Gogol's comedy "The Government Inspector" is certainly one of the best and most famous Russian literary comedies. The number of theatrical productions is so great that it can rightly be considered the best. To remember the main points, we give you below summary comedy.

All officials of the county town gather in the mayor's room. They learn "unpleasant news" - an auditor is coming to see them. Panic begins among the officials: Judge Ammos Fedorovich Lyapkin-Tyapkin thinks that a war is approaching, and the auditor will look for traitors. However, the mayor does not agree with him; he begins to give orders about the maximum possible elimination city ​​problems. In particular, it is necessary to give out clean clothes to the sick, remove geese from public places, eliminate the smell of vodka that constantly accompanies the assessor. The mayor does not worry about bribes, justifying the officials with the fact that "this is how it is arranged by God himself." The judge, who accepts bribes not with money, but with greyhound puppies, is also absolutely calm.

Here the postmaster Ivan Kuzmich Shpekin appears. Having learned about the arrival of the auditor, he also thought that the war was approaching, but the mayor managed to convince him. After that, the mayor shares with Ivan Kuzmich his fears about possible denunciations against him; he asks the postmaster "for the common good" to carefully read the letters that come to him. Shpekin agrees and says that he reads all the letters out of interest.

After that, two landowner friends Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky come into the room and say that they saw the auditor in the hotel. It turned out to be a young man of "not bad appearance"; he has been living in a tavern for two weeks now, without paying money and not intending to move out. The mayor is very worried and decides to immediately go to the hotel. He demands a horse-drawn carriage and a new hat, having previously given the quarterly instruction to sweep the street leading to the inn.

A private bailiff comes to the mayor, who receives orders for the improvement of the town. On the bridge there should be a high quarter, and old fence must be broken, because this will create the impression that construction activity is taking place in the city. Here the quarreling wife and daughter of the mayor, Anna Andreevna and Maria Antonovna, run into the room. Anna Andreevna makes her daughter go to the hotel and find out some details about the auditor; she is especially interested in the color of his eyes.

Next, the action moves to the hotel. In the room, the old servant Osip lies on the bed of the master and is angry with his master, who lost all the money, which is why they can’t return home from St. Petersburg. Osip is hungry, but the tavern is no longer going to feed them on credit. Here Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov returns - the same young man who is considered the auditor. He scolds the servant for lying on his bed, and then asks him to go downstairs for dinner. Osip refuses at first, but then he nevertheless goes downstairs to call the owner of the tavern to Khlestakov.

Left alone, Ivan thinks about how he wants to eat. He blames the infantry captain for the badness of his financial situation, who beat him at cards. A tavern servant comes into his room, and Khlestakov begins to beg him to bring dinner, because he is a gentleman, and he should not go hungry. Then he begins to dream of returning home; At home, he wants to present himself as a Petersburg official. Dinner is brought here; Khlestakov is unhappy that there are only two dishes in it, but he eats everything. The servant warns him that this was the last time the master will feed him on credit.

At this moment, Osip enters the room, who says that the mayor wants to see Khlestakov. Ivan Alexandrovich is afraid that he will be taken to prison due to non-payment of debts. However, the mayor who entered says that he wants to see how the guest lives, because he must make sure that everyone who comes to the city is happy. Khlestakov at first begins to make excuses and say that he will pay for everything, but then he says that the innkeeper feeds him very badly and threatens to write a complaint. Now the mayor is already frightened, who promises to settle everything and calls the "auditor" to live in a more comfortable apartment. He also gives Khlestakov money to pay off the owner of the tavern (moreover, twice the required amount). After that, the young master agrees to live with the mayor, who thinks that you need to be careful with the auditor.

After some time, the mayor, together with Dobchinsky and Khlestakov, set off to inspect the institutions of the city. The “auditor” refuses to visit the prison, preferring to pay a visit to a charitable institution. The mayor tells Dobchinsky to give his wife a note in which he asks her to prepare for the reception of an important guest, and Osip to take the master's things to his house. Dobchinsky leaves the room, under the door of which Bobchinsky was eavesdropping; from the sudden opening of the door, he falls to the floor and breaks his nose.

When Dobchinsky arrives at the mayor's house, Anna Andreevna scolds him for the delay and asks many questions about the auditor. Then she, along with her daughter, begins to preen, preparing for the visit. young man. Here comes Osip, who brought the things of the master. On the request to give something to eat, he is refused, explained by the fact that all the food in the house is too simple for such an important person as the auditor's servant.

Khlestakov tells the mayor that he is pleased with the structure of the city, he was well fed and shown "good establishments." He replies that this is happening because here the city governor cares not about his own benefit, but about pleasing the authorities.

The mayor introduces his daughter and wife to the "auditor", after which they all have lunch together. During the meal, Ivan Aleksandrovich boasts that he is a very important person in St. Petersburg, plays cards with foreign ambassadors, makes friends with Pushkin himself, and sometimes writes very good things himself, for example, Yuri Miloslavsky. When the daughter of the governor recalls that this work was written by another person, she is sharply pulled back. Everyone respectfully listens to Khlestakov's stories, and then they offer him a rest. When he leaves, everyone says he looks like a respectable person; Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky even think that Khlestakov is a general or generalissimo. The mayor's wife and daughter are arguing about which of them the "auditor" looked at more often. The mayor himself is worried, because even if only half of everything told by a young man can be trusted, he will be unhappy. He is surprised that the "auditor" was able to achieve such heights at such a young age.

When Osip enters the room, he is surrounded with questions: what does the master pay attention to, is he sleeping; women are interested in what color of eyes he likes best. The servant is given money for tea with bagels; after that, everyone diverges.

After some time, all officials gather again in order to bribe the "auditor". They think how best to do this, and decide to talk to Khlestakov one by one. Ivan Alexandrovich, meanwhile, is waking up; he is pleased with the way he was received, besides, he likes the mayor's wife and daughter.

Judge Ammos Fedorovich is the first to enter the "auditor's" room. He loses money, and Khlestakov asks for a loan, to which Lyapkin-Tyapkin willingly agrees. After him, the postmaster, superintendent of schools and trustee of charitable institutions come to the young man, each of which the "inspector" asks for a loan. Last of all, Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky enter; Khlestakov demands money from them directly. Bobchinsky asks the "auditor" to tell everyone in St. Petersburg that "Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky lives in such and such a city."

Khlestakov understands that he was mistaken for an auditor, and writes about this in a letter to his journalist friend. Osip asks the owner to leave the city as soon as possible. Here are merchants with requests and gifts; Khlestakov takes money from them, and Osip takes all the gifts, right down to the rope, believing that it can come in handy on the road. Then the young man talks to the mayor's daughter and kisses her; she is afraid that the "auditor" is simply laughing at her, and he kneels down to prove the truth of his love. At this moment, the governor's wife enters and chases her daughter away; Khlestakov kneels before her, swearing an oath of eternal love and asking for her hand. Here comes Marya Antonovna; in order not to create a scandal, the “auditor” asks Anna Andreevna for permission to marry her daughter. The mayor's wife informs her husband who entered the room the joyful news, and he blesses the young.

Osip hurries the master to leave, saying that the horses are ready. Khlestakov tells the mayor that he is going to a rich uncle for one day, and in parting again asks for a little money on loan. The mayor with his wife and daughter dream of life in St. Petersburg. All officials bring congratulations to their boss and ask not to forget them.

Here comes the postmaster, in whose hands is a printed letter. It turns out that Khlestakov was not really an auditor. The postmaster reads aloud: "Firstly, the mayor is stupid, like a gray gelding ...". The mayor does not believe that such things are written there. The postmaster lets him read it himself; after that, each official reads the letter and learns the bitter truth about himself. Everyone is angry, and the mayor is afraid that Khlestakov's friend will write a comedy about him. Officials are surprised how they could take "this heliport" for the auditor. The blame is placed on Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky. At this moment, a gendarme appears, who reports that an auditor has arrived from St. Petersburg, stayed at a hotel and immediately demands all the officials to him.

"Auditor": a summary of the actions

Action 1

Action 2

Action 3

Action 4

Action 5

Brief retelling

"Inspector" Gogol N.V. (very briefly)

As an epigraph to the play "The Inspector General", the genre of which the author defined as a comedy in 5 acts, Gogol used the proverb "There is nothing to blame on the mirror if the face is crooked." That is, the author emphasized the typicality of the characters depicted, the authenticity. There is no dramatic conflict as such in the play; the writer occupies the genre of morality. The Inspector General is considered to be a social and political comedy.

Comedy characters:

Anton Antonovich Skvoznik-Dmukhanovsky, mayor.
Anna Andreevna, his wife.
Marya Antonovna, his daughter.
Luka Lukich Khlopov, superintendent of schools.
His wife.
Ammos Fedorovich Lyapkin-Tyapkin, judge.
Artemy Filippovich Strawberry, trustee of charitable institutions.
Ivan Kuzmich Shpekin, postmaster.
Pyotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky, Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky, city landowners.
Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov, an official from St. Petersburg.
Osip, his servant.
Christian Ivanovich Gibner, district physician.
Fedor Andreevich Lyulyukov, Ivan Lazarevich Rastakovskiy, Stepan Ivanovich Korobkin, retired officials, honorary persons in the city.
Stepan Ilyich Ukhovertov, private bailiff.
Svistunov, Buttons, Derzhimorda, policemen.
Abdulin, merchant.
Fevronya Petrovna Poshlepkina, locksmith, non-commissioned officer's wife.
Mishka, servant of the mayor.
Servant of the tavern.
Guests and guests, merchants, petty bourgeois, petitioners.

The mayor informs the "most unpleasant news" to the officials gathered in his house - an auditor arrives incognito in the city. Officials are horrified - riots are everywhere in the city. It is suggested that there may soon be a war, and the auditor is sent to find out if there is treason in the city. The mayor objects to this: “Where does treason come from in the county town? Yes, if you jump from here for three years, you won’t reach any state. ” The mayor insists that each of the officials put things in order in his subordinate area. That is, in the hospital, you need to write diseases in Latin, give the sick clean caps, in court - remove the geese from the waiting room, etc. He reprimands his subordinates that they are mired in bribery. So, for example, judge Lyap-kin-Tyapkin takes bribes with greyhound puppies.

The postmaster is still afraid that the arrival of the auditor may mark the imminent start of the war with the Turks. To this, the mayor asks him for a favor - to print and read every letter that comes to the post office. The postmaster gladly agrees, especially since this occupation - printing and reading other people's letters - has long been familiar to him and dearly loved.

Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky appear, who report that, apparently, the auditor has settled in a hotel. This man, Khlestakov Ivan Alexandrovich, has been living in a hotel for a week and does not pay money for accommodation. The mayor decides that he should visit this man.

The mayor orders the quarterly to sweep all the streets clean, then gives the following orders: place the quarterly around the City, remove the old fence, in case of questions from the auditor, answer that the church under construction burned down (in fact, it was stolen).

The mayor's wife and daughter appear, burning with curiosity. Anna Andreevna sends a maid for her husband's droshky. She wants to find out everything about the auditor herself.

Khlestakov's servant Osip lies hungry on the master's bed and talks about how he and the master traveled from St. Petersburg two months ago, how the master lost all the money in cards, how he lives beyond his means, how he leads a useless life, because he does not do anything .

Khlestakov arrives and sends Osip to the innkeeper for dinner. The servant does not want to go, reminds the master that the accommodation has not been paid for three weeks and that the owner threatened to complain about him.

Khlestakov is very hungry and instructs the tavern servant to ask the owner for lunch on credit. Khlestakov dreams that he, in a luxurious St. Petersburg suit, rolls up to the gates of his parents' house, that he pays visits to his neighbors.

The tavern servant brings a very modest dinner, with which Khlestakov is very unhappy. Nevertheless, he eats everything brought.

Osip informs Khlestakov that a mayor has arrived who wants to see him. The mayor and Dobchinsky appear. Bobchinsky eavesdrops at the door throughout the entire phenomenon. Khlestakov and the mayor justify themselves to each other. The first promises that he will pay for the stay, the second that the proper order will be restored in the city. Khlestakov asks for a loan of money from the mayor, and he gives it to him, while giving twice as much as the requested amount. The mayor swears that he just came to check on the passers-by, since this is a common activity for him.

The mayor advises Khlestakov to postpone indefinitely the settlements with the tavern servant, which he does. The mayor invites Khlestakov to inspect the city's institutions in order to assess the order maintained in them. He himself sends his wife a note with Dobchinsky, in which he writes that she should prepare the room. Sends a note to Strawberry.

In the mayor's house, Anna Andreevna and her daughter Marya Antonovna are sitting at the window, waiting for some news. Dobchinsky, who appeared, retells to the ladies what he saw in the hotel, passes the note to Anna Andreevna. She gives orders to servants. The mayor's wife and daughter are discussing the clothes they are going to put on for the arrival of an important guest.

Osip brings Khlestakov's things and graciously "agrees" to taste simple meals- porridge, cabbage soup, pies.

The mayor, Khlestakov and officials appear. Khlestakov had breakfast in the hospital, he liked everything very much, despite the fact that the patients all unexpectedly recovered, although they usually "recover like flies."

Khlestakov is interested in card establishments. The mayor swears that he has never played in his life, there are no such institutions in their city, that he uses all his time to serve the state.

The mayor introduces Khlestakov to his wife and daughter. The guest shows off in front of the ladies, especially in front of Anna Andreevna, assures her that he cannot stand ceremonies and that he is on friendly terms with all St. Petersburg officials. He easily communicates with Pushkin, and once even composed "Yuri Miloslavsky". Khlestakov boasts of his own the best home Petersburg, where he gives dinners and balls. For lunch, they deliver him "a watermelon worth seven hundred rubles" and soup "in a saucepan from Paris." Khlestakov goes so far as to say that the minister himself comes to his house and once he managed an entire department at the request of 35,000 couriers. That is, Khlestakov lies completely. The mayor invites him to rest.

The officials gathered at the mayor’s house discuss Khlestakov and come to the conclusion that if at least half of what he said is true, then their situation is very deplorable.

Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna are discussing Khlestakov, and each of them is sure that the guest paid attention to her.

The mayor is frightened in earnest. His wife, on the contrary, is confident that her irresistibility will have the proper effect on Khlestakov.

Those present ask Osip about what his master is like. The mayor gives Khlestakov's servant not only "for tea", but also "for donuts". Osip says that his master loves order.

The mayor, so that petitioners would not go to Khlestakov, puts two quartermen on the porch - Svistunov and Derzhimorda.

Strawberry, Lyap-kin-Tyapkin, Luka Lukich, Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, the postmaster, enter on tiptoe into the room in the mayor's house. Lyap-kin-Tyapkin builds everyone in a military way, decides that Khlestakov should introduce himself one by one and give bribes. They argue among themselves who should go first.

Lyapkin-Tyapkin comes to Khlestakov first, money is squeezed in his fist, which he accidentally drops on the floor. He thinks that he has disappeared, but Khlestakov takes this money “on loan”. Lyapkin-Tyapkin is happy, he leaves.

The postmaster Shpekin comes next, who only does what he agrees with Khlestakov, who talks about a pleasant city. The guest also takes a "loan" from the postmaster, who leaves with a sense of accomplishment.

Luka Lukich, who has come to introduce himself, is trembling like an aspen leaf, his tongue is tangled, he is very frightened. Still, he manages to hand over the money to Khlestakov, and leaves.

Strawberries, when presented to the "auditor", recalls yesterday's breakfast, for which Khlestakov thanks him. Strawberry is sure that the "auditor" favors him, denounces other officials, and gives a bribe. Khlestakov promises that he will figure everything out.

When Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky Khlestakov come to introduce themselves, he directly demands money from them. Dobchinsky asks Khlestakov to drive his son legal, and Bobchinsky asks the "auditor" to inform the sovereign at an opportunity, "that Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky lives in such and such a city."

Khlestakov finally realizes that he was mistakenly mistaken for an important official. This seems to him very funny, which he writes about in a letter to his friend Tryapichkin.

Osip advises his master to get out of the city as soon as possible. Noise is heard in the street - petitioners have come. Merchants complain about the mayor, who demands gifts for his name-days twice a year, taking away best product. They bring food to Khlestakov, which he refuses. They give money, Khlestakov takes it.

A non-commissioned officer's widow appears, who demands justice,

- She was flogged for no reason. Then comes the locksmith, complaining that her husband was taken to the soldiers out of turn. Khlestakov promises to look into it.

Taking advantage of the moment, he confesses his love to Marya Antonovna. At first she is afraid that the guest is mocking her; provincial, but Khlestakov kneels, kisses his shoulder, swears his love.

Anna Andreevna appears, who drives her daughter away. Khlestakov kneels in front of her, says that he really loves her, but since she is married, he is forced to propose to her daughter.

The mayor enters, begs Khlestakov not to listen to what the merchants say about him, and the non-commissioned officer's widow flogged herself. Khlestakov asks for the hand of his daughter. Parents call Marya Antonovna and bless the young.

Khlestakov takes more money from his future father-in-law and leaves the city under the pretext of having to discuss the wedding with his father. Promises to return soon.

The mayor and his wife make plans for the future. They dream about how, after the wedding, their daughters will move to St. Petersburg. The mayor tells the merchants about the forthcoming wedding of his daughter with the "auditor" and threatens them with reprisals because they decided to complain. Merchants ask them to forgive. The mayor accepts the congratulations of the officials.

Dinner party at the mayor's house. He and his wife are arrogant, telling the guests that they are soon going to move to St. Petersburg, where the mayor will certainly receive the title of general. Officials ask not to forget about them, to which the mayor condescendingly agrees.

The postmaster appears with an open letter from Khlestakov to Tryapichka-well. It turns out that Khlestakov is not an auditor at all. In a letter, he gives caustic characteristics to city officials: "The mayor is stupid, like a gray gelding ... The postmaster ... drinks bitter ... Strawberries are a perfect pig in a yarmulke." The mayor is overwhelmed by the news. He understands that it is impossible to return Khlestakov, since the mayor himself ordered to give him the top three horses. “What are you laughing at? “You’re laughing at yourself!.. Oh, you!.. I still can’t come to my senses. Here, truly, if God wants to punish, then he will first take away the mind. Well, what was in this heliport that looked like an auditor? There was nothing! It's just that there was nothing like half a little finger

- and suddenly everything: the auditor! auditor! They are looking for the culprit who spread the rumor that Khlestakov is the auditor. They decide that it is Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky.

A gendarme appears and announces the arrival of a real auditor. Silent Scene: Everyone freezes in shock.

N. V. Gogol reflected almost all aspects of contemporary Russian reality. Masterfully, the author reveals, using the example of the image of the mayor, the contradiction between external importance and internal insignificance. The main goal of the writer is to depict the imperfections of society - abuses, arbitrariness of officials, the idle life of urban landowners, the hard life of the townspeople, and so on. The author is not limited satirical image one county town, he considers the problems as all-Russian.

In a county town, from which “you ride for three years, you won’t reach any state,” a nobody’s town, Anton Antonovich Skvoznik-Dmukha-nov-sky, gathers officials in order to report unpleasant news: he was notified by a letter from an acquaintance that “an auditor from St. Petersburg, incognito, is coming to their city. And also with a secret pre-pi-sa-nii. No one's city - two rats of unnatural size dreamed all night - foresaw bad things. Find out the reasons for the visit of the auditor, and the judge, Ammos Fedorovich Lyapkin-Tyapkin (who read "five or six books, and therefore several free-but-dumen"), pre-la-gaet Russia is starting a war. Meanwhile, no one’s city advises Artemy Filip-po-vich Zemlynik, the trustee of charitable institutions, to put clean caps on the sick, to dispose of the strength of the tobacco they smoke and in general , if possible, reduce their number; and meets the full sympathy of Strawberry, honoring that “a simple man: if he dies, then he will die anyway; if you get out, it blows, then you get out, and so it blows. The judge of the city points out to "domestic geese with small geese" that snoop underfoot in the front for petitioners; on the assessor, from whom since childhood "gives away a little vodka"; on a hunting rapnik that hangs over the very closet with papers. With a discussion about bribes (and, in particular, greyhound puppies), the mayor turns to Luka Lukich Khlopov, the superintendent of schools, and repents of strange habits, “indistinct archer with an academic title ": one teacher constantly makes faces, the other explains with such fervor that he does not remember himself ("Of course, Alexander the Make-donsky hero, but why break the chairs? from this loss to the treasury).

The postmaster Ivan Kuzmich Shpekin appears, "a man who is simply stuffy to the point of naivety." No one’s city, fearing a denunciation, asks him to look through the letters, but the postmaster, having long been reading them out of pure curiosity (“you will read another letter with pleasure”), oh Peter I haven't seen anything yet in the Burg-skom official-nike. Out of breath, the landowners Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky enter and, interrupting each other every minute, they talk about visiting a guest tavern and a young man , observant (“and looked into our plates”), with such an expression on his face - in a word, it was the auditor: “he doesn’t pay money, and doesn’t go, who would be how not to him?

The officials disperse with concern, the no-man's city decides to "go on parade to the hotel" and gives hasty instructions to the quarter regarding the street leading to the tavern, and building - Church ministry at a charitable institution (do not forget that it began to “be built, but burned down”, otherwise someone will blurt out that it was not built at all). The city of no one with Dobchinsky leaves in great excitement, Bobchinsky runs after the droshky like a cockerel. Anna Andreevna, the wife of the city-of-nothing, and Marya Anto-novna, his daughter, appear. The first one scolds her daughter for being sloppy and asks the departing husband through the window whether the newcomer has a mustache and what kind of mustache. Annoyed by the failure, she sends Avdotya for the yeast.

In a small hotel room, the servant Osip lies on a master's bed. He is hungry, complains about the owner, who has lost money, about his thoughtless wastefulness, and recalls the joys of life in St. Petersburg. Ivan Aleksandrovich Khlestakov appears, a young stupid man. After a quarrel, with increasing shyness, he sends Osip for dinner - and if they don’t give it, then for the owner. Explanations with a tavern servant are followed by a crappy dinner. Having emptied the plates, Khlestakov scolds, about this time the city of no one inquires about him. In a dark room under the stairs, where Khlestakov lives, their meeting takes place. Purely heartfelt words about the purpose of the journey, about the formidable father who called Ivan Aleksan-dro-vich from St. Petersburg, are taken for a skillful invention of incognito, and his cries about No one understands the desire to go to prison in the sense that the visitor will not cover up his misdeeds. No one’s city, lost in fear, offers the arrival of money and asks to move to his house, and also to inspect - for the sake of curiosity - some institutions in the city, “how - something pleasing to God and others. The visitor unexpectedly agrees, and, having written two notes on the tavern account, Zemlya-nike and his wife, the city-man sends Dobchinsky with them (Bobchinsky, who diligently eavesdropped under the door, falls to the floor with her), while he himself rides with Khlestakov.

Anna Andreevna, impatiently and restlessly waiting for news, is still annoyed at her daughter. Dobchinsky comes running with a note and a story about the official, that “he is not a general, but will not yield to the general”, about his menacingness at the beginning and softening later. Anna Andreevna reads a note where the enumeration of pickles and caviar is interspersed with a request to prepare a room for a guest and take wine from the merchant Abdu-lin. Both ladies, quarreling, decide which dress to wear to whom. No one’s city with Khlestakov are returning, accompanied by Earth-none (whose labar-dan had just been eaten in the hospital), Khlopov and indispensable Dobchinsky and Bobchinsky. The conversation concerns the successes of Artemy Filip-po-vich: from the time he took office, all patients "recover like flies." No-man's-city makes a speech about its disinterested zeal. The divers-living Khlestakov wonders if it’s possible to play cards somewhere in the city, and the city-no one, understanding the trick in the question, resolutely speaks out against the cards (not embarrassed in no way by his recent victory over Khlopov). Completely unhinged by the appearance of the ladies, Khlestakov tells how in St. leg, as he once managed the department, which was preceded by persuasion and the sending of thirty-five thousand one couriers to him; he vividly pisses his unparalleled strictness, predicts his imminent work in field marshals, which brings nothing to the city with the surroundings of pani-che -sky fear, in which fear everyone disperses when Khlestakov retires to sleep. Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna, arguing over who the newcomer looked at more, together with the city-nobody, they ask Osip about the owner. He answers so ambiguously and evasively that, assuming an important person in Khlestakov, they only affirm that. No one's city orders policemen to stand on the porch in order to keep out merchants, petitioners and anyone who might complain.

The officials in the house of the city-nothing are conferring what to pre-accept, decide to give the visitor a bribe and persuade Lyapkin-Tyapkin, glorious with his red speech (“Whatever the word, Cicero flew off the tongue”), to be the first. Khlestakov wakes up and wakes them up. Lyapkin-Tyapkin, completely overwhelmed, entered with the intention of giving money, cannot even answer coherently whether he has been serving for a long time and what he has served; he drops the money and considers himself almost arrested. Khlestakov, who raised the money, asks for a loan, for "he spent on the road." Talking with the postmaster about the pleasures of life in a county town, offering a cigar to the superintendent of schools and the question of who, to his taste, is more respectful - brunettes or blond - Dinky, embarrassing Earth-nika with the remark that yesterday he was shorter, he takes “loans” from everyone in turn under the same pretext. The Earth-nickname will depict the situation in different ways, denouncing everyone and offering to state their thoughts in writing. Khlestakov immediately asks Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky for a thousand rubles, or at least a hundred (however, he is content with six or five). Dobchinsky fusses about his first child, born before marriage, wanting to make him a legitimate son, and he is reassured. Bobchinsky asks, on occasion, to tell all the nobles in St. Petersburg: senators, admirals (“yes, if the sovereign has to do this, tell the sovereign too”) that “he lives in such and such a city Petr Ivanovich Bobchinsky.

Having asked the landlords, Khlestakov sat down to write a letter to his friend Tryapichkin in St. Petersburg in order to describe a funny incident, how they took him for a “state man”. While the owner is writing, Osip persuades him to leave as soon as possible and succeeds in his arguments. Having sent Osip away with a letter and for horses, Khlestakov receives merchants, who are loudly hindered by the quarterly Keep-Muzzle. They complain about the “offensiveness” of the city-nothing, lend the requested five hundred rubles (Osip takes a sugar loaf, and much more: “a rope will come in handy on the road”). Naked merchants are replaced by a locksmith and a non-commissioned officer's wife with complaints about the same city-nothing. The rest of the applicants are thrown out by Osip. The meeting with Marya Antonovna, who, really, didn’t go anywhere, but only thought if her mother was here, ends with a declaration of love, a kiss from the lying Khlestakov and bye-bye -holding him on his knees. Suddenly appearing Anna Andreevna in anger exposes her daughter, and Khlestakov, finding her still very “appetizing”, falls to his knees and asks for her hand. He is not embarrassed by Anna Andreevna's bewildered confession that she is "married in some way", he suggests "retiring under the canopy of the jets", for "for love there is no difference." Suddenly, Marya Antonovna, who ran in, receives a call from her mother and an offer of a hand and heart from Khlestakov, who is still on his knees. The city of no one enters, frightened by the complaints of the merchants who broke through to Khlestakov, and begs not to believe the scammers. He does not understand his wife's words about matchmaking until Khlestakov threatens to shoot himself. Not really understanding what is happening, the city of no one blesses the young. Osip reports that the horses are ready, and Khlestakov announces to the completely lost family of the city-of-nothing that he is going to God-that uncle for one day, again gave he gives money, puts him in a carriage, accompanies the city with no one with household members. Osip carefully takes the Persian carpet on the mat.

Having seen off Khlestakov, Anna Andreevna and the city-no one indulge in dreams of Petersburg life. The called merchants appear, and the triumphant city of no one, having overtaken them with great fear, in joy releases everyone with God. One by one, “retired officials, honorary persons in the city”, surrounded by their families, come to congratulate the families of the city-of-nothing. In the midst of congratulations, when the city of no one with Anna Andreevna, among the guests languishing with envy, consider themselves a general couple, the postmaster runs in with the message that "The official whom we mistook for the inspector was not an inspector." The printed letter from Khlestakov to Tryapich-kin is read aloud and in turn, since every new reader, having reached the character of his own person, goes blind, slips and moves away. The crushed city of no one delivers a diatribe not so much to Khlestakov’s ashes, as to “a click-pen, boom-go-ma-rake”, which will certainly insert into a comedy. The general anger is directed at Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, who started a false rumor when the sudden appearance of a gendarme, announcing that “an official who came by personal order from St. Petersburg demands you this very hour to itself, ”- plunges everyone into a kind of pillar-nyak. The silent scene lasts more than a minute, during which time no one changes his position. "The curtain falls."

Anton Antonovich Skvoznik-Dmukhanovsky, mayor.
Anna Andreevna, his wife.
Marya Antonovna, his daughter.
Luka Lukich Khlopov, superintendent of schools.
His wife.
Ammos Fedorovich Lyapkin-Tyapkin, judge.
Artemy Filippovich Strawberry, trustee of charitable institutions.
Ivan Kuzmich Shpekin, postmaster.
Pyotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky and Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky are city landowners.
Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov, an official from St. Petersburg.
Osip, his servant.
Christian Ivanovich Gibner, district physician.
Fedor Andreevich Lyulyukov, Ivan Lazarevich Rastakovskiy,
Stepan Ivanovich Korobkin - retired officials, honorary persons in the city.
Stepan Ilyich Ukhovertov, private bailiff.
Svistunov, Pugovitsyn, Derzhimorda are policemen.
Abdulin, merchant.
Fevronya Petrovna Poshlepkina, locksmith.
Non-commissioned officer's wife.
Mishka, servant of the mayor.
Servant of the tavern.
Guests and guests, merchants, petty bourgeois, petitioners.

CHARACTER AND COSTUMES.
NOTES FOR gg. ACTORS.

mayor, already aged in the service and not very stupid, in his own way, a person. Although he is a bribe-taker, he behaves very respectably; quite serious; somewhat even a reasoner; speaks neither loudly nor softly, neither more nor less. His every word is significant. His features are rough and hard, like those of anyone who has begun a hard service from the lower ranks. The transition from fear to joy, from baseness to arrogance is quite quick, like a person with a crudely developed inclination of the soul. He is dressed as usual in his uniform with buttonholes and jackboots with spurs. His hair is cropped with grey.
Anna Andreevna, his wife, a provincial coquette, not yet quite old, brought up half on novels and albums, half on chores in her pantry and girl's. Very curious and on occasion shows vanity. Sometimes she takes power over her husband, only because he is not able to answer her. But this power extends only to trifles and consists in reprimands and ridicule. She changes into different dresses four times during the play.
Khlestakov, young man, 23 years old, thin, thin; somewhat stupid and, as they say, without a king in his head. One of those people who are called empty in the offices. He speaks and acts without any thought. He is unable to stop the constant focus on any thought. His speech is abrupt, and words fly out of his mouth quite unexpectedly. The more the person who plays this role shows sincerity and simplicity, the more he will benefit. Dressed in fashion.
Osip, a servant, such as servants of a few older years usually are. He speaks seriously; looks down somewhat, is a reasoner, and likes to lecture himself for his master. His voice is always almost even, in conversation with the master it takes on a stern, abrupt and even somewhat rude expression. He is smarter than his master and therefore guesses more quickly, but does not like to talk much, and silently is a rogue. His suit is a gray or blue shabby frock coat.
Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, both short, short, very curious; extremely similar to each other. Both have small bellies. Both speak in a patter and are extremely helpful with gestures and hands. Dobchinsky is a little taller, more serious than Bobchinsky, but Bobchinsky is bolder and livelier than Dobchinsky.
Lyapkin-Tyapkin, a judge, a man who has read five or six books, and therefore somewhat freethinking. The hunter is great at guessing and therefore gives weight to his every word. The person representing him must always keep a significant mine in his face. Speaks in a bass with an oblong drawl, wheezing and glanders, like antique clock who hiss first, and then beat.
strawberries, trustee of charitable institutions, a very fat, clumsy and awkward person; but with all that, a sneak and a rogue. Very helpful and fussy.
Postmaster, a simple-minded person to the point of naivety.
Other roles do not require special explanation. Their originals are almost always in front of your eyes.
Gentlemen actors should especially pay attention to last scene. The last spoken word should produce an electrical shock on everyone at once, all of a sudden. The whole group must change position in the blink of an eye. The sound of astonishment should escape from all women at once, as if from one breast. From non-observance of these remarks, the whole effect may disappear.

STEP ONE

Room in the mayor's house

Phenomenon I

Mayor, trustee of charitable institutions, superintendent of schools, judge, private bailiff, doctor, two quarterly.

Mayor. I have invited you, gentlemen, in order to tell you the unpleasant news: an auditor is coming to visit us.
Ammos Fedorovich. How is the auditor?
Artemy Filippovich. How is the auditor?
Mayor. An auditor from St. Petersburg, incognito. And with a secret order.
Ammos Fedorovich. Here are those on!
Artemy Filippovich. There was no concern, so give it up!
Luka Lukic. Lord God! even with a secret order!
Mayor. I seemed to have a presentiment: all night long I dreamed of two extraordinary rats. Really, I've never seen anything like it: black, unnatural size! came, sniffed - and went away. Here I will read you a letter that I received from Andrey Ivanovich Chmykhov, whom you, Artemy Filippovich, know. Here is what he writes: "Dear friend, godfather and benefactor (mutters in an undertone, running quickly through his eyes) ... and notify you." BUT! Here: “I hasten, by the way, to notify you that an official has arrived with an order to inspect the entire province and especially our district (significantly raises his finger up). I learned this from the most reliable people, although he represents himself as a private person. that you, like everyone else, are guilty of sins, because you are a smart person and do not like to miss what floats in your hands ... "(stopping), well, here are your own ... "then I advise you to take precautions, because he he can come at any hour, unless he has already arrived and does not live somewhere incognito ... Yesterday I ... " Well, then family matters began: "... sister Anna Kirillovna came to us with her husband; Ivan Kirillovich has become very fat and still plays the violin ... "- and so on and so forth. So here is the circumstance!
Ammos Fedorovich. Yes, the circumstance is... extraordinary, simply extraordinary. Something out of the blue.
Luka Lukic. Why, Anton Antonovich, why is this? Why do we need an auditor?
Mayor. Why! So, apparently, fate! (Sighing.) So far, thank God, we have been approaching other cities; Now it's our turn.
Ammos Fedorovich. I think, Anton Antonovich, that here is thin and more political reason. This means this: Russia ... yes ... wants to wage war, and the ministry, you see, sent an official to find out if there was treason somewhere.
Mayor. Ek where enough! Another smart person! Treason in the county town! What is he, borderline, or what? Yes, from here, even if you ride for three years, you will not reach any state.
Ammos Fedorovich. No, I'll tell you, you're not the right one ... you're not ... The authorities have subtle views: for nothing it's far away, but it winds its mustache.
Mayor. Winds or does not shake, but I warned you, gentlemen. Look, in my part I made some orders, I advise you. Especially to you, Artemy Filippovich! Without a doubt, a passing official will want first of all to inspect the charitable institutions under your jurisdiction - and therefore you make sure that everything is decent: the caps are clean, and the sick do not look like blacksmiths, as they usually go about at home.
Artemy Filippovich. Well, that's nothing. Caps, perhaps, can be put on and clean.
Mayor. Yes, and also inscribe in Latin or in another language above each bed ... This is already in your line, Christian Ivanovich, - any illness: when someone fell ill, on what day and date ... It’s not good that you have such strong tobacco smoke that you always sneeze when you enter. Yes, and it would be better if there were fewer of them: they would immediately attribute them to bad looking or lack of skill in a doctor.
Artemy Filippovich. O! As for healing, Khristian Ivanovich and I took our measures: the closer to nature, all the better We don't use expensive drugs. A simple man: if he dies, he will die anyway; if he recovers, then he will recover. Yes, and it would be difficult for Khristian Ivanovich to communicate with them: he does not know a word of Russian.

Khristian Ivanovich makes a sound, partly similar to the letter and and somewhat to e.

Mayor. I would also advise you, Ammos Fedorovich, to pay attention to government places. In your front hall, where petitioners usually go, the watchmen have brought domestic geese with little goslings, which dart around underfoot. It is, of course, commendable to anyone to start a household, and why shouldn’t I start a watchman? only, you know, it's indecent in such a place... I wanted to point this out to you before, but somehow I forgot everything.
Ammos Fedorovich. But today I will order them all to be taken to the kitchen. Would you like to come to dinner.
Mayor. Besides, it's bad that you have all sorts of rubbish drying up in your very presence and a hunting rapnik just above the cupboard with papers. I know you love hunting, but it’s better to accept him for a while, and then, as soon as the inspector passes by, perhaps you can hang him again. Also, your assessor ... he is, of course, a knowledgeable person, but he smells like he just left the distillery - this is also not good. I wanted to tell you about this for a long time, but I was, I don’t remember, entertained by something. There is something against this remedy, if it is already real, as he says, it has a natural smell: you can advise him to eat onions, or garlic, or something else. In this case, Christian Ivanovich can help with various medications.

Christian Ivanovich makes the same sound.

Ammos Fedorovich. No, it’s impossible to drive him out anymore: he says that his mother hurt him as a child, and since then he gives off a little vodka from him.
Mayor. Yes, I just noticed that. As for the internal order and what Andrei Ivanovich calls in his letter sins, I can’t say anything. Yes, and it is strange to say: there is no person who would not have some sins behind him. It is already so arranged by God himself, and the Voltairians speak against it in vain.
Ammos Fedorovich. What do you think, Anton Antonovich, sins? Sins to sins - discord. I tell everyone openly that I take bribes, but why bribes? Greyhound puppies. This is a completely different matter.
Mayor. Well, puppies, or whatever - all bribes.
Ammos Fedorovich. No, Anton Antonovich. But, for example, if someone has a fur coat that costs five hundred rubles, and his wife has a shawl ...
Mayor. Well, what if you take bribes with greyhound puppies? But you don't believe in God; you never go to church; but I, at least, am firm in the faith, and go to church every Sunday. And you... Oh, I know you: if you start talking about the creation of the world, your hair will just stand on end.
Ammos Fedorovich. Why, he came by himself, by his own mind.
Mayor. Well, otherwise a lot of intelligence is worse than none at all. However, I only mentioned the county court in this way; and to tell the truth, hardly anyone will ever look there; this is such an enviable place, God himself patronizes it. And here you are, Luka Lukich, as a caretaker educational institutions, you need to take care especially about teachers. They are people, of course, scientists and were brought up in different colleges, but they have very strange actions, naturally inseparable from the academic title. One of them, for example, this one with a fat face ... I don’t remember his last name, he can’t do without having ascended the pulpit and not make a grimace, like this (makes a grimace), and then he starts with his hand iron your beard under your tie. Of course, if a student makes such a face, then it is still nothing: maybe it is there and it is needed so, I cannot judge about this; but you judge for yourself, if he does this to a visitor, it can be very bad: Mr. Inspector or anyone else who can take it personally. From this the devil knows what can happen.
Luka Lukic. What am I supposed to do with him? I've told him several times. Just the other day, when our leader came into the classroom, he cut a face like I've never seen before. He made it out of a good heart, and I reprimanded: why are free-thinking thoughts inspired in youth.
Mayor. I must also remark to you about the teacher in the historical part. He is a learned head - this is evident, and he has picked up a lot of information, but he only explains with such fervor that he does not remember himself. I once listened to him: well, for the time being I talked about the Assyrians and Babylonians - still nothing, but how I got to Alexander the Great, I can’t tell you what happened to him. I thought it was a fire, by golly! He ran away from the pulpit and that there is strength to grab the chair on the floor. Of course, Alexander the Great is a hero, but why break the chairs? from this loss to the treasury.
Luka Lukic. Yes, he's hot! I already noticed this to him several times .. He says: "As you wish, for science, I will not spare my life."
Mayor. Yes, such is the already inexplicable law of fate: a smart person is either a drunkard, or he will build such a face that at least endure the saints.
Luka Lukic. God forbid to serve in the scientific part! You are afraid of everything: everyone gets in the way, everyone wants to show that he is also an intelligent person.
Mayor. That would be nothing - damn incognito! Suddenly he looks: "Ah, you are here, my dears! And who, you say, is the judge here?" - Lyapkin-Tyapkin. - "And bring Lyapkin-Tyapkin here! And who is the trustee of charitable institutions?" - "Strawberry". "And bring Strawberries here!" That's what's bad!

Phenomenon II

The same postmaster.

Postmaster. Explain, gentlemen, what official is coming?
Mayor. Haven't you heard?
Postmaster. I heard from Petr Ivanovich Bobchinsky. I just had it at the post office.
Mayor. Well? How do you think about it?
Postmaster. What do I think? there will be a war with the Turks.
Ammos Fedorovich. In one word! I myself thought the same.
Mayor. Yes, they both hit the sky with their fingers!
Postmaster. Right, the war with the Turks. It's all French crap.
Mayor. What a war with the Turks! It will just be bad for us, not for the Turks. This is already known: I have a letter.
Postmaster. And if so, then there will be no war with the Turks.
Mayor. Well, how are you, Ivan Kuzmich?
Postmaster. What am I? How are you, Anton Antonovich?
Mayor. What am I? There is no fear, but just a little... Merchants and citizenship confuse me. They say that I was salty to them, but I, by God, if I took it from someone else, then, right, without any hatred. I even think (takes him by the arm and takes him aside), I even think if there was some kind of denunciation against me. Why do we really need an auditor? Listen, Ivan Kuzmich, can you, for our common benefit, every letter that arrives at your post office, incoming and outgoing, you know, sort of print it out a little and read: whether it contains some kind of report or just correspondence. If not, then you can seal it again; however, you can even give a letter printed out like that.
Postmaster. I know, I know... Don't teach this, I do it not so much as a precaution, but more out of curiosity: I love death to know what's new in the world. I can tell you that this is an interesting read. You will read another letter with pleasure - different passages are described in this way ... and what edification ... better than in Moskovskie Vedomosti!
Mayor. Well, tell me, have you read anything about some official from St. Petersburg?
Postmaster. No, there is nothing about St. Petersburg, but much is said about Kostroma and Saratov. It is a pity, however, that you do not read letters: there are wonderful places. Just recently, a lieutenant wrote to a friend and described the ball in the most playful ... very, very well: "My life, dear friend, flows, speaks in empyrean: there are many young ladies, music plays, the standard jumps ..." - with a large, described with great feeling. I left it on purpose. Do you want me to read?
Mayor. Well, it's not up to that now. So, do me a favor, Ivan Kuzmich: if a complaint or a report comes across by chance, then detain without any reasoning.
Postmaster. With great pleasure.
Ammos Fedorovich. See if you ever get it for it.
Postmaster. Ah, fathers!
Mayor. Nothing, nothing. It would be another matter if you made something public out of it, but this is a family affair.
Ammos Fedorovich. Yes, something bad has happened! And I, I confess, was going to you, Anton Antonovich, in order to regale you with a little dog. Sister to the male you know. After all, you heard that Cheptovich and Varkhovinsky started a lawsuit, and now I have the luxury of baiting hares on the lands of both.
Mayor. Fathers, your hares are not dear to me now: I have a cursed incognito sitting in my head. So you wait for the door to open and - walk ...

Phenomenon III

The same ones, Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, both enter out of breath.

Bobchinsky. Emergency!
Dobchinsky. Unexpected news!
All. What, what is it?
Dobchinsky. Unforeseen business: we arrive at the hotel ...
Bobchinsky(interrupting). We arrive with Pyotr Ivanovich at the hotel ...
Dobchinsky(interrupting). Eh, allow me, Pyotr Ivanovich, I'll tell you.
Bobchinsky. Eh, no, let me... let me, let me... you don't even have such a style...
Dobchinsky. And you will go astray and do not remember everything.
Bobchinsky. I remember, by God, I remember. Don't interfere, let me tell you, don't interfere! Tell me, gentlemen, do me a favor so that Pyotr Ivanovich does not interfere.
Mayor. Yes, for God's sake, what is it? My heart is out of place. Sit down, gentlemen! Take the chairs! Pyotr Ivanovich, here's a chair for you.

Everyone sits down around both Petrov Ivanovichs.

Well, what, what is it?
Bobchinsky. Let me, let me: I'm all right. As soon as I had the pleasure of leaving you, after you deigned to be embarrassed by the letter you received, yes, sir, I ran in at the same time ... please don’t interrupt, Pyotr Ivanovich! I know everything, everything, everything, sir. So, if you please, I ran to Korobkin. And not finding Korobkin at home, he turned to Rastakovsky, and not having found Rastakovsky, he went to Ivan Kuzmich to tell him the news you received, yes, going from there, I met with Pyotr Ivanovich ...
Dobchinsky(interrupting). Near the booth where pies are sold.
Bobchinsky. Near the booth where pies are sold. Yes, having met with Pyotr Ivanovich, and I say to him: "Have you heard about the news that Anton Antonovich received from a reliable letter?" But Pyotr Ivanovich already heard about this from your housekeeper Avdotya, who, I don’t know, was sent to Philip Antonovich Pochechuev for something.
Dobchinsky(interrupting). Behind the barrel for French vodka.
Bobchinsky(pulling his hands away). Behind the barrel for French vodka. So we went with Pyotr Ivanovich to Pochechuev ... You, Pyotr Ivanovich ... this ... do not interrupt, please do not interrupt! .. Let's go to Pochechuev, but on the road Pyotr Ivanovich says: , to the tavern. In my stomach ... I haven’t eaten anything since morning, so the stomach tremors ... "Yes, sir, in Pyotr Ivanovich's stomach ... "But, he says, they brought to the tavern now fresh salmon, so we will have a snack. We had just arrived at the hotel, when suddenly a young man...
Dobchinsky(interrupting). Good-looking, in particular dress...
Bobchinsky. Not bad-looking, in a particular dress, he walks around the room like that, and in his face there is a sort of reasoning ... physiognomy ... actions, and here (wiggles his hand near his forehead) there is a lot, a lot of things. It was as if I had a presentiment and I say to Pyotr Ivanovich: "There is something here for a reason, sir." Yes. But Pyotr Ivanovich already blinked his finger and called the innkeeper, sir, the innkeeper Vlas: his wife gave birth to him three weeks ago, and such a smart boy, like his father, will keep the inn. Having called Vlas, Pyotr Ivanovich and ask him quietly: "Who, he says, is this young man?" - and Vlas answers this: "This", - he says ... Eh, do not interrupt, Pyotr Ivanovich, please do not interrupt; you won't tell, by God you won't tell: you whisper; you, I know, have one tooth in your mouth with a whistle ... "This, he says, is a young man, an official, - yes, - traveling from Petersburg, and by name, he says, Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov, sir, but he is going he says, to the Saratov province and, he says, he certifies himself in a strange way: he lives for another week, does not go from the tavern, takes everything to the account and does not want to pay a penny. As he told me this, and so I was enlightened from above. "Eh!" I say to Pyotr Ivanovich...
Dobchinsky No, Pyotr Ivanovich, it was I who said: "Eh!"
Bobchinsky. First you said, and then I said. "Eh!" said Pyotr Ivanovich and I. "And why should he sit here when the road to him lies in the Saratov province?" Yes, sir. But he is the official.
Mayor. Who, what official?
Bobchinsky. The official, about whom they deigned to receive a notification, is the auditor.
mayor(in fear). What are you, the Lord be with you! It's not him.
Dobchinsky. He! and does not pay money and does not go. Who would be if not him? And the road trip is registered in Saratov.
Bobchinsky. He, he, by golly, he ... So observant: he looked at everything. I saw that Pyotr Ivanovich and I were eating salmon - more because Pyotr Ivanovich about his stomach ... yes, that's how he looked into our plates. I was so terrified.
Mayor. Lord, have mercy on us sinners! Where does he live there?
Dobchinsky. In the fifth room, under the stairs.
Bobchinsky. In the same room where visiting officers fought last year.
Mayor. And how long has he been here?
Dobchinsky. And two weeks already. Came to Basil the Egyptian.
Mayor. Two weeks! (Aside.) Fathers, matchmakers! Take it out, saints! In these two weeks, a non-commissioned officer's wife was whipped! The prisoners were not given provisions! There is a tavern on the streets, uncleanness! A shame! vilification! (Grabs his head.)
Artemy Filippovich. Well, Anton Antonovich? - to go by parade to the hotel.
Ammos Fedorovich. No no! Let your head go forward, the clergy, the merchants; in the Acts of John Mason...
Mayor. No no; let me myself. There were difficult cases in life, they went, and even received thanks. Perhaps God will endure even now. (Turning to Bobchinsky.) You say he is a young man?
Bobchinsky. Young, about twenty-three or four years old.
Mayor. So much the better: you'll sniff out the young sooner. The trouble is, if the old devil, and the young one is all at the top. You, gentlemen, get ready for your part, and I will go myself, or at least with Pyotr Ivanovich, privately, for a walk, to see if the passing people are in trouble. Hey Svistunov!
Svistunov. Anything?
Mayor. Go now for a private bailiff; or not, I need you. Tell someone there to get a private bailiff to me as soon as possible, and come here.

The quarterly runs in a hurry.

Artemy Filippovich. Let's go, let's go, Ammos Fedorovich! In fact, trouble can happen.
Ammos Fedorovich. What are you afraid of? He put clean caps on the sick, and the ends were in the water.
Artemy Filippovich. What hats! The sick are ordered to give habersup, but I have such cabbage in all the corridors that you only take care of your nose.
Ammos Fedorovich. And I am at peace with this. In fact, who will go to the county court? And if he looks into some paper, he will not be happy with life. I have been sitting on the judge's chair for fifteen years now, and when I look at the memorandum - ah! I just wave my hand. Solomon himself will not decide what is true and what is not true in it.

The judge, the trustee of charitable institutions, the superintendent of schools and the postmaster leave and at the door they encounter the returning quarter.

Event IV

Gorodnichiy, Bobchinsky, Dobchinsky and quarterly.

Mayor. What, the droshky are there?
Quarterly. Are standing.
Mayor. Go outside... or don't, wait! Go fetch... Where are the others? are you the only one? After all, I ordered that Prokhorov be here too. Where is Prokhorov?
Quarterly. Prokhorov is in a private house, but he cannot be used for business.
Mayor. How so?
Quarterly. Yes, they brought him dead in the morning. Already two tubs of water have been poured out, I still have not sobered up.
mayor(grabbing his head). Oh my God, my God! Hurry up to the street, or not - run first to the room, hear! and fetch a sword and a new hat from there. Well, Pyotr Ivanovich, let's go!
Bobchinsky. And I, and I ... let me, Anton Antonovich!
Mayor. No, no, Pyotr Ivanovich, you can't, you can't! It’s embarrassing, and we won’t fit on the droshky.
Bobchinsky. Nothing, nothing, I’m like this: like a cockerel, like a cockerel, I’ll run after the droshky. I would just like to see a little in the crack, in the door, to see how these actions are with him ...
mayor(taking the sword, to the quarterly). Run now, take the tenths, and let each of them take ... Oh, how scratched the sword! Damned merchant Abdulin - sees that the mayor has an old sword, did not send a new one. Oh foolish people! And so, scammers, I think, they are already preparing requests from under the floor. Let everyone pick up the street ... damn it, down the street - a broom! and swept the whole street that goes to the tavern, and swept clean ... Do you hear! Look, you! you! I know you: you're messing around and stealing silver spoons into your boots—look, I've got an open ear!.. What did you do with the merchant Chernyaev—eh? He gave you two arshins of cloth for your uniform, and you pulled off the whole thing. Look! you do not take it according to order! Go!

Mayor. Ah, Stepan Ilyich! Tell me, for God's sake: where did you disappear to? What does it look like?
Private bailiff. I was right here outside the gate.
Mayor. Well, listen, Stepan Ilyich. An official came from Petersburg. How did you manage there?
Private bailiff. Yes, just as you ordered. I sent the quarterly Buttons with tenths to clean the sidewalk.
Mayor. Where is Derzhimorda?
Private bailiff. Derzhimorda rode the fire pipe.
Mayor. Is Prokhorov drunk?
Private bailiff. Drunk.
Mayor. How did you allow this?
Private bailiff. Yes, God knows. Yesterday there was a fight outside the city - I went there for order, and returned drunk.
Mayor. Listen, you do this: quarterly Buttons ... he is tall, so let him stand on the bridge for landscaping. Yes, hastily sweep out the old fence that is near the shoemaker, and put up a straw milestone so that it looks like planning. The more it breaks, the more it means the activities of the mayor. Oh my god! I forgot that there were forty cartloads of rubbish piled up next to that fence. What a nasty city this is! just put up some kind of monument somewhere or just a fence - the devil knows where they come from and they will inflict all sorts of rubbish! (Sighs.) Yes, if a visiting official asks the service: are you satisfied? - to say: "Everything is satisfied, your honor"; and whoever is dissatisfied, then after the ladies of such displeasure ... Oh, oh, ho, ho, x! sinful, in many ways sinful. (He takes a case instead of a hat.) God only grant that he gets away with it as soon as possible, and there I will put a candle like no one else has put: I will charge every merchant’s beast to deliver three poods of wax. Oh my god, my god! Let's go, Pyotr Ivanovich! (Instead of a hat, he wants to put on a paper case.)
Private bailiff. Anton Antonovich, this is a box, not a hat.
mayor(throwing the box). A box is a box. Damn her! Yes, if they ask why the church was not built at a charitable institution, for which a sum was allocated a year ago, then do not forget to say that it began to be built, but burned down. I submitted a report on this. And then, perhaps, someone, having forgotten, will foolishly say that it never even started. Yes, tell Derzhimorda not to give free rein to his fists; for the sake of order, he puts lanterns under the eyes of everyone - both the right one and the guilty one. Let's go, let's go, Pyotr Ivanovich! (Leaves and returns.) Yes, do not let the soldiers out into the street without anything: this crappy garrison will put on only a uniform over their shirts, and there is nothing below.
Everyone leaves.

Event VI

Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna run onto the stage.

Anna Andreevna. Where, where are they? Oh, my God! .. (Opening the door.) Husband! Antosha! Anton! (Speaks soon.) And all of you, and all behind you. And she went to dig: "I'm a pin, I'm a scarf." (Running to the window and shouting.) Anton, where, where? What, arrived? auditor? with a mustache! what mustache?
The mayor's voice. After, after, mother!
Anna Andreevna. After? Here's the news - after! I don't want to after... I only have one word: what is he, Colonel? BUT? (With disdain.) Gone! I will remember this! And all this: "Mommy, mommy, wait a minute, I'll pin a scarf on the back; I'm right now." Here you are now! You didn't know anything! And all the damned coquetry; I heard that the postmaster is here, and let's pretend before the mirror: both from that side and from this side it will do. He imagines that he is dragging after her, and he just makes a grimace at you when you turn away.
Maria Antonovna. But what to do, mother? We'll find out in two hours anyway.
Anna Andreevna. In two hours! thank you very much. Here is the answer! How did you not guess to say that in a month you can find out even better! (He hangs out the window.) Hey, Avdotya! BUT? What, Avdotya, did you hear, someone came there? .. Didn't you hear? What a stupid! Waving his hands? Let him wave, and you would still ask him. Couldn't find out! There is nonsense in my head, all the suitors are sitting. BUT? They left soon! Yes, you would run after the droshky. Get on, get on now! Do you hear, run and ask where we went; Yes, ask carefully what kind of visitor, what he is - do you hear? Peep through the crack and find out everything, and what kind of eyes: black or not, and go back this very minute, do you hear? Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry! (Screams until the curtain falls. So the curtain closes both of them, standing at the window.)

ACT TWO

Small room in a hotel. Bed, table, suitcase, empty bottle, boots, clothes brush, etc.

Phenomenon I

Osip lies on the master's bed.
Damn it, I want to eat so much and there is such a rattling in my stomach, as if a whole regiment blew their trumpets. Here we will not reach, and only, home! What will you order to do? The second month went, as already from St. Petersburg! Profited expensive money, my dear, now he sits and twisted his tail and does not get excited. And it would be, and it would be very much for runs; no, you see, you need to show yourself in every city! (Teasing him.) "Hey, Osip, go look at the best room, and ask for the best dinner: I can't eat a bad dinner, I need a better dinner." It would really be good to have something worthwhile, otherwise it’s just a simple lady! He meets a passer-by, and then plays cards - so you finished your game! Oh, tired of such a life! Indeed, it is better in the countryside: at least there is no publicity, and there are fewer worries; take a woman for yourself, and lie all your life on the floor and eat pies. Well, who argues: of course, if he goes to the truth, then living in St. Petersburg is the best. If only there was money, but life is thin and political: keyyatras, dogs dance for you, and whatever you want. He speaks everything in a subtle delicacy, which is only inferior to the nobility; you go to Shchukin - the merchants shout to you: "Venerable!"; you will sit in a boat with an official; if you want company, go to the shop: there the gentleman will tell you about the camps and announce that every star means in the sky, so that's how you see everything in the palm of your hand. The old woman officer will wander; sometimes the maid will look like this ... fu, fu, fu! (Smiles and shakes his head.) Haberdashery, devil take it! You will never hear an impolite word, everyone says "you" to you. Tired of walking - you take a cab and sit yourself like a master, and if you don’t want to pay him - if you please: every house has through gates, and you will scurry so that no devil will find you. One thing is bad: sometimes you will eat nicely, and at another you will almost burst with hunger, as now, for example. And it's all his fault. What will you do with it? Batiushka will send some money to hold on to - and where to go! Sometimes he will drop everything down to the last shirt, so that all that is left on him is a frock coat and an overcoat ... By God, it’s true! And the cloth is so important, English! a hundred and fifty rubles for him one tailcoat will cost him, and on the market he will sell twenty rubles; and there’s nothing to say about trousers - they don’t care. And why? - because he is not engaged in business: instead of taking office, and he goes for a walk around the prefecture, he plays cards. Oh, if only the old gentleman knew this! He would not look at the fact that you are an official, but, lifting up his shirt, he would fill you with such ones, so that you would scratch yourself for four days. If you serve, then serve. Now the innkeeper said that he would not give you food until you paid for the former; Well, what if we don't pay? (With a sigh.) Oh, my God, at least some cabbage soup! It seems that now the whole world would eat. knocking; right, he's coming. (He hastily gets out of bed.)

Phenomenon II

Osip and Khlestakov.

Khlestakov. Come on, take it. (Gives him his cap and cane.) Oh, lying on the bed again?
Osip. Why should I wallow? Didn't I see the bed, or what?
Khlestakov. You're lying, lying around; you see, it's all messed up.
Osip. What is she to me? I don't know what a bed is? I have legs; I will stand. Why do I need your bed?
Khlestakov(walks around the room). Look, is there any tobacco in the cap?
Osip. But where should he be, tobacco? You smoked the last one on the fourth day.
Khlestakov(walks and purses his lips in various ways; finally speaks in a loud and resolute voice). Listen... hey, Osip!
Osip. What would you like?
Khlestakov(in a loud but not so decisive voice). You go there.
Osip. Where?
Khlestakov(in a voice not at all resolute and not loud, very close to a request). Down to the buffet... Tell me... to give me lunch.
Osip. No, I don't want to go.
Khlestakov. How dare you, fool!
Osip. Yes so; anyway, even if I go, none of this will happen. The owner said he wouldn't let me dine again.
Khlestakov. How dare he not? Here's more nonsense!
Osip.“More, he says, and I’ll go to the mayor; for the third week the master has not been making money. You and the master, he says, are swindlers, and your master is a rogue. We, they say, have seen such scoundrels and scoundrels.”
Khlestakov. And you are already glad, brute, now to retell all this to me.
Osip. He says: “So everyone will come, settle in, owe money, and then you can’t be kicked out.
Khlestakov. Well, well, you fool! Go, go tell him. Such a rude animal!
Osip. Yes, I'd rather call the owner himself to you.
Khlestakov. What is the owner for? You go tell yourself.
Osip. Yes, right, sir...
Khlestakov. Well, go to hell with you! call the owner.

Phenomenon III

Khlestakov one.
It's awful how you want to eat! So I walked a little, I thought if my appetite would go away, - no, damn it, it doesn’t go away, Yes, if I hadn’t had a spree in Penza, it would have been money to get home. The infantry captain greatly taunted me: shtoss surprisingly, a beast, cuts off. I sat there for just a quarter of an hour - and robbed everything. And with all that fear, I would like to fight him again. The case just did not lead. What a nasty little town! Vegetable shops don't lend anything. It's just mean. (Whistles first from "Robert", then "Don't give me mother," and finally neither.) Nobody wants to go.

Event IV

Khlestakov, Osip and the tavern servant.

Servant. The owner ordered to ask, what do you want?
Khlestakov. Hello brother! Well, are you healthy?
Servant. God bless.
Khlestakov. Well, how are you at the hotel? is everything going well?
Servant. Yes, thank God, everything is fine.
Khlestakov. Lots of people passing by?
Servant. Yes, enough.
Khlestakov. Listen, my dear, they still don’t bring me dinner there, so please hurry up so that it’s faster - you see, I have something to do after dinner now.
Servant. Yes, the owner said that he would not let go anymore. He, in any way, wanted to go today to complain to the mayor.
Khlestakov. So why complain? Judge for yourself, dear, how? because I need to eat. That way I can completely emaciate. I am very hungry; I'm not saying this jokingly.
Servant. Yes, sir. He said: "I won't let him dine until he pays me for the old one." That was his answer.
Khlestakov. Yes, you reason, persuade him.
Servant. So what is he to say?
Khlestakov. You explain to him seriously what I need to eat. Money by itself ... He thinks that, like him, a peasant, it’s okay if he doesn’t eat for a day, and so do others. Here's the news!
Servant. Perhaps I will say.

Phenomenon V

Khlestakov one.
It is bad, however, if he does not give anything to eat. I want it like never before. Is there anything to put into circulation from the dress? Pants, perhaps, to sell? No, it's better to starve and come home in a Petersburg suit. It’s a pity that Joachim didn’t rent a carriage, but it would be nice, damn it, to come home in a carriage, drive like a devil to some neighbor-landowner under the porch, with lanterns, and Osip in the back, dress in livery. As if, I imagine, everyone was alarmed: "Who is this, what is this?" And the footman enters (stretches himself and introduces the footman): "Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov from St. Petersburg, would you like me to accept you?" They, scumbags, don't even know what "order to accept" means. If some goose landowner comes to them, he knocks, the bear, right into the living room. You’ll go up to some pretty daughter: “Madame, like me ...” (Rubs her hands and shuffles her foot.) Pah! (spits) even sick, so hungry.

Event VI

Khlestakov, Osip, then a servant.

Khlestakov.. And what?
Osip. They bring lunch.
Khlestakov(claps his hands and jumps slightly in his chair). Bear! carry! carry!
Servant(with plates and napkin). The owner gives for the last time.
Khlestakov. Well, master, master... I don't give a damn about your master! What is there?
Servant. Soup and roast.
Khlestakov. Like, only two dishes?
Servant. Only with.
Khlestakov. What nonsense! I don't accept it. You tell him: what is it, in fact, it is! .. This is not enough.
Servant. No, the owner says there are many more.
Khlestakov. Why no sauce?
Servant. There is no sauce.
Khlestakov. Why not? I saw myself, passing by the kitchen, there was a lot of preparation. And in the dining room this morning, two short people were eating salmon and a lot of other things.
Servant. Yes, it is, perhaps not.
Khlestakov. How not?
Servant. Yes, no.
Khlestakov. And salmon, and fish, and cutlets?
Servant. Yes, this is for those who are cleaner, sir.
Khlestakov. Oh you fool!
Servant. Yes, sir.
Khlestakov. You nasty little pig... How can they eat and I don't? Why the hell can't I do the same? Aren't they just as passing as I am?
Servant. Yes, it is known that they are not.
Khlestakov. What?
Servant. Definitely what! they already know: they pay money.
Khlestakov. I'm with you, fool, I don't want to argue. (Pours soup and eats.) What kind of soup is this? You just poured water into a cup: there is no taste, it just stinks. I don't want this soup, give me another one.
Servant. We will accept. The owner said: if you don't want to, then you don't need to.
Khlestakov(protecting food with hand). Well, well, well ... leave it, fool! You are accustomed to treating others there: I, brother, am not of that kind! I do not advise with me ... (Eat.) My God, what soup! (Continues to eat.) I don't think a single person in the world has ever eaten such a soup: some kind of feathers float instead of butter. (Cuts the chicken.) Ai, ai, ai, what a chicken! Give me hot! There's a little soup left, Osip, take it for yourself. (Cuts the roast.) What is this roast? It's not hot.
Servant. Yes, what is it?
Khlestakov. God knows what it is, but not hot. It's an ax fried instead of beef. (Eat.) Scammers, rascals, what do they feed! And your jaws will hurt if you eat one such piece. (Picks his finger in his teeth.) Scoundrels! Just like a wooden bark, nothing can be pulled out; and teeth will turn black after these dishes. Fraudsters! (Wipes his mouth with a napkin.) Is there anything else?
Servant. No. Khlestakov. Canaglia! scoundrels! and even at least some sauce or cake. Idlers! they only bully those who pass by.

The servant removes and takes away the plates together with Osip.

Appearance VII

Khlestakov. Right, as if he had not eaten; just got pissed off. If it were a trifle, they would send it to the market and buy at least a polar cod.
Osip(included). There, for some reason, the mayor came, inquired and asked about you.
Khlestakov(frightened). Here's to you! What a beast innkeeper, already managed to complain! What if he really drags me to jail? Well, if in a noble way, I, perhaps ... no, no, I don’t want to! There, in the city, officers and people are hanging around, and, as if on purpose, I set the tone and exchanged winks with one merchant's daughter ... No, I don’t want to ... But what is he, how dare he really? What am I to him, is it a merchant or an artisan? (He cheers up and straightens up.) Yes, I’ll tell him straight out: “How dare you, how do you ...” (A handle turns at the door; Khlestakov turns pale and shrinks.)

Appearance VIII

Khlestakov, mayor and Dobchinsky. The mayor, entered, stops. Both in fright look at each other for several minutes, bulging eyes.

mayor(recovering a little and stretching his arms at his sides). I wish you well!
Khlestakov(bows). My regards...
Mayor. Sorry.
Khlestakov. Nothing...
Mayor. It is my duty, as the mayor of the city here, to see to it that there are no harassments to those passing by and to all noble people...
Khlestakov(at first he stutters a little, but by the end of the speech he speaks loudly). Yes, what to do? It's not my fault... I'll really cry... They'll send me from the village.

Bobchinsky looks out of the door.

He is more to blame: he gives me beef as hard as a log; and the soup - he the devil knows what he splashed there, I had to throw it out the window. He starves me for whole days ... The tea is so strange, it stinks of fish, not tea. Why am I... Here's the news!
mayor(timid). Sorry, I'm really not to blame. I always have good beef in the market. Kholmogory merchants bring them, sober people and good behavior. I don't know where he gets this from. And if something is wrong, then ... Let me suggest that you move with me to another apartment.
Khlestakov. No I do not want to! I know what it means to another apartment: that is, to prison. What right do you have? How dare you?.. Yes, here I am... I serve in St. Petersburg. (Cheers up.) I, I, I...
mayor(to the side). Oh my God, you're so angry! I found out everything, the damned merchants told me everything!
Khlestakov(bravely). Yes, here you are even here with your whole team - I won’t go! I'm going straight to the minister! (Bangs his fist on the table.) What are you? What do you?
mayor(stretching out and trembling all over). Have mercy, do not lose! Wife, little children... don't make a man unhappy.
Khlestakov. No I do not want! Here's another? what do I care? Because you have a wife and children, I have to go to prison, that's fine!

Bobchinsky looks out the door and hides in fright.

No, thank you very much, I don't want to.
mayor(trembling). Inexperience, by golly, inexperience. Insufficiency of the state ... If you please, judge for yourself: the state salary is not enough even for tea and sugar. If there were any bribes, then just a little: something on the table and for a couple of dresses. As for the non-commissioned officer's widow, engaged in the merchant class, whom I allegedly flogged, this is slander, by God, slander. This was invented by my villains; These are such people that they are ready to encroach on my life.
Khlestakov. What? I don't care about them. (Thinking.) I don’t know, however, why you are talking about villains or some non-commissioned officer’s widow ... A non-commissioned officer’s wife is completely different, but you don’t dare to flog me, you are far from that ... Here's another! Look what you are!.. I will pay, I will pay money, but now I don't have any. I'm sitting here because I don't have a penny.
mayor(to the side). Oh, subtle thing! Ek where tossed! what a fog! figure out who wants it! You don't know which side to take. Well, yes, try not where it went! What will be, will be, try at random. (Aloud.) If you definitely need money or something else, then I am ready to serve my minute. My duty is to help passers-by.
Khlestakov. Give, lend me! I'll pay off the innkeeper right now. I would only like two hundred rubles, or at least even less.
mayor(holding papers). Exactly two hundred rubles, though don't bother counting.
Khlestakov(taking money). Thank you very much. I'll send them to you from the village at once... I've got it all of a sudden... I see you're a noble man. Now it's different.
mayor(to the side). Well, thank God! took the money. Things seem to be going well now. I did give him two hundred and four hundred instead.
Khlestakov. Hey Osip!

Osip enters.

Call the tavern servant here! (To the mayor and Dobchinsky.) And why are you standing there? Do me a favor, sit down. (To Dobchinsky.) Sit down, I beg you most humbly.
Mayor. Nothing, we'll just stand there.
Khlestakov. Do me a favor, sit down. I now see the complete frankness of your disposition and cordiality, otherwise, I confess, I already thought that you had come to me ... (to Dobchinsky.) Sit down.

The mayor and Dobchinsky sit down. Bobchinsky looks out the door and listens.

mayor(to the side). You need to be bolder. He wants to be considered incognito. Okay, let's let us turuses; Let's pretend we don't even know what kind of person he is. (Aloud.) Walking around on official business, here with Pyotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky, the local landowner, we went into the hotel on purpose to inquire whether the travelers were well treated, because I am not like some other mayor who does not care about anything; but I, besides my position, also, out of Christian philanthropy, want every mortal to be well received - and now, as if as a reward, the case brought such a pleasant acquaintance.
Khlestakov. I am also very happy myself. Without you, I confess, I would have sat here for a long time: I did not know at all how to pay.
mayor(to the side). Yes, tell me, did not know how to pay? (Aloud.) May I dare to ask: where and to what places would you like to go?
Khlestakov. I'm going to the Saratov province, to my own village.
mayor(aside, with a face that assumes an ironic expression). To the Saratov province! BUT? and won't blush! Oh, yes, you need to keep an eye on him. (Aloud.) You have deigned to undertake a good deed. After all, with regard to the road: on the one hand, they say troubles about delaying horses, but, on the other hand, entertainment for the mind. After all, you, tea, are traveling more for your own pleasure?
Khlestakov. No, my father wants me. The old man was angry that he had not served anything in Petersburg until now. He thinks that he has come and now they will give you Vladimir in your buttonhole. No, I would have sent him to hustle in the office himself.
mayor(to the side). Please see what bullets are pouring! and dragged the old man's father! (Aloud.) And would you like to go for a long time?
Khlestakov. Right, I don't know. After all, my father is stubborn and stupid, old horseradish, like a log. I'll tell him straight: whatever you want, I can't live without Petersburg. Why, really, should I ruin my life with the peasants? Now not those needs, my soul yearns for enlightenment.
mayor(to the side). Nicely tied a knot! Lies, lies - and will not break anywhere! But what a nondescript, short one, it seems, he would have crushed him with a fingernail. Well, yes, wait, you'll let me know. I'll make you tell me more! (Aloud.) Fairly deigned to notice. What can you do in the wilderness? After all, at least here: you don’t sleep at night, you try for the fatherland, you don’t regret anything, and it’s not known when the reward will be. (Looks around the room.) Does this room look a little cheesy?
Khlestakov. Nasty room, and bedbugs like I've never seen anywhere: like dogs bite.
Mayor. Tell! such an enlightened guest, and suffers - from whom? - from some worthless bugs that should not have been born into the world. No way, even dark in this room?
Khlestakov. Yes, it's completely dark. The owner made a habit of not letting go of the candles. Sometimes I want to do something, read something, or a fantasy comes to compose something, but I can’t: it’s dark, it’s dark.
Mayor. Do I dare to ask you... but no, I'm not worthy.
Khlestakov. And what?
Mayor. No, no, unworthy, unworthy!
Khlestakov. Yes, what is it?
Mayor. I would dare ... I have a beautiful room in my house, bright, calm ... But no, I feel it myself, this is too great an honor ... Do not be angry - by God, from the simplicity of my soul I offered it.
Khlestakov. On the contrary, if you please, I'm happy to. I am much more comfortable in a private house than in this tavern.
Mayor. And I will be so happy! And how happy the wife will be! I already have such a temper: hospitality from childhood, especially if the guest is an enlightened person. Don't think I'm saying this out of flattery; no, I don’t have this vice, I express myself from the fullness of my soul.
Khlestakov. Thank you very much. Me too - I don't like two-faced people. I really like your frankness and cordiality, and, I confess, I would not demand anything more, as soon as you show me devotion and respect, respect and devotion.

Appearance IX

The same and the tavern servant, accompanied by Osip. Bobchinsky looks out the door.

Servant. Would you like to ask?
Khlestakov. Yes; submit an account.
Servant. I already gave you another bill.
Khlestakov. I don't remember your stupid bills. Tell me how much is there?
Servant. You deigned to ask for lunch on the first day, and the next day you only ate salmon and then went to borrow everything.
Khlestakov. Fool! still started counting. How much should be?
Mayor. Don't worry, he will wait. (To the servant.) Get out, they will send you.
Khlestakov. Indeed, that is true. (Hides money.)

The servant leaves. Bobchinsky peeps out the door.

Phenomenon X

Gorodnichiy, Khlestakov, Dobchinsky.

Mayor. Would you like to see now some of the institutions in our city, somehow - charitable and others?
Khlestakov. And what is there?
Mayor. And so, look at the course of affairs we have ... what order ...
Khlestakov. With great pleasure, I'm ready.

Bobchinsky sticks his head out the door.

Mayor. Also, if you wish, from there to the district school, to examine the order in which the sciences are taught in our country.
Khlestakov. Please, please.
Mayor. Then, if you wish to visit the jail and city prisons, consider how criminals are kept in our country.
Khlestakov. Why prisons? We'd better look at charitable institutions.
Mayor. As you please. How do you intend: in your carriage or with me on the droshky?
Khlestakov. Yes, I'd rather ride the droshky with you.
Mayor.(Dobchinsky). Well, Pyotr Ivanovich, there is no place for you now.
Dobchinsky. Nothing, I am.
mayor(quietly, Dobchinsky). Listen: you run, yes, run, at full speed and carry two notes: one to the charitable institution of Strawberry, and the other to your wife. (to Khlestakov) May I dare to ask permission to write one line to my wife in your presence, so that she prepares to receive the honored guest?
Khlestakov. But why? .. But then, there is ink, only papers - I don’t know ... Is it on this account?
Mayor. I will write here. (He writes and at the same time speaks to himself.) But let's see how things go after the frischtik and the bottle of fat belly! Yes, we have a provincial madeira: unsightly in appearance, but the elephant will be knocked down. If only I could find out what it is and to what extent it is necessary to fear it. (Having written, she gives it to Dobchinsky, who comes up to the door, but at that moment the door breaks, and Bobchinsky, who was eavesdropping from the other side, flies onto the stage with her. Everyone makes exclamations. Bobchinsky rises.)
Khlestakov. What? Have you hurt yourself somewhere?
Bobchinsky. Nothing, nothing, sir, without any madness, only a small blotch over the nose! I'll run to Khristian Ivanovich: he has such a plaster, and so it will pass.
mayor(making a reproachful sign to Bobchinsky, to Khlestakov). It's from nothing. Please, please, please! And I will tell your servant to carry the suitcase. (To Osip.) My dear, you transfer everything to me, to the mayor - everyone will show you. I beg you more humbly! (He lets Khlestakov go ahead and follows him, but turning around, he speaks reproachfully to Bobchinsky.) You too! found no other place to fall! And stretched like hell knows what it is. (Exits; Bobchinsky follows him.)

ACT THREE

Phenomenon I

Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna are standing at the window in the same positions.

Anna Andreevna. Well, we've been waiting for a whole hour, and you're all with your stupid affectation: you're fully dressed, no, you still have to dig... It would be better not to listen to her at all. What a shame! as if on purpose, not a soul! as if everything had died.
Maria Antonovna. Yes, that's right, mother, we'll find out everything in two minutes. Avdotya should come soon. (Looks out the window and cries out.) Oh, mother, mother! someone is coming, over there at the end of the street.
Anna Andreevna. Where is it going? You always have some fantasies. Well, yes, it's coming. Who is this coming? Small in stature ... in a tailcoat ... Who is this? a? This, however, is annoying! Who would it be?
Maria Antonovna. This is Dobchinsky, mother.
Anna Andreevna. Which Dobchinsky? You always suddenly imagine something like that... Not Dobchinsky at all. (Waving her handkerchief.) Hey you, get in here! quicker!
Maria Antonovna. Right, mother, Dobchinsky.
Anna Andreevna. Well, on purpose, just to argue. They tell you - not Dobchinsky.
Maria Antonovna. And what? what about, mother? You see that Dobchinsky.
Anna Andreevna. Well, yes, Dobchinsky, now I see - why are you arguing? (Screams out the window.) Hurry, hurry! you walk quietly. Well, where are they? BUT? Yes, speak from there - it doesn't matter. What? very strict? BUT? What about husband, husband? (Stepping back a little from the window, with annoyance.) So stupid: until he enters the room, he won't tell anything!

Phenomenon II

The same and Dobchinsky.

Anna Andreevna. Well, tell me, please: well, aren't you ashamed? I relied on you alone, as on a decent person: all of a sudden they ran out, and you followed them there! and I'm still not getting any sense from anyone. Aren't you ashamed? I baptized your Vanechka and Lizanka, and this is how you treated me!
Dobchinsky. By God, gossip, I ran so fast to pay my respects that I can’t take my breath. My respect, Marya Antonovna!
Maria Antonovna. Hello, Peter Ivanovich!
Anna Andreevna. Well? Well, tell me: what and how is it there?
Dobchinsky. Anton Antonovich sent you a note.
Anna Andreevna. Well, who is he? general?
Dobchinsky. No, not a general, but he will not yield to a general: such an education and important deeds, sir.
Anna Andreevna. BUT! so this is the one about which it was written to her husband.
Dobchinsky. Real. I was the first to discover this together with Petr Ivanovich.
Anna Andreevna. Well, tell me: what and how?
Dobchinsky. Yes, thank God, all is well. At first he received Anton Antonovich a little sternly, yes, sir; he got angry and said that everything was not good at the hotel, and that he would not go to him, and that he did not want to go to prison for him; but then, as soon as he recognized Anton Antonovich's innocence and as soon as he talked to him, he immediately changed his thoughts, and, thank God, everything went well. They have now gone to inspect charitable establishments... Otherwise, I confess, Anton Antonovich was already wondering if there had been a secret denunciation; I also messed up a little myself.
Anna Andreevna. What do you have to be afraid of? because you are not serving.
Dobchinsky. Yes, you know, when a nobleman speaks, you feel fear.
Anna Andreevna. Well, well ... this is all, however, nonsense. Tell me, what is he like? What, old or young?
Dobchinsky. Young, young man; twenty-three years old: but he says just like an old man: "If you please, he says, I will go both there and there ..." (waving his arms) it's all nice. “I, he says, love to write and read, but it interferes with the fact that in the room, he says, it’s a little dark.”
Anna Andreevna. And what is he like: a brunette or a blond?
Dobchinsky. No, more of a chantret, and eyes as fast as animals, they even lead to embarrassment.
Anna Andreevna. What is he writing to me in a note? (Reads.) "I hasten to inform you, darling, that my condition was very sad, but, trusting in God's mercy, for two pickled cucumbers especially and for half a portion of caviar, a ruble twenty-five kopecks ..." (Stops.) I do not understand anything , why are there pickles and caviar?
Dobchinsky. Oh, it was Anton Antonovich who wrote on draft paper according to speed: so some kind of account was written.
Anna Andreevna. Ah, yes, exactly. (Continues to read.) "But, relying on God's mercy, it seems that everything will be to a good end. Prepare as soon as possible a room for an important guest, the one that is pasted with yellow pieces of paper; do not bother adding to dinner, because we will have a meal in a charitable establishment at Artemy Filippovich's , but they brought more guilt; tell the merchant Abdulin to send the very best, otherwise I will dig through his entire cellar. Kissing, darling, your hand, I remain yours: Anton Skvoznik-Dmukhanovsky ... "Oh, my God! However, this needs to be done ASAP! Hey, who's there? Bear!
Dobchinsky(runs and shouts at the door). Bear! Bear! Bear!

The bear enters.

Anna Andreevna. Listen: run to the merchant Abdulin ... wait, I'll give you a note (sits down at the table, writes a note and meanwhile says): you give this note to the coachman Sidor, so that he runs with it to the merchant Abdulin and brings wine from there. Go and clean up this guest room right now. There put a bed, a washstand and so on.
Dobchinsky. Well, Anna Andreevna, now I'll run as soon as possible to see how he surveys there.
Anna Andreevna. Get up, get up! I am not holding you.

Phenomenon III

Anna Andreevna. Well, Mashenka, we need to go to the toilet now. He is a metropolitan thing: God forbid, so that he does not ridicule something. It is best for you to wear your blue dress with small frills.
Maria Antonovna. Fi, mama, blue! I don’t like it at all: both Lyapkina-Tyapkina walks in blue, and Strawberry’s daughter wears blue. No, I'd rather wear color.
Anna Andreevna. Colored! .. Right, you say - if only in defiance. It will be much better for you, because I want to wear fawn; I love fawn very much.
Maria Antonovna. Oh, mother, you don't like fawn!
Anna Andreevna. I don't like fawn?
Maria Antonovna. No, I give anything, no, for this it is necessary that the eyes be completely dark.
Anna Andreevna. That's good! Are my eyes dark? the darkest. What nonsense he speaks! How can it not be dark, when I always guess to myself about the queen of clubs?
Maria Antonovna. Ah, mother! you are more of a lady of hearts.
Anna Andreevna. Rubbish, perfect rubbish! I have never been a queen of hearts. (He hurriedly leaves with Marya Antonovna and speaks behind the stage.) Such a thing will suddenly be imagined! red lady! God knows what it is!

When they leave, the doors open, and Mishka throws rubbish out of them. Osip comes out of other doors with a suitcase on his head.

Event IV

Mishka and Osip.

Osip. Where is it?
Bear. Here, uncle, here.
Osip. Wait, let me rest first. Oh you miserable life! On an empty belly, every burden seems heavy.
Bear. What, uncle, tell me: will there be a general soon?
Osip. What general?
Bear. Yes, your master.
Osip. Barin? What kind of general is he?
Bear. Isn't it a general?
Osip. General, but on the other side.
Bear. Well, is it more or less than a real general?
Osip. More.
Bear. You see how! then we got into a turmoil.
Osip. Listen, little one: I see you are a nimble fellow; prepare something to eat there.
Bear. Yes, for you, uncle, nothing is ready yet. You will not eat simple dishes, but as soon as your master sits down at the table, they will let you have the same food.
Osip. Well, just what do you have?
Bear. Shchi, porridge and pies.
Osip. Give them, cabbage soup, porridge and pies! Nothing, we'll all eat. Well, let's carry the suitcase! What, is there another way out?
Bear. There is.

Both carry the suitcase to the side room.

Phenomenon V

Quarterly open both halves of the doors. Khlestakov enters: behind him is the mayor, then the trustee of charitable institutions, the superintendent of schools, Dobchinsky and Bobchinsky with a band-aid on their noses. The mayor points out a piece of paper to the quarters on the floor - they run and take it off, pushing each other in a hurry.

Khlestakov. Good establishments. I like that you show everyone in the city passing by. Nothing was shown to me in other cities.
Mayor. In other cities, I dare to report to you, city governors and officials are more concerned about their own, that is, benefit. And here, it can be said, there is no other thought than to earn the attention of the authorities with diligence and vigilance.
Khlestakov. The breakfast was very good; I'm completely full. What happens to you every day?
Mayor. On purpose for a nice guest.
Khlestakov. I like to eat. After all, you live to pick flowers of pleasure. What was the name of this fish?
Artemy Filippovich(running up). Labardan-s.
Khlestakov. Very tasty. Where did we have breakfast? in the hospital, right?
Artemy Filippovich. That's right, sir, in a charitable institution.
Khlestakov. I remember, I remember, there were beds. Have the patients recovered? There seem to be few of them.
Artemy Filippovich. Ten people left, no more; and the rest all recovered. It's just the way it is, the order. Ever since I took over, it may even seem unbelievable to you, everyone has been getting better like flies. The patient will not have time to enter the infirmary, as he is already healthy; and not so much medicines, but honesty and order.
Mayor. Why, I dare to report to you, the duty of the mayor is puzzling! There are so many things to do, regarding one cleanliness, repair, amendment ... in a word, smartest person I would have been in difficulty, but, thank God, everything is going well. Another mayor, of course, would care about his own benefits; but, do you believe that, even when you go to bed, everyone thinks: “My God, how can I arrange it so that the authorities see my jealousy and be satisfied? ..” Whether he rewards or not is, of course, in his will; at least I will be calm in my heart. When everything is in order in the city, the streets are swept, the prisoners are well kept, there are few drunkards ... then what more do I need? Hey, I don't want any honors. It is, of course, tempting, but before virtue everything is dust and vanity.
Artemy Filippovich(to the side). Eka, loafer, how he paints! God gave me such a gift!
Khlestakov. This is true. I confess, I myself sometimes like to be wise: sometimes in prose, and at other times the rhymes will be thrown out.
Bobchinsky(Dobchinsky). Fair, everything is fair, Pyotr Ivanovich! Such remarks ... it is clear that he studied the sciences.
Khlestakov. Tell me, please, do you have any entertainment, societies where you could, for example, play cards?
mayor(to the side). Ege, we know, my dear, in whose garden pebbles are thrown! (Aloud.) God forbid! here there is no rumor of such societies. I never took cards in my hands; I don't even know how to play these cards. I could never look at them with indifference; and if you happen to see some kind of king of diamonds or something else, then such disgust will attack that you just spit. Once somehow it happened, amusing the children, he built a booth of cards, but after that they dreamed all night, damned. God be with them! How can such precious time be wasted on them?
Luka Lukic(to the side). And I, the scoundrel, ponted a hundred rubles yesterday.
Mayor. I'd rather use this time for the benefit of the state.
Khlestakov. Well, no, you are in vain, however ... It all depends on the side from which one looks at the thing. If, for example, you go on strike then how to bend from three corners ... well, then of course ... No, don't say, sometimes it's very tempting to play.

Event VI

The same, Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna.

Mayor. I dare to introduce my family: wife and daughter.
Khlestakov(bowing). How happy I am, madam, to have the pleasure of seeing you.
Anna Andreevna. We are even more pleased to see such a person.
Khlestakov(drawing). Excuse me, madam, quite the contrary: I feel even more pleasant.
Anna Andreevna. How can you! You so deign to say it, for a compliment. I ask you to be seated.
Khlestakov. There is already happiness standing near you; however, if you already absolutely want it, I will sit down. How happy I am to finally be sitting next to you.
Anna Andreevna. Excuse me, I don’t dare to take it personally ... I think that after the capital the voyage seemed very unpleasant to you.
Khlestakov. Extremely unpleasant. Accustomed to living, comprenez vous, in the world, and suddenly finding yourself on the road: dirty taverns, the darkness of ignorance ... If, I confess, it were not for such a case that I ... (looks at Anna Andreevna and poses in front of her) so rewarded for all...
Anna Andreevna. Really, how embarrassing you must be.
Khlestakov. However, madam, at this moment I am very pleased.
Anna Andreevna. How can you! You are doing a lot of credit. I do not deserve this.
Khlestakov. Why don't you deserve it?
Anna Andreevna. I live in the village...
Khlestakov. Yes, the village, however, also has its own hillocks, streams ... Well, of course, who can compare with St. Petersburg! Ah, Petersburg! what a life, right! You may think that I am only copying; no, the head of the department is with me on a friendly footing. So hit on the shoulder: "Come, brother, have dinner!" I only go into the department for two minutes, only to say: "That's it, that's it!" And there is already an official for writing, a kind of rat, with only a pen - tr, tr ... went to write. They even wanted to make me a collegiate assessor, yes, I think why. And the watchman was still flying on the stairs behind me with a brush: "Allow me, Ivan Alexandrovich, I'll clean your boots," he says. (To the mayor.) Why are you, gentlemen, standing around? Please sit down!
Together:
Mayor. The rank is such that you can still stand.
Artemy Filippovich. We will stand.
Luka Lukic. Don't you dare worry.
Khlestakov. Without ranks, please sit down.

The mayor and everyone sit down.

Khlestakov. I don't like ceremonies. On the contrary, I even always try to slip in unnoticed. But there's no way to hide, no way! As soon as I go out somewhere, they say: "Out, they say, Ivan Aleksandrovich is coming!" And once they even took me for the commander in chief: the soldiers jumped out of the guardhouse and made a gun. After that, an officer who is very familiar to me says to me: "Well, brother, we completely took you for the commander in chief."
Anna Andreevna. Tell me how!
Khlestakov. I know pretty actresses. I'm also different vaudeville ... Writers often see. With Pushkin on a friendly footing. I used to often say to him: "Well, brother Pushkin?" - "Yes, brother," he answers, it used to be, "because somehow everything ..." A great original.
Anna Andreevna. Is that how you write? How pleasant it must be for a writer! You, right, and put in magazines?
Khlestakov. Yes, I put them in magazines. However, there are many of my works: "The Marriage of Figaro", "Robert the Devil", "Norma". I don't even remember the names. And all by chance: I did not want to write, but the theater management says: "Please, brother, write something." I think to myself: "Perhaps, if you please, brother!" And then in one evening, it seems, he wrote everything, he amazed everyone. I have an unusual lightness in my thoughts. All this that was under the name of Baron Brambeus, "Frigate of Hope" and "Moscow Telegraph" ... I wrote all this.
Anna Andreevna. Tell me, were you Brambeus?
Khlestakov. Well, I correct articles for them all. Smirdin gives me forty thousand for this.
Anna Andreevna. So, right, and "Yuri Miloslavsky" is your composition?
Khlestakov. Yes, this is my essay.
Maria Antonovna. Oh, mother, it says there that this is Mr. Zagoskin's work.
Anna Andreevna. Well, I knew that even here you would argue.
Khlestakov. Oh yes, it's true, it's definitely Zagoskin; but there is another "Yuri Miloslavsky", so that one is mine.
Anna Andreevna. Well, that's right, I read yours. How well written!
Khlestakov. I confess that I exist in literature. I have the first house in St. Petersburg. So it is known: the house of Ivan Alexandrovich. (Addressing everyone.) Do me a favor, gentlemen, if you are in Petersburg, please, please come to me. I also give points.
Anna Andreevna. I think with what taste and magnificence they give balls!
Khlestakov. Just don't speak. On the table, for example, a watermelon - seven hundred rubles a watermelon. Soup in a saucepan came from Paris right on the steamer; open the lid - steam, which cannot be found in nature. I'm at balls every day. There we had our own whist: the Minister of Foreign Affairs, the French envoy, the English and German envoy, and myself. And you'll get so tired playing that it's just like nothing else. As soon as you run up the stairs to your fourth floor, you will only say to the cook: "Here, Mavrushka, overcoat ..." Well, I'm lying - I forgot that I live in the mezzanine. I have only one ladder standing ... And it is curious to look into my anteroom, when I have not yet woken up: counts and princes are pushing and buzzing there like bumblebees, you can only hear: well ... well ... well ... Other once the minister...

The mayor and others shyly get up from their chairs.

They even write on my packages: "Your Excellency." Once I even ran a department. And it's strange: the director left - where he left is unknown. Well, naturally, there was talk: how, what, who to take a place? Many of the generals were hunters and were taken, but they would come up, it happened - no, it's tricky. It seems easy to look at, but look at it - just damn it! After they see, there is nothing to do - to me. And at that very moment, couriers, couriers, couriers ... can you imagine, thirty-five thousand couriers alone! What is the position? - I'm asking. "Ivan Aleksandrovich, go and manage the department!" I confess, I was a little embarrassed, I went out in a dressing gown: I wanted to refuse, but I think: it will reach the sovereign, well, and the track record too ... "Excuse me, gentlemen, I accept the position, I accept, I say, so be it, I say, I accept, only from me: no, no, no! .. My ears are on the alert! I'm already ... "And for sure: it happened, as I passed through the department, it was just an earthquake, everything was trembling and shaking like a leaf.

The mayor and others are shaking with fear. Khlestakov gets even more excited.

O! I don't like to joke. I gave them all a warning. The State Council itself is afraid of me. What really? I am like that! I won't look at anyone... I tell everyone: "I know myself, myself." I am everywhere, everywhere. I go to the palace every day. Tomorrow I will be promoted to field march... (She slips and almost flops on the floor, but is supported with reverence by the officials.)
mayor(approaching and shaking all over, trying to articulate). And wah wah... wah...
Khlestakov(in a quick, raspy voice). What?
Mayor. And wah wah... wah...
Khlestakov(in the same voice). I can't figure it out, it's all nonsense.
Mayor. Wah-wah-wah... procession, excellency, would you order me to rest?.. here is the room, and everything you need.
Khlestakov. Nonsense - relax. Excuse me, I'm ready to rest. Your breakfast, gentlemen, is good... I am satisfied, I am satisfied. (With recitation.) Labardan! labardan! (He enters a side room, followed by the mayor.)

Appearance VII

The same, except for Khlestakov and the mayor.

Bobchinsky(Dobchinsky). What a man, Pyotr Ivanovich! That's what a man means! In life I was not in the presence of such an important person, I almost died of fear. What do you think, Pyotr Ivanovich, who is he in the reasoning of the rank?
Dobchinsky. I think almost a general.
Bobchinsky. And I think that the general will not match him! and when a general, then perhaps the generalissimo himself. Have you heard how the State Council was pressed? Let's go tell Ammos Fedorovich and Korobkin as soon as possible. Farewell, Anna Andreevna!
Dobchinsky. Farewell, gossip!

Both leave.

Artemy Filippovich(Luke Lukic). Terribly simple. And why, you don't know. And we are not even in uniforms. Well, how will he sleep and send a report to Petersburg? (He leaves thoughtfully together with the superintendent of schools, saying:) Farewell, madam!

Appearance VIII

Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna.

Anna Andreevna. Ah, how pleasant!
Maria Antonovna. Ah, what a cutie!
Anna Andreevna. But what a subtle treatment! now you can see the capital thing. Receptions and all that ... Oh, how good! I love these young people! I'm just out of memory. However, he liked me very much: I noticed that everyone was looking at me.
Maria Antonovna. Oh, mother, he was looking at me!
Anna Andreevna. Please, with your nonsense away! This is not at all appropriate here.
Maria Antonovna. No, mother, right!
Anna Andreevna. Here you go! God forbid, so as not to argue! you can't, and it's full! Where can he look at you? And why should he look at you?
Maria Antonovna. Really, mama, I watched everything. And as he began to talk about literature, he looked at me, and then, when he was telling how he played whist with the messengers, he looked at me.
Anna Andreevna. Well, maybe once, and even then, if only. “Ah,” he says to himself, “let me look at her!”

Appearance IX

The same and the mayor.

mayor(enters on tiptoe). Shh... sh...
Anna Andreevna. What?
Mayor. And I'm not glad I got drunk. Well, what if at least half of what he said was true? (Thinks.) But how could it not be true? Having walked, a person brings everything out: what is in the heart, then on the tongue. Of course, he leaned a little; but after all, no speech is said without swearing. He plays with the ministers and goes to the palace... So, really, the more you think... the devil knows, you don't know what's going on in your head; just as if you were either standing on some belfry, or they wanted to hang you.
Anna Andreevna. And I didn’t feel any timidity at all; I saw in him an educated, secular, high tone man, but I have no need for his ranks.
Mayor. Well, you are women! It's over, that one word is enough! All of you are tricks! Suddenly they blurt out neither one nor the other word. You will be flogged, and that's all, but remember your husband's name. You, my soul, treated him so freely, as if with some kind of Dobchinsky.
Anna Andreevna. I advise you not to worry about this. We know something like that... (Looks at her daughter.) mayor(one). Well, to talk to you! .. Eka is really an opportunity! I still can't wake up from fear. (Opens the door and speaks through the door.) Mishka, call the quarterly Svistunov and Derzhimorda: they are not far away somewhere behind the gate. (After a short silence.) Everything is wonderful now in the world: even if the people were already prominent, otherwise thin, thin - how do you know who they are? Still, a military man still seems like himself, but when he puts on a little frock coat - well, it’s like a fly with clipped wings. And after all, for a long time he was attached to the tavern, wrung such allegories and equivocations that, it seems, a century would not have succeeded. And finally, he gave in. And he said more than he needed to. It is clear that the man is young.

Phenomenon X

The same and Osip. Everyone runs towards him, nodding their fingers.

Anna Andreevna. Come here, dear!
Mayor. Shh!.. what? what? sleeping?
Osip. No, it's stretching a little.
Anna Andreevna. Listen, what's your name?
Osip. Osip, ma'am.
mayor(wife and daughter). Enough, enough for you! (To Osip.) Well, friend, have you been fed well?
Osip. Fed, thank you most humbly; well fed.
Anna Andreevna. Well, tell me: to your master too, I think, counts and princes travel a lot?
Osip(to the side). What to say? If now they have fed well, then they will feed even better later. (Aloud.) Yes, there are also graphs.
Maria Antonovna. Darling Osip, what a pretty master of yours!
Anna Andreevna. And what, tell me, please, Osip, how is he ...
Mayor. Yes, please stop! You only bother me with such empty speeches! Well, friend?
Anna Andreevna. And what is the rank of your master?
Osip. Chin is usually what.
Mayor. Oh, my God, all of you with your stupid questions! don't let me talk about the case. Well, friend, how is your master? .. strict? likes to bake that way or not?
Osip. Yes, he loves order. He wants everything to be in order.
Mayor. And I really like your face. Friend you must be good man. Well...
Anna Andreevna. Listen, Osip, how does your master walk around in uniform, or...
Mayor. Enough for you, right, what rattles! Here necessary thing: it's about a person's life ... (To Osip.) Well, friend, really, I like you very much. On the road, it doesn’t hurt, you know, to drink an extra cup of tea - it’s a bit cold now. So here's a couple of coins for tea.
Osip(Taking the money.) And I thank you most humbly, sir. God bless you all health! poor man, help him.
Mayor. Okay, okay, I'm happy myself. What about friend...
Anna Andreevna. Listen, Osip, which eyes do your master like best?
Maria Antonovna. Osip, darling, what a pretty little nose your master has!..
Mayor. Wait a minute, give it to me! .. (To Osip.) And what, friend, tell me, please: what does your master pay more attention to, that is, what does he like more on the road?
Osip. He loves, by consideration, that as it should. Most of all, he loves to be received well, so that the treat is good.
Mayor. Good?
Osip. Yes, good. That's what I'm a serf, but even then he looks to make me feel good. By God! We used to go somewhere: "What, Osip, did you treat you well?" - "Bad, your honor!" - "Eh, he says, this is Osip, a bad owner. You, he says, remind me when I arrive." - "Ah," I think to myself (waving my hand), "God bless him! I'm a simple man."
Mayor. Okay, okay, and you're talking business. There I gave you a tip, so here's more bagels on top of that.
Osip. What are you complaining about, your highness? (Hides the money.) Can I drink to your health.
Anna Andreevna. Come, Osip, to me, you will get it too.
Maria Antonovna. Osip, darling, kiss your master!

Khlestakov's slight cough is heard from another room.

Mayor. Chsh! (He rises on tiptoe; the whole scene is in an undertone.) God save you make noise! Go yourself! full of you...
Anna Andreevna. Let's go, Mashenka! I'll tell you what I noticed in the guest is something that the two of us can only say.
Mayor. Oh, they'll talk! I think, just go and listen - and then you will shut up your ears. (Turning to Osip.) Well, friend...

Phenomenon XI

The same, Derzhimorda and Svistunov.

Mayor. Chsh! such clubfoot bears - knocking with their boots! So it falls, as if someone is throwing forty pounds from a cart! Where the hell are you?
Derzhimorda. Was ordered...
Mayor. Chsh! (Closes his mouth.) Oh, how the crow croaked! (Teasing him.) Was on orders! As from a barrel, so growls. (To Osip.) Well, friend, go and cook there what you need for the master. Everything that is in the house, demand.

Osip leaves.

Mayor. And you - stand on the porch, and not move! And do not let anyone into the house of a stranger, especially merchants! If you let even one of them in, then ... Just see that someone is coming with a request, and even if not with a request, but he looks like such a person who wants to file a request against me, push it straight ahead! so it! good! (Pointing with his foot.) Do you hear? Shh ... shh ... (He leaves on tiptoe after the quarters.)