, etc. Sometimes we feel like we can move mountains after listening to our favorite song or watching a good movie.

7. Know that you will succeed only if you act. Don't say to yourself, "Oh, I can never do that!". If something is very difficult, start small. If you can't get started, then it may be because you are looking at the problem too globally. Any long journey begins with the first step and consists of many subsequent steps. The main thing is to start. Even if you don’t have time at all to achieve your goal, set aside at least 5 minutes a day for it. Accumulate small achievements one by one. After each small victory, you will feel good luck and an overall positive attitude. Consolidate and build on this success with one more step. After a while, looking back, you will see that you have already overcome a long way. All people who have achieved heights in anything have one thing in common - they bring things to the end. You can do more and you know it. Good luck in your endeavors and continuations!

How many times have you promised yourself to start new life? Or set ambitious goals, but for some reason could not achieve them? It's time to get out vicious circle and get yours.

Get your goals right

A well-defined goal is the key to success. If you clearly define what you want to achieve, then it will be much easier for you to pave the way to your goal. That is why make sure that you have formulated the goal according to the SMART model.

SMART is an abbreviation for the words specific - specific; measurable - measurable; attainable - achievable; relevant - significant; time-bounded - related to a specific time frame.

Start working on your goal as soon as it meets each of these parameters. Otherwise, you risk not only increasing the time to achieve the goal, but also completely losing motivation.

Prioritize

When everything is prioritized, nothing is prioritized. In other words, you must make your goal a top priority and strive daily to get closer to your desire. It is best to do the most important thing in the morning.

Start your morning with something that will bring you closer to your dream.

Regardless of what position you have and what you do, it is advisable to allocate morning time for the most effective work. This may be the time on the way to the office, and the first half hour at work, when you close the doors of the office, asking you not to disturb you. You can also just get up 30 minutes earlier and while the whole family is sleeping, dedicate this time to achieving your goal.

If you start the day by getting closer to your goal, then such a day will definitely not be in vain.

be patient

For impatient people, waiting and wasting time are unbearable. To ease their pain, they try to save time and speed up, but the rush leads to an increase in the number of errors, because the brain is able to work either faster or more accurately, and then you have to go back, correct what you have done and spend twice as much time because of this and forces. And you don't want that, do you?

A critical element of success is doing everything on time.

Schedule action too late and you'll miss your chance. Schedule it too early and you'll fire before the target has even been set. You need to choose the right time, and then wait. Therefore, do not rush things and get ready to gradually approach your goal.

Don't turn temporary setbacks into defeats

No matter how much you want to avoid it, sooner or later you may be overtaken by failure or uncomfortable circumstances. For example, you regularly visit the gym, eat right, sleep, as expected, seven hours and even more. And suddenly something changes: vacation time comes, and with it - extra desserts, relaxation and laziness; mom gets sick - and this knocks you out of the usual rhythm of life; you are seriously upset about something - and calm yourself down with fatty and sweet food. The list of reasons why the achieved smooth flow of life is violated, and it gets out of the normal track, can be continued.

Keep moving towards your goal, no matter what happens.

But you must not give up, no matter how many temporary setbacks you experience along the way. Don't turn temporary setbacks into defeats. Face the circumstances with a smile, deal with them and continue on your way to the goal!

Avoid Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the desire and inner expectation of the highest level of performance. Then why is it bad to strive for the ideal? Why does perfectionism get in the way of achieving goals?

First, the “ideal” and “highest level” are very difficult to formulate and measure, so the goal of a perfectionist is elusive and abstract. everything but the ideal is unacceptable to him. if something does not meet the criteria, it must be rejected, replaced or redone. however, in this case, the work will not end. You can always correct, change and improve something - and still this will not be enough, because the ideal is unknown.

Perfectionism becomes the pursuit of the unattainable.

Secondly, the ideal is relative. What is perfect now won't be perfect tomorrow, and what looks great to some may not be to others. A warm sunny day is great for a picnic, but bad for drought-stricken crops. A glass of wine can be a great end to a hard day, but not for a person who is struggling with alcoholism. Salted dryers are a wonderful snack, but with hypertension, salt is unhealthy. Therefore, even if perfectionists provide for everything and create something perfect for everyone, circumstances can change, and this ideal creation will cease to be such. Avoid such situations.

Believe in yourself

Self-doubt dictates what can and cannot be done. It determines how ambitious goals you consider, how high you set the bar, to what extent you dare to reach. It builds a fence around ambition and feeds the brain with warnings that you know very little and know how, are not ready for success, are depressed, you are uncomfortable, and dreams are difficult to realize.

What to do with your confidence? Body language can have unexpected effects. Studies have shown that, for example, a change in facial expression affects mood because it is perceived by the brain as a sign of external or internal stimulation.

Therefore, try to speak confidently, stand and walk - and you will feel a surge of strength and admiration of others. The situation in which you are afraid to be will not change from the fact that you are timid or courageous. So why not choose courage?

Published by the publishing house "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber". The book, first published abroad over 35 years ago, has gone through many editions. Its author, Barbara Sher, a single mother who worked all her life to raise two sons, was supposed to celebrate her 45th birthday shortly after the book's release. The release of the book was the beginning of a new stage in her life: she received thousands of reviews from readers and became a popular lecturer with the largest companies in the US, Canada and Western Europe. Cher teaches how to turn vague desires into results. Forbes publishes excerpts from the chapter "Environment that creates winners", where the author describes the environment favorable for the appearance happy people, and talks about stereotypes that prevent those people who are unlucky with the environment from achieving their goals.

I'm going to ask you some questions about the family you grew up in.

If you answer “yes” to all or almost all, then congratulations. I envy you. You are a rare lucky person who is lucky enough to have an environment that creates winners - the best environment for growth and flourishing.

In fact, very few people are so fortunate. To me - no. And it's not our parents' fault. They themselves did not grow up in the right environment and did not know how to create it. And yet they tried to create at least a part of this atmosphere by educating us, simply because we were loved.

Each of your “yes” in response to my questions is a piece of the bridge between your childhood genius and its adult incarnation, which we are going to stretch. When you answer no, try to imagine what your life could be like if the answer was different. But even if you have “no” to all questions, do not despair. With the help of a book, you can still build that bridge.

Let's start, perhaps.

In your family when you were growing up:

1. Have you been treated as if you have a unique gift that deserves love and respect?

I hope you answered yes.

Sadly, sometimes parents did this out of love, wanting to protect us from the disappointments and humiliations that fell to their lot. Many of them went into the world without allies, with only a bold and fragile sense of their own, and were beaten as a result. Perhaps they thought that lowering our expectations, nipping our desires in the bud, so to speak, would help us avoid this pain. A harsher way of saying something like, “Don't try this, dear, it will only hurt you. Believe me. I went through it. I know".

We catch this message from early childhood. And we would rather give up our destiny than risk injuring or angering those whose love we live.

So when that stubborn sense of “specialness” rears its head, perhaps a wave of shame immediately rolls over you and an automatic recording immediately plays in your mind: “Who do I think I am?” If this happens, then definitely your answer to the first question is “no”.

Think about what would change in you and your life if you were treated differently? What would happen to you today?

2. Have you been told that you can do whatever you want and be who you want - will you still be loved and admired?

This is nothing more than love and respect in action. For real to care for someone's giftedness is to give complete freedom in the choice of its expression, and then to respect and support this choice.

You came home from school and said: "I decided to become a doctor when I grow up." Or, “I definitely want to be a movie star.” Or: “I want to be a circus clown,” and your parents answered with sincere enthusiasm: “Sounds great! You're sure to do great!"

Instead, most of us have heard something like, “Doctor? Well, honey, maybe you'll be a nurse." Or: “If it were so easy to become a movie star, everyone would be movie stars all the time. Stop thinking about the clouds and think about what grades you need to get into college.” “Ugh, what a disgusting idea. The circus is so dirty." Well, and so on.

It was then that our behavior and plans began to adapt to the ideas of our parents about who we should become in life - what is available and right. Even if it did not correspond at all to who we really were and who we wanted to become.

The son of a foundry worker, born a brilliant scientist, may have problems. As well as the daughter of a lawyer who dreams of becoming a jockey. Many families believe that certain professions are above or below their dignity. Such prejudices are passed on to children, which initially limits the range of available opportunities.

Of course, among the strongest prejudices-attitudes are ideas about what a boy should be and what a girl should be.

Women are raised to love. We were taught that in order to receive love, it must first be given. Our upbringing prepared us to care for others. We must love and nurture children so that they can grow and fulfill themselves. We must support the husband so that he can realize himself without hindrance. In other words, flowers need to grow. And you know what it turns us into? Fertilizer, to put it mildly. Most of us have been taught to achieve love in this way, and not to be flowers ourselves. If we dared to bloom—were active, plunged into our work, rushed to success—no one would nourish our roots and we would perish. At least that's how it seemed to us.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow He wrote that all people have a hierarchy of needs. And before we think about higher needs, the most pressing needs must be met. First, food and shelter are the basic needs necessary for survival. Then emotional - we need to feel that we are loved for who we are, we need to feel that we belong to some social group. Only when all these needs are satisfied do we feel safe enough to begin our self-actualization. The need for love is so great that people follow it like plant roots follow water and leaves follow light. This is how we grow. Love in our culture is a guide that helps to learn certain roles.

Until recently, in our culture, men tended to earn love by fulfilling themselves, and women mostly by helping others to fulfill themselves.

It turns out that if a man is lucky, then actions for self-realization will already lead to the satisfaction of all his needs.

Have you ever heard a boy think about what he will choose - a wife or a career? No, the more he succeeds in his career, the better he can get a wife. But the girl in the depths of her soul probably knew that someday she would have to make a choice between these things.

striving for success and achieved success assumed that they would hardly love you. No wonder so many women have mixed feelings, if not fear, about the prospect of a successful career! We were forced to choose between two vital needs: a higher one, self-realization, and a fundamental one, love. And this is impossible.

Men have other difficulties.

If you are a man, then you were taken seriously. Sometimes too seriously. You knew very early what was expected of you in the future - you have to earn a living. But parents could have very specific views on this matter. They wanted you to be successful. Well, well - success in their understanding. You should have gotten into a good university, or made it to the top in law school, or continued family business. You definitely should have been doing something "masculine". Whoever the real man in your family saw - a professor, a company president or a loader in a port - his image was clearly defined and unshakable. Even your childhood games and dreams had to match this. If you enjoyed reading a lot, playing the piano, or fiddling with dolls (dolls are toy people, and being human, boys are often interested in them), what did you do when you saw displeasure in your father's eyes? You put down your book or doll, grabbed a baseball glove, and ran to practice with him. As a result, by the age of five, you may have completely forgotten your unique talents and interests. I suspect that there are a lot of poets, chefs and dancers walking around us, so well disguised as lawyers that they no longer recognize themselves.

Having answered “no” to the second question - it doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman - think about it: what would your life be like if in childhood you were lovingly told that the whole world of human possibilities is open to you and the choice is yours alone? What would happen to you today?

3. Have you been given help or encouragement in finding an interesting activity for you? Helped understand how to do it?

Highly important point. Without this, even if you received everything that was discussed in questions 1 and 2, there might not be any sense. Moreover, support in such a case could do more harm than good. Ask those who have been told that you can become whoever you want, but were not told how.

What are we talking about? Maybe you said: "You know, I really want to become a scientist." Maybe every free minute they drew or took things apart, trying to find out how they work. And your parents, seeing this, carefully supported, fueled your interest by providing a variety of resources - books, materials, people. They helped to sign up for the library and showed a rack with scientific literature. Together with you, they equipped a terrarium, gave a microscope or a beautiful set of pastels for a birthday. They introduced you to a scientist, an art teacher, an inventor or a mechanic - those who were engaged in something consonant with your interests, gladly allowed you to observe their work and taught you.

In other words, your parents used their knowledge of the world and experience to show you the amazing things that people like you can do and do.

Many families do not do this on purpose - for fear of putting pressure on you. For some, this was a hidden test of your determination: whether you show enough will and ingenuity to get your way. But when you're five or eight years old, how do you know there are pastel crayons in every color of the rainbow if no one shows them? When you are ten or twelve and admire the skill of a dancer, doctor, or carpenter, someone has to tell you that they started, just like you, with only interest and love. Our talents are innate. But we are acquiring skills. And they will not be taken by themselves, from the air - we must get them from people who already possess these skills. If your family understood how to help you join the vast and exciting world of adult games, the world of skills, activities and thoughts, then you are in luck.

If you answered yes to the first and second questions, but no to the third, do you blame yourself for not becoming the person you were told you could be?

I’m willing to bet that at least once, and maybe all eleven, you have gathered your courage, decided: “I can do it!” They went out the door and had no idea where to step next. Of course they didn't! Nobody told you about it. Instead of turning to someone: “Excuse me, can you tell me which direction to go in?” You said to yourself: “Here. I thought I was special. But it's not. I'll have to be satisfied with the fact that I'm typing eighty words a minute and just a good person.

You returned home, sat down and were glad that no one saw you. A year or two passed, the thirst for a dream woke up in you again. Excited, you made a new attempt, stopped at the same place and thought: “Second time. It proves that I'm dumb." And all because no one explained that it's okay to walk out the door knowing nothing, and that you have the right to receive all the information, instructions, help and advice - everything you need.

If you answered “no” to the third question, consider: how would you and your life be different if you were helped to determine what you want to do, and then helped to learn how to do it? Who could you be today?

4. Have you been encouraged to follow all your abilities and interests, even if they change every day?

That is, when at the age of seven you said: “Mom, I want to become a movie star,” my mother answered: “You know, you can do it well.” Gave you my lipstick, eye shadow and mascara, took a video camera, filmed a movie with you, taught you and your friend how to use the camera. And after a couple of days or a couple of months, when you said: “I don’t want to be an actress anymore. I want to become a firefighter and save people,” she replied: “ A good idea. Do you want to go to the depot, look at the cars?

The key word is research. Childhood is a great time to try out a myriad of possibilities (although adulthood is good enough for this, as we'll talk about a little later). The talents and interests of children should be taken very seriously, but a seven-year-old child should not be expected to choose a profession for life.

If you answered “no” to the fourth question, consider how your life and yourself could be different if you were helped to follow all your abilities and interests? You know: few people have only one interest, and talents are not allotted to us one at a time.

5. Were you allowed to complain when things got tough, were you sympathetic, rather than urged to quit?

This question can be divided into two parts:

5a. Were you allowed to complain when things got tough?

In that case, you could come and say, “This is too difficult. I cant. I won't. I will fail. I do not know how. They yelled at me. I hate this. I changed my mind. I will never do anything again." And... you were listened to. They didn’t get hysterical and say, “I knew it! She can not! That's what I was afraid of!" They didn’t get angry at you and didn’t demand: “Stop! Get a hold of yourself!" They really listened to you, and you felt cared for and understood that doubt, fear and disappointment are ordinary, acceptable feelings, in which there is nothing shameful or terrible.

5 B. Did they sympathize with you, and did not persuade you to quit everything?

Many of us, especially women, were sympathetically offered to surrender. “Welcome back, my poor one. You're right, it's too complicated. Of course, it's better to quit. Go to sleep, rest. It's OK. We still love you. We'll take care of you."

I have a friend who is very unsure of her ability to study, but at the age of twenty-seven she entered the medical faculty. She had to study mountains of material, but she bravely fought her way through all the difficulties. One evening her father called her and said: “You know, we will still love you even if you fail.” Of course, he was only being kind and wanted to ease her tension. But she was ready to kill him.

In fact, we need to hear: “Yes, horror. Really hard. I remember my school, it was monstrous.” And when we moan for fifteen minutes and pour out our souls, it will become easier for us: “Well, is that all? Come on, get yourself together now. It's time to try again. Yes, it's really difficult. But you can do it." And maybe even: "I'll help."

If you answered “no” to one or both parts of the fifth question, do you think your life would be different if you had such gentle but firm support?

6. Have you been rescued when you couldn't handle something - and without reproach?

This question also has two parts:

6a. Have you been rescued? If you were in trouble and called your mom and dad, did they help you? Most will answer yes.

6b. ...and without reproach? This is unlikely. Who does not remember the nahlobuchka that parents asked, pulling out of a dangerous situation by the scruff of the neck, where we risked climbing out of carelessness or out of adventurism? Most of their anger was caused by anxiety and pain, parents wanted to save us from the unpleasant, but at the same time priceless experience of making mistakes. Part of this may have been embarrassment that our behavior casts a shadow on them. But try to do something and make mistakes - difficult lesson which they learn on their own. All the teacher or parents can do here is point it out. The anger and reproaches that fall on a person who has already learned from a mistake made only beat the dignity and desire to try again. But how rarely have we been told, “Mistakes don't mean you're bad. They learn from mistakes."

After answering “no” to the sixth question, think about how your life would change if you were told exactly this?

And now the most important and difficult question:

7. Were there winners in your environment who rejoiced at your success?

Has anyone in your family achieved what they wanted in life? Did not miss your chance by getting it? Rejoiced when you won?

Such people did not experience mixed feelings. They cheered: “Awesome! Another one on board! There are only talents among us!”

To almost everyone, it sounds like heavenly music. We live in a society where it is incredibly difficult for people to achieve what they want, it is even difficult to believe that this is possible and that everyone has the right to it. Most of those who raised us did not have such an opportunity or support. They did not achieve what they wanted, and blamed either circumstances (“harsh reality”) or themselves for this. In other words, their feelings towards our success were contradictory... They were afraid for us if we still dared to try, because they could not help. But at the same time they were envious and felt lonely if we managed to enter the world of winners.

You understand? This property of a perfect family is the key to everything else. The environment that breeds winners is almost always made up of winners. It doesn't have to be celebrities, bigwigs, or super-successful people. They are contented and inquisitive people, open and energetic, they look at life with confidence and treat themselves with respect. They not only allow you to explore the world on your own, but also encourage your interest and unusual approach.

People who are happy to immerse themselves in their work - the best sample to emulate. Their children can see with their own eyes how things are really done: no magic, but slowly, step by step, whether it's playing the piano or building bookshelves. And more importantly, parents who can be attributed to the winners always find time for their children's hobbies and ensure that their favorite activity brings them satisfaction. They know how to get necessary information and materials on how to master the necessary skills, because they themselves have gone this way.

People who tried, failed, but didn't get discouraged, but tried another way and eventually succeeded (and all winners have gone through this countless times without exception), will help children overcome discouragement and learn from their mistakes.

Information about the paths that lead to victory was not freely shared in our society. It was possible to learn about it only from the people possessing it. And if you didn't grow up in a family of winners, there was only one way for you to learn how to win. It's been a long and hard road that I've gone through. The path of trial and error, struggle with many internal and external obstacles, with fear, loneliness and ignorance.

I want to change it all. I don't think it's necessary for anyone to go down this long and difficult path. Life is too short, and the unique potential of each of us is too valuable to waste. The purpose of this book is to tell you how to actually achieve victory. But first, I want you to ask yourself a very difficult question. If you dare to answer, despite the pain it may cause, you will take the first step towards success. Imagine that you grew up in a family of winners - people who achieved what they wanted in life, knew how to help you achieve what you want, and who were happy when you succeeded.

What do you think would change in you and in your life? Where would you be today?

1. There are things that cannot be achieved or simply should not be achieved. Becoming a rock star, marrying a famous football player, driving through the city at night to buy that same ice cream - imagining it is much more pleasant than experiencing it in reality.

2. Sometimes desires are not really yours, but you have no idea about it. For example, you may think that you want to be a successful lawyer, but in reality you want your father to be proud of you. Or you dream of becoming a hermit and you don't suspect that you really just want to get away from your obnoxious boss.

3. Achieving the goal will not provide you with the satisfaction you expect. When yours comes true, you will not feel as much joy as you dreamed. We tend to overestimate both the amount and duration of happiness from wish fulfillment, so be prepared.

Before you jump into the fight for your dreams, consider this. Otherwise, it may turn out that you have wasted several years, or even half of your life.

How to reach your goals

Determine what you really want

Often we don't even know what we want. Many of our desires are born out of dissatisfaction and sound like: “I don’t know what I want, but definitely not this.” Be specific.

Do you really want to work for yourself or are you just tired of your job? Do you really need or do you dream of becoming healthy and energetic?

You must understand exactly what you want. Imagine in detail that you have already achieved what you want, evaluate not only the pros, but also the cons - they always exist. What do you feel about it?

Eliminate desires that contradict each other

“I want to be in good shape. I also hate playing sports.

Often a new goal remains unfulfilled because you have the opposite desire that contradicts it. Take, for example, a good physical form and a sedentary lifestyle. Being passive and not exercising is also your wish. It comes from the desire to avoid discomfort and prevents the fulfillment of a new desire - to bring oneself.

All reverse desires are caused by unwillingness to leave the comfort zone and fear of the unknown: training, new job or hobby.

Think about what needs to be done to achieve the goal. See if you don't want to do it.

Find out how other people have achieved what you want

It is unlikely that you want to achieve something that no one has been able to do before. Use the experience of others to achieve your goals. Just search the Internet for people who have already done it: made a lot of money, ran a marathon, won a competition in any sport, or learned three languages.

If the person has written an autobiography or an advice book - use those, if not - try to contact and ask for advice directly. Just send an email asking for help. There is a chance that you will valuable advice and warnings that will help you achieve what you want faster.

Make the best plan

From the advice given to you, make a simple plan. Imagine how you would achieve what you wanted if you were not afraid of anything and had an incredible.

Now watch how the fearful part of your consciousness is trying to change this plan, to make it less painful. Now you are observing your opposite desire - to avoid discomfort.

If you are trying to modify the original plan so that there is no discomfort in it at all, then the desire to avoid difficulties is about to win. The further your plan deviates from the original, the less likely you are to actually achieve your goal.

Resist the urge to escape the unknown and discomfort.

Make changes to the plan if needed

So you have a plan. And you started to move according to it. If you are progressing, then there is no problem, keep moving. If not, ask yourself four questions:

1. Am I following the plan? If not, then start following.
2. Is there any minor part of the plan that needs to be changed? If there is, change it.
3. Do I need another plan, given everything I now know? If so, develop a tactic that suits your current situation.
4. Do I feel that my goal is unattainable or that I don't need it? If so, quit and do something else.

As a rule, all the difficulties and problems that you meet on your way have already been experienced by other people. Google it.

If your plan isn't working, make adjustments or change it. If your goal no longer seems attractive to you, give it up.

What can stop you from achieving what you want

Desires of other people

Family and friends wish you happiness, but they may not approve of the path chosen to achieve it. Perhaps they will consider that your desire will not bring you anything but suffering.

In addition, your goals may conflict with what your loved ones want. For example, parents dream that you are always there and not in danger. Of course, they will be against your move, dangerous or extreme travel. Consider this and do not expect comprehensive support from others.

Your reverse desires

The real reason for all failures is the desire for predictability and comfort. This is a real invisible fence that keeps us from achieving our goals.

Each of us is capable of incredible things. The more unusual the desire, the more we simultaneously want not to achieve it, remaining in the comfort zone.

We are fearful beings who want to keep the usual order of things with all our might, no matter how dull and rotten it is. We have an excuse: this quality is essential for the survival of the species. But sometimes it really bothers us.

When you accept the fact that fear will accompany you in any worthwhile attempt, it becomes a little easier. Not easier, but easier.

You have decided what you want. Do it. If you don't know what to do, the next step is to find out.