I want to start all over. #house: rearrangement of interior components

I want to enter the new year, not only freeing myself from work debts or unfinished business, but also starting life as if from a clean slate. At the same time, in order to “reboot” yourself, it is not at all necessary to quit your job or radically change your image. All you have to do is listen to our advice.

On this topic

Before you start life from scratch, you need to understand that the "past" life does not suit you. This is what will be the main impetus for change - the irrepressible desire for these changes. It may arise due to the fact that you feel uncomfortable in the environment in which you live. You can name more local reasons that make a person feel the need to change his life. It can be an unloved job that only pumps out a resource without replenishing it in return with the joy of goals achieved, plans fulfilled, or the process itself. Relationships in which you no longer feel loved, which it’s time to break off, but you can’t decide because of certain fears, can also be the reason for the desire to change your own life. Together with the psychologists of the Secrets family and sexual education center, we made sure that your transition to a new life was done correctly.

Step One - Desire

We have already said that the path to change is based on the desire to change. In order to start life from scratch, you need to understand that this desire is stronger than all the fears that can go hand in hand with life changes. For example, dismissal from an unloved job may be accompanied by a long search and a temporary (perhaps quite long) absence of a new job; the termination of a relationship in which you have been a member for several years may be associated with a fear of loneliness; moving from one city to another may be associated with financial problems. There is always something we are afraid of. And this fear very often acts as a limitation for our desire, preventing us from taking the most difficult step on the path to change - the first step.

Step Two - Ask yourself what will get you started on the path to change.

- Complete all unfinished business. You can not start a new life, leaving the old things unresolved. Finish the book that you haven’t finished reading for a long time, fulfill all the promises you made - in general, do everything that is unfinished that is in your “past” life.

- Do the cleaning. This is the most banal, but very valuable advice, which implies that you have to put things in order not only at home, but also in your own head. Get rid of all old and unnecessary things (clothes can be handed over to second-hand, furniture can be returned to the store and get a discount on buying a new one). All things that cause you negative emotions, memories or that you do not want to see anymore, will need to be removed from the apartment. And do not put it somewhere on the balcony or on the mezzanine - this will only create the appearance of change.

- Leave the past in the past. Whether it's an ex-partner who regularly calls you, or a colleague from work who stuffs herself into girlfriends and whispers behind your back. All the people that you would not want to see next to you in a new life must be left in the past: stop answering calls, go into open ignoring mode, stop thinking about these people.

- Define a clear goal that you want to achieve in the course of change. Highlight the most important thing that you want to get from these changes. It can be a new job, a new relationship, it can be a guide to certain values ​​- love, a sense of happiness, restoration of physical or psychological health.

- Visualize the dream. You must not only understand what you are going to, but also see it, imagine it in the brightest colors. This is one of the methods of neuro-linguistic programming - to tune in to a deliberately positive result and move towards the goal with complete self-confidence.

New Year's Eve and New Year's holidays are a great time for a change. Psychologically, we perceive the onset of the next year as a worthy occasion for setting global goals, completing old cases and emotional “zeroing”. In order to really change your life, do not put off the first steps, start acting immediately, do not be lazy and believe in yourself.

Exercises to help you get started:

Summarizing. Very often a person has a desire to take stock of the "past" life before starting a new one. This is a good technique that will help not only find unnecessary reasons for change, but also set new goals and plans.

Wish collage. This technique helps in the process of visualizing a dream or goal. First, make a list of wishes that you want to fulfill. Then, armed with whatman paper, paste on it pictures, clippings or articles from magazines that you associate with a specific desire. The collage must be hung in a conspicuous place so that it is constantly in front of your eyes. This will help you remember what you want to strive for.

And finally: in any business, attitude is very important. Approach change with determination, courage and confidence. You should feel the joy of change and the sense of fulfillment that comes with completing tasks and achieving goals.

WE ALL HAVE ACCUMULATED A LOT OF QUESTIONS TO OURSELVES AND THE WORLD, with which there seems to be no time or it is not worth going to a psychologist. But convincing answers are not born either when talking with yourself, or with friends, or with parents. Therefore, we asked professional psychotherapist Olga Miloradova to answer pressing questions once a week. By the way, if you have them, send them to .

How to start life from scratch?

We are taught from childhood that we need to study better, do more, run somewhere all the time, hurry up, finish school with honors, go to college as soon as possible - work up later, and then - no, you need to get married, and it would be time for children, otherwise you won’t have time, the eggs are not spermatozoa, they are finite. And in the end, when this endless stream calms down a little, there is a chance to find yourself in an unloved job, or with an unloved husband, or unwanted children. Or, on the contrary, without the children you so dreamed of, but in the abyss of a hateful job. Or even with a broken trough - it just happened, out of a sense of contradiction, for example. The main thing is that you woke up today or tomorrow, and the following thought comes to your mind: stop, this is not it and not me, is this what I dreamed of?

Olga Miloradova
psychotherapist

Despite the fact that I strongly advocate that every person should give up living other people's lives and finally start living their own, I do not advise you to drop everything at once and run to some ashram in India, even if the book "Eat, Pray, Love has proven this to be the best way to solve all problems. First, sit down and think, more than once, why are you where you are? How did you end up in this place? Did your own dreams or the hopes of loved ones bring you here? Who are you and what do you dream of? Did you dream of writing screenplays, but became a lawyer because dad wanted to? Or did you just want to be a lawyer, and dad wanted the same, but you were so infuriated that dad offended mom that you, in spite of him, decided to become, well, for example, a stewardess? Perhaps your own dreams and your hard-won decisions brought you here, but what you have is no longer viable? Or maybe it never was, but you overestimated your strength.

In order to honestly admit to yourself in many things, often there is simply not enough courage. How to accept the fact that you are not smart enough for a scientific career? Or your hands aren't dexterous enough to be a good surgeon. Or that your husband no longer attracts you mentally or physically. In the latter situation, it is much worse if he is still the same close friend and comrade, but you don’t want to have sex with him at all. In most cases, our lives are not black and white, so any situation, even the most unbearable, is not always unambiguously bad. She has at least such a plus - she is familiar to you, in her you know how to behave, where to hide and how to survive, and everything new and unknown is fraught with fear that suddenly everything will be even worse.

Unfortunately, life does not provide any guarantees and the choice is always yours. That is why you can meet the love of your life, but stay with someone with whom everything is so familiar and routine. Or, on the contrary, take an escape with an unexpected, unexpected love against the backdrop of a long calm, and then understand that you have truly betrayed your person and will not return. And yet, if you really thought well, weighed the pros and cons and realized that everything you have does not suit you and is not viable, then this fear of change must be overcome. Yes, there are no guarantees of success, but any change is already a breath of fresh air, it is a new experience, new ways and opportunities.

Let go of your past. Don't compare what's happening to you now
with what you gave up

Think about who you are going to start this new life with. Do you take a partner with you or is it the one you are going to refuse? Think about those people with whom you are accustomed to communicate: are they all your friends and necessary for you, or do you maintain relationships with some of them out of courtesy / out of old memory, or maybe it is they who are pulling you back? As you should evaluate the pros and cons, you are starting a new life, you must understand who is part of this new life and who is not.

Let go of your past. Do not cling to it, do not compare what is happening to you now with what you have given up. Yes, this is your experience, it is definitely useful in some way, you probably learned a lot from the mistakes you made, but in general, try to take out only positive memories from your past life and turn the page.

Now it's time to make real plans. Make a list of what you would like to change and what concrete steps you can take towards those changes. Try not to cover global categories, it is better to plan changes in small steps, setting yourself short-term realistic goals. It is also advisable to avoid such a turn as “I must” when drawing up your plan. You are changing your life for the better. Do you want that. Your little changes are your desires and joys, not the Damocles sword of obligations and obligations.

For every doubt, put more effort and try to cultivate positive thinking in yourself.

And since we are talking about small steps, you can start the changes with your appearance, for example. Often, even something as small as a new hairstyle can help you feel like a new person, or at least mark the beginning of a new phase. Start thinking like a new person, in no case look back with thoughts, but what would happen if ... Nothing new will begin until you finish the old one, this is especially noticeable when trying to build new relationships without losing hope for resuscitation of the previous ones. So, don't forget to close these doors tightly. But at the same time, forget about things like "I can't" and "I can't do it." We were talking about setting realistic goals, right? So, for every doubt, make more efforts and try to cultivate positive thinking in yourself. In addition to being what we eat, we are much more what we think. If we think of ourselves as a loser, then every further action will only confirm this, right?

And do not forget that we are still limited in time. The longer we wait, the more difficult it is to start something new, on the one hand (after all, the brain's ability to learn and remember decreases with age), and also the more difficult it is for us to admit that all these years we have been doing something wrong. Imagine, it’s one thing to leave an abusive partner at 25, and another thing at 50 and think that most of your life has been devoted to suffering, it’s much easier to pretend that everything is fine until the very end. However, whoever you are and whatever you do, and even if you are not going to change anything at all, try at least sometimes to distance yourself from professional identity. First of all, because you are not just a journalist, marketer, veterinarian, student - you are a much more multifaceted person, and who knows what talents are still hidden in you? And even without talents, each of us has a child who deserves unconditional love. And not for anything, but just like that.

Life- an interesting thing, but sometimes difficult, it goes hand in hand separation and meeting, evil and good, love and hate, joy and sadness. But that's what makes life beautiful - its versatility. You won’t know, you won’t predict what awaits you in tomorrow - triumph or collapse. If at the moment you are experiencing difficulties in life, you think that everything has lost its meaning, and you don’t know how to live further - try start life from scratch. Our tips will help you with this.

Leave the past in the past.

It often happens that a person, for various reasons, finds himself in difficult situations. Someone is going through a divorce, someone is the death of a loved one. Someone lost their job or property, became seriously ill, etc. Everyone's reasons are different. It is very hard to go through, but it has already happened, and nothing can be changed. It's already in the past. A series of cases led to the fall, so we need to learn the necessary lessons so as not to repeat the same mistakes in the future. Remember the saying:- What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Try to start life from scratch.

Of course, you will constantly analyze what happened, blame yourself or another person, or some external factors for what happened. Leave fruitless thoughts: " And if ..., then it was ...". Alas, the past has no subjunctive mood. No one is able to change past events, no one knows how it would be - better or worse for you, if events had happened differently. You yourself do not torture yourself, do not mentally return to the past, no matter how difficult it may seem. Learn to think positively and enjoy the little things in everyday life.

In order to start life from scratch, there is a good training. It will help set yourself up for positive thinking: try to remember every night before going to bed all the joyful emotions that you experienced over the past day.

Your main assets.

In order to start all over again, analyze what you have at the moment. Surely, the first answer is that nothing. But this is not the correct answer. You have lived for a number of years, you are no longer a helpless baby. You have experience, acquired professional knowledge and skills. And, taking this as a basis, you can make plans for the future.

Maybe you have some unnecessary things that you can profitably sell or save " for a rainy day”, because in order to start everything from the beginning, any penny counts. Perhaps you used to hold a high position or were a wealthy person, but during a difficult situation, when there is a question of survival, do not be afraid to take on at least some work.

You are trying to start life from scratch, but you are not alone. Look around, because you have relatives and close people, friends, colleagues, acquaintances. Do not hesitate to ask them for help, because someone will be able to give you advice, help your friends, business.

Communicate on the Internet, there are now many sites where people create groups based on professions or interests. Regardless of whether this communication is real or virtual, it will definitely give positive results. You will talk about your troubles (and psychologists advise you to do this, because then your problems will not seem so global to you) and you can meet people who will provide help when and from where you did not expect it at all.

In the end, for those who are trying to start all over again, all sorts of volunteer services or social programs that can help everyone in need with different requests can become a huge support at first. This includes psychological assistance, free legal advice, accommodation, meals, etc. Don't give up.

However, it is worth noting that when you are in an unbalanced state, you are vulnerable to various scammers. Be careful! Don't be afraid to take help from strangers, but check. And remember - no one will help you better than you can do it yourself.

There is no time for depression.

Without a doubt, failure in life leads to depression. Of course, it is necessary to suffer, but not for a long time, otherwise depression will drag you into a path of inaction, tears and neuroses. And then you need medical help.

Our body has an invaluable resource. But it must be protected and protected in any difficult situations. Often during depression, a person tries to forget by taking alcohol. But this is a fruitless and terrible path, leading to nothing constructive. And to start life from scratch, you should not take him as a companion.

There is also this expression: If you think that everything is bad with you, find someone who is even worse and help him.". Double benefit in this advice. First, you will find out that everything is not so bad with you. Secondly, you will experience a sense of satisfaction due to the fact that you have helped someone who is even worse off.

In order to make it easier to start life from scratch and return your thoughts and body in order after stress, do physical exercises. A famous saying from ancient Greece is still relevant today: In a healthy body healthy mind» . And we need a healthy mind. In order not to be nervous anymore, throw out the burden of sad thoughts, decompose your thoughts " on the shelves and, in fact, start all over again. Find a sport according to your temperament and soul. Running, yoga, dancing, swimming, cycling, aggressive sports… There are tons of options. Don't worry if your finances don't allow you to go to fitness centers. Charging and exercises are available to everyone. The main thing is not to be lazy. Set a goal, for example, to have an ideal body, and strive for it.

Be that as it may, exercise is very disciplined. Plus - during and after classes, the hormone endorphin or the hormone of joy, as it is otherwise called, is produced. After half an hour of exercise, the body produces this hormone for another 2 hours. In addition, endorphin gives strength to the body to resist stress, resistance to negative emotions and balance.

your perspectives.

Look at yourself and your problems with the eyes of an optimist. How many people get a chance to start over? For example, to do something that before, for various reasons, it was not possible to do, but I wanted to. Prove to everyone. first of all. Himself, that it was not in vain that he was born into the world. Moreover, in a state of stress, talents that have been hidden up to this point are often revealed, developing into a hobby or a profession.

So how do you start life from scratch?

Set yourself a psychological point: believe in yourself, in your knowledge and abilities, your character. Start developing those skills that you feel are not enough for you. Don't be afraid to take risks. Get to know the world, the environment and yourself. Remember the expression: Better to do and regret than to regret and not do».

Be active and confident. Then you will undoubtedly be able to start a new life, even if this does not happen immediately. The main thing is your focus on results and desire.
Remember the words of Richard Aldington: Life is a wonderful adventure, worthy of suffering and failure for the sake of success.».

That's how you live and it seems that everything is in order. No matter how good, no matter how good. And then all of a sudden it hits ... all these unpleasant memories, terrible resentments, gnawing feelings of guilt. Looking back, you see that life is a chain of bad and very bad events. I want to cross it all out, as if turning the page and starting life from scratch. And it seems to even work out, though until the next roll of unpleasant memories. Is life all about suffering?

• Why, no matter how much you want, but you never manage to forget the past, turn the page and start life from scratch?
• What's stopping you from starting from scratch?
• Where to find the strength to start over - to live from scratch?

The desire to start all over again from scratch does not arise in every person. And this is not due to how many mistakes and misdeeds people make in their lives. No, this desire is directly related only to the human psyche, which for some of us is directed entirely and completely into the past.

How to start life from scratch? The question is not for everyone.

Only 20% of the planet's inhabitants are more focused on the past with their thoughts and desires. It is there, in the past years, that they see the best in the life of mankind in general, and, unfortunately, their most offensive mistakes and misdeeds. But the future, on the contrary, seems completely unattractive to them. Therefore, they often say this: either " Eh, people used to be simpler, the trees were taller, the prices were lower. And now where are we heading? Everything just gets worse and worse." Either " How could I be so wrong? You didn't have to do that! Now I regret it all my life ... How to turn the page, how to start living from scratch?

We are talking about people who by nature have an anal vector (terminology of system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, read more about the system of vectors in the article "8 vectors".

It is the gnawing feeling that mistakes have been made in the past that engenders in the mind of the anal person the idea of ​​taking all this and forgetting it all at once. After all, in fact, the question is “how to start life from scratch?” - this is not a question, but simply a desire to cross out past oversights.

Subconsciously, we understand that it is impossible to “start from scratch”, because it contradicts the nature of the anal vector. Aspiring to the past, possessing an excellent memory, he cannot turn around at one moment, neglect everything that was and go forward without looking back. That doesn't happen. And even if it happened by some miracle, it would bring incredible suffering, much more than a person feels from the remorse of what he did in the past.

Start the year with a clean slate? Is it necessary?

Of course, you always want to get rid of what hurts. But in the case of the anal vector, the mistakes of the past are only a seeming reason for heartache. The real reason is that the past does not provide analytical experience, looping a person on the same mistakes. It is because of this that there is a feeling of some kind of constant, incessant dance on the same rake, and the future life is seen exclusively in pessimistic colors. Yes, occasionally there is a glimpse of the thought “to start living from scratch”, but this does not change anything. Everything stays the same year after year.

The only way to stop suffering from your own past is to become aware of it, analyze it, draw correct conclusions from it., that is turn the past into useful experience. Most often, this does not work for us due to the elementary reason for not understanding ourselves and our desires, and to the same extent - the desires and characteristics of other people, conflicts with which cause the most pain.

Only an accurate, reliable, verified analysis of why something is happening in our lives gives relief. This is how experience is created, and at the very moment when we apply it to life, it gives tremendous relief and fulfillment. Even more - when we share experience with other people, transfer to the future.

By correctly applying the past as a good experience (and there is simply no bad experience, by definition), we get a colossal fulfillment of our desires. And then the thought will never even enter your head - how to turn the page and start life from scratch, all over again.

Life cannot be started from scratch, but much more can be

Not a single person in the world can mark his past, forget it, cross it out and just start life from scratch. This happens only with brain damage and amnesia, but such a scenario of life causes nothing but sympathy.

You should not be afraid of your past or deny it. On the contrary, you need to make a 180-degree turn and boldly look into your past. Take it apart piece by piece, remember all the grievances and feelings of guilt, all the troubles and punctures, but not from scratch, but with the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology. This knowledge has already provided a foothold for thousands of people around the world. Read and watch their reviews at this link.

System-vector psychology is now available to everyone in the form of very interesting lectures accessible to literally anyone. Introductory part - absolutely free, to pass it, you just need to register and receive an invitation for the next dates. It can be done