"The woman is created for a man, not a man for a woman" - such a postulate ...
The desire to discuss the topic I want to raise today, came somehow quite unexpected. Although it has a very real basis: Not so long ago, the "great resettlement" in the form of moving from one big city to another happened in my family. This event was held for family reasons. More precisely, first of all, it was dictated by the desire to help close and native people (be closer to the daughter and grandchildren).
I will say right away - it was not easy in every sense: physical (by virtue of age), psychological, moral and material. But the motivation and purpose (for which this move was expected) in this case helped to overcome the difficulties and take a difficult decision: to leave a good apartment, the established life and a measured calm life, quite a good.
What else helped? A certain strategy was developed: the move should not worsen the quality of our life. It was a very important condition for all family members. Apparently, it is some kind of inexplicable magically influenced the events that have evolved for us in most cases in the best possible way.
Partly, this is quite a reasonable egoism. And also, in order to subsequently, do not rinse yourself for altruism (quite a viable point of view) and once, somehow in the hearts, in a minute of resentment, a completely banal phrase would be broken from the language, like: "We (Parents) threw everyone, donated their rest and even health to help you (children), and you do not appreciate it. "
And it is likely that the joy of moving, which has reduced kilometers between close people, could very quickly turn into mutual resentment, deceived expectations and disappointment.
The financially alleged relocation without deterioration of living conditions was unprofitable for us, as they assumed large additional spending. I will not hide - often the desire arose to abandon our strategy and acquire something worse, to equip with smaller comfort.
But the firm belief that help your close morally, physically and materially possible is much more efficient when your life is comfortable and has been established (or at least worse than the old place), did not allow it to do.
And also, while driving with such a difficult affair, as moving to another city, you need to be prepared for the upcoming difficulties and understand that in a new place there are not only advantages, but sometimes very fat minuses.
Such psychological and moral training, of course, will not affect the number of problems (sometimes, until the relocation, not even obvious). It is unlikely that they become less. But a realistic look at the events taking place, and not through the "pink glasses", will help to experience them easier, stand out and do not break (based on personal experience, even in the absence of any big shocks and problems, sometimes it was complicated and the feeling was created that you That's about come up).
Well, perhaps, lyrical deviations are enough, it's time to move to the essence of the question. To tell about the difficulties and problems that have arisen when moving to another city, about your emotions and experiences, about the errors that were committed, about the new experience, what was purchased and what is missing in a new place and about many other things in relation to my Situations.
Experience accumulated when moving, and new knowledge gained (due to emerging circumstances) was decided to somehow streamline and systematize. Perhaps it will be useful to someone and will help in organizing this difficult and troublesome event, will avoid errors and unnecessary actions. Although, of course, each of us is moving, and everyone experiences him in his own way.
Why do people move?
Moving is the most different: from the country abroad, from a major city to the province and vice versa, from one city to another.
Causes are also very diverse. Some of us simply do not represent your life without change and new bright impressions, which makes them literally break away from time to time. Probably, this desire to update is an integral traction of the nature of this category of people.
For some, the former small town has become crazy and does not allow to realize its plans and projects. Someone was tired of constantly seeing the same types in the courtyard at home and at work, she wanted more than the sun, better ecology, fruit, be closer to the sea. Leaving without analyzing and pondering to your loved one. Or simply wanted to drastically change the situation, start life from a clean leaf. Yes, you never know what ...
It is often based on such movements consciously (or subconsciously) lies the desire to improve their life and make it more comfortable, comfortable, meaningful and rich. Although in practice it may not happen. Especially if the relocation occurs spontaneously, Namobum, without prior careful preparation, and if there is no understanding of what a person is waiting and wants to get from this move.
For those in priority the opportunity to earn more and make a career. Another important climate or communication with loved ones is important, the opportunity to give good education to children, the level of medical care and so on.
As for our family, the question of the feasibility of moving was discussed for a long time. Since the emergence of thought about moving to its incarnation, almost two years have passed. The decision was agreed gradually, in stormy family disputes with arguments and arguments for and against. The difficulty was that it was necessary to take into account not only the common interests of the family, but also the needs and wishes of each living in the apartment.
As a result, all family members agreed to move and search for new housing. Along the way, at the same time I was read, studied, settled many sites and forums, analyzed and compared prices in new buildings and in the secondary market in the city scheduled for resettlement.
How to decide on an important step?
Suppose we consciously approached the need for upcoming changes, were determined with the objectives, tasks and priorities, but we do not decide to switch to specific practical steps.
Change of residence and relocation - responsible and difficult event in a person's life. It is difficult to leave your home, a comfortable habitat with a familiar lifestyle, hobbies, friends and relatives, with your favorite atmosphere and comfort, which were created for years. Not to mention the complexes and fears that can exacerbate in a new place.
What should I do if the decision is not accepted? Psychologists advise to enter in this case like this: to answer questions that will help you understand whether you need to move in principle or not.
1 How many families live in your apartment? And how comfortable such a joint accommodation?
In our country, it so happened that often the lack of funds for the purchase of separate housing for young couples forces them to live on one territory with the older generation - the parents of his wife or husband. Of course, in such a joint stay there are its advantages. But there is a significant minus of such an extended family: in this case, the development and formation of a young family that falls on the influence of the text of the life and traditions of the older generation is inhibited. It is difficult to develop your rules in such conditions.
In this situation, the relocation, which subsequently separate accommodation is certainly useful for all generations. And this is a weighty argument in favor of moving.
2 What are the main reasons that motivate you on moving?
They can be the most different (need a larger apartment in connection with the birth of a child, grown children who need a personal space in the form of individual children's rooms, moving parents to another city closer to children or vice versa). It is important to find your own.
A clear understanding of the reasons for moving contributes to a faster transition to active actions on the realization of the goal, help to understand what exactly expected from moving, what you want to see a new apartment. And contributes to the easier to overcome difficulties, which certainly arise in the process of this difficult event.
3 How profitable is the move?
Sometimes the financial benefit becomes an additional motivation that moved to move. For example, in a new city in a new place, smaller spending (for transport, on gasoline and in general for accommodation) are assumed.
Although sometimes people move contrary to all financial considerations and benefits, if this is due to some specific circumstances. In this case, intangible values \u200b\u200bare important. For example, the presence of its own space in children and parents contributes to stabilization and improvement of relations in the family. Or the desire to be near the native people.
By the way, these statistics (polls were conducted by the Ebert Foundation and FNISC Experts of the Russian Academy of Sciences) indicate that the number of people wishing to move from one city to the other in the last 10 years it was noticeably dressed. The proof provides such numbers: In 2003, 18% of respondents did not leave the hometown, where their parents lived. To date, this figure has increased almost to 33%.
The main reason for moving from other cities of the country is 44% of respondents called the desire to find a higher paying job. The rest of the reasons for moving is personal circumstances.
Our indecision when achieving the goal for many people's own issues (including during the move), psychologists explain to our uncertainty and doubts that in turn generate fear. Fear to get out of the comfort zone, fear to break the usual way of life, fear of failure, the fear of being deceived. But most often we are frightened by what we do not know or know not deep enough.
To overcome this feeling, psychologists advise:
- Lower the system of thoughtful and faithful steps according to the principle: constantly, gradually, step by step.
- Explore the question as far as possible as deep as possible, not forgetting to consult with specialists in the area of \u200b\u200binterest.
- Decide whether this step is really important for you to which you can not decide. It is important to understand why you need it, whether it is necessary to do it and what you expect.
- Mentally imagine that such the most terrible can happen to you if you still annoy this step. And analyze whether it is so scary and irreparable.
For example, for me it was a decision after selling the apartment to invest in the house under construction and the likelihood of losing everything: and housing and money. In fact, it is very serious. Therefore, at the stage of preparation, it was thought out how to minimize these risks, how to insure, than to be guided by choosing a developer company. But let's talk about it later and separately.
- And on the contrary, draw in your imagination happy pictures from life after moving: new apartment, frequent communication with loved ones, new job. Think about how your life will change after moving.
- If the frightening relocation affects not only you personally, but also other family members, and in the future you see (because of the circumstances), that sooner or later you have to decide in the future, why not do it now and forever stop the torment on this occasion.
- Remember that the decision should take exactly you (it is not necessary to rely on the opinion of others in this matter).
- You need to believe that everything will succeed. Positive mood helps to overcome all obstacles and difficulties and achieve successful completion of the project. And if you do not make this step, you never know how your life would have happened in a new place.
However, it is not superfluous and listen to your inner voice (or intuition). And if something prevents you before the end to believe in the likelihood of a happy outcome, it is possible that this intuition is trying to tell you that this step will be incorrect.
And if it is originally thoroughly prepared, plan, to calculate, do not dive into the omwow with your head, and everything is done according to the mind, then any, even the most difficult thing, may seem like the most common event. In addition, a new place is new features, new acquaintances and a new life.
"When I left the notary, selling my apartment, I suddenly rolled fear, almost panic. Why did I start it all? What have I done? I wanted to scream: "Return my home!" - remembers 35-year-old Natalia. - But even recently, I flew on the wings from one thought that my little son would finally move out of a close odnushki in a more spacious apartment! " According to the rise of the International Institute for Marketing Research TNS Sofres, 70% of us are experiencing serious stress when moving. Especially women - 82% of them admit that they went through it with difficulty.
Often we think that the whole thing is the habit, because of which it is so difficult to part with the house, the courtyard, the area. However, the psychotherapist Maria Fedorova believes that it is more accurate to talk about affection: "affection implies safety, reliability, stability. The house is oblivioned, fenced area, it is imbued with our spirit, memories. All this is our story. This is a sink, where we hide, feeling safe. Parting with her, we feel very uncomfortable. "
A person is characterized by fear of change, whether it is a change of work, place of residence or new relationship
The psychologist Alexander Suchkova adds: "It is ineffecting the fear of changes in general, whether it is a change of work, place of residence or new relationship. Any new situation increases the degree of uncertainty, which means, and alarms: how will it all be? " That is why the relocation so exhausts. But when we make a decision, a new potential appears in life. This is a sign of desire to live, change, move forward.
This reason to sum up
Today it is difficult to submit a person who never changed the roof over his head. If earlier the notorious apartment question forced two, or even three generations of the family coexist together, now young people, barely put on their feet, seek to live separately, at least in a removable apartment. Marriage, birth of children, career growth, divorce, new marriage - Important birks of biographies are often accompanied by a variety of residence.
"Changing the place of residence is the end of one life period and the beginning of a new one," 40-year-old Yana agrees. - This is an opportunity to re-decide, to upgrade and get rid of excess cargo. I throw off the clothes that got into the closet, the gifts of former beloved ... "
It is not always changed to the better. Sometimes a divorce, a loss of highly paid work, a credit trap can be forced to move to the apartment smaller, change the center for the remote area. And it also increases the alarm, our image suffers: since I now live in a cramped and cheap apartment, then my "I" seems to be reduced. However, any relocation encourages us to look for our own identity: "Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Satisfied with? "
Farewell to the old house gives us the opportunity to conduct an "inventory" of the events experienced in it
It is always summarizing the interim results, and very important, says Alexander Suchkov, carefully treat this procedure: "Farewell to the old house gives the precious opportunity to conduct an" inventory "of the events experienced here, to deal with what role we played in them, which did not do and What can be changed in the future. If the farewell to worry honestly, realizing their feelings, then these reflections can become a psychological resource for solving new tasks. "
Agreeing with this, Maria Fedorova adds: "It would be nice to say thank you, others, the house for everything is good that it was here. And also talk to your relatives, check sensations: what was important for you? And how do you remember it? Such a natural frontier allows you to talk that important that in everyday life we \u200b\u200bare not discussing, and it is better to understand each other, together to figure out what we want to change, starting life in a new place. "
Farewell to native walls involuntarily resurrects the experience of surviving parting, starting from the very first - with Maternal Lona, Maria Fedorova believes. And therefore the change of residence is always traumatic. The situation is aggravated by all concomitant circumstances: unceremonious or unclean realtors, fraudsters that manage the housing market, which have to fear. Finally, the string of potential buyers whose visits often perceive painfully.
"Our house is the projection of our" I ", this is our protected world. And when other people's people come to him, inspect and evaluate it, we perceive it as if they appreciate and criticize us, "Alexander Suchkova comments.
Why do we want to pick up old unnecessary things
Fees in full swing, we pack things, others throw away ... And, looking around around, we see that our nest is broken. The old house is no longer new - not yet. This intermediate is the most difficult. "Any transition is always a test, a step in the unknown," says Maria Fedorova. - We see ruined your nest, such a cozy, favorite, in which so many strength was invested. And we ruined it yourself, do it yourself. It gives rise to a sense of guilt, orphanhood. "
At every step, we find yourself in a selection situation - what things to take with you, and from which to get rid of. And unexpectedly begin to cling to, it would seem complete nonsense. Any old ticket for a concert suddenly seems to be a jewel - recalling the romantic history of love. Throw something - it means to get rid of some part of your past. Put in the package with garbage old postcards of childhood time - as if to move away from those who once sent them to us. Torn children's books, a breakdown plush bear - witnesses the continuity of our existence.
"I was going to give the neighbors to the service that remained from the grandmother, because I have two more, much more beautiful," recalls 43-year-old Nina. - But at the last moment I did not dare to part with him. As soon as I realized that I would now lose it forever, he immediately acquired value. I wanted to take a lot of absolutely, like, unnecessary: \u200b\u200bSon's school notebooks, a sweater, connected to him 20 years ago by my mother ... "
We will build a new coordinate system, "tame" unfamiliar space, will take new habits, new acquaintances
"We are typical of children's magic thinking," explains Alexander Suchkova. - We endow items with a special force, and they become "speaking", acquire in our eyes "Extreme Cost". For the same reason, we experience relief, getting rid of things that resurrect painful memories in memory.
When it is nearing departure, it is found that even what was irritated in the house before, it turns out to be an important part of our "Fortress": a harmful neighbor, piano gammas, informed from the top apartment ... The difficulty of moving to the loss of familiar landmarks and in those efforts that will have to Attach to create a new living space.
We can laugh at superstitions, but nevertheless let's enter the cat through the threshold, then we hurry for the first time to wash the floor of the new apartment for the first time. These vintage rituals are symbolic acts to help adapt to new conditions. The cat "will lock" the house from evil spirits, water - cleanse the space from the presence of previous tenants.
"It does not need to drive out sadness and a sense of loss, much better accept them," Alexander Suchkova believes.
"At first it seems that we destroyed some memories, - Maria Fedorova notes. - But the time will pass, we will use the usual things, look at the photos brought with them - and find that the memories remained with us. And it helps "gather" again. We will build a new coordinate system, "tame" unfamiliar space, will acquire new habits, new acquaintances. These are always new features that open before us. "
Each at least once in life moves to another place. Folk wisdom says that simple relocation is equal to two fires. Therefore, everyone is worried about whether it is possible to move, without turning your home in ashes. Moving brings a lot of trouble. You have to change your own habits and move away from the usual lifeflow, then pass through a long adaptation in a new place. In order to survive this life period favorably, you need to develop a thorough movement strategy. Survive moving to another city is not so difficult if you follow the advice of professionals. How to survive moving if you have to change absolutely everything in your usual life?
How to avoid stress when moving
How to cope with excitement
Such a question worries anyone who plans to relocate: and the youth, going away from parents, and mature people, and successful businessmen. Moving to a completely new place for a person and the subsequent change of work is associated with the strongest stress. To cope with excitement, you need to take a sheet of paper and write positive aspects on it, for example:
- the ability to make new friends;
- get experience and new sensations;
- the ability to become an independent person;
- change the quiet town on the metropolis.
This list needs to be well explored, and even better hang on a prominent place, so you can convince yourself that everything is not so scary.
In order to avoid excess stress from moving, you need to whole well. With this you will not forget to take the right things. In a new city, you need to go to all sorts of exhibitions, excursions and walks. So you can distract yourself from sad thoughts and get a new acquaintance.
Moving along with children
If moving is planned with children, then they should be involved in the arrangement of new housing. It is necessary to spend more time with your Chad, talking about the benefits of life in new circumstances, that will play a key role in the process of adaptation.
Be sure to take with you what causes associations with home comfort and tranquility. It can be decorative pillows, night light, souvenirs, vase, beloved flowers, etc. Such things at the subconscious level act on the human psyche and will help to adapt faster in the new environment. In an eminent place, these items will cause associations with home and spiritual warmth.
If you move from parents
If you do not know how to overcome the experiences when moving from parents, it is worthwhile to take into account the following. When a close person stays at home alone, you can buy a dog or another pet. Then he will be, about whom to take care, which will allow him easier to survive the separation. It is necessary to systematically call the native person, talk about his life, about his successes. It is especially difficult to adapt to the change of parents if their children leave them.
Often, the older generation people are poorly understood in the technique, then the right will be patiently explaining to them how to enjoy the gadget. At first, try to explore the city and tell relatives about his charms, try to convince them that you are good in the new city.
If the relocation causes a lot of negative emotions or stress, then this can be adjusted by the reception of sedatives, but do not forget that the doctor is needed to consult them.
Changing of the living place
Often stress when moving to a new apartment is almost inevitable, especially if it is in another city. A huge amount of time dedicated to fees, loss of expensive things - all this gives the will excess emotions. And this is just a minimum list of problems that are expected by a person.
Moving to a different city
Before changing the place of residence, thoroughly think about each step. There are several principles that it is important to stick.
- First of all, bother about time. If you need to move from the previous dwelling, no later than Sunday, you can not start the fees on Saturday after lunch. Even if you have very few things. The sooner you start training, the better for you and your nerves.
- Furniture and equipment are recommended to be packaged after you have distributed your belongings. It is worthwhile to evaluate the items, so that in a hurry do not capture unnecessary things with you (Babushkin Cardigan or a set of ten-year-old magazines). For compactness, you need to find houses old cardboard boxes, if not survived, then take suitable in the nearest store. It is very convenient: you can decompose everything in the right order, sign where it is. And the old suitcases simply throw away and collect your belongings in packaging materials.
- Moving is the most convenient time to get rid of the rubble and the increasing relevance of accessories. But if the move is planned with a child, then you need to carry all his toys, otherwise such a little thing as sending to the garbage of an old teddy bear can lead to a heavy child injury that can leave your trace for many years.
Before starting the fees, find the brigade of good movers who will take over the most difficult part of the moving. And also need to adhere to such tips:
- documents to collect in one place;
- long-term products packing separately (canned food, coffee, cereals, tea);
- it is impossible to store in perishable products before moving (it is inconvenient);
- things that will be needed in the first days, packing separately;
- on the days of moving, do not plan anything superfluous.
Immediately after moving to another apartment, you should not disassemble all things immediately. First of all, on the day of arrival, time the boxes on the rooms where things are located in them. Dishes place in the kitchen, and clothes in the bedroom or wardrobe. In no case cannot move to the unpacking of the new box, while the old one does not dismantle to the end. It will protect you from stress and chaos.
Tract time for fees and packaging, loss and damage in the loading and transportation. This is not a complete list of problems that expect to travel
It is almost impossible to survive the difficulties of moving. Especially if it concerns moving to another city. Tract time for fees and packaging, loss and damage in the loading and transportation. This is not a complete list of problems that are expected to travel.
How to psychologically survive moving
Moving to another city other than practical problems will deliver a lot of psychological experiences. After all, difficulties arise not only in the organization of the process, but also in adaptation in a new place, in finding housing and work.
The change of residence is associated with the desire to change the life for the better. But remember that reality does not always justify the expectations! Psychologists give several tips, it's easier to survive moving to another city:
Careful planning of the move will help avoid excess stress.In addition, it reduces the possibility that you forget or lose something;
Remember the goals for which you moved. Record them on a piece and hang in a prominent place. This will prodit and increase the stimulus;
Use with the arrangement of a new apartment by the subjects of life, which were with you beforee. Favorite books, paintings, mats and accessories will create a pleasant atmosphere. At the same time, they will not take much space in the baggage and will not be very heavy;
Go in a new city on excursions, walks and exhibitions. So you will learn the city, get away from sad thoughts, get acquainted with new people.
To make the children easier to survive moving, allow you to participate in the arrangement of the new housing. Cut together with them more time, learn the city, tell about the benefits of life in a new place.
The most important part of the move is the organization of the process and collecting things.Those who have repeatedly had to move, developed several techniques that relieve moving and help to avoid stress.
10 ways to relieve moving
When changing the place of residence, thoroughly think about every step and better learn the city
Planning moving to another city Start in a few months. After all, you need to solve a number of questions, among which the search for new housing and work, counting costs. It will not be superfluous to collect information about the new city. This will help to adapt to a new place faster.
Get ready for moving in advance
Do not postpone the collection and packaging of things finally. To carry the property of a one-room apartment, start the fees at least a week before the move date. Long preparation will save you from panic and will allow you to carefully pack things.
Disassemble things and decide what to take with you
When moving to another city, it is better not to take all accumulated property. It is not necessary to drag the Italian bedroom or bulky furniture rack with you at all. As a rule, apartments are handed over with the necessary set of equipment and furniture. And if necessary, things can always be purchased. New city - new life!
Do not be afraid to get rid of extra
Moving - an excellent reason to get rid of the rubble. Do not miss this moment! Give unnecessary things to those who need people or take to the cottage, and the old trash just throw away.
Collect packaging materials
For packing books, personal belongings, dishes use boxes. Glass and fragile items pre-wrap with paper or cloth. If you take the furniture, it is enough to wrap the objects of the film. It will protect from scratches and dirt.
For technology, the best packaging will be "native" store boxes. If these are not preserved, take a suitable container, and empty places laid a towel, cloth or newspapers. Baku clothes in packages or bags.
Stick to the correct sequence of collecting things
Start the collection with little used things, then go to large objects. First of all, collect curtains, tablecloths, pillows and blankets. Seasonal shoes and clothing, books and discs. Then pack furniture and equipment. The latter collect dishes, personal belongings, clothes and other subjects of everyday use.
Documents and money fold separately
Documents and valuable things when moving are kept with you. Also do not forget to take the first-aid kit with the necessary medicines that may be needed on the road.
Sign boxes
Sign in the container where what lies. Use markers and stickers. Make a separate list with all transportable property. It will simplify and speed up the process of parsing things in a new place.
Do not take care of the analysis on the day of arrival
Put the boxes around the rooms where they will be stored. For example, bags with clothing - to the bedroom, dishes - to the kitchen. Disassemble the property gradually and do not take care of everything. Do not mind the new box until you fully discern the old one! This will help avoid chaos and excess stress.
A small number of things are transported independently or send to the case.
For large amounts of property, use the services of a transport company.
The prefabricated transportation (Dogload) is a rational option that is suitable for the delivery of low-tonnage cargo. You do not need to drag things with you and at the same time order separate transport.
If you take furniture and equipment, it is better to turn to professional carriers. They will provide the necessary car, pack, plug and explore things.published
"When I left the notary, selling my apartment, I suddenly rolled fear, almost panic. Why did I start it all? What have I done? I wanted to scream: "Return my home!" - remembers 35-year-old Natalia. - But even recently, I flew on the wings from one thought that my little son would finally move out of a close odnushki in a more spacious apartment! " According to the rise of the International Institute for Marketing Research TNS Sofres, 70% of us are experiencing serious stress when moving. Especially women - 82% of them admit that they went through it with difficulty.
Often we think that the whole thing is the habit, because of which it is so difficult to part with the house, the courtyard, the area. However, the psychotherapist Maria Fedorova believes that it is more accurate to talk about affection: "affection implies safety, reliability, stability. The house is oblivioned, fenced area, it is imbued with our spirit, memories. All this is our story. This is a sink, where we hide, feeling safe. Parting with her, we feel very uncomfortable. "
A person is characterized by fear of change, whether it is a change of work, place of residence or new relationship
The psychologist Alexander Suchkova adds: "It is ineffecting the fear of changes in general, whether it is a change of work, place of residence or new relationship. Any new situation increases the degree of uncertainty, which means, and alarms: how will it all be? " That is why the relocation so exhausts. But when we make a decision, a new potential appears in life. This is a sign of desire to live, change, move forward.
This reason to sum up
Today it is difficult to submit a person who never changed the roof over his head. If earlier the notorious apartment question forced two, or even three generations of the family coexist together, now young people, barely put on their feet, seek to live separately, at least in a removable apartment. Marriage, birth of children, career growth, divorce, new marriage - Important birks of biographies are often accompanied by a variety of residence.
"Changing the place of residence is the end of one life period and the beginning of a new one," 40-year-old Yana agrees. - This is an opportunity to re-decide, to upgrade and get rid of excess cargo. I throw off the clothes that got into the closet, the gifts of former beloved ... "
It is not always changed to the better. Sometimes a divorce, a loss of highly paid work, a credit trap can be forced to move to the apartment smaller, change the center for the remote area. And it also increases the alarm, our image suffers: since I now live in a cramped and cheap apartment, then my "I" seems to be reduced. However, any relocation encourages us to look for our own identity: "Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Satisfied with? "
Farewell to the old house gives us the opportunity to conduct an "inventory" of the events experienced in it
It is always summarizing the interim results, and very important, says Alexander Suchkov, carefully treat this procedure: "Farewell to the old house gives the precious opportunity to conduct an" inventory "of the events experienced here, to deal with what role we played in them, which did not do and What can be changed in the future. If the farewell to worry honestly, realizing their feelings, then these reflections can become a psychological resource for solving new tasks. "
Agreeing with this, Maria Fedorova adds: "It would be nice to say thank you, others, the house for everything is good that it was here. And also talk to your relatives, check sensations: what was important for you? And how do you remember it? Such a natural frontier allows you to talk that important that in everyday life we \u200b\u200bare not discussing, and it is better to understand each other, together to figure out what we want to change, starting life in a new place. "
Farewell to native walls involuntarily resurrects the experience of surviving parting, starting from the very first - with Maternal Lona, Maria Fedorova believes. And therefore the change of residence is always traumatic. The situation is aggravated by all concomitant circumstances: unceremonious or unclean realtors, fraudsters that manage the housing market, which have to fear. Finally, the string of potential buyers whose visits often perceive painfully.
"Our house is the projection of our" I ", this is our protected world. And when other people's people come to him, inspect and evaluate it, we perceive it as if they appreciate and criticize us, "Alexander Suchkova comments.
Why do we want to pick up old unnecessary things
Fees in full swing, we pack things, others throw away ... And, looking around around, we see that our nest is broken. The old house is no longer new - not yet. This intermediate is the most difficult. "Any transition is always a test, a step in the unknown," says Maria Fedorova. - We see ruined your nest, such a cozy, favorite, in which so many strength was invested. And we ruined it yourself, do it yourself. It gives rise to a sense of guilt, orphanhood. "
At every step, we find yourself in a selection situation - what things to take with you, and from which to get rid of. And unexpectedly begin to cling to, it would seem complete nonsense. Any old ticket for a concert suddenly seems to be a jewel - recalling the romantic history of love. Throw something - it means to get rid of some part of your past. Put in the package with garbage old postcards of childhood time - as if to move away from those who once sent them to us. Torn children's books, a breakdown plush bear - witnesses the continuity of our existence.
"I was going to give the neighbors to the service that remained from the grandmother, because I have two more, much more beautiful," recalls 43-year-old Nina. - But at the last moment I did not dare to part with him. As soon as I realized that I would now lose it forever, he immediately acquired value. I wanted to take a lot of absolutely, like, unnecessary: \u200b\u200bSon's school notebooks, a sweater, connected to him 20 years ago by my mother ... "
We will build a new coordinate system, "tame" unfamiliar space, will take new habits, new acquaintances
"We are typical of children's magic thinking," explains Alexander Suchkova. - We endow items with a special force, and they become "speaking", acquire in our eyes "Extreme Cost". For the same reason, we experience relief, getting rid of things that resurrect painful memories in memory.
When it is nearing departure, it is found that even what was irritated in the house before, it turns out to be an important part of our "Fortress": a harmful neighbor, piano gammas, informed from the top apartment ... The difficulty of moving to the loss of familiar landmarks and in those efforts that will have to Attach to create a new living space.
We can laugh at superstitions, but nevertheless let's enter the cat through the threshold, then we hurry for the first time to wash the floor of the new apartment for the first time. These vintage rituals are symbolic acts to help adapt to new conditions. The cat "will lock" the house from evil spirits, water - cleanse the space from the presence of previous tenants.
"It does not need to drive out sadness and a sense of loss, much better accept them," Alexander Suchkova believes.
"At first it seems that we destroyed some memories, - Maria Fedorova notes. - But the time will pass, we will use the usual things, look at the photos brought with them - and find that the memories remained with us. And it helps "gather" again. We will build a new coordinate system, "tame" unfamiliar space, will acquire new habits, new acquaintances. These are always new features that open before us. "
