Reflections on True Success - Stephen Covey. Be, not seem to be

Landscaping and planning 30.09.2019

Anatoly Nekrasov

How to be, not seem. Quiz of life in questions and answers

Foreword

Life consists of some questions, but I want it to consist of some answers ...

Movie "Garage"

Dear readers, before you is a new book by Anatoly Nekrasov “How to be, not seem. Quiz of life in questions and answers. And as the name implies, it consists of more than just questions.

Those of you who are already familiar with the work of Anatoly Nekrasov have probably noticed that when analyzing the past and present of his respondents, he does not use the doctrine of karma. There is a perfectly logical explanation for this. His philosophical position is based on the analysis of the past, the search for causes and their elimination. In other words, not prevention of consequences, but treatment of causes.

As a matter of fact, psychology has been developing in a similar direction for more than a hundred years, making, however, the main emphasis on the consequences. But in this case, years are needed to eliminate them, and a person is forced to constantly work on himself.

And so the first question from Nekrasov: when to live happily?

Responsibility relieves of resentment and claims, allows you to look for the causes of phenomena or events within yourself, take care of yourself, learn to love and respect yourself, develop qualities lost somewhere in the process of self-development, thus restoring balance and cultivating self-sufficiency.

The main thing is to be honest with yourself. Only with the help of an honest conversation with oneself, so to speak, "heart to heart" certain, once conscious qualities cease to be shameful and despised.

In his new book, Anatoly Nekrasov analyzes typical problems family relations. The author was not afraid to debunk the epigraph postulate of Leo Tolstoy to the immortal work "Anna Karenina" about happy and unhappy families, quite convincingly, consistently and on concrete examples proving that all unhappy families are typically unhappy.

Tolstoy, positioning himself as a man not too happy in marriage, had a good idea of the intricacies of family failures. Happy family seemed to him unattainable, bright and even, without nuances. But shades still exist, and in order to see them in this bright light, one must be in it, and for this it is necessary, in fact, to be happy.

Feeling himself, in connection with his idealistic ideas, deeply unhappy, Tolstoy tried to help others, to look for a path to happiness. How is this possible when there is disharmony and discomfort in the soul? And consequently, the respected Lev Nikolaevich was in deep error. Although, most likely, this is not a delusion at all. It's no secret that each era makes its own adjustments ...

The book offers some directions for self-development. In particular, the exit from the generic space, the appeal to one's own "I". Self love primary only under this condition is love for one's neighbor possible. In addition, having fallen in love with yourself in your mirror, you can hope for reciprocal feelings from others.

The trouble of all people on the planet is the fear of being natural. Meanwhile, you need "be", but not "appear" I However, established stereotypes make it difficult to comprehend this, although the facts, it would seem, are obvious.

Whether you agree with these positions is up to you, dear readers!

From the publisher

Find your mirror To all the women of the world with love

Dedicated to women who tried on alcohol, drugs, obesity, loneliness, lack of demand and illness, like clothes that were forced to wear

You never thought that the word "addiction" is very accurate to the point. It's not about dependence on something, but first on someone.

I am a product of my era, in which, unfortunately, leadership in many areas of life belonged and belongs to men. At the same time, paradoxically, on the one hand, the feminization of a woman, and on the other, her complete oppression.

I have come a long way to myself and I invite you to go through it. If you are interested in something in my story - a word, a phrase, even the air around - it is just for you.

My name is Irina, and I do not hide my name. In translation, it means "World", in the sense of a planetary scale. Although I do not pretend to the whole world, but I want to give women, girls, girls the path of freedom!

Have you ever wondered why there are so many unhappy women and men? Unhappy marriages? Find happy woman immeasurably more difficult. Among my acquaintances, in any case, I do not know such.

Moreover, almost all of my girlfriends either went through a divorce or never got married. True, there are exceptions, but not among close friends.

How was this story written? To be honest, I didn’t seem to write it at all, it was written by itself. I just wrote down for a week all the thoughts that haunted me for a long time. About a year ago, I filed for divorce, I must say, under pressure from my mother, although at my suggestion. But something did not add up in my picture, as if there were not enough elements in the mosaic. And on the same day I came across the book by Anatoly Nekrasov “Marriage is dead. Long live the family!" Since then I have read all of his books. And many more others. I took the divorce papers. However, she filed again, but quite consciously. All for me last years the question haunted me: why did alcohol appear in my life at all? Valery Sinelnikov says that you need to thank your body for every reaction, especially if you feel bad. This is evidence that life is giving you a sign that something is wrong in your reality. I have, it can be said, in general, a physical intolerance to alcohol. I'm after e-mail asked Anatoly Nekrasov for a personal consultation, to which she received an answer that the whole thing was in the interrupted generic female energy.

Immediately make a reservation, I do not agree with the statement that everything depends on the woman. Women, remember, when you are told that everything depends on you, it means that you, and only you, must take responsibility for yourself and for men. Do you want this? I studied a lot of books, by the way, almost all of them are written by men. They are not without truth.

In order to understand the reasons for the failures in my life, I had to analyze my life path. I think there are many women like me, we are all children of the same time and everyone has similar problems. In addition, my story is connected with the closest people - my mother and husband. This story is indicative for many women, since the theme of love, trust and family is always relevant.

However, closer to the topic. I've been told that I turn into an alcoholic from time to time. I almost unconditionally believed in it and began to be afraid of alcohol as fire. Ask who is the seer and how did it happen? Do not believe it, the closest and dearest people. Why am I writing about this? I want to warn you against the delusions that people have suggested to you. They pursue their own, often selfish goals, they want something from you. What? amazing interest Ask. Anatoly Nekrasov writes that it is simply love. I completely agree with him. Only, perhaps, I have a feminine view of things. Now imagine you have to give love that you don't have in sight. Well, how not. There is, of course, but modified. Love has long become a duty for you. Here, you must, and that's it. Ask - to whom? Yes to everyone. Of course, women have an excess of love, only it is directed at anyone, but not at themselves, their beloved.

When the Titanic set off on her first - and last - voyage, there were 614 sun loungers on her decks. Every morning, the team laid out these sun loungers and arranged them in such a way that passengers would want to dive into them, soak up the decks. Passengers were free to rearrange the sun loungers in accordance with their desires.

It is clear that when the Titanic began to sink, it never occurred to anyone to "arrange the sun loungers in accordance with their desires."

Now, when we talk about someone "rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic," we mean doing meaningless and trivial things instead of doing something important, something life-changing. Because this is the last thing in life - to rearrange deck chairs on a sinking ship. The last one is literally.

But why then is it the first thing many of us do?

“Rearranging deck chairs” means to give appearances for reality, to worry more about the external image than about the internal content, to prioritize in reverse order.

This is what we all do. We do everything topsy-turvy.

And the result? Missing shots, shattered careers, shattered families, ill health, bankrupt companies, lost friendships, a life buried under the rubble of bad decisions.

This is exactly what happened on the Titanic, which sank in 1912 and took 1,517 lives with it. The requirement "Safety first" was the last in a series of priorities. The ship was moving at full speed through dangerous ice fields. lifeboats not enough for everyone. There was no safety drill, so when the crash happened, the passengers had no idea what to do.

The story of the Titanic once again confirms the truth of Goethe's statement: "The most important things should never be subordinated to the least important."

How many of us choose to highlight things that don't really mean anything?

How many of us let our own interests take precedence over those we are responsible for?

And how often do we play nice with those about whom, behind their backs, we are not ashamed to say nasty things?

And are we not more cordial and fair to strangers than to our loved ones - those people who mean much more to us than strangers?

And don't we strive to snatch more, but give less?

Are we sacrificing long-term success for immediate success? And do we really value the external gloss, the tinsel of success (deck chairs) above peace of mind and satisfaction from the real benefit that we can bring (saving the ship)?

Stephen Covey believed that true greatness is that kind of success that accompanies a person's real contribution. The external attributes of success - position in society, popularity, image - are the essence of false greatness. When you observe the actions and behavior of celebrities, famous athletes, big bosses, movie actors, and the like, you see a glint of false grandeur.

True greatness is inside, it is not evident. True greatness is in the very essence of man. False greatness is external. As Dr. Covey taught, "Many of those who have false greatness - that is, public recognition of their talents - lack just true greatness and positive qualities." And sooner or later this manifests itself in their relationships with other people - with a business partner, with a spouse, a friend, or with their own child experiencing teenage problems. This is where true character comes into play. Emerson once said, "The way you look drowns out what you want to say."

Real life success comes when life is filled with true greatness - when a person is guided by duty, honor, dignity, perseverance, self-sacrifice and service, regardless of material reward and circumstances. These are natural, universal, indestructible principles. They are the same for everyone, everywhere and at all times. The pursuit of false greatness, if you do not possess true greatness, does not give anything. You cannot build a successful life on quicksand, just as you cannot build it on the external trappings of glory. It can be built only on the granite foundation of unshakable principles.

However, the irony is that often - though not always - false greatness accompanies true greatness. People endowed with good and positive qualities, become winners already because those around them trust them. Their hard work, as a rule, brings good and reliable results, and sometimes prosperity. Through their work ethic, they win love and loyalty. And this is the natural result of true greatness. Although, of course, there are no guarantees: respectable people, like everyone else, can also, for example, get sick, they can be haunted by failures. Many good, decent people work hard all their lives, but never achieve financial success. But those who aspire to true greatness enjoy a special sense of contentment and peace that those who aspire to false greatness cannot achieve, because the latter understand in their hearts that they are missing something very essential.

Many people confuse success with false greatness. They go out of their way to get everything that will speak of their success, but are not willing to admit to themselves what they really are. Real success is expensive, but they don't want to pay that price, so they look for roundabout ways that would allow them to achieve success without much difficulty. They create a false impression. They pretend to be friends.

Very many can admit that from time to time they also had such thoughts. However, negative traits such as selfishness, laziness, procrastination, and dishonesty also have consequences.

In this age of false grandeur, opinion polls matter much more than ethical beliefs, and the veneer has far more influence than the inside. And yet, deep down in our hearts, we feel that a successful life is a life according to principles, that external success is nothing if there is no internal success at its core. We want our children to achieve inner success. We want the same for ourselves. "According to Gallup polls, more than 90 percent of American adults adhere to the ideas of honesty, democracy, tolerance for people of other races and cultures, patriotism, friendship, family values, moral courage and the Golden Rule of morality", .

This intuition also has a completely scientific basis. Scholars who study skills and identify the hallmarks that underlie success no longer focus solely on intelligence and talent: many see character as the main trait leading to success. Take, for example, the famous Perry Project, in which researchers followed children for decades to identify the factors that contributed to the fulfillment of their life goals and callings. The project started in 1965 in Michigan, 123 children became the object of study. preschool age. The children were taught to "concentrate on often boring tasks ... stick to a plan ... delay rewards." In other words, they were instilled with character. Half a century later, this technique made itself felt in how the life of the project participants developed. Compared with peers from the same background - namely, from a very disadvantaged area with a predominantly African American population - they had much more high level education, twice as high employment and significantly higher income; at the same time, they were twice as likely to be brought to the police and arrested.

Interestingly, the original goal of the Perry Project was to raise the IQ of children. But this just didn’t happen, but something else happened - their SQ (success quotient) increased significantly - the success rate, which once again emphasizes the value and importance of character.

Stephen Covey was convinced that character is a much more significant factor in achieving success than talent, intelligence or circumstances. Therefore, he dedicated his work to making people around the world recognize this fundamental truth and change their lives in accordance with it. Thousands and thousands have achieved this through training or simply by carefully studying his books. Today, very young people in schools and colleges on all continents are mastering these principles - for them, FranklinCovey has developed a full-fledged training course "The Leader in Me". The results can truly be called remarkable, as those who have taken this course recognize the difference between true and false greatness and learn to live in pursuit of true greatness.

How do the principles of true greatness become part of our existence? Is character not inherent in us from birth, and is it possible to change it?

Yes, it is not easy, but character can be changed. As Dr. Covey taught, we have the power to choose our own course of action. human character can be likened recipe: a cup of hereditary properties, a tablespoon of environment, a few ounces of luck, but you are free to decide what to cook with these ingredients.

The key to success is to stick firmly to unshakable principles and stop making even brief forays aside. When your goal is to keep moving north, you follow the compass needle. Any deviation - and you are already wandering anywhere, but not to the north. This is the harsh reality. Reality, like success, is governed by the same principles, and when you transgress them, you suffer the consequences.

Violating one of the principles, you do not necessarily immediately feel guilty or even embarrassed. What's more, you can experience what scientists call "the raptor's delight," the joy of getting away with it. Many people enjoy the fact that they managed to cheat with taxes, deceive the accounting department by presenting fake invoices for a business trip, and say nasty things about someone. Such people feel far superior to all these miserable simpletons who do not cheat and do not deceive anyone. But even they know deep down that they have done great harm to those around them - and in fact they have harmed themselves, because such actions do not go unnoticed for their character.

Anyone who violates the principles of thrift and spends more than he should, is threatened with poverty. The one whose bad habits violate the principles according to which his body exists, who eats wrong and neglects physical exercises, is threatened with illness and physical infirmity. Anyone who violates the principles of kindness and respect will have more enemies than friends.

Of course, none of these consequences is 100% inevitable. But if you look at life through an unbiased, realistic filter of probability, you will see that these consequences happen very, very often.

The principles that govern your reality are not questioned. They are outside of your control. They don't care if you believe in them or not - they just exist. And therefore, you will succeed much faster in life if you adapt to these principles and stop trying to ignore them.

This means that you should take a closer look at your character and figure out what motivates you. You have to reconfigure your motives and character traits according to the principles that bring success; and work on these negative traits like procrastination, envy or selfishness.

It's really not easy to go into the "secret garden" of life, as Stephen Covey calls it, and figure out what grows in it. It is not easy to reconfigure your existence in accordance with true principles, but this is the only way to real success.

Principles are like levers. You are unlikely to be able to budge a huge boulder, but with the help of a lever you can do it. And the longer and stronger the lever, the easier it will be for you to do this. As Archimedes said, "Give me a lever long enough and I will move the world." Principles such as honesty, a willingness to help, and a commitment to prioritizing are powerful. Only by persistently applying these levers can you be sure that you will be able to move from your path to success the most serious obstacles - character flaws such as selfishness, victimism, and deviation from true priorities. If you are a direct, honest person, others will trust you. If you are attentive, not indifferent to people, if you help them, you will achieve better results and get more from people. If you start putting your true priorities first, you won't have to pay the price of wasted time and a wasted life.

In this book, Stephen Covey talks about how to go from an obsession with false greatness to a focus on true greatness. He describes twelve levers of great power—twelve principles by which people truly live. successful people. You will learn how to internalize these principles, to make them truly yours.

So here they are:

Wholeness

Following Priorities

self-sacrifice

Service

A responsibility

Loyalty

Interdependence

Manifold

Lifelong Learning

self-renewal

Mentoring

First lever - wholeness, a state in which a person is one and indivisible. Inner world whole person is no different from her appearance. A whole person has no secret thoughts and hidden motives. Such people, as Dr. Covey said, "fully integrated into their existence the whole set of correct principles."

True success can be achieved only when the goal forms a single whole with the inner essence. Once you set such a goal for yourself, you will be able to achieve true greatness.

These twelve levers help you move from apparent success to real success; cast aside deep-seated doubts and become a confident person who feels that there is a solid foundation in life in the form of natural principles.

Why are we talking about twelve levers?

Even in ancient times, thinkers made lists of useful principles. Aristotle's doctrine of the virtues and the thirteen virtues that Benjamin Franklin wrote about come to mind. Today, the eminent psychologist Martin Seligman, based on scientific experiments, has identified twenty-four character traits that determine a fulfilling existence.

The twelve levers of Stephen Covey are the result of research, long work and interact with thousands of people around the world the globe. Covey considered these levers fundamental and immutable and listed them, guided by a certain hierarchy. As already mentioned, wholeness is the foundation of true success along with contribution- the meaningful and positive legacy that we leave behind. following priorities allows us to create this contribution, without being scattered on trifles.

To achieve what will become a true heritage is impossible without self-sacrifice. WITH tinning people means the need to rise above their own "I" and feel the taste of true success.

V modern world more and more neglect the natural principle responsibility. Nobody wants to take responsibility for own success. The difference between those who have true greatness and those whose greatness is false becomes very clear when accountability for failures and failures has to be taken into account: the one with true greatness steps forward and, without shifting his blame to anyone, takes responsibility for himself.

Loyalty is a natural consequence of service. By professing the principle of service, you build deep and equal relationships with other people. You cultivate trust in people, and they grow trust in you. Closely related to trust is the principle interdependence is the same constant as the law of gravity. Every action has consequences. Consequences manifest in every moment of your existence, and the balance of actions and consequences can be positive or negative. You are treated the way you treat others. When you undermine trust, you are inciting to undermine trust in yourself. Retribution may not come immediately, but you still have to pay.

If you want to maximize your success, you must value manifold. Whatever you touch - biology or business, politics or production - the same law of nature reigns everywhere: differences triumph over uniformity. As Stephen Covey said, “If two people have the same opinion, one of them becomes redundant.” Learning to appreciate driving force diversity that other people bring to life, you will take another step towards success.

Without lifelong learning and self-renewal you risk falling into stagnation. A person is renewed when he plays sports, reads, spends time with those he loves, and engages in spiritual practices such as meditation. And in conclusion, it should be said that you will better internalize the principles of true greatness, instructing others - that is, not only serving personal example but also teaching.

Together, the twelve levers make life easier, but more rewarding. Using them, you strengthen your character and influence on others. Huge boulders will still be encountered on your life path, but your attempts to move them will no longer be in vain.

The twelve levers are by no means the sum total of all the principles of success - there are many others. But these levers are irreplaceable and necessary. Without them, it is impossible to truly succeed. This book will help you understand what you need to do to make them an integral part of your being.

True greatness is a natural consequence of the use of these levers.

There is great power in good deeds.

An understanding friend has a huge impact.

The responsible worker is given more and more responsibility.

The whole person has powerful moral muscles.

As Stephen Covey said, “... If you want your marriage to be happy, radiate positive energy and do not resort to negative energy. If you want your teenage child to be more pleasant and accommodating, become a more understanding, empathetic, consistent, and loving parent yourself. If you want more freedom of action at work, become a more responsible, responsive and active employee. If you want to be trusted, be reliable. If you want to get your talent recognized, focus on true greatness of character."

Stephen Covey's influence is a global phenomenon. Started with the publication of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People in 1989, millions of leaders, educators and families around the world have been inspired and encouraged by Dr. Covey's words ever since. If his ideas sound familiar to you, it's because his language has become the language of our time. Phrases such as "be proactive", "think win/win", "first seek to understand, then to be understood" have defined the culture in which we live.

However, Stephen Covey's contribution is much more than The Seven Habits. The publishers of the book you hold in your hands have reviewed dozens of articles published by Dr. Covey and selected those that most clearly expressed his views on the principles of a successful life. Some of these articles were previously inaccessible to a wide range of readers. And we are confident that Stephen Covey's reflections will help you change your life: it will become not just good, it will become great.

Colleagues of Dr. Covey

Hello everyone! Today we will not talk about microstocks and not about drawing, but about a new book by Stephen Covey "Be, not seem to be". This is a collection of essays by Stephen, his reflections on true success and character development. They were written in different years. His son Sean Covey carefully compiled them into a book, and the MIF publishing house translated the book and published it in Russian.

The book "To be, not to seem" has got into my list of readings without waiting in line. I won it, that is, she came herself, and I decided - well, then it’s fate for me to read this book now :)

And just listened to a good podcast about speed reading, changed my attitude to this process and wrote a review in connection with this, which turned out to be at the right time in the right place :)

By the way, Sean not only collected essays into a book, but also supplemented each chapter with assignments that you can complete in writing and thereby clarify many important life moments for yourself.

I won't write much. I think that few people have not heard of Stephen's most famous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In my opinion, Stephen Covey is one of those amazing whole people whose words do not differ from deeds, and thoughts do not differ from words.

He dreamed of becoming a teacher, but became an outstanding teacher, although he had to continue the family hotel business. Stephen taught at the university, wrote books, lectured all over the world, influenced the lives of millions of people, advised kings and presidents. And with all this, he was a good father for his 9 children and a wonderful grandfather for 52 grandchildren!

About the book

This time I will not write about the book, but I will tell. A little over a year ago, I became a mother and, not without surprise, realized that I was getting less and less writing. But it turns out to record video while walking! Combining business with pleasure :) This is how my channel appeared "Video walks with Anya Volkova" , where I share my thoughts on inspiration, creativity, planning, motivation, health and happiness, I share useful tools and also talk about the books I read. So if you're interested, enjoy!

Links to resources mentioned in the video

She also talked about different moments from the book in the following video walks.

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STEPHEN COVEY

PRIMARY GREATNESS

THE 12 LEVERS OF SUCCESS

Published with permission from FranklinCovey Company

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.

FranklinCovey and the FC logo and trademarks are trademarks of FranklinCovey Co. and their use is by permission.

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Eric Bertrand Larssen

Foreword by Sean Covey

The future of my father, Stephen Covey, was predetermined. My grandfather owned a very successful chain of hotels, and of course, the eldest son - my father - had to continue the business.

But the father felt a craving for teaching. The craving was irresistible—everything in him was crying out to be heard. And he decided to teach, no matter what it cost him. He saw amazing potential in his students, he was consumed by the need to let this potential materialize. But he could not forget what his grandfather wished for him, and decided to talk to him. However, he was afraid that his grandfather would not understand him.

And then one day my father made up his mind and told his grandfather that he really wanted to become a teacher. Grandfather replied: “Fine, son. You will make a great teacher. To be honest, I don’t really like business myself.” So Dr. Covey became a university professor, writer, and in fact one of the world's preeminent thinkers in such areas as leadership, organizational management, family issues. And all because he found the courage to answer his own need and find his own voice.

He helped others to find their voice. One day I asked my father to define leadership. And he replied: “Leadership is the ability to tell another person what his value and his potential are, and to do it so clearly and clearly that a person, having received a charge of inspiration, can see these qualities in himself.” It was the first time I heard such a definition, and it touched me. Why? Yes, because these words spoke a lot about him. He always managed to make me understand what my value is and what my potential is, even when I did not see it in myself. He made me feel powerful, feel like I had an important mission. And he evoked the same feelings in my brothers and sisters and in everyone around him. He believed that every human being has his own destiny, that each of us is infinitely valuable and has extraordinary abilities, and that each of us is unique.

My father was a great teacher – above all, he taught us by example and by his own words. His views have defined my whole life. He constantly told me that there are only two life paths- a life full of true greatness, and a life of false greatness. True greatness is what a person really is: his character, integrity, real motivations and desires. False greatness is popularity, titles, position in society, fame, fortune and honors.

My father taught me not to think about false greatness and focus on true greatness. He also talked about how a false, secondary greatness often—though not always—accompanies those who have achieved true greatness, and that true greatness is already a reward in itself, since it gives peace of mind, a sense of self-worth, and deep, full the meaning of the relationship. This reward far outweighs the benefits of false greatness—money, fame, and that selfish, momentary existence we so often call “success.”

I am writing this foreword three years after my father's death. But his voice - deep, penetrating - is preserved in these essays. Preparing them for printing, we practically did not change anything - the texts remained the same as they had just come out from under his pen. We simply arranged them in such a way that we get a consistent story about how to live a life of true greatness. Some of the essays were written while my father was working on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and it's amazing to see how what he first articulated in those outlines turned into ideas that changed the world of business and the lives of millions of people. In this book you will find amazing and inspiring reflections on how to move from the cheap tinsel of what is called "success" to a life of meaningful, full peace of mind, satisfaction and wisdom.

The life of many of us is full of problems, disappointments, dissatisfaction. But what is often presented as a “solution” to a problem is actually only a superficial remedy. This book offers real healing in a world where aspirin and Band-Aids rule.

I have had to deal with the painful trials of life, and I own experience I became convinced that what my father taught me - and these are the principles that the book talks about - gave me and my family the courage and confidence to move forward, work and be happy. These principles will help you too.

Foreword

When the Titanic set off on its first - and last - voyage, there were 614 sun loungers on its decks. Every morning, the team laid out these sun loungers and arranged them in such a way that passengers would want to dive into them, soak up the decks. Passengers were free to rearrange the sun loungers in accordance with their desires.

It is clear that when the Titanic began to sink, it never occurred to anyone to "arrange the sun loungers in accordance with their desires."

But why then is it the first thing many of us do?

“Rearranging deck chairs” means passing off appearances as reality, worrying more about the external image than about the internal content, prioritizing in reverse order.

This is what we all do. We do everything topsy-turvy.

And the result? Missing shots, shattered careers, shattered families, ill health, bankrupt companies, lost friendships, a life buried under the rubble of bad decisions.

This is exactly what happened on the Titanic, which sank in 1912 and took 1,517 lives with it. The requirement "Safety first" was the last in a series of priorities. The ship was moving at full speed through dangerous ice fields. There were not enough lifeboats for everyone. There was no safety drill, so when the crash happened, the passengers had no idea what to do.

The story of the Titanic once again confirms the truth of Goethe's statement: "The most important things should never be subordinated to the least important."

How many of us choose to highlight things that don't really mean anything?

How many of us let our own interests take precedence over those we are responsible for?

And how often do we play nice with those about whom, behind their backs, we are not ashamed to say nasty things?

And are we not more cordial and fair to strangers than to our loved ones - those people who mean much more to us than strangers?

And don't we strive to snatch more, but give less?

Stephen Covey believed that true greatness is such success that accompanies a person's real contribution. The external attributes of success - position in society, popularity, image - are the essence of false greatness. When you observe the actions and behavior of celebrities, famous athletes, big bosses, movie actors, and the like, you see a glint of false grandeur.

True greatness is inside, it is not evident. True greatness is in the very essence of man. False greatness is external. As Dr. Covey taught, “Many of those who have false greatness—that is, public recognition of their talents—are lacking in true greatness and positive qualities.” And sooner or later, this manifests itself in their relationships with other people - with a business partner, with a spouse, a friend, or with their own child experiencing teenage problems. This is where true character comes into play. Emerson once said, "The way you look drowns out what you want to say."

Real success in life comes when life is filled with true greatness - when a person is guided by duty, honor, dignity, perseverance, self-sacrifice and service, regardless of material reward and circumstances. These are natural, universal, indestructible principles. They are the same for everyone, everywhere and at all times. The pursuit of false greatness, if you do not possess true greatness, does not give anything. You cannot build a successful life on quicksand, just as you cannot build it on the external trappings of glory. It can be built only on the granite foundation of unshakable principles.

However, the irony is that often - though not always - false greatness accompanies true greatness. People endowed with good and positive qualities become winners simply because those around them trust them. Their hard work, as a rule, brings good and reliable results, and sometimes prosperity. Through their work ethic, they win love and loyalty. And this is the natural result of true greatness. Although, of course, there are no guarantees: respectable people, like everyone else, can also, for example, get sick, they can be haunted by failures. Many good, decent people work hard all their lives, but never achieve financial success. But those who aspire to true greatness enjoy a special sense of contentment and peace that those who aspire to false greatness cannot achieve, because the latter understand in their hearts that they are missing something very essential.

Very many can admit that from time to time they also had such thoughts. However, negative traits such as selfishness, laziness, procrastination, and dishonesty also have consequences.

In this age of false grandeur, opinion polls matter much more than ethical beliefs, and the veneer has far more influence than the inside. And yet, deep down in our hearts, we feel that a successful life is a life according to the principles, that external success is nothing if there is no internal success at its core. We want our children to achieve inner success. We want the same for ourselves. "According to Gallup polls, more than 90 percent of American adults adhere to the ideas of honesty, democracy, tolerance for people of other races and cultures, patriotism, friendship, family values, moral courage and the Golden Rule of morality", .

This intuition also has a completely scientific basis. Scholars who study skills and identify the hallmarks that underlie success no longer focus solely on intelligence and talent: many see character as the main trait leading to success. Take, for example, the famous Perry Project, in which researchers followed children for decades to identify the factors that contributed to the fulfillment of their life goals and callings. The project started in 1965 in Michigan, 123 preschool children became the object of study. The children were taught to "concentrate on often boring tasks ... stick to a plan ... delay rewards." In other words, they were instilled with character. Half a century later, this technique made itself felt in how the life of the project participants developed. Compared to their peers from the same background—namely, from a highly disadvantaged, predominantly African-American neighborhood—they had a much higher level of education, twice as much employment, and a significantly higher income; at the same time, they were twice as likely to be brought to the police and arrested.

How do the principles of true greatness become part of our existence? Is character not inherent in us from birth, and is it possible to change it?

Yes, it is not easy, but character can be changed. As Dr. Covey taught, we have the power to choose our own course of action. Human character can be likened to a cooking recipe: a cup of hereditary properties, a tablespoon of environment, a few ounces of luck, but you are free to decide what to cook with these ingredients.

Violating one of the principles, you do not necessarily immediately feel guilty or even embarrassed. What’s more, you can experience what scientists call “the raptor’s delight,” the joy of getting away with it. Many people enjoy the fact that they managed to cheat with taxes, deceive the accounting department by presenting fake invoices for a business trip, and say nasty things about someone. Such people feel far superior to all these miserable simpletons who do not cheat and do not deceive anyone. But even they know in their hearts that they have done great harm to others - and in fact they have harmed themselves, because such actions do not go unnoticed for their character.

Anyone who violates the principles of thrift and spends more than he should, is threatened with poverty. To one whose bad habits violate the principles by which his body exists, who malnourishes and neglects exercise threatened with illness and physical infirmity. Anyone who violates the principles of kindness and respect will have more enemies than friends.

Of course, none of these consequences is 100% inevitable. But if you look at life through an unbiased, realistic filter of probability, you will see that these consequences happen very, very often.

The principles that govern your reality are not questioned. They are outside of your control. They don't care if you believe in them or not, they just exist. And therefore, you will succeed much faster in life if you adapt to these principles and stop trying to ignore them.

This means that you should take a closer look at your character and figure out what motivates you. You have to reconfigure your motives and character traits according to the principles that bring success; and work on negative traits such as procrastination, jealousy, or selfishness.

Principles are like levers. You are unlikely to be able to budge a huge boulder, but with the help of a lever you can do it. And the longer and stronger the lever, the easier it will be for you to do this. As Archimedes said, "Give me a lever long enough and I will move the world." Principles such as honesty, a willingness to help, and a commitment to prioritizing are powerful. Only by persistently applying these levers can you be sure that you will be able to move the most serious obstacles from your path to success - such character flaws as selfishness, victimism, and deviation from true priorities. If you are a direct, honest person, others will trust you. If you are attentive, not indifferent to people, if you help them, you will achieve better results and get more from people. If you start putting your true priorities first, you won't have to pay the price of wasted time and a wasted life.

In this book, Stephen Covey talks about how to go from an obsession with false greatness to a focus on true greatness. He describes twelve powerful levers—twelve principles that truly successful people live by. You will learn how to internalize these principles, to make them truly yours.

So here they are:

Wholeness

Following Priorities

self-sacrifice

Service

A responsibility

Loyalty

Interdependence

Manifold

Lifelong Learning

self-renewal

Mentoring

The first lever wholeness, a state in which a person is one and indivisible. The inner world of a whole personality does not differ from its external appearance. A whole person has no secret thoughts and hidden motives. Such people, as Dr. Covey said, "fully integrated into their existence the whole set of correct principles."

True success can be achieved only when the goal forms a single whole with the inner essence. Once you set such a goal for yourself, you will be able to achieve true greatness.

Why are we talking about twelve levers?

The Twelve Levers of Stephen Covey are the result of research, long work and communication with thousands of people around the globe. Covey considered these levers fundamental and immutable and listed them, guided by a certain hierarchy. As already mentioned, wholeness is the foundation of true success along with contribution– the meaningful and positive legacy that we leave behind. following priorities allows us to create this contribution, without being scattered on trifles.

To achieve what will become a true heritage is impossible without self-sacrifice. WITH tinning people means the need to rise above their own "I" and feel the taste of true success.

In the modern world, the natural principle is being neglected more and more often. responsibility. Nobody wants to take responsibility for their own success. The difference between those who have true greatness and those whose greatness is false becomes very clear when accountability for failures and failures has to be taken into account: the one with true greatness steps forward and, without shifting his blame to anyone, takes responsibility for himself.

If you want to maximize your success, you must value manifold. No matter whether you touch biology or business, politics or production, the same law of nature reigns everywhere: differences overcome uniformity. As Stephen Covey said, “If two people have the same opinion, one of them becomes redundant.” By learning to appreciate the driving force of diversity that other people bring to life, you will take one more step on the path to success.

True greatness is a natural consequence of the use of these levers.

There is great power in good deeds.

An understanding friend has a huge impact.

The responsible worker is given more and more responsibility.

The whole person has powerful moral muscles.

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Stephen Covey

Be, not seem to be. Reflections on True Success

STEPHEN COVEY

PRIMARY GREATNESS

THE 12 LEVERS OF SUCCESS

Published with permission from FranklinCovey Company

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.

FranklinCovey and the FC logo and trademarks are trademarks of FranklinCovey Co. and their use is by permission.

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

great thoughts

Stephen Covey

Igor Mann

Make yourself

Tina Seelig

Take or give?

Adam Grant

No self pity

Eric Bertrand Larssen

Foreword by Sean Covey

The future of my father, Stephen Covey, was predetermined. My grandfather owned a very successful chain of hotels, and of course, the eldest son - my father - had to continue the business.

And then one day my father made up his mind and told his grandfather that he really wanted to become a teacher. Grandfather replied: “Fine, son. You will make a great teacher. To be honest, I don’t really like business myself.” So Dr. Covey became a university professor, writer, and in fact - one of the world's foremost thinkers in such areas as leadership, organizational management, and family issues. And all because he found the courage to answer his own need and find his own voice.

My father was a great teacher – above all, he taught us by example and by his own words. His views have defined my whole life. He constantly told me that there are only two paths in life - a life of true greatness and a life of false greatness. True greatness is what a person really is: his character, integrity, real motivations and desires. False greatness is popularity, titles, position in society, fame, fortune and honors.

I am writing this foreword three years after my father's death. But his voice - deep, penetrating - is preserved in these essays. Preparing them for printing, we practically did not change anything - the texts remained the same as they had just come out from under his pen. We simply arranged them in such a way that we get a consistent story about how to live a life of true greatness. Some of the essays were written while my father was working on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and it's amazing to see how what he first articulated in those outlines turned into ideas that changed the world of business and the lives of millions of people. In this book, you will find amazing and inspiring reflections on how to move from the cheap tinsel of what is called “success” to a life of meaning, full of peace of mind, satisfaction and wisdom.

I had to face the painful trials of life, and I learned from my own experience that what my father taught me - namely, these principles are discussed in the book - gave me and my family the courage and confidence to move forward, work and be happy. These principles will help you too.

Foreword

It is clear that when the Titanic began to sink, it never occurred to anyone to "arrange the sun loungers in accordance with their desires."