Funny characteristics of the signs of the zodiac. Comic horoscope

Of course, a comic horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac has the right to life. Some people believe that such horoscopes are unreliable, however, by reading short sparkling characteristics, they recognize themselves and their friends.

It is a cool horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac that calls a spade a spade. Who has a sense of humor, read!

Cool horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac of the element of Fire

The ram is always right, he knows the price of everything, it is easier to shoot him than to argue. Flawlessly honest. If a suit does not suit you or you are overweight, he will honestly tell you about it. In everyday life, it is usually useless, but it generates brilliant ideas to match Sagittarius.

Leo - a cool horoscope for the signs of the zodiac

He divides people into two classes - those close to him and everyone else. An egoist, but he is forgiven for his holy faith in his own impeccability. The best in everything! The marriage partner makes it clear that it came to him along with the status of the lion's chosen one. Unarmed before flattery, with the help of which ropes can be twisted from the Leo zodiac sign.

Sagittarius - a comic horoscope for the zodiac sign

Sagittarius expresses his judgments willingly even when he is advised to hold his tongue. But the mouth of the Sagittarius zodiac sign does not close, because his personal opinion should become the truth for everyone. A lucky sign in life! Sagittarius has a lot of friends who, in which case, will not let him disappear.

Comic horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac of the elements of the Earth

More stubborn than Aries, just stubborn, while not an innovator, boring and greedy. It does not have this charming mutton indifference and. Zodiac sign Taurus is an unsurpassed slow-witted. Lustful. In affections is constant. Distrustful, wary of new people, but will stand up for old friends with his chest.

Virgo - a comic horoscope by zodiac sign

According to statistics, most psychopathic maniacs are born under the zodiac sign of Virgo. These heartless monsters poison with their pedantry, love of law and order the life of everyone who finds themselves on the same territory with them. But in everyday life Virgo is useful like no other.

Capricorn - a cool horoscope about the signs of the zodiac

Happiness comprehends only one way - breaks in like a damned one. The meaning of his life is in his work. At first it seems meek, but at the first opportunity it will give you a tangible poke. He gets the highest pleasure if he manages to do this with Leo, whom he cannot stand for his arrogance. Leo answers him in the same way, not enduring this dirty trick, and if at the moment of poking Leo is not in the mood, the zodiac sign Capricorn must immediately run away, otherwise things will end badly.

Comic horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac of the air element

Twins

No one realizes how difficult it is for the Gemini zodiac sign to survive in this vast world of possibilities! Choice is a Gemini's haunting nightmare. It always seems to them that life is passing by, even if they get bogged down in events.

Libra - a cool horoscope for the signs of the zodiac

Libra imagines themselves to be aesthetes, unreliable, seven Fridays a week, yearn for, which is unattainable in principle for the zodiac sign of Libra, because they are in constant dissonance between reality and the desired. Indecisive, and therefore suffer from nervous ailments.

Aquarius - a comic horoscope for the zodiac sign

Looks like it fell from an oak tree. This, oddly enough, many people like it. Even if everything goes wrong in the life of the Aquarius zodiac sign itself, he manages to give out advice that works! Potential criminal. There is no Aquarius without a criminal past, he breaks the law with pleasure and, unlike Gemini, he perfectly understands what he is doing.

Cool horoscope for the signs of the zodiac Water

There is no sign more suspicious than Cancer! He constantly imagines the end of the world, is afraid of his own shadow, falls into hysterics and seeks consolation from the Virgin. Disdain. He annoys others with conversations about his sores, which is why everyone, except for Taurus, scatter in horror. Has a penchant for philosophy and alcoholism. The first, as well as the second, is contraindicated for the zodiac sign Cancer.

It is hardly possible now to find a person who has not read horoscopes. But in our age of science, not everyone trusts astrology, although in many ways it turns out to be accurate. But the funny characterization of the signs of the zodiac may well interest even the most seasoned skeptics. Reading playful horoscopes can pass the time, have fun in the company and even learn the basics of astrology. A light humorous form, aptly emphasizing the main qualities of each sign, quite helps in this interesting matter.

Aries

All the cool characteristics of the signs of the zodiac agree on one thing: you won’t be able to find a more stubborn debater than this capricious and stubborn lamb.

Aries hates everyday routine, but will be happy to spin around and give out their innovative ideas incessantly. It is almost impossible to force him to do what he does not want. But there is one little trick. Tell the other person to do it better. At this point, Aries will break into a cake to prove his leadership and superiority.

The fiery nature of Aries is marked by the ridiculous characteristics of the signs of the zodiac. In terms of the time that this person is willing to spend on conquering the object of his passion, he has no equal. A ram, he is a ram in Africa, going right through the jungle. Aries in this matter can even be called a rocket - it acts instantly, assertively and it is simply unrealistic to get rid of his courtship. “You are attractive, I am damn attractive, so why waste time” - this is his motto in love.

Taurus

Here it is, a worthy competitor of Aries in terms of stubbornness. This will be confirmed to you not only by ordinary horoscopes, but also by any funny characteristic of the signs of the zodiac. Moreover, to enviable perseverance is attached as a "bonus" and fierce conservatism. Try to get Taurus to throw out something from outdated household trash and you will understand this. Whether it's a damaged disc, a notebook left over from school days, or torn sneakers, it doesn't matter. For him, all these things are valuable. And Taurus is a terrible bore: listening to their endless teachings, you can not only fall asleep, but also snore.

Representatives of this constellation are closed personalities. It's easier to talk to a wall than to a Taurus. At least by tapping on it, you will hear a rumble. In the case of Taurus, the afterlife silence and ringing silence will remain.

Taurus's attitude to love is the same as to things - the more money and time he spent seeking you, the more valuable you will be for him. And do not expect originality in courtship - Taurus's conservatism extends to amorous affairs.

Twins

They are easy in deeds and thoughts. The twins are from that breed of people that will advocate "for any kipish, except for a hunger strike." As noted by the funny characteristics of the signs of the zodiac, by date of birth and character, these personalities fully correspond to eccentric individuals who have a whole company of winds walking in their heads.

Gemini's love of chatter is truly catastrophic for those who are not Gemini themselves. For many hours they can not be silent, completely ignoring the reaction of others. It seems that even at his own commemoration, the Twin will rise from the coffin and tell the guests lying in a swoon an anecdote appropriate for the topic.

The laziness of these personalities is as legendary as their conversational skills. Because of the unwillingness to delve into some topic and study it for a long time, they superficially describe this or that phenomenon, picking up a little of everything. The ideal profession for them is one that will help you earn a million instantly and without unnecessary gestures. Oh yes, Gemini needs a lot of money, because they spend it as easily and naturally as they chirp on the phone.

Crayfish

Natures are intelligent, soft and romantic, even if they look like stale loaf, a brutal dork or an uncouth redneck. When watching non-children's films of an erotic nature, they always secretly hope that in the end the main characters will get married.

A funny characterization of the zodiac signs compares Cancers with their animal namesakes. Like them, representatives of this constellation, if they take a neat step forward, then immediately run back. They are indecisive types who, because of their caution, are afraid to even change - you never know what is on the other person's mind.

It is undesirable to joke frankly in the presence of Cancer, because these people are sentimental and can get upset even because of light humor directed at them or their loved ones. Satire about animals is the strictest taboo. They would rather survive an earthquake and a tsunami than endure dark humor about unfortunate dogs and cats. It is also worth joking about love affairs more carefully and preferably in a romantic way - then Cancer will tell the story that amused him to everyone for a long time.

a lion

The one and only He is proud and majestic, even if he is locked in a zoo cage. The wild cries of nearby animals do not interest him - he is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. If we consider the main characteristics of the signs of the zodiac, a funny description highlights the royalty of this person, which, it seems, no trouble can bring down the arrogance of.

What is good for Leo himself is not very fun and pleasant for his relatives, because he needs an appeal worthy of status. In his opinion, those around him should already be glad that His Highness is nearby. The lion's aura is able to outshine everything around with its radiance, painting even a muddy swamp with all the colors of the rainbow.

However, sometimes in the whirlpool of events that Leo generates around him, it may not be what he would like to get into. What can you do, such is the power of the royal will. Do you want to recognize a Leo in your surroundings? Listen to the manner of speaking: the use of the pronoun "I" by this type will exceed all possible limits. Not such a bad quality in our age for a person who wants to make a dizzying career, agree?

Virgo

The true confirmation that appearances can be deceiving is the representatives of this constellation. It would seem that at the word "maiden" the imagination draws us a sweet, fragile and vulnerable creature that sits at home doing needlework. Astrologers, who make up the characteristics of the signs of the zodiac, disagree with this view. The funny irony of fate is that in reality things are "a little" different. Instead of a sensitive friend who has supported since hard times, a comrade-in-arms in all endeavors, Virgo can easily turn out to be ... serial killer. Yes, yes, statistics say that most maniacs were born under this sign of the zodiac (and what else can you expect from such neat and clean people?).

Virgo can easily use her ability to adapt to the environment and be always emphatically polite and correct person to achieve the desired goal. You won't even have time to blink an eye, and she's already sitting on right hand from the director. But the object of his love will never show sympathy until he is convinced of the reciprocity of feelings and prospects. But then, even having received a refusal, he will patiently wait: suddenly something will change.

scales

Whatever the funny characteristics of the signs of the zodiac, over the years and months, they all accurately determine one thing: this sign fully justifies its name. Libra people are constantly in search of spiritual balance, and therefore do not pay attention to the material world at all. Let someone else deal with everyday problems, whether it's cooking, washing or cleaning, and Libra has more sublime things to do.

People of this sign are always thrown into different sides. Quickly fired up with a new idea, they will throw all available resources into implementing it. They will connect a lot of people and create an event of a national scale, but in the middle of the road they will get bored with all this. They quietly retire, leaving others to rake the mess they have made.

The inconstancy of Libra extends to love affairs. Moreover, for them this state is so familiar that after betrayal they will not even be tormented by conscience. After all, they do not at all attempt to destroy the family, and so, they started an affair. Therefore, they are worthy of forgiveness.

Scorpion

These are real poisonous infections. Ridiculous characterizations of the signs of the zodiac in poetry and prose sing of their ability to break the hearts of anyone who comes within sight. Thank you for this natural charm Scorpions and their ability to seduce. This sign has the ability to constantly fall in love with someone, and each time "to the grave." The object of attention will immediately be put before this fact. It is unlikely to get away from the original courtship of Scorpio, and you don’t want to - he is a subtle psychologist and will certainly be able to find a path to the heart of his beloved (or beloved).

Scorpios are leaders from birth and are smart beyond their years. If a representative of this sign has chosen a goal for himself, then, no matter how difficult it is to achieve, he will go towards it with principled obstinacy. And let it be necessary to destroy everything that gets in the way - this will not stop Scorpio. But to build new world after the chaos, he will be just as enthusiastic.

Sagittarius

People of this zodiac sign always achieve their goal, even if it does not happen immediately. A funny characteristic of the signs of the zodiac advises you to look at their symbol: everything will immediately become clear. Only now, if others get what they want thanks to perseverance and diligence, Sagittarius is helped in this by a fair wind, which directs the shot arrows exactly to the bullseye.

By nature, Sagittarians are real benefactors. They are always trying to take pity on everyone and feed the suffering (and it doesn’t matter what the recipients themselves think). Their motto is "who but me?". This is great for employers. Well, what, Sagittarius will not mind if he is loaded with a bunch of work. It is only necessary to hint that it is very important for the company that everything is done. And how exactly - Sagittarius himself will be able to find a way.

But do not openly offend Sagittarius. No, they are not vindictive at all, just evil, and they have an excellent memory. Remind you of all the misunderstandings from kindergarten. And, in general, they will easily express the truth in person, risking getting in their own face.

Capricorn

This is a man-pendulum that always balances between two extremes, as the funny characterization of the signs of the zodiac claims. Children of this sign are characterized by adult seriousness and thoroughness. Capricorn does not part with these qualities even in old age. He rushes headlong into work, as if into a whirlpool, and it will be simply unrealistic to pull him out. He will spend all his mental and physical strength even on a deliberately impossible task. However, if Capricorn is impatient to go on a spree, then he will give himself up to this occupation completely, having uncontrollable fun until complete degradation. You can save him from a sad fate only if you manage to divert attention to something more interesting.

Capricorns are incorrigible pessimists. If he is already convinced that all around are creeping bastards who came to success over their heads or through the bed, then at least if you hit him on the head, you won’t convince him anyway.

Aquarius

Verbiage splashes out of Aquarius like water from a tap. If anyone is able to withstand this flow for a long time and even be an interesting conversationalist, it is Gemini. Perhaps it is still possible to argue who will talk to whom in the end.

Love for Aquarius is, first of all, romance: walks under the moon, meeting the dawn. Prepare with him to conquer the ancient ruins shrouded in secrets - this is for him indispensable attribute courtship. According to the cool characteristics of the signs of the zodiac, such a person has no equal in poetry and serenades. Aquarius women are accustomed to follow the dictates of the heart. If it suggests that you should be together, wait for her on the threshold with suitcases.

What do Aquarians value the most? Of course, They are ready to build a three-meter wall around themselves, as long as no one touches them if they want to be alone. And no siege will help - Aquarius has made the necessary supply of cookies and will live for a long time and not grieve in his cozy little world.

Fishes

If anyone is able to create an alternative fictional reality out of nothing for themselves and those around them, it is Pisces. And for them, the world of fantasy will be as real as our usual one. They will easily convince anyone of this. Baron Munchausen, for example, according to the characteristics of the signs of the zodiac, an inexperienced and timid fry, a faded egg.

Ask this person for anything - water the flowers in your absence, write a diploma for you - he will certainly break into a cake, but he will fulfill the request. Such an altruist was born, nothing can be done. In love, Pisces are shy and cautious, and will beat around the bush for a long time before taking a step forward. "Vanilla" is about them: sad sighs, touching gifts, awkwardness and tears at night, and, most importantly, all thoughts are only about him (or her). So if you are ready to take a Fish in love with you and lead it under your elbow in the right direction (and then push it forward with kicks all your life) - go for it.

IN ONE DUTCH WOMEN'S MAGAZINE I stumbled upon SUCH A FUNNY HOROSCOPE.

I WANTED TO INTRODUCE YOU WITH THESE IDEAS, BUT IN THE PROCESS OF READING I WAS SURPRISED MYSELF… AND THERE IS A LOT OF COINCIDENCE…?!

LOOK FOR YOURSELF, MAYBE YOU WILL SEE THIS AMAZING?

Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac, the most lively and energetic. Astrology textbooks describe Aries as a charming, energetic personality, endowed with charisma, a born leader and revolutionary. He quickly rushes through life, radiating cheerfulness and optimism.

The truth is that this is an overbearing, self-centered twat, interested only in himself and having an exorbitantly inflated self-importance.

In Aries, Mars endows a person with courage, determination, energy, passion and ambition, as well as short temper, selfishness and impulsiveness. A typical Aries flies through life on full steam, challenging anyone who stands in his way. Endowed with fearlessness by nature, he calmly rushes into battle, even with an obviously strong opponent. If you are not lucky and you fall under his feet, then you will fully experience for yourself what an annoyed Aries is: angry, red, he screams and can even stomp his feet, or even rush with his fists. Sometimes, suddenly, for no apparent reason, he can show generosity and, for example, leave his partner empty-handed. Most of all, he is afraid of being branded as ignoble!

He is stung by a condescending attitude, he will not forgive this and, on occasion, can take revenge painfully. Although by nature not so vindictive.

Aries does not reason for a long time, he simply reacts to irritants, he first acts, and then thinks, often in the heat of the moment destroying his own happiness, because he has no time to collect facts and think ...

Not one iota of humility, he will never admit his mistakes! It is impossible to wait for words of apology from him.

You start arguing with him and a flurry of screams and insults will fall upon you, if you prove you are right, you will be offended like a child and go to pout in a corner. Aries is characterized by a complete lack of taste in clothes, they simply have no time to do this, they are more attracted to moving objects ... They especially love cars.

What is characteristic, in love they are disinterested ...

TAURUS. (April 20-May 20)

Taurus is the second sign of the Zodiac. Traditional astrology kindly describes Taurus as reliable, picky eaters, frugal homebody, lover of good food and magic in the kitchen. A born boss and a person capable of managing the World.

But in real life you have to deal with a stubborn, edifying, boring curmudgeon with a weight problem.

At the word Taurus or a bull, in the imagination of people, an image of a large animal appears, peacefully chewing grass, blinking with satisfaction with its large shiny eyes. He is even ready to let you scratch him behind the ears ... But if you want to pick a couple of leaves on his field, you will get such a storm!

Whichever of the Taurus you communicate with, whether it be a man or a woman, you will quickly recognize his character. His fury is capable of awakening such a beast in him in an instant that you will regret in an instant that bullfighting has been canceled in your country!

His eyes fill with anger, he even darkens his face, everyone’s lower jaw, at least a little, but protrudes forward, they subconsciously tilt their heads and look at you frowningly., just like a bull before an attack ....

Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus, and it is she who endows him with insatiability.

Simple approval is never enough for Taurus, property is always scarce, food is not enough, rest and sex are always not in full measure ... They are emotional, but not intellectual, they take hard work and diligence from childhood. They do not know how to grasp a thought on the fly, but if they have learned something, then it is for life. Because of this, many of them do not complete their education, or leave it halfway ... the craving for pleasure is too great. But if they have already learned, then rest assured, you won’t find a better careerist ... They love to sit at all sorts of meetings, meetings, join parties, unions and very quickly become leaders in them ... Although everyone will whisper behind his back that he is a scoundrel, a dictator, usurper…

They are not able to listen to the opinion of another person, therefore neither logic nor reasonable arguments act on them. If you start arguing with him, then you will have the feeling that you are hitting your forehead against the wall, and if it turns out that you are right, he will look at you as if you were an alien. A great sense of style and beauty attracts people to him, but they are often lonely due to their difficult nature, prone to sexual perversions, such as homosexuality. Both men and women often suffer from an inferiority complex due to their weight, and therefore sometimes they allow themselves sharp antics, but they just want to eat.

Many Taurus can never give up bad habits, smoking, drugs, alcohol, they like to be late ... Usually very good parents, but they love to pamper their children.

Gemini is the third sign of the Zodiac. Astrologers unanimously convince us that Gemini are energetic, versatile people, endowed with a mass of talents, charming intellectuals, capable of solving several problems at the same time and very fond of communication.

In fact, being close to the Gemini is like getting a job in a crazy house, surprises and various dirty tricks will constantly await you.

They are not smart, but crafty, cunning and resourceful, more talkers than philosophers. They think fast and strange the main objective in their life it is to become famous and to get acquainted in turn with all the celebrities around.

Their element is meetings, cocktails, presentations, where the famous public gathers and talks about the high .... Although their knowledge of everything is superficial, they pretend that they understand everything and in every field of art they are the most subtle connoisseurs and specialists. Their patron is Mercury, a swift god with wings on his sandals! He carries them with lightning speed from one place to another, and the element air is impermanence itself.

Gemini cannot be persuaded, they are very stubborn, but they give out their stubbornness for the breadth of mind and independence. They do not delve into life, but, as it were, glide over the surface. A point of view other than their own is always wrong in their eyes, they know for sure that they are right!

In marriage, this is the most unfaithful and fickle partner, new persons attract them with freshness and incomprehensibility, they are instantly fascinated, they suffer greatly from unrequited love, but they can be comforted in a quarter of an hour, seeing something new on the horizon. They can meticulously ask a person about something, without even delving into the essence of his answers and explanations. They have a great sense of taste and style, they know how to dress beautifully and wear jewelry, but they always think that the neighbor on the landing looks better and start copying her, because they have two faces, they are constantly changing ...

Envy, a passion for gossip and intrigue, a constant change of mood and point of view ... makes Gemini unreliable partners, they always have enemies, they are especially capable of delivering a lot of suffering to Capricorns, Virgos, Taurus and Scorpios ... But they fall in love with them and remain faithful to them all their lives , people much more deserving than they are ... just these victims were caught in the net of their charm. Geminis are always thin, food does not give them such satisfaction, such as good music, a declaration of love, poetry, a walk in the forest.

CRAYFISH. (June 21-July 22)

Cancer, the fourth sign of the Zodiac, lives in the House of Home, Private Life. Satisfying astrology describes Cancer as a person who loves solitude, caring and completely devoted to family and friends.

The truth is that Cancers are slippery, manipulative creatures and demand, in turn, absolute loyalty from loved ones.

All water signs are sensitive and emotional, but Cancer is the champion of emotional instability. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and it changes daily, the mood of Cancers is ebb and flow, only accelerated many times over. Polite Cancer can calmly get nasty, insult and very often ready for treason, but you are unlikely to know about it, he is secretive and deceitful.

Cancer is able to joke, laugh and get angry or offended and cry at the same time. He loves to retire, attack and immediately complain and whine ...

He has several points of view on the same question and all, by the way, are true, he does not hold stubbornness, but he is not going to argue with you, he will simply remain silent and do it his own way.

Sharp and unexpected movements frighten him, they even startle, they love smoothness and softness, insects and reptiles frighten him.

Cancers do not argue, they are offended ...

Weepy.

Making Cancer look at himself objectively is an unrealistic task. In a dispute, Cancer will be the first to be silent, but this does not mean that he lost, do not hold out your hands to him, he can chop it off with his claw. Cancer loves junk, antiques, all Cancers are very religious, and for real. Great intuition makes them a little visionary in the eyes of other people, excellent parents, but dubious partners ... especially Cancer men love to live in two families and have illegitimate children, and others often find out about this only after their death. Cancer women are rarely seen
s in society, usually they are quiet mothers of families or middle-class officials, but this does not mean anything, if Cancer got a job somewhere, he will always find a loophole how to illegally make himself an increase in salary. They love to work where it smells like money.

Leo is the fifth sign of the zodiac. He lives in the house of creativity and love. Any book on astrology will tell you that Lions are people proud, confident, fun-loving, loyal, generous, elegant. Most likely these books were written by an astrologer - Leo.

In fact, Lions crave to always be in the spotlight, powerful fanatics of their own "I", whose infantilism and selfishness are exceeded only by their desire to dispose of others.

The Sun controls Leo, and just as it is the center of our System, Leo (or Lioness) considers himself the center around which everyone must revolve. Of course, they crave explicit worship, but sometimes it is enough for them that you personally consider him to be the main thing in everything.

Lions are either loud, unceremonious and cheeky or sly quiet with self-respect.

Sometimes he can just pretend to be a humble quiet person for some time, but do not be deceived, there are no shy and shy Lions in nature. Their constant need for attention often makes them sullen, and when they lose contact with their Self, they become selfish tyrants, especially with age, believing that their whole life is a vale of suffering. In fact, they roar inflict suffering on others, not at all embarrassed by this.

Instead of building relationships with people, they plague them with jealousy and reproaches, try to argue with them and you will hear just a roar instead of arguments.

Win an argument with him, he will stop talking, stare at you and go into the shadows, contemplate the next attack.

Lions make the most devoted sissies. They easily part with their first spouse, although later they often regret it all their lives.

From Lionesses, fanatical mothers are obtained, with great pleasure poisoning the life of daughters-in-law.

Virgo is the sixth sign of the Zodiac and lives in the House of Services and Health. Astrologers tactfully depict Virgo as modest, practical, sweet, logical, picky and meticulous.

However, looking closely, you will find a restless, fussy, petty, prone to endless analysis and subjective assessments of a critic and a hypocrite.

Virgo is ruled by Mercury, the same planet that rules the restless Gemini. However, in Virgo, restless Mercury is trapped in the element of Earth, where he becomes critical and irritable.

Virgos might dream of being as spontaneous as Gemini, but they are too firmly on the ground.

Virgos get worried about everything.

They heal the sick, save sinners, correct speech errors, and dispense unsolicited advice with the dignity of an elementary school teacher.

Virgos are very cautious and absolutely devoid of adventurism. They are so busy improving those around them that they are completely oblivious to their own character, which is by no means pleasant.

Of all the signs, Virgos are the least able to admit their mistakes. Born under the motto, THERE IS NO PERFECTION IN THE WORLD!, they cannot relax and enjoy life.

All the fantasies and dreams of the Virgo have an absolutely practical purpose, the Virgo does nothing without benefit for herself, and if she gave you something, it means that she just got a bigger piece the other day.

Virgo can get a job in any organization, even in Horns and Hooves, and calmly have her own piece of bread with butter and caviar there. Most of all, they fear for their health, therefore, whatever, Virgo will not eat, if necessary, they will calmly lose weight or quit smoking, they do not tell anyone, even themselves, the whole truth.

Always on the sidelines, they know how to drag chestnuts out of the fire with the wrong hands. Virgo, possessing the gift of persuasion, can convince anyone that a new enterprise is simply necessary; for herself, she has long calculated dividends.

They are constant in marriage, because disorder in everything affects the Virgin oppressively.

Virgo is obsessed with accuracy, they are easy to recognize by appearance always neatly dressed and combed. Men often marry very late or even remain bachelors, because Virgo, firstly, is never bored alone, and secondly, Virgo men are happy to do housework.

This sign both in the Zodiac and in life embodies the variability of life and the constancy of change.

Astrologers endow him with the highest harmony, they argue that Libra is always impartial, diplomatic and always strive for peace, that they have been looking for truth, beauty and a perfect life partner all their lives.

In fact, behind their somewhat cloying smiles, there are lovers of pampering themselves, the Beloved, people who indulge only their whims in everything, their hearing is tuned only to the ringing of coins, and there is no more individuality and grandeur in them than in a green leaf.

Libra is ruled by Venus, but it is in Libra that she endows a person with an endless thirst for improvement. They need to become the first, they are never satisfied, either with themselves or with a partner.

As one of the dominant cardinal signs, Libra views dissent as a personal affront.

They get angry even if you just switch the TV to another channel.

In the representation of Libra, the harmony of the world lies in the fact that everyone agrees with them. Libras are very subjective, not judgmental. They recognize one opinion - their own.

If you start arguing with them, they will explode with anger, but they can easily ask you for forgiveness, because they are afraid of power.

All Libras always have at least some kind of inferiority complex. For women, this is either weight, or height, or not too smooth skin, for men it’s even worse, even a beautiful wife will not help him stop being tormented by suffering about the fact that someone else can be better ...

Marrying and marrying Libra only by calculation, if the calculation turns out to be incorrect, they often do not have the courage to get a divorce and harass their partner with nit-picking, sometimes destroying him as a person.

In their hearts they are cowardly and shouting is enough for them, but they are offended for life ... Geniuses in love and very often start romances with married and married people, because to beat someone off, what could be more pleasant? You can not ask them for a loan ... they will not give it. In raising children, they are complete ignoramuses, sometimes pampering, sometimes demanding impossible obedience, as a rule, their children grow up indecisive and always look back at their parents, although Libra themselves are always naughty and spiky in childhood. But they are capable of generous and broad gestures, this charms people, they often say about Libra: A wonderful person!

SCORPION(October 23-November 21)

Scorpio, the eighth sign of the Zodiac, lives in the House of death, sex, and other people's possessions.

Conventional astrology describes Scorpio as a passionate being, full of secrets, sensual, endowed with the gift to be reborn and rise from the ashes, like a Phoenix.

But he would be better compared to Dracula rising from a coffin.

These are people obsessed with obsessive ideas, very secretive, prone to assault subjects who feed their pride on the humiliation of others.

Scorpio is ruled by two planets. From Mars, the god of war, conflict and aggression, he is endowed with suspicion, and his outward friendliness is separated from seething poisonous emotions by only a thin layer of skin.

The second planet Pluto, the god of extremes, instills in him an unsurpassed survival instinct in any situation. Neither an aspen stake, nor holy water - nothing can harm Scorpio, only he himself can hit him. What Scorpio usually does at the end of life.

Scorpio rarely lives his life happily, usually his unbridled fantasy and instinct of the owner push him to make an erroneous fateful decision.

But notice, no one, but only he himself, does himself a dirty trick.

His favorite game in life is the Inquisition Bonfire, If you die you're innocent, if you stay alive you're guilty.

They deliberately cause harm to loved ones, as a rule, their marriages are not durable, especially the first ones, not very There are not many people who can withstand their character. After all, everything in this world, in his opinion, is not worthy of him, he is the best in everything, the richest, the most successful, they are naturally endowed with longevity, good health and exorbitant self-admiration.

They have such a developed intuition that they see people on through. Very believing. Perhaps the most faithful of all signs.

If you leave him with a snort, he will never forgive you, Scorpios are very vengeful, they don’t forget anything and never forgive.

They love to be late everywhere and hate it when others are late for them. As a rule, they are very quick-tempered and in the heat of the moment they speak without thinking, often pugnacious and never give in. Sometimes they are capable of a grand gesture, but here
they will ask for something in return.

Their motto is: All or nothing!

If they get divorced, then by all means they try to annoy the former and with great reluctance pay alimony.

Greedy beef and all the money in the world is always not enough for them.

Sagittarius is the ninth sign of the Zodiac and lives in the House of philosophy, adventure and long-distance travel.

Traditionally, representatives of this sign are described as sociable, merry, honest people having a philosophical view of life and events in the world, passionate travelers.

However, the harsh truth is that this is a tactless subject, stomping through life with one foot stuck in a bucket, a bawler and a bully, always speaking out of place.

Sagittarius is controlled by the cheerful joker Jupiter, and he endows his wards with a restless character and extravagance.

Sagittarians never know how to count money and easily part with it, their breadth of soul is sometimes even burdensome, they have a lot of friends around the world, they charm so much from the first meeting that this person is immediately remembered and immediately put forward somewhere.

Becoming a leader or director is a trifle for Sagittarius, but he will often not work, because his job is to travel around, make incendiary speeches and sit on the presidium. All Sagittarians, both men and women, firmly believe that they know everything in the world and spend their time to enlighten humanity, mired in ignorance.

They do not know how to act subtly, they need everything to be done immediately.

They neigh very loudly or smile lusciously, but under the mask of a cheerful jester hides a restrained rage, and what a rage!

Because they have to suppress their anger, there are many violent criminals among them.

In general, angry Sagittarians do not even try to curb their feelings.

They are born in the dark season, when the days are the shortest and the nights are the longest and their soul is often twilight, they suffer from bouts of melancholy, they want to constantly fiesta.

Favorite entertainment is the circus, they love loud music, so there are so many artists, singers, musicians among them.

Sagittarius women are completely delighted with shiny jewelry, even cheap jewelry. Flaw sunlight makes them lovers of bright clothes. Sagittarians love to quarrel with relatives, both close and distant, and in their families they have frequent conflicts, while they happen, yell, and then they can calmly make peace and talk in an hour as if nothing had happened.

They are very emotional, capricious, fickle.

Easily change in marriage. They don’t know how to argue, and if you start proving your point of view, then your centaur will quickly jump over the fence and run away for fresh clover.

As a rule, Sagittarius women always have many children, not at all because they are good mothers, they are just too lazy.
to be protected and they make a decision with lightning speed: Oh, let there be one more child! Although, having given birth, they immediately try to get the baby to nurse someone, they plow their husband, mother, distant relatives and neighbors, they love five-day days, because for them to go to work is a vacation, and, instead of running home after work to the children, it may well go and listen to a lecture on how to care for orchids, even though she doesn't have any orchids.

Sagittarians are simply born for public assignments: the head of the house, combatants, a fireman, a stewardess, a Moscow-Vladivostok carriage conductor - what could be more pleasant?

Magnanimous astrologers describe this person as a traditionalist, a determined and purposeful person, a very selective person, with good taste and a sense of style.

It would be possible not to try with the description, replacing it with one word careerist.

If you are dealing with Capricorn, then you will definitely suffer from his imperiousness, pomposity, these people squeeze the Civil Code in one hand, and the marriage contract in the other.

Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, and here he endows him with dogmatism and makes him purely business-like. Capricorn women, if they did not make a career themselves, then they brought their weak-willed husbands to the people, and they were not given anything else.

All Capricorns are born with a manic desire to be first in their flock. Although the fish tail in his sign indicates a wet and emotional nature. They are sensitive and cry often. But their tears are rarely seen, they are not sugary sentimental like Pisces.

The manifestation of emotions is considered not decent, but they are hot natures.

More than anything, they love to talk about how hard they worked and tried to reach their position. Although by nature they are generally tongue-tied and it is tiring to listen to them, they do not have a flight of thought and fantasy, like Pisces and Gemini, they have everything naked truth. They also lack a sense of humor.

Capricorns are very serious and lack immediacy. Very often, women and men born under this sign marry early, although they themselves do not understand why?

They think very little about love, they are interested in material values, but in their youth it seems to them: It's time, it's time to start a family, I'm already an adult (th)

Namely, they think about the family, not about love.

In pretty young age achieve material success, and having achieved it, they understand that life is boring. They don’t know how to rejoice, so all Capricorns have a very responsible hobby, if it doesn’t exist, then only their favorite JOB!

And only this brings him happiness, he has an excuse for all the moaning of his partner: I'm busy! Money for Capricorn is an end in itself.

In general, these are boring subjects who are usually appreciated when they are suddenly not around. They take great care of their health, chronic centenarians.

According to the Bible, Jesus was a Capricorn, but by all indications, He certainly was a FISH, a kind pacifist... But Capricorns love to fight to the end, they are very stubborn and persistent.

If you win the argument, then it is likely that your phone will ring at night, Capricorn decided to offer you a counterargument ...

Aquarius is the eleventh sign of the Zodiac, and benevolent astrology describes him as an individualist, self-confident, original and idealistic, who treats all people equally.

To you, he is more likely to seem like an obsessive eccentric who begins to tell the first person he meets about his bizarre theories and conclusions.

Bring confusion and confusion, the true purpose of Aquarius. He doesn't even know why he does it.

Since we have officially entered the Age of Aquarius, this only enhances its qualities. He loves rebellion, and in a peaceful, routine life he feels sleepy, often because of this he has a desire to drink, or smoke ... They are very prone to bad habits.

Aquarius loves to cross the boundaries of morality and break the law.

Aquarius is ruled by two planets, Uranus and Saturn.

Uranus is the planet of sudden change and revolution. Saturn is the planet of dogma and repression. Therefore, Aquarians are not sincere, they create the illusion of change without changing anything, they themselves are terribly afraid of change.

Aquarius people are aloof, not passionate, if you dig deeper, you will notice that they know little, their knowledge is superficial, and in general, they often have nothing to say.

They are all dreaming about the future: when I grow up, when I get married, when I have children, when we save up money, when I retire... And life passes them by, because they do not know how to live in the present.

They don’t even wear clothes right away, they usually hang in their closet for years until they go out of fashion.

Often they are very perceptive and well versed in people, but their trouble is that they can never understand themselves ... Marriages with them fall apart easily, like skittles ... But they are never alone, they will always find someone to charm, and again they are paired …

By old age, their weakest organ is the head, often memory loss, nervous breakdowns. Therefore, if you got Aquarius, take care of him, he does not know how to take care of himself.

Pisces is the twelfth and last sign of the Zodiac, which has absorbed the wisdom of all other signs. Astrology calls them seers, they seem to have descended to earth on a moonbeam, people prone to introspection, sensitively capturing the mood and aura of other people. Good pacifists, they feel sorry for everyone, both people and animals ...

Scrape the gilding off them and you will find a dreamer overturned by the realities of life, gullible, disorganized, constantly in a state of confusion and completely helpless.

Pisces is controlled by Neptune, the god of illusions, and he endows a person born under this sign with the desire to run away from problems and absolute naivety. They believe everything!

They evaluate each action through the prism of their prejudices, which break any truth.

This makes Pisces champions among losers, but they endure all hardships easily, for the sole reason that, not knowing how to get out of the situation, they resign themselves to it, and the course itself endures them.

They are not fighters, they don't lay down their weapons, they don't even know how to pick them up!

This makes them remarkably resilient, only far removed from reality.

They have many, many ideas, but the fear of change and the unwillingness to take risks, bends them to the ground and often prevents them from developing their potential, which is huge.

They have a lot of talents and they can do many things better than others, but they are too lazy ...

Ambition is a trait not known to them at all, they may well tell their idea, completely free of charge, to a person who will make capital on this.

But Neptune is the god of the sea, so Pisces is quick-tempered and hysterical like no other, but after an hour they have already forgotten that they just recently yelled at you, and they start talking, as if nothing had happened, they have a great sense of humor, but sometimes it's a cruel satire.

All Pisces speak first and think later.

But they are certainly interesting people, and what taste, style and charm they have often makes you reconcile and digest their unbearable character.

They are quick-tempered, but quick-tempered, they talk about themselves, not noticing that they have a lot of enemies.

Pisces themselves are terribly vindictive and do not forgive insults, reminding everyone of this, including offenders, many take this for courage, and this is just sentimental whining. After all, Pisces never take revenge.

The plant was also a provocateur. This is exactly that terrible person who takes half the office to the bar on Fridays, and then the frightened wives and husbands of his colleagues catch the latter in parks, other people's apartments or the next bars in a row. What about Aries? But nothing - it was his business to start and quit, and if they got so wound up - that's their problem)

“Where have you taken us, Susanin the hero? - Leave me alone guys, I'm here for the first time .... - a situation typical of Aries, especially when traveling, on vacation and on vacation. Moreover, Aries often leaves the situation to others to get out of the situation, saying that he is sick / tired / suddenly stupefied, etc.

Aries, by the way, is one of those who considers the “I was drunk” argument to be quite weighty and understandable for most “normal people”, and interestingly, he is often excused for this, although then they think for a long time - what prompted it?

It's simple - childish spontaneity. For this, you will forgive Aries everything - and the fact that he brought you to the wrong place or at the wrong time, disappeared, got drunk, brought you strangers or even forgot you at the station at the beginning of the journey)

But then, having got out of all these stories, you will remember the antics of Aries with pleasure, especially when 10 years have passed and you will be sitting at warm stove in complete safety. After all, you will always have something to remember if you have ever rested in the company of Aries. It doesn't matter if he was there or not.

Taurus

Well, for starters, you can’t just relax. Before that, it is necessary to work hard to the seventh sweat, present labor achievements in expanded form to yourself, colleagues, relatives, the Lord God and in general to everyone who gets caught), so that the whole world knows that Taurus has earned his rest and has the right to it!

But then the question of preparation for the rest arises. And even if it's just a day off - you need to think over the menu, choose the appropriate music / movies / book, finally change the curtains (and at the same time wash the windows, change the linen, rewash everything), raise everyone's mood (to yourself too), then aaaa .... If time and energy remain

With his ceremoniousness, Taurus can bring to white heat everyone who, together with him, tuned in to rest. “It’s better not to put shoes there, there is a special spoon for this dish, be sure to pass the fruit dish to your neighbor, oh, you crumpled the tablecloth, I’ll fix it right now,” etc. In general, if you live with Taurus, sometimes it’s easier to close yourself in the bathroom for relaxation. Then you can already behave indecently at your pleasure)

Holidays and celebrations Taurus begin to plan ahead of time. After all, you need to take everything into account: think over the menu .... (in general, you already understood, I think). But if it comes to vacation at all, then I assure you, it will be the best and highest quality vacation in the entire Zodiac! But sometimes it happens like in that joke about two Estonians: “- A good holiday New Year, Yes?" - "Yes, but intercourse is better" - "Yes, but the New Year is more often")

Twins

In general, if you want to go somewhere or go somewhere, then it’s better not to argue with them, but delicately drag them by the hand in the direction you need. All the same, it will not be ideal, but to admit that their life is not ideal - Libra will not want to, and therefore they will try to pass off the real as ideal and honestly rejoice at it)

Scorpion

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Sometimes you should move away from serious reality and accept all life circumstances with a huge dose of humor. There are categories of people who are not offended. Please, take such frivolous things frivolously. begins his humorous procession.

Astrologer's advice: different level and the quality of a person's education, very much leaves an imprint on the way of manifestation of various qualities. The upbringing of people also makes its mark on the characteristics of various properties of behavior.

Aries. A ram is also a ram in Africa. He is sure that he is right, he always knows how much it costs and arguing with him is at a loss. Sheep (in the sense of Aries) are very honest herd animals. If someone looks bad, he will directly say so. In real life, he is of little use, but he gives advice to everyone. Free, moreover.

Astrologer's advice: It happens that a rare opportunity for a complete correction of personal life in good side given only once in a lifetime. Don't miss it - order and find out how soon luck will be in your hands!

Taurus. Typical cuckold. The other half of him is trying very hard to keep his mark. He is not stubborn, he is boring and greedy, but serious, because he thinks for a long time. He has bullish health. He does not like new people, and he cannot stand old ones, but he loves his friends, and not only artiodactyls.

Twins. Twin brothers are just different fathers. It's about them. The left hemisphere of the brain in this sign always contradicts the right. Light, ephemeral and airy, they cannot finally decide on the choice of their soulmate: everything is not theirs, and everything is not right. But they are fun and interesting.

Astrologer's advice: Note that for a detailed description, it is necessary to correct the information taking into account the date, time and place of birth. Refined data will help to better understand yourself or understand other people.

Crayfish. The second syllable of the word fool. Although, however, this is not about him. Squeamish and cowardly, suspicious and annoying. A drunkard and a philosopher - it's all about him. He makes friends with Taurus and Virgo and talks with them about the end of the world. And they tolerate him, out of pity.

A lion. Maybe kick for this comic horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac. To kill will not kill, but there will be a lot of roar. He is so selfish that he believed in the inviolability of his royal person. The weapon against him is sweet flattery. Atomic bomb is powerless here.

Astrologer's advice: We suggest you look at horoscopes for a month, a year for all signs of the zodiac. The forecast will help you make the right decisions on any issues. Interesting and helpful. Come in.

Virgo. She loves law and order very much and woe to the one who violates them. It hits right away. But in the household, she is good: she will wash and clean. So that you can live with it, but not for long - it will plague you with its pedantry and accuracy.

Scales. These are great aesthetes who, putting clean socks and freshly brewed coffee on one bowl, will choose the second option. They often get sick and if anyone wants to work as a vest or a nurse, then you are welcome!

Astrologer's advice: In order to comprehend and better understand the nature and qualities of the zodiac sign, you need to know it from many sides, and the category will help you with this.

Scorpion. Sexually preoccupied, hysterical egoist. He loves money even more than himself, but does not steal it, but earns it. He loves to do small dirty tricks and arrange serious problems. Looks like a ram, only waterfowl.

Sagittarius. He is always right, it is an axiom. And if it's wrong, then it's a theorem. Sociable and cheerful centaur, shooting at the hearts to the right and left. Whoever is not his friend, let him get in line.

Astrologer's advice: Eastern horoscope, the same strongly affects the resource inherent in people when they are born. You can read more on our resource in the category.

Capricorn. He works a lot, and not with horns and hooves, but with his head and hands. Woe to the one who perceives Capricorn as the soul and soul of the company. He loves to butt heads, do not ask for trouble.
Aquarius. Himself can not advise anything good, but others, please! Prison is his second home, because relations with the law do not add up. She is afraid of only one thing - old age.

Astrologer's advice: Relationships between loved ones often depend on the constellation of birth. Compatibility of signs is a cognitive section in astrology. You can find out about the relationship in the heading -.

Fishes. are completing comic horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac. What can you do, their fate is this - to drag behind everyone all their lives. And where should they go? They are not interested in money, but in the aquarium they will feed them anyway. Is free.