Can a mother be a godmother? Who can be godparents for a boy and a girl

Who are godparents? Who can and who should not baptize your child, the holy father will tell.

At Baptism, a child becomes a Christian, a member of the Church, receives God's grace should be with her for the rest of her life. She also gets godparents for life. What you need to know about godparents and take into account at every stage of life, Father Orest Demko knows.

Who are godparents? What are they for in spiritual and everyday life?

For people usually obvious are external manifestations godfatherhood. Like, there is someone to visit, there is someone to treat the child well ... This, of course, is not bad at all, but Baptism is a spiritual event, and not just an external ritual.

And although this is a one-time, unique event, godfatherhood is not a one-day event. Just as Baptism remains an indelible seal for a person, so, one might say, godfatherhood is not a worn out sign for life.

What is godfatherhood?

In constant spiritual connection with the godson (goddaughter). godmother times and forever inscribed in this significant event in the life of a child.

Among Christians one can often hear the request: "Pray for me." So godparents are those who always pray for a child, who will keep him constantly in his spiritual guardianship before God. The child should always know that there is someone who supports him spiritually.

So, godparents can sometimes be quite far from godchildren, it is not often to see them. But their role is not to see each other periodically with a specific frequency, these are not gifts at least once a year. Their role is daily.

Sometimes the child's parents may complain that the godparents do not fulfill their duties if they do not visit often enough. But, parents, take a closer look at your godfathers: perhaps they just pray to God every day for your child!

Relationships between cousins

Whatever they are, more important is the relationship between the godparents and the child himself. Birth parents are also required to have the right expectations of godparents and their role in the child's life. It doesn't have to be a material interest. And then it might fall away great amount misunderstandings.

But what to do if relations between godfathers go wrong?

First of all, you need to understand why this happened. Or did the parents choose such godfathers who do not have a correct understanding of their role? Or are these people who already tend to destroy relationships and quarrel? To maintain good friendship with godfathers - such should be the attempts of both relatives and godparents. Relatives should remember that their child is entitled to spiritual support from godparents. Therefore, if the parents do not allow godfathers to visit the child, this will mean stealing from the child, taking away what belongs to him.

Even if the godfathers did not come to the child of 3 or 5 years old, parents should not be forbidden to do this in the future. Or maybe it is for the child that understanding or reconciliation will come.

The only reason to protect a child from godparents is objectively misbehavior godfathers, not the right way of life.

How to choose godfathers, so as not to regret later?

These should be the people that parents would like their child to be like. After all, a child can adopt their traits, personal qualities. These are people who are not ashamed of in front of the child himself. And they themselves must also understand their role, be conscious Christians.

Godparents usually have less time for this preparation than their own parents. Their preparation will be to comprehend this change in their lives, to realize their responsibilities. Because this event is not just another living room and not even just a manifestation of respect for them from the baby's parents.

Of course, the Church advises to begin confession before this event. Even if this confession does not become a one-time conversion or a noticeable consecration for the godparents, but a pure heart is the first gift of godparents for a child. This is the most proof of their true openness.

What should godparents provide in the process of preparing for the Baptism of a child?

sacrum. This is a simple white canvas that will symbolize " new clothes» child - God's grace.

Cross. It is hardly worth buying gold, such a child will not initially be dressed. And, perhaps, until a sufficiently conscious age.

But what if the godparents do not know by heart the prayer “I believe”?

They say this prayer during the Holy sacrament of Baptism after they renounce evil on behalf of the child and promise to serve God. In it is the whole essence of Christianity, and the godparents in it recognize their faith and seem to outline the path by which to lead the child. Godparents must say it out loud.

But priests are sympathetic to the fact that godparents may not know the prayer by heart too confidently. Firstly, this is a prayer, and prayer books exist just so that you can read a prayer from them. Secondly, godparents may be worried, confused or focused, for example, on the child himself, especially if he cries. Therefore, the same priest deacons always recite this prayer quite loudly.

Can I refuse when invited to be godparents?

Since becoming godparents is a set of new duties, it is even a kind of change in the status of a person, this decision must be approached very responsibly. Conscious refusal will be better than not entirely voluntary acceptance of duties. From the point of view of the Church, there is no such requirement - to unconditionally accept the invitation of nepotism.

The reasons for refusal may be different: those invited feel that their friendship with the child's parents is not completely sincere and deep; or they already have enough godchildren. If the relationship with the parents is not perfect, this can cause misunderstandings in the future. Therefore, invitees need to give time for reflection.

Approach with wisdom to the choice of godparents for your child - and she will be good mentors and friends for the next stages of her spiritual life: accustoming to attend church, the first Confession in life, communion.

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Comment

It seems to many that choosing godparents for your baby is very simple, but it seems so only at first glance. In fact, everything is not so. You need to understand that godparents must be responsible for their godson before God. They are responsible for his morality and spiritual education. Godparents are not only Good friends, relatives or well-to-do in material terms acquaintances - these are the people to whom you entrust the upbringing of your baby, these are the people who can gain authority from the child and can become for him good example spiritual parents. Godparents are the people you can always rely on in difficult times.

The sacrament of baptism occupies a very important place in a person's life, since this is the second birth of a person, his spiritual birth. In the sacrament of baptism, godparents are given a very great responsibility, responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of their godchild (grandparent). For this reason, when choosing godparents, one should be guided by the fact that these people are believers and have high moral qualities.

Godparents for a child cannot be:

• The parents of the child himself, as well as people who are related to each other by blood;
• Nuns and monks;
• Unbelieving people;
• Gentiles, and not only non-Christians, but also non-Orthodox;
• Juveniles (girls under the age of 13, and boys under 15).
• Persons who are married or persons who are going to marry, since in the future the godparents of one child cannot have intimate relations with each other, because they are spiritually related.
• Mentally ill people and people who have fallen morally.
• Another one folk omen- the godson and the godfather should not have the same name.

Who should be the godfather?

1. The godfather (grandparent) must be Orthodox Christian. A godfather cannot be a person who has fallen away from the Church (who does not regularly take communion), a representative of another religion, or an atheist. The recipient is required not only to know the Creed and read it at Baptism, but also the spiritual upbringing of the godchild in the future, daily prayer for him.
2. The godfather must be a churched person, ready to regularly take the godson to the temple and educate him in the Christian faith.
3. The rite of the Sacrament of Baptism assumes the full-time presence of the recipients during its commission. In extreme cases, Baptism of infants is allowed even without godparents, then the priest himself is considered a godfather.
4. You must be absolutely confident in the godparents, because there are cases when, during the rite of baptism, other people's illnesses and misfortunes were thrown onto the child.

Whom to look at to choose godparents?

To decide on the choice of recipients for the baby, it is better to think about one of the very close friends, those to whom the child will really not be indifferent. Often godparents become uncles and aunts of the baby, not only relatives, but also cousins.

It is very important that future godparents attend church. No less important is the degree and seriousness of future recipients, because they will be the spiritual educators of the baby, so they should serve as an example for them in everything.

There is an opinion that it is impossible to refuse the cross, so you do not need to ask potential godparents directly, but slightly hint at the desire to become godfathers.

Popular questions and answers

What are the responsibilities of godparents?

The godmother and father, participating in the Sacrament, take responsibility for the little member of the Church, so they must be Orthodox people. Of course, a godfather should become a person who also has some experience in church life and will help parents raise a baby in faith, piety and purity.

During the performance of the Sacrament over the baby, the godfather (of the same gender as the child) will hold him in his arms, pronounce on his behalf the Creed and vows of renunciation of Satan and union with Christ.

The main duty of the godparents is to help the godson throughout his life, not just to meet with him periodically and give gifts, but also to teach him goodness, morality and love. After the end of the ceremony, the godparents receive a certificate-memo, which says that they should become assistants, teachers and mentors to the godson or goddaughter. If the godparents do not have the opportunity to often meet with their godson or daughter, they should pray for the child. Ideally, Orthodox recipients should attend churches, live a church life and observe fasting, but this condition is by no means obligatory.

And what to give to the godson?

Of course, you can give your godson a cross and a chain, no matter what they are made of; the main thing is that the cross should be of the traditional form adopted in Orthodox Church.

In the old days, there was a traditional church gift for christening - this is a silver spoon, which was called a "gift for a tooth", it was the first spoon that was used when feeding a child, when he started eating from a spoon.

Is it possible for a person to have only one godparent?

Yes it is possible. It is only important that the godparent be of the same gender as the godson.

If one of the godparents cannot be present at the Sacrament of Baptism, is it possible to perform the ceremony without him, but write him down as a godparent?

Until 1917, there was a practice of absentee godfathers, but it was applied only to members of the imperial family, when they, as a sign of royal or grand ducal mercy, agreed to be considered godparents of one or another baby. If it's a similar situation, do it, and if not, it's probably best to go with common practice.

And which of the relatives can be a godfather?

An aunt or an uncle, a grandmother or a grandfather can become the godparents of their little relatives. It should only be remembered that a husband and wife cannot be godparents of one child. However, it is worth thinking about this: our close relatives will still take care of the child, help us raise him. In this case, do we not deprive the little person of love and care, because he could have one or two adult Orthodox friends to whom he could turn throughout his life. This is especially important at a time when the child is looking for authority outside the family. The godfather at this time, in no way opposing himself to his parents, could become the person whom the teenager trusts, from whom he asks for advice even about what he does not dare to tell his relatives.

I was invited to be the godmother of a girl, but everyone tells me that the boy must be baptized first. Is it so?

The superstitious idea that a girl should have a boy as her first godson and that a baby girl taken from the font will become an obstacle to her subsequent marriage has no Christian roots and is an absolute fabrication that an Orthodox Christian woman should not be guided by in any way.

It is said that one of the godparents must be married and have children. Is it so?

On the one hand, the opinion that one of the godparents must be married and have children is a superstition, just like the idea that a girl who takes a girl from the font will either not marry herself, or it will impose some kind of fate on her fate. - an imprint.

On the other hand, in this opinion one can also see a certain kind of sobriety, if one does not approach it with a superstitious interpretation. Of course, it would be reasonable if people (or at least one of the godparents) are chosen as godparents for the baby, who have sufficient life experience, who themselves already have the skill of raising children in faith and piety, who have something to share with the baby's physical parents. And it would be highly desirable to look for such a godfather.

What should godparents have during christening?

After the future godparents are determined, you need to choose a child church name, date of christening and church. Usually children in the church are baptized on Saturdays, but this can be done on any other day, fasting also does not prevent baptism.

Before baptism, the godparents come for the godson, "pick up" him. Before that, in the godson's house, they should not sit down. Everyone goes to church together: parents with a baby and godparents.

Before the baptismal ceremony for the baby, the godparents buy things, a list of which is usually given in the church:

1. pectoral cross of a traditional shape - the godfather buys;
2. an icon, preferably (but not necessarily) of the saint whose name the child will be baptized, is bought by the godmother;
3. the godmother also buys kryzhma - the material necessary for the sacrament, maybe with decorations, but more often ordinary white fabric;
4. a baptismal shirt, and the girl still has a scarf or cap - it is not necessary to buy, you can replace it with a clean vest and a handkerchief from the existing wardrobe.

To appearance there are no special requirements for godparents during christenings, the usual rules for visiting church are observed. Both godparents must be with pectoral crosses, a man without a headdress, and a woman with a covered head, with covered shoulders and elbows and in a skirt or dress below the knees.

Today, the issue of baptism is at the forefront. Churched people are chosen as recipients, butcan parents be godparents - this question for many today remains the most relevant. In the old days, the admission to the rite of baptism was mainly for adults who consciously approached a new round of their lives. During the sacrament of baptism, a spiritual rebirth of one's soul and body took place. Infants were not baptized because their consciousness was inaccessible to God. The ritual itself meant the ablution of an adult from the sins he had committed earlier, and the acceptance of the grace of the Holy Spirit already in a pure and renewed form. To some extent, this meant the "death" of a person in physical life, but a new birth took place in the spiritual image of a person.

Many people previously believed that this rebirth was possible only after real death, and approached the font only in extreme old age. Advanced age is a certain indicator. But after a while, the Church decided to bring the rite of rebirth closer to the birth of a person. Today, this ordinance began to be performed in infancy with the consent of the parents. Then the question arose: can parents be godparents?

Godparents in the life of their godson play a serious role

In addition to the fact that they will have to educate their successor spiritually and be an example for him to follow, they will also, in case of impossibility to fulfill the obligations of raising a child by biological parents, will have to assume their responsibility and duties. And that is why parents cannot be godparents to their children.

Can parents be godparents?

Only the person to whom the blood parents can completely entrust their child can become a successor. That is, he was already able to prove with his deeds and deeds that he really deserves to become a godfather to a baby. Love for a child on the part of the future godfather is the main criterion for choosing a godfather, since it is love that is the basis of the commandments of the Law of God. But the child's parents cannot be godparents or godparents.

Godparents must be churched people, if those chosen are not, then you can invite them to the church for conversations with the priest, of course, at their request. The main objectives of these meetings are:

Familiarization with the basics of faith in God and church education of a person;

Reading the Law of God in true understanding;

Assimilation of the Holy Scriptures;

A detailed story about the duties of godparents during the rite of Baptism, the responsibility that will be assigned to them in the future;

Memorizing the "Symbol of Faith" prayer, which the recipients will have to say at baptism for their goddaughters and godchildren.

So, summing up, we can unequivocally answer the question: can parents be godparents? From all of the above, it follows that relatives, acquaintances, friends, but in no case the parents themselves, can be godparents.

The birth of a baby into the world is a physical birth, while baptism is considered a spiritual birth, and the honorable right to receive a person in his spiritual birth is granted to godparents - new parents who become guarantors for the faith of their godson, taken from the font. Hence the conclusion: only Orthodox, sincerely and deeply believing adult people who are able to join the Church as received from the font and teach him the basics of faith can become godparents.

Some of us were baptized in infancy, everything that happened was eventually forgotten. But suddenly the moment comes when we are offered to become godfather or godmother or the joyful moment of the baptism of your own child comes. And here a question arises, familiar to many: who can be the godparents of a child? Highly important criterion when choosing godparents, that is, godparents, is how a person will further participate in the Christian upbringing of his godson. A quarrel between the godparent and the relatives of the godson should in no way affect the relationship with the son.

Spiritual kinship

Do not worry if you, agreeing to become a successor, do not meet such strict requirements a little. This event, perhaps, will become a good reason for self-education and spiritual enrichment.

The Church puts spiritual kinship on a par with natural kinship, therefore the peculiarities of the relationship of spiritual relatives are similar to the relationship of biological relatives. The Russian Orthodox Church forbids marriages between the godparents, physical and godparents, between godparents and their godchildren (this is evidenced by Canon 63 of the VI Ecumenical Council). However, it is allowed for a husband and wife to become godparents of two children of the same parents. And the godparents of one child can be a son and a mother, a daughter and a father, or a sister and a brother.

Can relatives be recipients?

Previously, they tried to expand the circle of people who in the future would take care and provide serious assistance to the godson, so the closest direct relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents) were invited as godparents only as a last resort. It was believed that relatives would take care of the child and provide him with spiritual assistance in every possible way. For the same reason, they did not invite one godparent for brothers or sisters. However, the church does not put such prohibitions.

The main thing is that the beneficiary does not forget about his duties and, after performing the Sacrament, feels responsible for the spiritual upbringing of his godson.

Godparents for a boy and a girl

Many people ask the question: who can be the godparents of a girl? After all, there is a superstition that a girl who has not yet been married cannot be the first to baptize a girl, otherwise the goddaughter will “take away the happiness” of her godmother

mother. Many girls are afraid to become a godmother for girls for the first time, so as not to interfere with their own family well-being. But the superstitious and unconfirmed opinion that the first godson unmarried girl should have a boy is an absolute delusion and has absolutely no Christian roots. An Orthodox Christian should not be guided by this superstition.

It is important that the girl has godmother, the presence of a godfather is not important. It is also worth clarifying who can be the godparents of the boy. It is believed that the presence of the godmother of the boy is not necessary, while the godfather must certainly be. But this rule is not categorical. If for some reason only the godmother is present at the christening of the boy, then there is nothing to worry about.

What is customary to give to the godson

According to tradition, the godfather should give the boy a cross for christening, and the godmother should purchase clothes for the baptismal ceremony. At the christening of a girl - the opposite is true. But at the moment it is not considered mandatory, most often the parents pay for everything. However, the recipients should still make some kind of gift to their godson, and it is better if it is something memorable.

In the old days, a traditional gift from the recipients was a silver spoon, which was bought “for the first tooth”. It was believed that with this spoon you can start the first feeding of a child. This tradition and modern world occurs.

Who cannot become a receiver?

• Godparents cannot be non-Christians - Buddhists, atheists, Jews, Muslims, and so on. Even if they are close friends.
• One child cannot have a husband and wife as godparents, so do not become godparents with the person with whom you plan to start a family.
• Also, a mentally ill person cannot become a recipient.
• It is forbidden to be a godmother or godmother to unbaptized people or unbelievers.
• Who has no desire to become recipients.
• Blood parents.
• Underage children.
• Stepmother to his adopted daughter or stepfather to his adopted son.
• Women during menstruation (you cannot attend the rite of the Sacrament of Baptism);
• Priests and monks (but a familiar child may have a priest as a godfather).

Can a pregnant woman become a godmother?

To participate in the Sacrament of Baptism, the pregnancy of a godmother is an acceptable condition. If the expectant mother is confident in her abilities and the ability to share her love between her godson and her own child, church charters do not prohibit her from becoming a godmother.

Does one of the recipients have to be married?

The assertion that one of the godparents must certainly be married is a superstition. However, on the other hand, there is something reasonable in this opinion. If the people chosen for the baby as godmothers have a positive life experience and the ability to raise children in piety and faith, there are many advantages to this.

To be godparents is an honorable and at the same time very responsible role. During the rite of the Sacrament of Baptism, the baby is held in his arms by the godfather of the same sex, he also pronounces on behalf of his godson a vow of renunciation of the unclean and reunion with Christ. According to the teachings of the Church, during the last judgment, we will be asked for the performance of our duties in the same way as and for the spiritual upbringing of our own children.

... Behind the baptism of the baby. He has a great life ahead of him, in which we have a place equal to those who gave birth to his father and mother. Ahead is our work, our constant striving to prepare the godson for the ascent to spiritual heights. Where to begin?

Briefly:

• The godfather, or godfather, must be Orthodox Christian. A godfather cannot be a Catholic, a Muslim, or a very good atheist, because main duty godfather - to help the child grow up in the Orthodox faith.
• The godfather must be church man, ready to regularly take the godson to the temple and monitor his Christian upbringing.
• After the baptism is done, godfather cannot be changed, but if the godfather has changed a lot for the worse, the godson and his family should pray for him.
• pregnant and unmarried women MAY to be godparents for both boys and girls - do not listen to superstitious fears!
• Godparents cannot be the father and mother of the child, as well as a husband and wife cannot be godparents for one child. other relatives - grandmothers, aunts and even older brothers and sisters can be godparents.

Many of us were baptized as infants and no longer remember what happened. And then one day we are invited to become a godmother or godmother, or maybe even more joyfully - our own child is born. Then we think again about what the Sacrament of Baptism is, whether we can become godparents for someone and how we can choose godparents for our child.

Replies Prot. Maxim Kozlov to questions about the duties of godparents from the Tatyana's Day website.

— I was invited to become a godfather. What will I have to do?

— Being a godfather is both an honor and a responsibility.

The godmother and father, participating in the Sacrament, take responsibility for the little member of the Church, therefore they must be Orthodox . Of course, a godfather should become a person who also has some experience in church life and will help parents raise a baby in faith, piety and purity.

During the performance of the Sacrament over the baby, the godfather (of the same gender as the child) will hold him in his arms, pronounce on his behalf the Creed and vows of renunciation of Satan and union with Christ.

The main thing in which the godfather can and should help and in which he undertakes is not only to be present at Baptism, but also then to help those received from the font grow, strengthen in church life, and in no case limit your Christianity to the fact of Baptism alone. According to the teachings of the Church, for how we have taken care of the fulfillment of these duties, we will be asked the same on the day of the last judgment, as well as for the upbringing of our own children. Therefore, of course, the responsibility is very, very big.

- And what to give to the godson?

- Of course, you can give your godson a cross and a chain, no matter what they are made of; the main thing is that the cross should be of the traditional form adopted in the Orthodox Church.

In the old days, there was a traditional church gift for christening - this is a silver spoon, which was called a "gift for a tooth", it was the first spoon that was used when feeding a child, when he started eating from a spoon.

How do I choose godparents for my child?

- Firstly, the godparents must be baptized, churched Orthodox Christians.

The main thing is that the criterion for your choice of a godfather or godmother should be whether this person can subsequently help you in a good, Christian upbringing received from the font, and not only in practical circumstances. And, of course, the degree of our acquaintance and simply the friendliness of our relationship should be an important criterion. Think about whether the godparents you choose will be the child's church educators or not.

Is it possible for a person to have only one godparent?

- Yes it is possible. It is only important that the godparent be of the same gender as the godson.

- If one of the godparents cannot be present at the Sacrament of Baptism, is it possible to perform the ceremony without him, but write him down as a godparent?

- Until 1917, there was a practice of absentee godfathers, but it was applied only to members of the imperial family, when they, as a sign of royal or grand ducal mercy, agreed to be considered godparents of one or another baby. If it's a similar situation, do it, and if not, it's probably best to go with common practice.

- Who can't be a godfather?

- Of course, non-Christians - atheists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and so on, cannot be godparents, no matter how close friends of the child's parents and no matter how pleasant people they are in communication.

An exceptional situation - if there are no close people close to Orthodoxy, and you are sure of the good morals of a non-Orthodox Christian - then the practice of our Church allows one of the godparents to be a representative of another Christian confession: Catholic or Protestant.

According to the wise tradition of the Russian Orthodox Church, a husband and wife cannot be godparents of the same child. Therefore, it is worth considering if you and the person with whom you want to start a family are invited to become sponsors.

- And which of the relatives can be a godfather?

— An aunt or an uncle, a grandmother or a grandfather can become the godparents of their little relatives. It should only be remembered that a husband and wife cannot be godparents of one child. However, it is worth thinking about this: our close relatives will still take care of the child, help us raise him. In this case, do we not deprive the little person of love and care, because he could have one or two adult Orthodox friends to whom he could turn throughout his life. This is especially important at a time when the child is looking for authority outside the family. The godfather at this time, in no way opposing himself to his parents, could become the person whom the teenager trusts, from whom he asks for advice even about what he does not dare to tell his relatives.

Is it possible to refuse godparents? Or to baptize a child for the purpose of a normal upbringing in the faith?

- In any case, a child cannot be rebaptized, because the Sacrament of Baptism is performed once, and no sins of either godparents, or his relatives, or even the person himself can cancel all those grace-filled gifts that are given to a person in the Sacrament of Baptism.

As for communication with godparents, then, of course, betrayal of faith, that is, falling into one or another heterodox confession - Catholicism, Protestantism, especially falling into one or another non-Christian religion, godlessness, a blatantly impious way of life - in fact, they say that that a person has failed in his duty as a godmother. The spiritual union concluded in this sense in the Sacrament of Baptism can be considered terminated by the godmother or godmother, and you can ask another churched pious person to take a blessing from his confessor to bear the care of the godfather or godmother for this or that child.

- I was invited to be the godmother of a girl, but everyone tells me that the boy must be baptized first. Is it so?

- The superstitious idea that a girl should have a boy as her first godson and that a baby girl taken from the font will become an obstacle to her subsequent marriage has no Christian roots and is an absolute fabrication that an Orthodox Christian woman should not be guided by in any way.

- They say that one of the godparents must be married and have children. Is it so?

- On the one hand, the opinion that one of the godparents must be married and have children is a superstition, just like the idea that a girl who takes a girl from the font will either not marry herself, or it will impose on her fate some imprint.

On the other hand, in this opinion one can also see a certain kind of sobriety, if one does not approach it with a superstitious interpretation. Of course, it would be reasonable if people (or at least one of the godparents) are chosen as godparents for the baby, who have sufficient life experience, who themselves already have the skill of raising children in faith and piety, who have something to share with the baby's physical parents. And it would be highly desirable to look for such a godfather.

Can a pregnant woman be a godmother?

- Church statutes do not prevent a pregnant woman from being a godmother. The only thing I urge you to think about is whether you have the strength and determination to share the love for your own child with the love for the adopted baby, will you have time to take care of him, for advice to the parents of the baby, in order to sometimes pray warmly for him , bring to the temple, somehow be a good older friend. If you are more or less confident in yourself and circumstances allow, then nothing prevents you from becoming a godmother, and in all other cases, it may be better to measure seven times before cutting off once.

About godparents

Natalia Sukhinina

“Recently, I got into a conversation with a woman on the train, or rather, we even argued with her. She argued that godparents, like biological father and mother, are obliged to educate their godson. But I do not agree: a mother is a mother, to whom she will allow to interfere in the upbringing of a child. I also once had a godson in my youth, but our paths diverged a long time ago, I don’t know where he lives now. And she, this woman, says that now I will have to answer for him. Responsible for someone else's child? Something is unbelievable…”

(From a letter from a reader)

It so happened, and my life paths turned in a completely different direction from my godparents. Where they are now, how they live, and whether they are alive at all, I don’t know. Even their names could not be retained by memory, they baptized me long ago, in infancy. I asked my parents, but they don’t remember themselves, they shrug their shoulders, they say that people lived in the neighborhood at that time, and they were invited to be godparents.

And where are they now, what to call them, to magnify, do you remember?

To be honest, for me this circumstance has never been a flaw, I grew up and grew up, without godparents. No, she was cunning, it was once, envied. A school friend got married and received as a wedding gift as thin as a cobweb, gold chain. The godmother gave it, she boasted to us, who could not even dream of such chains. That's when I envied it. If I had a godmother, maybe I would ...

Now, of course, having lived and thought, I am very sorry about my random “father and mother”, who don’t even keep in mind that I remember them now in these lines. I remember without reproach, with regret. And, of course, in a dispute between my reader and a fellow traveler in the train, I am completely on the side of the fellow traveler. She's right. To hold us responsible for the godchildren and goddaughters scattered from their parental nests, because they are not random people in our lives, but our children, spiritual children, godparents.

Who doesn't know this picture?

Dressed up people stand aside in the temple. The center of attention is a baby in lush lace, they pass it from hand to hand, go outside with it, distract it so that it does not cry. Waiting for christening. They look at the clock, nervous.

Godmother and father can be recognized immediately. They are somehow especially concentrated and important. They rush to get a wallet to pay for the upcoming christening, give some orders, rustle bags of christening clothes and fresh diapers. The little man does not understand anything, goggles his eyes at the wall frescoes, at the lights of the chandelier, at the “persons accompanying him”, among which the face of the godfather is one of many. But here the priest invites - it's time. They fussed, got agitated, the godparents are trying their best to maintain importance - it doesn’t work, because for them, as well as for their godson, today’s exit to God’s temple is a significant event.
“When was the last time you were in church?” the priest will ask. They shrug their shoulders in embarrassment. He may not ask, of course. But even if he doesn’t ask, it’s still easy to determine from awkwardness and tension that godparents are not church people, and only the event in which they were invited to participate brought them under the vaults of the church. Father will ask questions:

Do you carry a cross?

Do you read prayers?

Do you read the gospel?

Do you celebrate church holidays?

And the godparents will begin to mutter something indistinct, to lower their eyes guiltily. The priest will certainly conscience, remind of the duty of godfathers and mothers, in general, of Christian duty. Hastily and willingly, their godparents will nod their heads, humbly accept the denunciation of sin, and whether from excitement, or from embarrassment, or from the seriousness of the moment, few will remember and let into their hearts the main father's thought: we are all responsible for our godchildren, and now, and forever. And whoever remembers is likely to misunderstand. And from time to time, mindful of his duty, he will begin to invest in the well-being of the godson a feasible contribution.

The first deposit immediately after baptism: an envelope with a crisp solid bill - for a tooth. Then, for birthdays, as the child grows, a chic set of children's dowry, an expensive toy, a fashionable satchel, a bicycle, a branded suit, and so on up to a gold, to the envy of the poor, chains for the wedding.

We know very little. And it’s not a problem, but something that we don’t really want to know. After all, if they wanted to, then before going to the church as a godfather, they would have looked there the day before and asked the priest what this step “threatens” us with, how it is more worthy to prepare for it.

Godfather - in Slavonic godfather. Why? After immersion in the font, the priest passes the baby from his hands into the hands of the godfather. And he accepts, takes it into his own hands. The meaning of this action is very deep. By perception, the godfather takes upon himself the honorable, and most importantly, responsible mission to lead the godson along the path of ascent to the Heavenly heritage. That's where! After all, baptism is the spiritual birth of a person.. Remember, in the Gospel of John: "Whoever is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the Kingdom of God."

In serious words - "keepers of faith and piety" - the Church calls the recipients. But to keep, you need to know. Therefore, only a believing Orthodox person can be a godfather, and not the one who, together with the baptized baby, first got into the temple. Godparents should know at least basic prayers“Our Father”, “Virgin Mother of God”, “May God rise again…”, they must know the “Symbol of Faith”, read the Gospel, the Psalter. And, of course, to wear a cross, to be able to be baptized.
One priest said: they came to baptize the child, but the godfather did not have a cross. Father to him: put on the cross, but he can’t, unbaptized. It's just a joke, but it's the real truth.

Faith and repentance are the two main conditions for union with God. But one cannot demand faith and repentance from a baby in lace, so the godparents are called, having faith and repentance, to pass them on, to teach them to their godparents. That is why, instead of babies, they pronounce the words of the "Creed" and the words of renunciation of Satan.

Do you deny Satan and all his works? the priest asks.

“I deny it,” the recipient answers instead of the baby.

The priest is wearing a bright festive robe as a sign of the beginning of a new life, which means spiritual purity. He walks around the font, censes it, all those standing next to the lit candles. Candles are burning in the hands of the recipients. Very soon, the priest will lower the baby three times into the font and, wet, wrinkled, not at all understanding where he is and why, a servant of God, will be handed over to the godparents. And he will be dressed in white clothes. At this time, a very beautiful troparion is sung: “Give me a light robe, put on light, like a robe ...” Accept your child, godparents. From now on, your life will be filled with a special meaning, you have taken on the feat of spiritual parenthood, and for how you carry it, you now have to answer to God.

At the First Ecumenical Council, a rule was adopted according to which women become godparents for girls, men for boys. Simply put, a girl only needs a godmother, a boy only needs a godfather. But life, as it often happens, has made its own adjustments here. According to the ancient Russian tradition, both are invited. It, of course, will not spoil the porridge with butter. But even here it is necessary to know certain rules. For example, a husband and wife cannot be godparents to one child, just as the parents of a child cannot be godparents at the same time. Godparents cannot marry their godchildren.

... Behind the baptism of the baby. He has a great life ahead of him, in which we have a place equal to those who gave birth to his father and mother. Ahead is our work, our constant striving to prepare the godson for the ascent to spiritual heights. Where to begin? Yes, from the smallest. At first, especially if the child is the first, parents are knocked down from the worries that have fallen on them. They are, as they say, nothing. Now is the time to lend them a helping hand.

Carry the baby to Communion, make sure that icons hang over his cradle, give notes for him in the temple, order prayers, constantly, like your blood children, commemorate in home prayers. Of course, you don’t have to do it instructively, they say, you are mired in the hustle and bustle, but I’m all spiritual - I think about the high, I strive for the high, I feed your child, so that you do without me ... In general, the spiritual upbringing of the baby is possible only in if the godfather in the house is his own person, desirable, tactful. It is not necessary, of course, to shift all the worries onto yourself. The duties of spiritual education are not removed from parents, but to help, support, replace somewhere, if necessary, this is mandatory, without this one cannot be justified before the Lord.

This is a really difficult cross. And, perhaps, you need to think carefully before you lay it on yourself. Can I? Will I have enough health, patience, spiritual experience to become a recipient of a person entering into life? And parents should take a good look at relatives and friends - candidates for an honorary post. Who among them can become a truly good helper in education, who will be able to give your child true Christian gifts - prayer, the ability to forgive, the ability to love God. And plush bunnies the size of elephants may be nice, but not at all necessary.

If there is trouble in the house, then there are other criteria. How many unfortunate, restless children suffer from drunken fathers, unlucky mothers. And how many simply unfriendly, embittered people live under one roof and make children suffer cruelly. As old as the world, such stories are banal. But if a person who stood with a lit candle in front of the baptismal font fits into this plot, if he, this person, rushes, as if into an embrasure, towards his godson, he can turn mountains. Doing good is also good. It is not in our power to drive away a fool-man from half a liter, to reason with a lost daughter or to sing “make peace, make peace, make peace” to two frowning halves. But it is in our power to take away to our dacha for a day at the dacha a boy weary of affection, write him down in Sunday school and take the trouble to lead him there, and pray. Prayer feat is at the forefront of godparents of all times and peoples.

The priests are well aware of the severity of the feat of the recipients and do not bless to recruit a lot of children for their children, good and different.

But I know a man who has more than fifty godchildren. These boys and girls are just from there, from childhood loneliness, childish sadness. From a big child's misfortune.

This man's name is Alexander Gennadievich Petrynin, he lives in Khabarovsk, directs the Children's Rehabilitation Center, or, more simply, in an orphanage. As a director, he does a lot, digs through funds for equipping classes, selects cadres from conscientious, unselfish people, rescues his wards from the police, collects them in the basements.

Like a godfather, he takes them to church, tells them about God, prepares them for Communion, and prays. Pray a lot, a lot. In Optina Hermitage, in the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, in the Diveevsky Monastery, in dozens of churches throughout Russia, long notes written by him about the health of numerous godchildren are read. He is very tired, this man, sometimes he almost collapses from fatigue. But he has no other choice, he is a godfather, and his godchildren are a special people. His heart is a rare heart, and the priest, realizing this, blesses him for such asceticism. A teacher from God, those who know him in business say about him. Godfather from God - is it possible to say so? No, probably all godparents are from God, but he knows how to suffer like a godfather, knows how to love like a godfather, and knows how to save. Like a godfather.

For us, whose godchildren, like the children of Lieutenant Schmidt, are scattered throughout cities and towns, his ministry to children is an example of true Christian ministry. I think that many of us cannot reach its heights, but if we do life with someone, then just with those who understand their title of “grandparent” as a serious, and not an accidental matter in life.
One can, of course, say: I am a weak, busy person, not so hot a church person, and the best thing I can do in order not to sin is to refuse the offer to be a godfather altogether. It's more honest and easier, right? Easier - yes. But more honest...
Few of us, especially when the time has imperceptibly come to stop, look back, can say to ourselves - I am a good father, a good mother, I owe nothing to my own child. We are indebted to everyone, and the godless time in which our requests, our projects, our passions grew, is the result of our debts to each other. We won't give them away. Children have grown up and do without our truths and our discoveries of America. The parents got old. But conscience is the voice of God- itching and itching.

Conscience requires a splash, and not in words, but in deeds. Can it not be such a thing to carry the duties of the Cross?
It is a pity that there are few examples of the feat of the cross among us. The word "godfather" has almost disappeared from our vocabulary. And the recent wedding of the daughter of my childhood friend was a great and unexpected gift for me. Or rather, not even a wedding, which in itself is a great joy, but a feast, the wedding itself. And that's why. Sat down, poured wine, waiting for a toast. Everyone is somehow embarrassed, the parents of the bride skip ahead with the speeches of the groom's parents, they are vice versa. And then a tall and handsome man stood up. He got up in a very businesslike manner. He raised his glass:

“I mean, as the godfather of the bride…”

Everyone quieted down. Everyone listened to the words about young people living long, together, having many children, and most importantly, with the Lord.
“Thank you, godfather,” said the charming Yulia, and from under the luxurious foaming veil she gave her godfather a grateful look.

Thank you godfather, I thought. Thank you for carrying the love for your spiritual daughter from the baptismal candle to the wedding. Thank you for reminding us all of something we had completely forgotten about. But we have time to remember. How many - the Lord knows. Therefore, we must hurry.