Should I tell the truth to my husband, wife, and husband? Honest relationship. Why do people lie? Is it always necessary to tell the truth: arguments for and against

"You must always tell the truth!" - Mom said, looking into your eyes when you were a child. You nodded your head in understanding and accepted these mother's words with all your heart, realizing that the truth is something that should never be hidden. Books and films that we watched as children also talked about the same thing. Sometimes, the heroes in them were somewhat categorical, but they certainly behaved correctly, because they spoke the TRUTH. We were taught that you can’t hide the truth that it will always come up and those who try to hide it will definitely be punished.

However, growing up and gaining experience, we began to realize that everything is not so simple. What is true, it looks more like not a sweet candy in a bright wrapper, which is always nice to take out in front of everyone, but a bitter pill that is simply impossible to take. Life among other people shows that the desire to constantly seek the truth is not only not always advisable, but sometimes it can bring not so much joy as trouble. Situations are different, and not necessarily the truth told in person can change something for the better.

Children do not distinguish between shades, they tend to divide everything into black and white. If you did not tell the truth, then you lied, shame on you and shame on you. But, any normal adult must learn to handle such a powerful weapon as the "truth" correctly so that their actions do not harm the people around them. Probably, each of us had to meet with such fighters for justice who are ready to defend the truth with a sword and cut down the “truth of the uterus” regardless of the circumstances or how the one to whom it is intended may react.

Imagine that a seriously ill person, who is supported only by the belief that doctors will definitely cure him, is told by someone that his illness is incurable. As soon as the patient learns about this, he can completely give up any struggle. But as long as a person has faith, it is still possible to change. This is what those who seek always and everywhere to tell the truth sometimes look like. The inability to understand what consequences their desire can lead to speaks of spiritual immaturity.

A wise person will never follow the rule: tell the truth and come what may. Sometimes the truth is so unpleasant and capable of delivering so much pain that getting it out for everyone to see is like a public execution. We all sometimes face a choice: to tell or not to tell the truth. And in this situation it is difficult to give an unambiguous answer. For your truth to really be useful, you need to consider following points:

“Ask yourself the question: “What good is the truth in this situation?” In order to weigh the need for recognition, you need to abstractly look at the situation. It is likely that the truth will not change anything, or even aggravate. So what's the point of bringing her out?

Put yourself in the place of the person you are going to tell the truth to. How would you like to hear it? Is it necessary to inflict a spiritual wound on a person, is the truth worth it?

— Be not only honest, but also tactful. In order to tell the truth, sometimes you need to choose the right time and place, as well as words.

- Do not cut the truth in the heat of the moment, being at the mercy of emotions. In this state, we fail to control the spoken words and evaluate their significance for a person. Sometimes this can lead to serious consequences.

The truth is definitely important. However, we have long grown out of children's pants and we can fully appreciate how necessary or even dangerous the truth can become in this or that situation. If its significance is not comparable to the sacrifice made, then such a truth, perhaps, should be abandoned. At the same time, you will not become a "liar", but will be a wise personwho is fully aware of the powerful force of the weapon called "truth". It is easy and pleasant to tell the truth, but only when it will help to make a difference for the better and make people happier. Having decided to be honest, be sure to weigh all the pros and cons, and then your words will not become destructive for another person.

Do you think that the truth should always be told? Why? Do you have counter examples? Share them with us, we will definitely post your stories on our website.

Sometimes one hears such words that the true servants of God always speak the truth. But is such a statement true?

Maybe the exact wording would be "true servants of God behave honestly"? Someone might say, "Aren't being honest and always telling the truth the same thing?" No, it's far from the same.

In order to distinguish between these concepts and understand the answer to the question, "should we always tell the truth?", we can recall negative example Jude.

True Judas

At the moment when Judas betrayed Jesus, did he lie about his whereabouts to the Pharisees? On the contrary, he told the absolute truth, and many people later became convinced of this. Jesus was found exactly where Judas pointed out. But can this act of Judas be called honest? Of course not. At the time of the announcement of this truth, he became a traitor, as he acted dishonestly and even his name became a household name. "Judas" is called insidious traitors for more than one generation of people. This is how he told the truth!

Therefore, it is necessary to tell the truth, it is possible and not always useful. To understand when it will be honest to tell the truth, and when it is dishonest, you can use the example of the situations of the warring parties. AT Holy Scripture various wars are often described, including spiritual wars. As they call people who give out the correct information about the location of their comrades, everyone knows very well. Yes, these people are also traitors. When a person tells the truth to the wrong people, he can easily become a traitor.

Here we come to the understanding of the concept of "honest man". What is it? To be honest means to established rules(for example, in accordance with the law) and give information only to the extent that the other party has a right to this information. An honest person is one who does not mislead for his own benefit and who tells the truth to those who are entitled to that truth.

The question arises - who has these rights?
There are many examples:
The head of the family has the right to know the truth about the spouse or children. The authorities have the right to know the truth about citizens insofar as it concerns the citizen's compliance with the law. The employer has every right to know about the employee what he does in working time. But, on the other hand, does he have the right to know about what his employee does after work? More likely no than yes.

So what do we see? There are people who are entitled to full information; there are those who are only entitled to certain information (related to common affairs and agreements) and there are those who cannot be given accurate information, otherwise it will be the truth of Judas.

If someone is drawn to learn or tell secret information, then shouldn't this cause the question “why” and unpleasant associations with Judas Iscariot?

Interestingly, the Bible provides several examples of people deceiving others while remaining honest and faithful servants of God. And not only people, but also angels ...

Examples of situations where patriarchs, prophets, angels and others faithful people not telling the whole truth or specifically misleading are described in the following Scriptures: Genesis 12:10-12; Gen 20; Gen 26:1-10; Joshua 2:1-6; Jas 2:25; 1Ki 22:1-38; 2 Samuel 6:11-23; 2 years ch.18.

Why did they do it with a clear conscience? Because in this way they remained faithful to God, fought according to the rules in the spiritual war, always remembered which side they were on and did not lose caution.

By the way, about caution... In the Scriptures, this quality is often applied to snakes and is even advised to be careful like snakes. In this sense, they have a lot to learn:


- As hunters, snakes always remember that someone can hunt them too, so approaching very quietly, they are also quietly ready to slip away.

- The snake is always ready for both defense and attack.

- Waiting for its prey, the snake can remain in the shelter in a motionless state all day without losing vigilance.

- Before attacking, the snake must estimate the volume of the prey, because it needs to swallow the prey whole, due to the lack of chewing teeth.

Interestingly, even if a snake evaluates the consequences before opening its mouth, shouldn't a person do it? Shouldn't people, having a goal, be as patient as snakes waiting for their prey? Shouldn't a person remember what world he lives in and understand how to avoid dangers, as well as prepare for them? (For more on the topic of truth and lies, see Understanding the Scriptures, article "Lies")

It should be noted that the main incentives for betrayal are greed, envy and fear. Note that fear is in last place. The leaders are envy and greed.

Examples of this are evidence of this:

- Satan, who betrayed his Father and friend,
- Judas, who betrayed his friend and teacher,
- Cain, who betrayed his friend and brother,
- Adam and Eve
— Ahana.

It is clear that this list can be continued for a long time. Its peculiarity is such that there is not a single person on this list who would be under pressure. Nobody intimidated them, nobody and nothing threatened them. Moreover, the vast majority of them themselves figured out how to do evil - they acted on their own initiative.
Envy and greed - that's what should be the most alarming in yourself and in people.
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- Truth and Truth
What should be considered before speaking truthfully?
— Honesty in family relationships
- A few tips about the "true life"
- Do I need to tell the truth?
- Conclusion

Truth It's what a person BELIEVE in. Truth is what he KNOWS (we proceed from the fact that knowledge is an accurate reflection of the objective situation). The relationship between the one and the other is quite bizarre. You can tell the truth and not deviate one iota from the truth, and this is just very easy to understand. You can tell the truth and be catastrophically far from the truth. This is a little more difficult to understand. You can lie and still say the truth. This is the most difficult thing to understand, so I will explain with a simple everyday illustration.

One friend asks another: “Why did you come without a wife? We invited both of you." He replies: “Yes, you know, she fell ill, lies in a layer, and the temperature is under forty.” At the same time, he lies like a gray gelding - he didn’t even go home, and didn’t call, and has no idea what is happening with his wife. And in general, obviously I was not going to take her with me to this party. Meanwhile, his wife really fell ill. And it really lies in a "layer" with a temperature of under forty. That is the TRUTH. But this truth does not make the husband's lie TRUE. His lies are lies and remain.

The verbs "lie" and "deceive" are not synonymous at all. You can lie to yourself perfectly, but you can’t deceive anyone. And you can cheat at its best using the pure truth for this. The first is simple, but for the second - a household example.

Go to the grocery and see the bottle vegetable oil, on the label of which it is written: "DOES NOT CONTAIN CHOLESTEROL!". Here is the pure truth. Does not contain. And it cannot contain, because it is a plant product, and not of animal origin. But there is deception. Nearby are bottles of oil from another manufacturer. On which there is no such inscription. Cholesterol, of course, is also not. But many buyers will buy the first product, and not the second, precisely for this reason - they will consider the absence of cholesterol in the oil of THIS manufacturer as an ADVANTAGE over others. Therefore, it is important to know.

What should be considered before speaking truthfully?

1) Ask yourself the question: “What good will the truth do in this situation?”
In order to weigh the need for recognition, you need to abstractly look at the situation. It is likely that the truth will not change anything, or even aggravate. So what's the point of bringing her out?

2) Put yourself in the place of the person you are going to tell the truth to. How would you like to hear it? Is it necessary to inflict a spiritual wound on a person, is the truth worth it?

3) Be not only honest, but also tactful.
In order to tell the truth, sometimes you need to choose the right time and place, as well as words.

4) Do not cut the truth in the heat of the moment, being at the mercy of emotions.
In this state, we fail to control the spoken words and evaluate their significance for a person. Sometimes this can lead to serious consequences.

The truth is definitely important. However, we have long grown out of children's pants and we can fully appreciate how necessary or even dangerous the truth can become in this or that situation. If its significance is not comparable to the sacrifice made, then such a truth, perhaps, should be abandoned. At the same time, you will not become a "liar", but you will wise man who is fully aware of the powerful force of the weapon called "truth".

It is easy and pleasant to tell the truth, but only when it will help to make a difference for the better and make people happier. Having decided to be honest, be sure to weigh all the pros and cons, and then your words will not become destructive for another person.

When communicating and educating your children, be consistent, and do not allow your words to be at odds with your actions. Otherwise, you risk turning your child into a pathological liar. Explain to him the basic rules accepted in society, and possible consequences their violations.

If you do not know whether to tell the truth to another person, focus on yourself in this matter: are you ready to give up the principles of “truth”, or are you not ready to betray yourself in this situation? It seems to me that “betrayal of oneself” is often more destructive for a person’s personality, but does not relieve him of responsibility for the consequences that may occur in any scenario.

When choosing to “tell the truth”, try to speak less of your assessments and opinions about the other, and pay more attention to your experiences and your feelings regarding the situation or person. “I-Statements” will help here when you start your phrases with the pronoun “I”: “I feel, think, consider, experience, relate, evaluate ...”

Make sure you want to know the whole truth about yourself from others? Do you have the courage to listen to this? Therefore, you should not discount the strategy: you know less - you sleep better!

- Do I need to tell the truth?

Very often, words seem to break against the wall, people do not hear your advice. This can be attributed to the fact that people themselves are full of pride, they prefer to hear only what is more pleasant for them, what does not upset and does not diverge from their vision of life. The desire to live with an illusion for them is sometimes many times preferable to the truth. There is also the other side of the coin - we are too straightforward in our frankness.

The truth is often compared to a bitter pill that is laid out right in front of a person and demanded to be eaten without drinking water. But after all, it would be possible to serve a bitter medicine in such a way that a person would not feel that he had to eat something wrong.

Truth is always bitter (only a lie can be sweet). It depends only on you how a person perceives it. The same expression can be pronounced in different intonations, different words, softly or rudely, directly or from afar. AT ideal, it is better to start from afar. Talk about someone else making the exact same mistake. You talk as if you read something in one of the books.

Thus, the person will be more inclined to hear you. It's better than throwing the truth in the face. If you have to be direct, do it in a way that doesn't make the person feel guilty. In fact, every person realizes that he did wrong, but not everyone is able to admit this, not only to people, even to himself. Therefore, we are all so inclined to look for the guilty in anyone, but not in ourselves.

Whenever you have a choice to tell or not to tell the truth, remember:

1) the truth is sometimes useful and sometimes useless;
2) the truth can break a person;
3) sometimes it is better to remain silent;
4) try to ask yourself a question: to whom and what will be the benefit of this truth;
5) put yourself in the place of another person;
6) no need to speak the truth in a temper;
7) do not tell the truth in conflict situations.
Before you tell the truth, wait a while, think over and choose the right words. In this case, you can be not only honest, but also a tactful person.

- Conclusion

Many parents teach their children to always tell the truth from childhood. We are taught the same in school. However, as the child grows older, he begins to understand that if you always tell the truth, you can unwittingly offend a person. And the parents whom he unconsciously copies do not always tell the truth.

Is it really necessary to always tell the truth? Or sometimes it’s worth hiding something, for the sake of the peace of your loved ones and friends. Especially since your little lies won't hurt anyone. It's up to you to decide. It's good to tell the truth, of course. But it is not always justified. Sometimes it is better to remain silent if your words can hurt someone.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

Lies and duplicity are considered the main ailments of our time. From the point of view of psychology, lying is a bad habit, a consequence of a bad character, bad upbringing. And what is the spiritual view of this problem?

Think, main reason The reason why people lie is fear and self-doubt. A person wants to seem better than he is, afraid to fail. If we add to this personal complexes, ambitions, envy, then lies and pretense become both a tool for achieving goals and a way of life for such a person.

Of course, upbringing, the level of culture, manners instilled by parents play an important role in this problem. It is from the family that we derive the fundamental concepts of life and the “matrix” of behavior. Unfortunately, recently, parents from an early age are trying to teach their children to achieve their goals in any way. This is the so-called psychology of leadership - if you are kind, honest and sentimental, then you will simply be "eaten" by stronger ones. Life is regarded as competition, struggle, and virtuous character traits as weakness. We are already reaping the bitter fruits of this approach to life - the lumpenization of society, the inability to hear and understand the other, disunity and bitterness. As the Scripture says, "The fathers have eaten sour grapes, but the children's teeth are set on edge" (Ezek. 18:2). No wonder, because false priorities lead to false goals. Initially, deception this case lies in the fact that a real leader is not the one who knows how to manipulate people and get benefits in everything, but the one who is able to sacrifice himself for the sake of others.

I say this to make it clear that a lie is not only a personal problem of an individual person, but it is something that can globally influence the life of the whole society and even the whole of humanity. And with all the diverse types of human lies, the circumstances of their occurrence, it is obvious that its main cause lies exclusively in the spiritual field. It is no coincidence that the second name of the devil is Liar, Slanderer. Here is the original reason dark energy, with which the slightest untruth is associated, any distortion of the truth.

Lying is not just a sin. This is the main "component" of sin, it is the basis of any sinful action or thought. Probably, a person would never sin if he was not deceived by the promises of sin. As St. Basil the Great says, "Hell cannot be made attractive, so the devil makes the road there attractive." Sin always deceives a person, and in each of his falls, the sinner becomes a hostage to lies.

According to the teaching of the Monk Abba Dorotheus, a lie manifests itself in three ways: by thought, by word, and by life itself. If a lie with a thought consists in an unintentional substitution of a genuine self with a certain “role” in which a person would like to see himself, then a lie with a word is already a conscious distortion of reality. Abba Dorotheos refers to the deep sinful depravity of a person who is accustomed to vice, is not afraid of it and is not embarrassed by the concept of “lie by life”. But since public opinion nevertheless condemns vice, but still appreciates virtue, a person considers it profitable to hide under a virtuous mask. This lie lies in the cynical duality of life itself.

Abba Dorotheos names three reasons that encourage people to lie, which are also the basis of all sin. This is, firstly, voluptuousness, that is, the desire to fulfill every desire; secondly, love of money - the desire to acquire material values; and, thirdly, love of glory, which in the case of the monks was expressed in unwillingness to reconcile.

- A lie outside gives rise to a lie to oneself: a person ceases to expose himself, to honestly admit to himself what he has done. This leads to false confession and, consequently, to depression. How to start telling the truth to yourself? And what is fraught with self-deception?

St. Theophan the Recluse teaches that "one must be able to divide oneself into oneself and the enemy hidden in me." The main trick of the devil is that he inspires a person as if his thoughts and feelings are himself. When we begin to separate ourselves from our own emotions, feelings and thoughts, they can no longer control us.

Self-deception is always associated with self-justification, the belief that anyone can be to blame for this or that problem, but not myself. Avoiding problems in this way deprives a person of the opportunity to solve them. Therefore, the Monk Paisios the Holy Mountaineer said: “By justifying yourself, you seem to be building a wall separating you from God, and thus cutting off all connection with him.” We need to learn to be responsible before God and people for our lives, actions and thoughts. Do not hide your head in the sand, but open your heart to God, Who, seeing the sincere aspiration of a person, will always help and guide you on the true path.

The starting point of everyone's spiritual life is an honest look turned inward. Therefore, the holy fathers said that the first sign of the recovery of the soul is the vision of one's sins, countless, like the sand of the sea. Until a person realizes the depth of his fall, sees his weakness and on your own will try to build his life - only disappointment and endless wanderings await him. Passions blind us, manipulate consciousness. Therefore, in order to see the real picture of your situation, you need to shift your own ego from the center of life and look at yourself from a different angle. It is important, in addition to your shortcomings and spiritual illnesses, to see also the One Who can heal them. It is only in the power of the Lord to save us from ourselves, our own passions and sinful habits. Without God, an honest look at oneself can end in despondency and despair. Spiritual illnesses are cured by the grace that a person receives in the Sacraments of the Church, prayer and repentance.

The gospel gives us not only the truth about ourselves, but also the hope of correction. I came across an interesting analogy from a spiritual writer. He compared the sinful fall of a person to exercise on a trampoline: the lower the point of falling, the higher the person "rises" in repentance. Therefore, to know the truth about yourself, to honestly expose your shortcomings, to see them is not self-flagellation or humiliation, but the only way out of a personality crisis.

Interviewed by Natalya Goroshkova

Hello friends! Today we have another interesting article in line. And we will talk with you about whether it is always necessary to tell the truth? Well, let's discuss...

No, in general, it's up to you to decide what to say and what not. Even priests have the right only from a position of recommendation to give you advice on how to act in life. The same applies to all specialists in the psychological, psychotherapeutic profile.

True, if a person doubts how to behave, what to say in the conditions of being under investigation, when he has been charged and a criminal case has been opened against him, his lie is the communication of deliberately false information to the investigation. And here, whatever one may say, the law dictates its own rules, and its non-compliance threatens with a completely non-illusory prison.

But even in this case, the choice is made by the person himself. Of course, if the court finds the defendant insane, which means a state of inadequacy and inability to assess the serious consequences of his actions, he can be released from criminal liability, replacing imprisonment with compulsory psychiatric treatment. In all other cases, people understand what they choose. It's about an adult, a reasonable person.

The character and temperament of a person

What, how much and to whom to reveal about yourself is again an individual question. Someone can easily pour out his soul to an unfamiliar person, and someone is reputed to be an eternally fenced and secretive comrade, who does not clarify anything about himself. Still, the moments of life associated with communication, their severity, manifestation depends on the temperament and character of the person.

• Introverts (i.e., focused more on inner life than on the outside) this is a type of people who especially need communication, support from the outside, there are individuals who are able to exist autonomously, while not being autistic, although a little closed.
• Melancholics (a weak, unbalanced type of temperament), for example, want to communicate, but are often shy. Therefore, some reticence, fear of saying something wrong, excessive reflection (introspection in other words), clumsily expressed lie for such people is not a conscious manifestation of the desire to hide the truth, but is rather a consequence of their self-doubt, inability to vividly express emotions.
• Cholerics (a strong, balanced type of temperament) can, on the contrary, show their feelings too actively both verbally and in non-verbal communication, it can be difficult for them to restrain themselves in some situations and not “blurt out” something superfluous.

Also, frankness and straightforwardness can be expressed in different ways and depending on the character, intelligence, creativity person. For some, the intricacies of the mind, existence in intrigues (without extreme variants of vindictiveness and suspicion), puzzles of being, the eternal understatement of phrases, a veil of mystery is a lifestyle.

Difficult people, what else to say ...

Difficult people are usually called either people of a subtle personality, touchy, exalted, or extraordinary, conflict, intractable, or people of a creative element: they can include all the qualities difficult people simultaneously. In our case, complexity is manifested by good intelligence, because in order to build your own system of puzzles within the framework of normality, you need to have decent mental abilities.

A person has an internal prism of world perception, for the sake of truth it is worth saying that this does not speak of the strength and intensity of the manifestation of intelligence, but only speaks of its presence. Which is already good. But the complexity of the complexity is different. As said Steve Jobs, “true depth and complexity lies in manifesting them through simplicity. That is, the final product of reflections, works should be understandable and accessible to many, otherwise everything else is empty talk and reasoning.”

In general, we are attracted by complexity within the framework of accessibility, so that it is not like out of this world, but real, only cunning and interesting. After all, true innocence and childish naivete, not in children, but in adults, is a sign of infantilism, and not generosity. As well as excessive sophistication is at least a sign of a person's eccentricity.

And someone does not have time for “foxness”, there is no enthusiasm to give birth to fruitless (in their opinion) and unnecessary attempts to look smarter to anyone, to build labyrinths of riddles. They are simple, open, friendly.

So is it worth it to always tell the truth and what to do?

A paragraph about type and character in order to make it clear that it is impossible for everyone to advise the same thing, so that it is clearer that the topic is more complicated than it might seem at first glance. Yes, but not as difficult as it may seem to active lovers of intrigue.

In general, according to the generally accepted sign of a strong personality, spontaneous expression of feelings through speech is one of such signs. A person who is self-confident, feeling and understanding his superiority over others or equality, strives to show his true desires, thoughts, moods without looking back, often uses the pronoun “I”, calmly listens to praise, worthily appreciates himself, that is, has good self-esteem.

If you need to be ready to resist the opinions of others, to tell the truth in the face, both about yourself and about others, to call a spade a spade. A strong personality has an active ability to improvise and there is no discord between words and deeds, behavior. Impulsivity without pronounced pathopsychology too hallmark self-confident person.

No, this does not mean that you need to say everything that is born in your head, I hope everyone understands this. Good breeding, restraint are the qualities of self-education, which are already manifested against the background of personal characteristics. If you do not find signs of a strong personality in yourself or find them partially, of course you should not despair: according to the opinion of European psychologists, “it is better to seem than to be”.

Yes, you can start to act from the end, that is, no matter what kind of person you are, start adhering to the rules of behavior of a strong personality. Express your position actively, without rudeness, with reason, often use the pronoun “I”, etc.

Unexpressed and driven inside resentment, experiences threaten frustrations and accumulation negative energy. It is one thing if a person, being strong or re-aware of his position, reflects the negative, does not perceive it, transfers everything to the positive area. That is, failure is not fatal for him. And another thing is when a person suffers and eats himself from the inside, being unable to let go of the situation, offenders.

Here it is possible to correct the problem either with the help of Helstat therapy with its awareness of the roots of evil and reacting, or by switching the direction of consciousness and thoughts to another area, as an option, you can learn to tell the truth in the face and respond when necessary, but not in a hysterical form.

We got two positions regarding frankness: when to tell the truth about your life to others and when to tell the truth to someone who wants to tell it due to conflict circumstances. And what to do with the warehouse of grievances, discontent.

If none of the above helps, you can write on a piece of paper everything that does not suit you in this life, in detail, emotionally, clearly and, after watering your monologue a little with tears, release it from your hands in the wind towards the clouds (from a balcony, from some mountain ).

The point is not in a mysterious ritual (which, by the way, is not here), but in the fact that you are on paper, and then outwit your consciousness by slipping it such a “trick” in the form that has been familiar to us since childhood (according to the plots of our favorite films, fairy tales) fantastic point.