Chatty man: what's the point? Gabbling is chatty.

Silence is gold. What happens when you meet your own mind? The power of silence. Five methods of speech. What is remorse? How does the illusion work? What is devotional service to God?

“Unable to defeat this indomitable enemy, a mind whose urges are unbearable and which torment the heart. Many people are completely confused and generate useless enmity towards others.

Thus they conclude that other people are either their friends, or their enemies, or neutral towards them.

Srimad Bhagavatam 11.23.48

What is talkativeness?

talkativeness- this is communication where the desire to discuss the personality or behavior of other people dominates, to have meaningless entertaining conversations that are of no practical value and are not spiritual.

Excessive talkativeness depletes a person's psychic strength, wastes the time of his life, while not solving anyone's problems. Empty talk that does not contribute to self-knowledge and self-improvement only brings fatigue to the mind.

Talkativeness arises from the desire to be the center of attention, the desire to rise and assert oneself by discussing the shortcomings of others. In a particular case, this is gossip and boasting, a discussion of someone's failures or actions in order to show how stupid others are and how smart the narrator is, he himself would not have done so.

How does our consciousness work?

Today we will talk about an interesting phenomenon, about how our consciousness works. It can perceive this or that situation in different ways, it can perceive this or that idea, some kind of personality, knowledge in different ways. That is, in consciousness there is, in general, the concept of perception, which depends on both external and internal factors. Therefore, it is necessary to see signs of the state of our own consciousness in contact.

Well, for example, they say that good feelings are silent, but pride cannot be silent, pride needs to be told about your successes. This is a characteristic of pride. She cannot be silent, she breaks through. That way, that way. Oh-oh... That happened, it happened. It happened here, it happened here. Here we put new wallpaper. All. A man bought wallpaper, pasted them. I bought such wallpapers with gold plating, no less. You have to live somehow. But he has no guests, no one visits him. Therefore, there is no one to show it to, and he tells everyone: “Oh, I bought gold wallpaper. ...I can’t show!” A person tells someone about and says: “It's a pity you can't see! Too bad you can't see." In fact, it’s not that it’s a pity that the other cannot see, but that it’s a pity that it’s impossible to somehow get your dose of joy in pride. Nobody sees. How to live...

This is, in general, an ugly desire, by its nature, to distract God from itself. We take God away from us. In general, we are trying to focus Him on ourselves. We are not trying to focus on God, but We are trying to focus God on ourselves. We want to brag so that He looks at us: “Look how great it is, everything works out for me. Look how well I serve, how well I do everything.

But in this world there is nothing to brag about. All we're doing great here is doing stupid things. This is what we do well and happily. Nobody is forcing us. Nobody needs to be forced.

Silence is gold

These useless speeches, boastful speeches take away strength from the soul. Speech generally takes strength from the soul. Yoga says, if you want to become strong, be silent. The strength will come. If there is not enough strength for something, be silent. Useless speeches take away from the soul the strength to resist temptations and stupidity. There is no strength to resist temptations and stupidity. It is this idle talk that makes us weak and susceptible. Prone to laziness, prone to depression. That is, in fact, this is the cause of future difficulties. When we talk some nonsense, when we waste our time on some selfish talk, then by this very fact we lay some kind of difficulties in the future. Therefore, silence in any culture is defined as gold. And in yoga, when a person is silent, it is called “malana vrata”. Therefore, silence, “malana vrata”, is, in general, a state of yoga. Literally translated as the pose of silence. Because when a person is silent, he is no longer just standing or walking. He is already in a yoga position. In yoga, in a pose of silence. Poses are different.

Also, in principle, the Vedas describe that It's bad to talk to someone who doesn't like you. In this case, our words, as it were, water the sprout from the person's discontent. Generally, talking to a disgruntled person is a bit of a stupid thing to do. In fact, there is no conversation with a disgruntled person. It's always a dispute, always a confrontation that always causes a materialistic perception of the world. Because confrontation is always black and white thinking. It is always, one's own - someone else's, ours - not ours. This is what it is, this is black and white perception. Therefore, any confrontation, in principle, contributes to the degradation of consciousness. In principle, this is a pulling together on the platform of some disagreements, on the platform of black-and-white thinking.

What a person does not know at all, he has no right to pronounce. If a person does not know this, he simply does not have the right to pronounce it.

And the essence of true silence learn to be silent not only externally, but also internally. Outer silence is necessary to hear the inner voice. And when we begin to be silent outwardly, it suddenly turns out that the inner voice carries such stupidity. As long as we are not outwardly silent, as long as a person is chattering, as long as a person is chatting, he does not hear what his mind is saying. He shouts down himself. He cannot hear. But when he becomes silent outwardly, he begins to hear the voice of his mind. And his voice there is such a slander ...

Hear the voice of consciousness. In yoga, this is called some special terms. vipassana, somehow. Designed to relieve a person from anxiety. This is the ability to remain silent - this is, in general, a yogic scheme that relieves a person of worries. From the primary anxiety of the mind, from emotional instability, some disorders associated with this. That is, a person comes to understand how your mind works. He starts hear. Once he hears, then understands.

We must understand ourselves first. To understand what to change in yourself, you first need to hear yourself. How to hear yourself? You need to stop beating yourself up. The man just kept silent, heard. I recognized the voice of the mind. And once we recognize it, once we hear it, we can already control it. Already there is an opportunity to control. The control function appears.

And this is the practice of external silence, vipassana, leads to interesting phenomena. Samskaras, phenomena from the past, are activated in our mind. At the level of the subtle body, the past is activated in the mind and begins to sprout. It starts to show up. These are starting to come out. samskara of the past. Everything in the mind, all these secret ideas, secret thoughts, they begin to come to the surface.

And that leads to cleansing. Similar to how fasting leads to the elimination of toxins. Also, when we start to be silent, toxins start to come out of the mind. The mind starts yelling, it all comes out of it. The body stops screaming, the mind starts screaming. The toxins have gone. After a while, relief comes. Relief, cleansing. As well as with the refusal of food. Purification occurs. In fact, this is a real meeting with your subconscious. If a person wants to meet his subconscious, let him be silent. Everything will come to consciousness and tell him everything. The subconscious will come and tell you everything. Everything it changed its mind, all its ideas. Wow, that's where it starts. Especially if the person is not busy. A busy person goes through this more or less painlessly. A person is busy with his own business, and the mind is screaming there. Well, let him yell. We have our own business. He has his own business. But if a person is not busy, he is also a lazy person by nature, and his fate suddenly laid him down, for example, he fell ill, he has no one to talk to - that's it, it starts in his head ...

What happens when you meet your own mind?

Meeting with yourself may not be very pleasant. Spiritual development is the way to meet yourself. And at first it is perceived romantically: “Oooh, meet yourself! Well, God forbid. When we meet, we learn a lot about ourselves. Many things. Everything opens, all cards open. That is, we stop loving our mind. We say: “All the mind, I will not love you anymore. Because I realized you're cheating on me. You, my own mind, are cheating on me. You're taking me to the wrong place. You don't do it, you don't think about it." And then he tells everything. Kind of like a divorce. At first, everyone loves each other, they kiss each other on the forehead. But then suddenly they realize that they are behaving incorrectly, that they are cheating on each other. And in parting, they all tell each other. All. Here is everything they thought about each other over the past ten years, in the end they all tell. This is, in general, the state of divorce, this is the most difficult state when he tells you everything. The most painful.

The same thing happens when you meet your own mind. When we get divorced and don't want to be friends with him anymore. And he starts telling us everything: “Oh, look at yourself.” All unpleasant memories, what remains after insults, some fears, hatred, thoughts from which we try to escape, all this begins to surface. Like melting butter. When we melt the ghee, everything starts to float. How these pieces of protein start to float, float, float, float. Our task is not to suppress it, but to extract it from our consciousness. Through forgiveness, through repentance, through sincere spiritual practice.

If a person simply refuses to think about something, if a person simply does not think about something, he says: “That's it, I won't think about it. Everything, not mine, don't want, everything.", then he does not really get rid of this problem. He drives her, this thought into the jungle of his subconscious, she hides there. We scared her, but she did not run away from us. There is nowhere for us to run away. This is our problem. And she hid behind some gyrus. Hidden in the wilds of consciousness. And if the problem is hidden, it does not mean that we got rid of it. No. She hid. She held her grudge, didn't she? She hid for the time being, for the time being. To gain your strength. We scared her that we were strong. And she hid. “Now let’s see who is stronger. I, too, will begin to accumulate strength. To get out one day. And while it is not yet so strong, while we have just caught it by the tail, it is precisely here that we need to work on it, so to speak, and here we need to do something with it. While it has not yet taken possession of our consciousness, this stupidity. While she has not yet taken possession, you can get rid of her. For this, yoga is given to get rid of such phenomena.

How should a mantra be repeated?

And in yoga this stage is called chitta shudhi. Chitta shudhi- it is literally "mental purification", "purification of the mind." Chitta shudhi used as a preparation for meditation. And the Vipassana method in Bhakti Yoga, in a tradition that is of paramount importance for us...

Here we focus on the mantra. We don't just focus on some idea that suddenly pops into our mind. No. We are not interested. We focus on the mantra. We give the mind what to think about? We don’t just think about what comes out of our consciousness and somehow fight it. No. We give an object for reflection - a mantra. That is, we are not just ourselves struggling with millions of stupid thoughts that have accumulated inside us as a result of these rebirths. No, we confess to God that we were wrong and ask Him to forgive us. We were wrong, please forgive us. We're not just trying to fight on our own, no. We take responsibility for past behavior, for the stupid things we have done, and we surrender. I'm waiting for forgiveness. And that forgiveness comes. Whoever waits for forgiveness receives forgiveness.

And mantra meditation is, in general, an active expectation of forgiveness. Being in such a humble state, thoughts from the past do not even have time to materialize. They don't even germinate.

There are different stages of manifestation of karma. And thoughts from the past do not even have time to come out. They are destroyed on the way to consciousness. Being in the subconscious, these thoughts, as a result of purification, appear, pass into consciousness, but are already destroyed at the entrance, burn out at the entrance. They burn out during the cleansing process. Sometimes they don't even show up. That is, God forgives them as soon as they are shown from the subconscious. Everything appeared, it came out, we understood, so it came out - and forgiveness occurs. It turned out, they saw, it was forgiven. But we must honestly admit: here it is, it came out, mine, sorry. And not that, not mine, I don’t know, it’s by chance, I heard everything on the radio. No. Mine came out, sorry. Yes, I'm guilty, sorry. Then forgives. But if we lose our humble mood, we immediately find ourselves face to face with this line of nonsense that climbs from our subconscious, from our past. Which come into our mind, manifest through our mind to remind ourselves. Remind us of our bad behavior in the past

And every tradition has its own siddha mantra. Siddha mantra- this is a mantra that allows you to do so that n negative thoughts do not even appear in our minds. In the process of repeating the mahamantra, there are siddha mantra.

The Siddha Mantra is known to us, it sounds like this: Trinad api sunicena taror api sahishnuna, amanina manadena kirtaniyah sada harih.

The holy names of the Lord should be chanted in a humble state of mind, considering oneself to be lower than the straw lying in the street, one should become more patient than a tree, completely free from the feeling of false prestige and always be ready to show respect to others. Only in such a state of mind can one chant holy name Lord all the time. This is the siddha mantra. This is the mantra that works the miracle. And we we get forgiveness.

A simple preliminary conclusion can be drawn here, if we show impatience, if we show pride, if we show disrespect, our own thoughts prevent us from hearing the Holy Name of God. This means that all meditation, all japa, chanting the holy names will be at war with one's own past. The past will prevent you from concentrating on God. The past will not let you concentrate on God. That is, the past will be at war with the present. Our present already wants to surrender to God, but the past gets in the way. And it's not certain who will win. Not a fact yet. The present is only a few years away, but the past is endless. The forces are clearly not equal. Therefore, to win in the present, you need help from above. Thus, sometimes one gets frustrated by chanting the holy names. Because we just don't hear them. Our subconscious calls over the Holy Names. The man chanted sixteen rounds, never once heard the holy name. His past screamed. He thought about anything but the present. These past samskaras, they came and shouted over the prayer.

The power of silence

Yogis in the past kept a real outward silence just for this reason. They did not want their evil thoughts to appear on their tongues. They closed the exit of bad thoughts, did not allow them to come out on the tongue. The speech of an impure person, they say, is the airing of his mind. This is just airing his mind, it was he who opened the window. That's how they say it sometimes, right? Ugly. "Close the window." Really, he's just clearing his mind. All sorts of nonsense has accumulated, smoke has accumulated. Need to ventilate. And he ventilates. So sometimes some call, at my house, and someone starts to air his mind. And impossible to listen. It blows smoke right from there. I would like to direct the pipe into the window there so that the smoke immediately goes out into the street. The person ventilates his mind. This dust of the past comes out of a person and settles on others. Those who hear his words, this dust of the past falls on them. Then you need to clean up. The language of such a person is like a broom. But after waiting for the moment when the mind is purified, if we wait for this state, the mind becomes a preacher. The mind becomes a preacher, and it can, on an equal footing, together with the mind, in general, preach to itself, to the soul, and to others. Becomes a friend. But this must be achieved.

For a woman, yoga used to describe the practice vipassana, silence. She replaced all ashtanga yoga. If a man had to go through the entire Ashtanga yoga, all eight steps, then for a woman the practice of vipasana replaced all these eight steps. She just held back, just kept silent, and this replaced her whole yoga. She was a great yogi. A woman who can remain silent is a great yogi.

Everyone has to keep their emotions in check. A man should restrain his anger, a woman should restrain her speech. Everyone has their own yoga. It was said that this practice had such power for a woman that she could decide any women's problem. It is described in yoga treatises that if a woman wants to solve some of her problems, she just needs to be silent. And after some time this problem will be solved. This practice has such power. Yogic practice. Therefore, when the woman fell silent, everyone begins to look at her so suspiciously. What was she thinking. And this is considered the highest form of renunciation for a woman. This is considered a terribly renounced woman. That is, for a woman, renunciation is not expressed in clothes, in food, in a house, in children, in a husband, no. For a woman, renunciation is the renunciation of unnecessary statements. Now husbands confuse the renunciation a little, so to speak, they try to understand this renunciation in their own way.

Yoga also describes that some women may find this yoga practice difficult. Silence can be very difficult and may not work. Therefore, a substitute for the practice of silence is also given for women, which is also worth knowing. An even simpler system is given that facilitates this practice, but does not completely replace it, yoga for the eyes is given. It is very interesting for a woman. The cultural tradition says that when a woman does not raise her eyes, when someone appears in front of her, when she is talking to someone, this also replaces her vipassana practice and ashtanga yoga practice. That is, she shows her severity in this way. This is also yoga, women's yoga. It's described in such an interesting way. That is, this modesty has the same power as “malana vrata”, as well as a vow of silence. This is called the vow of modesty. Interesting. And with the help of her eyes, it is described in the Vedas, a woman can either solve all the problems of her life, or add problems to herself and everyone around her. Therefore, it is her choice.

Five methods of speech

We also need to know how the five turns of speech are described. One method of speech is called vocative. A very simple trick. This is when we call someone. It is called a vocative reception in speech. Such a little, so to speak, subtlety. There is an interrogative technique of speech - when we ask something. Very simple options too. There is a desirable method of speech or, it will be more clear, as a pleading. When we want something, we ask for something. There is a defining technique when we decisively express our opinion. And there is imperative. When we command, we express our commanding nature.

And of these five techniques, described in the art of speech the first three: vocative, interrogative and desiring, can be used always and freely.

Pleading, the fourth, should be defined as rarely as possible, should be used as rarely as possible. Such is the decisive opinion. Needed as little as possible.

And the fifth imperative Better not to touch at all. It is also used in preaching.

In a word, calmness in speech preserves the kindness of our heart. When speech is calm, our heart becomes kind. This is a kind of lock on the heart from thieves who come in the form of bad thoughts, in the form of bad desires. In the East, for example, they rob with sleeping pills. Such is the method of robbery. You sat down with someone on the train, ate together, woke up no longer had a wallet. So speech lulls our minds and robs our hearts. Speech is also a sleeping pill. If you listen to a lecture inattentively like this, then you usually fall asleep. Have you noticed yourself? The person falls asleep from time to time. He turns off. That is how sleeping pills work.

And sometimes stupidity still breaks through, and you need to understand what to do with it now. Still, we could not restrain ourselves, stupidity entered our consciousness, stupidity came out of us, and we did something.

And here it is necessary to understand the methodology, how to act. The principle is that n You don't have to focus on yourself when something stupid is done. Since it will be a continuation of the stupidity itself. Because a person begins to think: “Oh, how unfortunate I am, again I did all this, why is all this necessary, again I got into this situation! ..” No need to concentrate on yourself. First of all, we must thank God for stopping us, because we ourselves would never have stopped. Since we were able to see the stupidity and did not reach the very end, it means that they stopped us, they helped us to stop. And we should give thanks: “Oh! I was able to stop. Thanks".

And in no case should you look for someone to blame. When we look for someone to blame, it is the desire to make God Himself guilty. If we have found the culprit, then in the end we have found some defect in God. "Oh, somebody's to blame. Something is not arranged by God. Somewhere there is some kind of oversight." This is how the person thinks. A person looks at this world and thinks: “God somehow created everything crookedly. So everything needs to be corrected. It needs to be corrected, somehow genetically modernized. Rivers get back a little, so to speak, align. Cut mountains a little. Everything needs to be improved somehow. And then He will thank us for it. He created some kind of semi-finished product - the Earth. And now we will bake it, as it should, we will finish it. ” Yes, but he, so to speak, didn’t have enough brains to bring everything to mind. I made two kidneys, and one liver, what is it? What is this God? Any normal person would make two livers, right? And there would be two hearts. Yes. Otherwise, it’s somehow dishonest: there are two kidneys, but one liver, and one heart. One spleen... Uncomfortable. There had to be a smarter way to do it all, right? A hand from behind would not interfere, otherwise scratching your back is uncomfortable, a person does not reach out all the time. Washing is uncomfortable. And so the back is in the back, good. The eyes are also missing from the back. You can't see what's there. Generally. So much advice could be given to a selfish person. What is remorse?

In this principle, no need to look for the guilty. And then you have to repent. Repent and return to activity. Repentance must be active. Repentance should not be that I just bang my head against the wall every day and repent, no. Repentance is to actively continue. True repentance is when I actively continue my development. This is what true repentance is. And the more alert I become, the more serious I become. This is true repentance. That is, vigilance is a sign of repentance. If I become alert, then I have repentance, it means I have repented. That is, if a person repented of some deed, if he was once, so to speak, offered to steal, and the next time he is offered this, he runs away in horror from this offer. He doesn't get caught a second time, he became vigilant, he says: "Aha, aha." "Just stay, make sure no one is walking." - "Yeah..." "Once is not scary." - “Yeah ... Already been once. Very scary." That is, he has already repented. He already understands, once it's scary.

How is it that once won't hurt? And if you pour boiling water over it once, it will hurt, no? And if a nail is hammered once into the forehead, it will hurt, no? If you jump from a skyscraper once? How is it that once won't hurt? And drugs won't hurt. And vodka won't hurt. It's the holidays, be careful. Let "kind" people offer, and that's how "once won't hurt, once a year you can." Well, you can hammer a nail in the forehead once a year, and pour boiling water over it, why not? If it is logical, if once it is possible. Then let's hammer a nail in the forehead, once it won't hurt. I mean, where is the logic? This kind of logic is funny. That is, this logic is only for vodka, for drugs, for something else. That is, this logic is used for sin, but not for something else. But life too... That is, how is it, ruining life once will not hurt? Will hurt. Still live and live.

The person must be active. R shying away, a person must act actively. What does it mean? This means that he should immediately do good deeds as soon as he has the opportunity to do a good deed. This is how the state is described in the Vedas. developing person, the state of a person in repentance. He never misses good deeds, never neglects good deeds. He tries to fulfill them as soon as they come. That is, the longer a person puts off a good deed, the less effect This good deed has a good effect on our consciousness. And after a while it doesn't work at all. In general, there is no benefit, even harm, a disservice if later. If later - already a disservice. Imagine that you asked the person there to pre-glue the wall with glue before sticking the wallpaper. You waited and waited, he did not come, you yourself missed the mark and pasted the wallpaper. And he came a month later without you and already smeared the walls with glue. What it is? A disservice, it's called. He says: “Well, you asked ... So I came. But a month later, there was no time before. I thought it should be." That is, a disservice. Or in the Vedas it says even more cheerfully, “the hungry must be fed while he is still hungry, and not dead.” That is, you need to love the living, if in our opinion.

And the most important thing, one should never be alone, having the opportunity of good communication. Since the illusion, before attacking our consciousness, deprives us of communication. She inspires us to stop talking. She inspires us to be alone. This is how illusion works. First he says: “Come home, sit alone, a day or two or three, rest, close up.” This is how illusion works. She tells the person: “A good opportunity to achieve something in life. One is very convenient to do everything, others just get in the way. I will do everything right. No one will interfere, I will do everything as it should. The rest just get in the way." And as soon as a person does something alone, as soon as he is left alone, as soon as he goes somewhere alone, the illusion immediately attacks him, lonely, unarmed. This is the principle. The principle of all bandits is to wait until the person is alone and attack. This is how illusion works. The same principle. Inspires us to be alone, then attacks.

How does the illusion work?

Humans have one very interesting difference from animals. fundamental difference from animals. A person can experience someone else's experience and develop in this way. Therefore, for example, everyone is so fond of cinema, some novels, theaters. But. when we get the experience of a more developed devotee, when we get the experience of a more wise man, this gives us the opportunity to stand on his platform. Get up and overcome the next obstacle. While we experienced the experience of a wiser person, for a moment we became strong. Strength comes to us to overcome some stupidity. That is, with whom you lead, from that you will type. All in all, a simple concept.

Even Hiranyakasipu, he warned his son. He said, “Son, choose very carefully who you hang out with. Choose your friends very carefully at school. Otherwise, your consciousness will be defiled. Or else there will be problems.” And he explained to him: “Consciousness is like a rock crystal, it reflects everything that is put in front of it, it has a reflective nature”

But a person falls into the trap of loneliness, goes to the sea, floats on a mattress, alone. Then he gets lost, no one can find him. On the ice floats somewhere. Dangerous situation.

About today's fishermen recently told. It's a thaw now, and these fishermen are always being carried away by ice floes. When they go to catch the sea, we have Far East, all the time they are carried away by ice floes somewhere. Therefore, the fishermen know that they need to fish together, they cannot go far from the crowd. Otherwise, it will take everything. Nobody will ever find you. Until they remember you... Who needs you. On the twenty-third of February they will call or on the eighth of March, and that's it. And he's not there, the phone is busy. "Well, probably busy." And it was already an ice floe, it was carried away a year ago. Therefore, they are together, so to speak, together. That is, a person comes to this even in such an empirical way. To the point where we need to stick together somehow.

In addition, the illusion pretends to be weaker than a person. The illusion is very cleverly arranged. She pretends to be weaker than us, and therefore at first easily succumbs to our efforts. She flirts with us first. She comes and submits. And we think, “Oh! I managed. O! It worked the second time. O! It worked the third time." He plays giveaway. And as soon as a person begins to be proud of his "great" achievements, he does not know what he is proud of. He is proud of the fact that they played giveaway with him. And at this moment, it is here that she shows her true face. This technique is used in sports. That is, such experienced wrestlers, athletes, they know, you can never show your true strength right away. You need to mislead the enemy. And when he relaxed, then knock him down with a crown technique. The illusion also works. The technology is the same. She succumbs, succumbs, succumbs, and as soon as pride came, the man thought: “I'm a winner, that's it, I won,” and then she holds a crown reception. All. A man lies on his shoulder blades.

On the other hand, the illusion inspires one to overwork and austerities. Inspires to some great deeds, which exhausts the strength of the enemy. Inspires him to take something very big. And exhaust him, exhaust him, exhaust him. It waits until the forces run out and then attacks. First exhausting, then attacking. Too military tactics. Exhaust and attack. On the other hand, the illusion can inspire relaxation. She says: “You worked so hard, you had such a hard week, you did so much, you did so many laps, you got up so early, now you have the right to relax. ' says the illusion.

Once a student asked the Buddha: "Master, what is good and what is greatness?" And the Buddha replied, “Staying on the path and sticking to the truth is good. And if a person's desires correspond to his path, this is greatness.

In a word, a person should remember that when he does good deeds, he may be attacked by some dangers from illusion. Illusion sends some obstacles. Basically, the obstacles are that he does not immediately do a good deed. He does it not for God, he does it for himself. And in the end, he ascribes these merits to himself, begins to be proud. Here such obstacles come in activity. A person stumbles therefore, stumbles, stumbles, breaks his nose.

What is devotional service?

The Vedas say: “If, seeing the suffering of others, a person feels pity, and a sigh of compassion involuntarily escapes from his chest, then he can be considered a Vaishnava. Spiritually developed person. If a person is calm and thinks about his own pleasure, while others prevent him from experiencing pleasure with their sufferings, then such a person should not consider himself spiritually developed.

That is, to be a Vaishnava is to have the qualities of God himself, the qualities of Vishnu. And one of them is a friend of all living beings. Suhrdam sarva-bhutanam. Friend of all living beings. Therefore, a friend is someone who gives something away. Giving is a sacrifice. Sacrifice is very important, it changes a person. You can give quite a bit, at least one ruble, but the consciousness will change even if only by one degree. At least one degree, but it will turn towards God, towards piety. When we sacrifice our own consciousness, when we sacrifice something, it turns us towards the one for whom we make this sacrifice.

Illusion is especially interesting when material desires appear in our heart. The illusion itself begins to explain how much we have done in this life, how much we have done for God. And how would they do even more if we have this or that material object. “I so want to do a lot of things and how much I will do if I have some kind of material object. So I want to do a lot of things, I just need some object. There are just not enough cars. If I had a car, I would have done so many things ... Yes, I would have sewing machine Yes, yes, I would have worn everything. That is, a person is so deceived, he thinks that I need something for my spiritual development. “There will be something, some material thing - and I will do so many good things.

This is how illusion works. And as soon as a person is convinced of this, he abandons his spiritual development in order to earn as much money as possible, in order to get some kind of object, so that, allegedly already possessing this object, one can practice one's spiritual life even better. But when he spends all his strength to achieve this goal, buys something, he no longer has enough strength to use it to make his spiritual development, to perform his devotional service. This desire simply went away, the desire to develop was gone while he was working hard for some material object. Gone. Therefore, illusions cannot be trusted. That is, the principle is that in a better position, with better health, with big money it is not at all better to serve God, it is not at all better to develop spiritually. It's more dangerous to develop.

That is, the illusion convinces a family man that he will achieve more in monasticism, so such a person leaves his family, he thinks he will achieve more there. Commits a sin. But it turns out that it is not at all easier, but a hundred times more difficult. And he again returns to family life, but has already lost the trust of the relationship. Well, respectively, so to speak, a monastic person, his illusion convinces that it will be easier in the family. The wife will cook everything, wash, and you just do spiritual practice. In any position of a person, the illusion will prove that in any other position it will be easier and better. This is how illusion works. Therefore, by forcing you to change your life from one device to another, the illusion destroys both of these devices.

Therefore, God likes our patience, He wants to educate us. He wants to give us this art of patience. It seems to us that one is good and the other is bad, we started with this, with duality, it is in our genes. Even a newborn has an understanding of what is good and what is bad. Therefore, he yells if it's bad, and smiles if it's good. He already has it, I don't know where he got it from. He already has it, he already has this understanding. He clearly understands what is good and what is bad. Bad - yelling, good - smiling. Already from birth. Before birth, this emotion is already there.

Therefore, it is necessary to enter into this state of devotion, one must make one's life pleasing to God. It says: devotional service is to make your life pleasing to God. And it will be like this, our life will be pleasing to God, if we fill it with a consciousness sweet to God. This is the consciousness of humility. Siddha mantra makes the mind humble, and therefore sweet. Sweet consciousness. Pride is an ugly consciousness. Pride is bitterness. And we become nasty to God. That is, we, as dishes, are some of us now. If we are humble, this is a sweet dish; if we are proud, this is a bitter dish.

And then difficulties, like a fire in an oven, will fry us to the desired state. We are the dish, and difficulties roast us. And our task is simply not to jump out of the oven. The task of the cake is not to jump out of the oven. And here we are such pies now. That is, the process has begun. The process of spiritual life is the process of baking a cake in the oven. And we all feel it. We are tempted to jump out. Something I'm tired, something hot, something tired, I need to rest. Somehow lie somewhere on the table for now. The task of the pie is not to jump out, to endure the heat. It cleanses of pride. What is this heat? These are some troubles, some things that are happening, some difficulties, trials. It is they who must learn to endure. Passing through hundreds of daily trials, these lights, from these burners, many, many lights. Some bad looks, and caustic words, and smirks, and bullying. “What are you doing there, some kind of nonsense?” And fifth and tenth. All these are the lights that bake us. They bring us to the desired state.

And this fire will bake us until a crust appears. It will be impossible to piss us off with stupidities and troubles. We'll stop worrying. But it is first necessary, and then ... baked. It is impossible to get out of a state of calm. All. But after that, the last check awaits us, as I said, right? That is, the cook, in order to check whether the cake is baked from the inside or not, what should he do? Must pierce with a match, right? Check.

So we must go last test ready for life in spiritual world. This is old age and death. Old age and death, these are the last tests. Were baked - not baked. Baking is especially good when difficulties come from those individuals for whom we have done a lot of good. In this case, the dough of our consciousness is baked especially quickly. Because the pride inherent in us is very successfully and quickly suppressed. And we get rid of this bitter state.

Therefore, sometimes from the closest come the most big problems. To make us bake faster. We quickly realized that bitterness prevents us from becoming sweet. The bitterness of pride prevents us from being sweet.

Today we will talk about what talkativeness is, why it annoys people, and also why talkativeness hinders success - why it is harmful. We will also think about how to get rid of all this. Looking ahead, it should be noted that talkativeness also has positive aspects.

Few people like closed in themselves, closed and silent people. On the other hand, there are people who can be called sociable. Communicative people are what you need. But if your sociable communication goes beyond all boundaries and comes to talkativeness and excessive verbosity, then others also cease to like it. The ability is as valuable as the ability to speak beautifully.

Why talkativeness hinders success

Scientists have found that the human brain itself is not very good at handling several things at once. When you're talking, you can't read anything at the same time or drive as well. In addition, when you are too verbose, people around you quickly lose the thread - they get bored if you cannot express the thought in a short, clear, laconic way!

chatty people interfere with colleagues' work. Sometimes they talk with their tongue about everything indiscriminately on the case and without. Colleagues are forced to buy headphones in order to somehow distance themselves from the informational noise.

By the way, for some professions talkativeness and talkativeness Might be more of a plus than a minus. For example, a sales manager who makes a lot of cold calls should like to talk a lot incessantly.

The ability to keep your mouth shut, to be responsible for your words - this is such an important quality. business man as well as the ability to speak fluently. Sometimes blabbing someone's secret, promising more than you are physically able to do - all this will not be the best way to characterize your business qualities! No wonder there is a saying that your tongue is your enemy. However, on the other hand, the language will bring to Kyiv. So you need to be able to speak at the right time, as well as stop at the right time.

How to speak short and clear

Many people have noticed that they sometimes cannot state the essence of the matter in a few sentences so that it is immediately clear and intelligible. This happens when you start to pour on the interlocutor a lot of details or unimportant nuances, but you forget to tell him concisely what you want to convey. Fortunately, the skill of expressing your thoughts succinctly can be trained, for example, by writing articles or speaking in public with a report. Usually it is considered normal when the report lasts 3-5 minutes. It doesn’t matter if you are showing a business project to an investor, defending a graduation project, or want to convey something to someone. You have a few minutes at the most. After this time, even if you are not interrupted, the listener's attention is naturally distracted and it becomes noticeably more difficult to keep the audience's attention.

Specific steps to help get rid of excessive talkativeness:

• answer as short and concisely as possible!
• try to talk on the phone for as little time as possible and only on business;
• call less or personally distract colleagues from business - and write more emails where appropriate. Colleagues will answer you when it is convenient for them;
• prepare a speech in advance, rehearse if you have to speak in public;
• good ways to get rid of talkativeness are meditation, solitude, writing down your thoughts on paper.

Verbosity- not always negative. Sometimes it can be very out of place. Especially when you are talking to a person on topics of interest to both. But when your interlocutor has long lost interest in the conversation and listens out of politeness, this is a reason to be wary and stop wasting your tongue. In society, excessive talkativeness can be mistaken for a narrow-minded mind.

Sociability can be a great way to learn new or,. On the other hand, chatting can sometimes be a waste of time. That is why it is desirable to communicate with people who are interesting to you and from whom you can learn something. and then who is he talking to to work and free time is a very important success factor.

The talkativeness of women is not a myth

According to statistics, the average woman speaks three times a day more man. It reaches 20,000 words a day (according to other sources, the average number of words is 23,000 for women). The average duration of phone calls for men is noticeably shorter than for women.

Women even have a larger vocabulary than men, the brain is developed differently compared to the stronger sex. In general, male speech is usually based on facts and the transfer of information, it rarely has a place for irrelevant details. Women's speech has more details and an emotional component. Some sites even write that women relieve stress through communication.

Men have learned to respect their spouses' need for communication and prefer their women to spend hours talking on the phone with their girlfriends. This is much better than being the victim of her monologue yourself. Yes, men do not like exhausting conversations. This I know for myself.

"Responsible for the market"

Men are laconic, but if a man is not responsible for his words, then he is not taken seriously. Therefore, if you are a representative of the stronger sex, then you must filter what you say out loud, what you promise or what hopes you give to people around you.

Don't talk hand in hand!

A funny incident happened the other day. One student who had an internship with me brought forms where I had to sign, stamp, enter my full name and position. While I was arranging everything, he was talking crazy! Constantly!! Due to the fact that he muttered something under my arm, I made a mistake in several forms. The quality of everything you do also deteriorates when someone says something to you or you yourself talk, for example, while driving. Therefore, it is better not to talk on the phone while driving, even if you have a speakerphone.

Later, my father called me, and in the course of an active conversation on a cell phone, I made even more mistakes when filling out student documents. This is how talkativeness can lead to real trouble.

A simple everyday way to exhale and count to 10 helps to stop the initial desire, but in the future, the unspoken can become a heavy burden and greatly spoil the cheerful mood. We counted to 10 and found 10 ways that will help you not just keep silent, but learn to be more restrained without harming yourself and others.

1. Develop pragmatism

Of course, it is useful, otherwise we would not even feel the desire to respond to what we do not like. This is normal, because everyone is living people, but is this the benefit that we are striving for in the end? Unlikely. In a moral fight, we injure ourselves and those with whom we quarrel, and breaking is easier and faster than repairing. When the focus is on the main, and not the momentary benefit, blurting out something inappropriate will not come to mind. After all, politeness and tact are quickly restored when it suddenly becomes clear to us that a loved one can be disappointed, management can be fined, and friends can be deprived of communication and mutual assistance.

2. Postpone the conversation

This method is very similar to the previous one, but it is necessary to postpone for a much longer period. Especially when the conversation is serious and the decision you have to make will affect your entire future life. Offer new job, the need to take sides in the conflict, a serious conversation with her husband. Do not give in to the first impulse and do not rush to dot the i's. Let your head cool down and weigh the pros and cons, and only then make and voice a decision.

3. "Undress" the interlocutor

Mentally, we can give the heard a completely different meaning - less valuable to us. In this sense, “to undress” means to remove the shell of importance from the aggressor, to bring him down from the pedestal and to “dress” him more simply. This method works well when you're tempted to answer a tyrant boss for his stupidity, but you know that it will cost you your job. Imagine how ridiculous he would look on the beach in blue swimming trunks with his belly at the ready. Is it possible to take such a person seriously and argue with him? Let it shake the air alone, and you enjoy the game of your own imagination.

4. Breathe deeply

Take a few deep breaths when you realize that the other person has already brought you to a boiling point, and you are ready to break loose. Breathe before you start scolding your child for not cleaning the room or before telling your friend new gossip. Deep breathing calms and oxygenates the brain, changing the physical state organism. And this will help to calm down a little and think it over again.

5. Swap places with counterparts

This method will help in communicating with children when you really want to grab a prankster by the collar and give a thrashing for his antics. Imagine that it's you, and not him, who just broke a flower pot and threw a stone at a neighbor's window. Remember how your heart skipped a beat when parental anger was about to fall on your head. Perhaps after a few minutes of reminiscing, you will want to find another way to educate than screaming and swearing.

6. Follow folk wisdom

"Bite your tongue", "drank water in your mouth." It is generally accepted that these expressions speak of silence in a figurative sense. Why not try to embody their direct meaning? Of course, grabbing a glass of water every time is a little weird. But you can quietly bite your own tongue. Our brain is designed in such a way that it instantly switches to physical pain, forgetting about all other stimuli. Businessmen in negotiations sometimes use ordinary stationery gum. It is worn on the wrist and hidden under the cuffs. When you need to pause and rethink important point, a person imperceptibly pulls on an elastic band that unpleasantly digs into the skin. Thus, attention is switched to physical sensations and a decision is not made in a hurry.

7. We train endurance

Knowing the sin of incontinence, work on its elimination constantly. If you stepped on your foot on the bus, scolded in line, rude in the store, keep silent. Even if the temptation to put the insolent in his place is too great, and a small outburst of aggression will not harm your reputation, in no case give vent to anger. By holding back now, you can hold back when you need to. You will learn to control your emotions and your tongue so that it cannot spread to the enemy camp.

8. We speak ourselves

In psychology, there is such a thing as affirmation - a phrase that contains a certain formula and helps to fix the necessary in our subconscious. Remember how the heroine of Irina Muravyova repeated in front of the mirror about the most charming and attractive? So this technique works for talkers. or in moments when you just want to express everything that has accumulated. For example, let it be: “I know how to stop in time, I can remain silent at the right moment” or “I can control my words.” Over time, this statement will work, and you will really learn to control yourself.

9. Analyze it

As a rule, our behavior is quite predictable. We break down in very similar life situations. Analyze the unpleasant moments that you have already experienced and try to understand what exactly unbalances you. Perhaps this is a dismissive tone of the mother-in-law and everything that reminds him, or some kind of resentment that stretches for you from childhood. There must be something common and similar in all cases. Well, when you already know the “enemy” in person, it is much easier to deal with it.

10. Use filters

Make it a habit to sift through everything you're about to say. Come up with at least three criteria that any of your posts must meet. For example, secondly, you must be completely sure of their veracity and, thirdly, they are really necessary and will not turn out to be meaningless chatter. And only after the thought passes such a triple test, turn it into speech, otherwise it can be not only meaningless, but also harmful.

Leo Tolstoy said that "people learn how to speak, and the main science is how and when to be silent." And to comprehend this science you need to start as early as possible. No wonder the Chinese proverb says: "Don't speak unless it changes the silence for the better."

What to do if the inability to keep silent spoils the relationship in a couple? Our experts advise.

We all sometimes need to speak out in order to get rid of the load of worries. But you can look at this problem from the other side: sometimes, substituting a friendly shoulder, you risk turning into an "office wailing wall" available to all colleagues. What to do if the role of a patient listener has already tired you?

Office workers are more familiar with this problem than anyone else! Especially women! Discussing the latest news, TV series or the family life of one of the colleagues for the fair sex is a common thing. Very often, in order to start working fully, one of the employees needs to blurt out latest news, but it is impossible to do this publicly - after all, the leadership is not asleep. In this case, the “victim” of an exorbitantly talkative colleague is primarily her office neighbors. If even after talking with them the thirst for communication does not subside, the corporate intranet or ICQ is used, with the help of which the chatterbox has the opportunity to put the entire staff on its ears.

Let's talk heart to heart?

There are people who are really nice to listen to. A funny story or anecdote told by such a person is twice as funny, and in a dispute his arguments and arguments seem irrefutable. Communication with such people brings only pleasure. The ability to build a conversation in such a way that they listen to you and the ability to interest the interlocutor is an art.

People perceive not only words, but also the form in which they were spoken. American psychologists have calculated that verbal communication makes up one sixth of the perceived information. The remaining five-sixths we convey with the help of facial expressions, postures and intonations. For example, if a word sounds ambiguous, then in combination with this or that gesture it becomes unambiguous.

Without "" extra talk "" we can judge the attitude towards us. When a person has pursed lips, frowned eyebrows, we understand that he is aggressive. This knowledge can also be used in conversation. People who have the skill of communication can cause affection or, on the contrary, make us angry.

Remember how many times you left the store with absolutely nothing you wanted to buy. Professional salespeople, politicians, psychologists, entrepreneurs are fluent in the art of communication: they skillfully use pauses, change, if necessary, the timbre of the voice, correctly emphasize the shades of meaning and mood. This skill can be useful not only for them, absolutely all public people need to learn how to properly conduct a conversation.

However, along with the ability to speak correctly, it is also necessary to be able to listen correctly, but there are times when, in order to listen to the interlocutor to the end, you need to have truly angelic patience.

Topics of conversation and how to deal with them

What do your co-workers most often tell you about?

According to statistics, the most discussed "office" topics are: personal life, terrible depression, the difficulties of everyday life and just long stories (about yesterday's trip to the cinema, for example, or just a retelling of one of the newest films). Colleagues most often pester you with conversations on these topics. Moreover, they talk about both their personal lives and the lives of colleagues, however, the complexities of life of other employees of the company often become the property of general enlightenment. But about the most serious depression, you usually have to hear firsthand ...

But do not worry, you can find justice for any talker, you just need to think about how to quickly move his conversation to its logical conclusion.

Topic number 1: About personal

Almost in any modern team there is a chatterbox colleague who loves to gossip about the personal lives of his colleagues. If you're unlucky enough to be the victim of this gossip or gossip (which is much more common), then you have two ways to get rid of the details of someone else's personal life that you don't need.

Option one: nod your head and agree, thinking about something of your own without listening to the information given out by the interlocutor. If the intrusive voice does not allow you to "turn off" - there is Option Two: do not respond and show no interest. A colleague, however, will think that you are ignorant, but he will definitely lag behind with his stories and is unlikely to come to you next time.

Another option for talking "about the personal" is a favorite topic of middle-aged women: talking about some kind of illness or, even worse, about one of their deceased acquaintances. When you become an unwitting witness to such a conversation, unpleasant thoughts immediately begin to creep into your head, starting with the words: "" and if I have ... "" And this happens, even if you have not been sick for a long time and are taking various vitamin supplements. Memory begins to obligingly slip unpleasant episodes from life or terrible pictures seen recently in the news.

Here you should do exactly the same - simply ignore ... if at the same time you can still occasionally "gabble" pretending that the story just "captured" you, then it will be doubly good: the interlocutor will be satisfied, and you will not get on your nerves. The main thing to remember is, in no case do not keep up the conversation and do not sympathize!

Topic #2: About Depression

Your colleague is depressed and in deep sadness.

The only thing that can help her is the opportunity to speak out, to cry on someone else's shoulder, so to speak. And what do you think, whose shoulder will she choose? Correctly! The lot has fallen on you.

Here you have to sympathize, unless of course you want to bring the poor thing to hysterics and maintain warm friendly relations with her. But even in sympathy, you need to know the measure: you don’t have to be very imbued with other people’s problems, otherwise they may well become yours.

Perhaps a first-hand story about depression is the only topic of conversation where the interlocutor will have to listen to at least half of the story.

After all, you feel bad too!

Therefore, a colleague needs to be allowed to speak. At the moment when she starts talking for the third time about what is now causing her to be in such a disgusting state, she can be delicately interrupted. A reassuring smile, a positive "everything will be fine" or "you're doing well" - these words are usually quite enough to alleviate the mental suffering of your unlucky employee. So you and your colleague will not be deprived of attention and you yourself will not be loaded with her problems.

Topic number 3: About the difficulties of everyday life

Do they tell you about disobedient children and the always grumbling mother-in-law?

If you feel that there are too many unnecessary details, try to push the story to a logical conclusion. But this, too, must be done carefully and wisely, because according to statistics, those who want to discuss everyday problems are the most "dangerous" talkers. That is, if you manage to fall out of favor with such a "rattle" you can forget about a quiet life.

First, no one else will let you work in peace: an offended colleague will again and again try to make you a listener to one of his stories. And Secondly, you run the risk of "losing" the gift of speech at work - that is, you will have to be silent all the time, because any details of your personal life, expressed out loud, will immediately become public, you don't have to worry - the talker will take care of it.

Therefore, you need to act very carefully here. The best option- ask a distracting question like: "And what are you going to do?", after which, continuing to listen to a detailed answer to the question you asked, together with a colleague, slowly move from the place of your conversation to the workplace, preferably closer to the authorities.

Topic #4: The Longest History

You asked a colleague: "Did you like yesterday's opera at the Bolshoi?"

And now, for an hour and a half, he has been telling you about the scenery, costumes, even trying to sing one of the main character's arias, terribly distorting Italian words ... Well, it's Your own fault! Don't you know who you're asking the question? Although, perhaps your colleague has not been to the theater for so long that he is still impressed by what he saw.

In any case, the rules of etiquette oblige you to listen to the interlocutor for several minutes, and then with clear conscience you can stop talking.

How to do it? Say, for example, that you are very interested, and you will certainly listen to it later, but now it is simply vital for you to finish some of your business. Most likely, you will be understood and released, as they say, "in peace." If, after the end of the working day, you do not forget about the unfinished conversation with a colleague, then on the way from the office to the metro, try to ask him to finish the story about whether he liked yesterday's opera. It will not be boring for you to go to the subway, and you will definitely grow up in the eyes of this person.

Remember that the most valuable thing in our life is time! The ability to competently dispose of it is also an art. Don't let others waste your time and take care of it yourself.

Talkativeness as a quality of personality is the tendency of the mind to subjugate the mind and manifest it in frequent and lengthy conversations about their problems, active participation in them.

A man on the seashore saw a human skull yellowed from time to time. Without expecting anything in return, the man said with a sigh, "I wonder what brought you here." And suddenly the skull answers: - Chatter. The man was amazed. Where is it seen that the skulls spoke. He ran to the main square of the city and shouted: - Who wants to see a talking skull, pay five coins! People have gathered. Many paid, wanting to see the marvel. The man led them to the sea, led them to the skull and asked him a question: - What brought you here? But the skull lies to itself in the sun and is silent, People understood that they were simply laughed at, and they took the deceiver to the ruler. There, both sides told their truth. And the ruler says to the man: - If the skull is really talking - prove it, but no - the head is off the shoulders! They came to the shore. The skull is silent. No matter how the man begged him, he did not hear a single word. They cut off a man's head, and it rolled straight to that very skull. And when everyone left, the skull suddenly spoke: - What brings you here? - Chatter, - the head answered him.

Talkativeness must necessarily be considered in the context of gender differences. Men's talkativeness is fundamentally different from women's. Chatterbox and chatterbox are inherently far from being equivalent. A talkative man is a sign of dullness and mediocrity. But first things first. Talkativeness, like talking about your problems, is a manifestation of pride. Good feelings are silent, pride cannot be silent. As a strong pressure of water breaks through a dam, so pride breaks through the desire to report to everyone about their problems and successes. For example, talkativeness bought new apartment, but cannot show: "What a pity that you cannot see this beauty." But it's not about pity, but about the impossibility of pride to scratch your tongue, fully enjoying the joy of buying. Pride forces chatter to divert the attention of others. Ten people have given her advice, but she'll walk up to the eleventh and put on an old record. I. A. Krylov in the fable “Two Barrels” writes: “Whoever shouts about his deeds to everyone incessantly, it is true that there is little use. Whoever is truly delov is often quiet in words. great person only loud in business."

Loquaciousness likes to bring down its problems on someone, it does not expect any specific solutions. Decisions are necessary when the idea has matured to change, develop, do something. For example, a woman presenting her problem does not expect solutions and advice, but active listening. Without the will to act, talkativeness, like a vampire, robs others of their energy, attention, and time. Talkativeness is a thief of one's own and other people's time. If you want to be strong, be quiet. Useless chatter takes away mental strength. Chatterbox, in addition to being a godsend for a spy, gossip, slanderer and hypocrite, having spoken enough, becomes the prey of laziness. There is no strength left after the chatter, and he sinks into laziness or into boredom, melancholy and depression. Don't know where it's spent more strength- chatting or listening to chatter. Dmitry Yemets remarked: “Nothing erodes the will and deprives inner peace as quickly as idle chatter. Let even the most friendly. A poet who has unloaded a wagon of TVs can, in theory, recover in three hours and write an essay. But the poet, who has chatted for about forty minutes on the phone, is no longer even able to unload the wagons.

Stanislav Jerzy Lec joked cleverly: “When you see the equation E = mc2, you become ashamed of your talkativeness.” Silence in any spiritual tradition is defined as gold. When talkativeness talks to a person who feels antipathy or hostility towards her, she harms herself - her words only increase her unfriendly attitude towards herself. When loquacity forces discontent to listen to itself, it resorts to violence. In a conversation with an ill-wisher, two egos speak, and each proves its significance and importance. In such militant chatter the world is seen in black and white skewed to black. The mind and senses are polluted and defiled by such chatter. Consciousness is degrading, because it is gradually slipping onto the platform of seeing the world in a negative light.

“A short mind has a long tongue,” said Aristophanes. The lack of chatter is that she says everything that comes to mind, even about what she herself is not at all sure about. Thought, bypassing the mind, is in the language. If talkativeness had learned external silence, it would have heard and realized how stupid its inner voice is. But she didn't get it. She chatters, shouting over her mind and reason. Their modest efforts to insert at least a word, no one hears. Stop shouting over yourself, hear the voice of the mind and reason, learn to control yourself, and talkativeness will go out like a candle in the wind. Man of sense speaks only about what he is sure of, therefore his words are believed. Nobody believes the words of talkativeness, she devalued them with previous solo monologues.

Women's talkativeness, if she is not right, is perceived by men ironically and condescendingly, and when she is right - annoyed, as they say - with hostility. The silence of the wife causes anxiety and anxiety in the husband. If he talks, then everything is in order: “Darling, I’m with a neighbor for five minutes! Don't forget to stir the porridge every half an hour." It is believed that the average man says three thousand words a day, and a woman seven thousand words. Max Brandt remarked: “A man engages in chatter if he has drunk or is tired of loneliness. The woman twirls her tongue just for practice.”

In a man, after a busy day at work, the left hemisphere of the brain, which is responsible for the speech functions of a person, turns off, trying to relax. The mind can fully recover between 21 and 24 hours. During these three hours, psychic energy is restored, in the following hours only the body rests. If a man came home from work during this period of time, and they try to talk to him, not realizing that the mind is already turned off, then the conversation is, in fact, with a “living corpse”, capable only of reflex actions, such as: feed, turn on the TV , brush your teeth, and retreat into the arms of Morpheus. "Control shot" - the fulfillment of marital duty, can also be considered a reflex action.

Women in chatter find a successful way to relieve stress and emotional tension freeing yourself from internal problems and fears. A man, often, "gets stiff" in communication with a woman. Being the embodiment of action, determination, he tries in the very first words of a woman to identify the problem, find an acceptable solution and issue turnkey solution or advice. A woman doesn't need it. The very process of building relationships during a conversation is important to her, so she comes from afar. A man will not understand in any way what she is getting at, not suspecting that the woman herself does not yet know what she is leading her monologue to. She herself has not yet decided whether she will talk about it today or not. The course of the conversation decides everything: if he gets on well - he will say, if he goes wrong - he will remain silent. The man understood everything in the first two minutes, gave out a recipe on how to act, and, considering the conversation exhausted, he goes home. The woman is in shock. She had not yet had time, in her opinion, to begin, but the curtain was already closed.

Every man should know the rule: you need to be attentive to the words of a woman after about half an hour, as she began to speak. There is such an anecdote. The baby shark asks his mother: “Why do you make so many circles before attacking a person?” The shark replies: "You can attack in the forehead, but you will eat it with poop." The first half hour is a gradually narrowing circles before expressing the true purpose of the conversation. Therefore, a man is free at this time to think about his own, but only has to keep up the conversation, nod, assent, in a word, portray a novice. After half an hour, you should actively listen. This is the technique of love. If a man loves his wife, he loves to listen to her. Her voice for him is like a bird's chirping, like a canary's vocals. When a husband, hearing the voice of his wife, feels pleasure, therefore, in the family full compatibility. Incompatible people cannot endure the torture of hearing. Dissatisfaction with a spouse destroys the opportunity to hear his problems, needs and difficulties. When does perfect compatibility win in a family? When spouses can listen to each other with interest.

Petr Kovalev 2013