How does a consumer treat a man. What is consumer attitude? How to get rid of the consumer attitude

The world is gradually sliding into the abyss of consumption, and this movement seems so inexorable that it affects even the most sacred and once pure areas of our relationships: love and friendship. The worst thing is that people don't notice it. And consumer relations between lovers, spouses and friends are considered the norm of life. Finding a successful partner, friend, lover has become almost the main goal of life. But the very word "successful" is already a sentence for selfless love, as it contains an unambiguous consumer meaning.

“Why do I need a loser, a bungler, a clumsy, I need only a successful and only a successful friend, partner and loved one. Surely I will surround myself with people from whom there is no sense, benefit and pleasure. No, quit! Let others deal with simpletons, but I know my worth and don’t eat anything!” - exclaims our EGO. We then think that it is we who think so, but no, it is it that fools us. Because the EGO is Mephistopheles inside each of us, who tempts, calls for pleasures and conveniences, and sets us up for a wave of consumption.

Love is intangible

Meanwhile, love and friendship are not material things. Sometimes people who are truly in love cannot even clearly define why they feel affection and craving for a loved one. Why do they feel good next to him, why do they love him. Just because he is, that's exactly the way their heart saw him. At the same time, it is not at all necessary that it will be a successful and successful handsome man with a tightly stuffed wallet.

We often wonder why there are so many disappointments, divorces and unhappy love stories. Yes, all for the same reason. We are looking for a successful partner, not love. And when we find someone who seems to fit the parameters of luck: rich, famous, smart, energetic, kind, caring, etc. etc. - we grab him like a hunter of prey, and do not want to let go of us even a step, thinking that this is our gift of fate. We found what we were looking for, and now only happiness and pleasure awaits us!

It wasn't there! What is measured and can be weighed, measured and counted, has nothing to do with love, it has to do with consumption. And if you make these numbers and indicators of well-being and success the formulas of your life, then come to terms with the fact that you will not see selfless relationships. You will constantly stay in the relationship “you to me, I to you” and swing the pendulum of acquisitions and settlements. It will take some time, and your freshly successful candidate may quite naturally lose ground. Get sick, get old, lose weight, gain weight, lose your business, money, etc. That is, to lose those indicators that you were guided by when choosing it. And then what? Him, and you can only sympathize.

In the world of consumption

When it comes to business, relationships with unfamiliar strangers, we quite calmly perceive this consumer component. We are already accustomed to paying extra for a cafe, restaurant, hairdresser, hotel. We give extra to doctors and teachers, in the hope that they will be attentive to us and our children. And we forget (as they forget) that this is, in fact, their job.

Living in the world of consumption, we see how materiality penetrates into art, literature, music. The whole world is based on commerce. We are used to it and even actively participate in it. But somewhere in the depths of our souls, we would like to see some areas free from consumption. We have a faint hope that these are the spheres of our close relations: love and friendship.

I can't give you anything special. Unfortunately, even initially disinterested relationships between children and parents are now being attacked by consumption. Children become the subject of bargaining and manipulation, parents are handed over to nursing homes and blackmailed with inheritance.

The biggest risk that our soul takes today is to fall in love for real and believe the one you love that he also loves you as disinterestedly as you love him.

Unfortunately, in the world of consumption, selfless relationships have no place. There are fewer and fewer people among us who are able to take this risk and in general are able to love someone other than ourselves. So we conclude not marriages, but deals, while for some reason we hope that we will get something more than a transparent “you to me, I to you”. We are waiting for some sacrifices, romantic gestures, selfless deeds. Go down to the sinful selling ground, a contract is a contract, get it according to the price list and don't show off.

Isn't it time to love others?

There was a time when we were called to be loved by others. That is, make a name for yourself, present yourself, show, present, love. And so we heeded these tips, and already love ourselves. Sometimes we even love too much, so much that we are no longer able to see and notice other people around. No, we have perfectly learned to voice non-existent feelings, we swear love to unfamiliar people right and left, it looks so simple and looks so beautiful in the comment line to our posts on social networks. But we are completely incapable of loving a specific living person with a mass of shortcomings, that is, different from our individual traits and characteristics, if these traits prevent us from admiring ourselves and violate our personal peace.

We try to get rid of them as soon as possible, losers, boring unsympathetic, troubled whiners, etc. And we do not notice that we ourselves are not perfect. And all because self-love is also a manifestation of our EGO, the same Mephistopheles who fools us, accustoming us to life in a world of consumption.

How to save love in the world of consumption?

Probably very simple and at the same time difficult, because it requires work on yourself.
Learn to see the soul of another person, regardless of the size of his wallet, success, appearance and other measured parameters. As if to penetrate the outer shell and feel its inner content.
Learn to think not only about yourself and your interests and needs, but also about the needs and desires of other people. Understand them, share them and help them realize their dreams and plans.
Helping others, a person reveals his best features and awakens in other people his inner spiritual reserves, feelings and motivations. Only penetrating beyond the outer shells, we are able to see the real face of another person.
Not participating in consumer relations means recognizing another person as a human value equal to you and not seeing in him a way and means of satisfying your interests.

After all, he was not created to become your husband, make you happy, provide for you, build a house for you or create conditions for a prosperous existence. He is the same valuable unit of the universe, for which God has his own plans. He does not exist for you, and you do not exist for him. It is not yours, it does not belong to you. He is not obliged to like you or to act as you want, have thought up or expect from him. If you understand this in all depth, then consumption will leave your relationship. Because they will be dominated by trust, mutual assistance, respect, acceptance and true love, etc.

Today, the problem of consumer relations between people is very relevant for our society. After all, it is hardly possible to find such a person who would never encounter such a phenomenon in his life. Some people had to experience the consumer attitude. And it hardly gave them pleasure. Others simply observed such relationships from the outside. But all of them can hardly admit that sometimes they play the role of consumers in the eyes of others and close people. After all, it is quite difficult to understand this. Typically, this is said by the victim, who is tired of being constantly used.

What is consumerism? This issue is worth looking into in more detail. After all, this will allow the wife to understand why the husband is constantly dissatisfied with the role of the eternal breadwinner, and the wife - why the wife is offended by him, talking about the lack of respect and attention. Having learned in more detail that this is a consumer attitude, parents will understand why their generally well-behaved child is not able to say words of gratitude.

The global problem of humanity

Representatives of modern society are often considered adherents of the cult of consumption. This is facilitated by the ever-increasing level of social benefits. The growth of the index of consumer relations quite often manifests itself only through the prism of satisfaction of certain requests.

People start collecting things. And they only do it because they can afford it. If something becomes unusable, then we, as a rule, throw it away, acquiring a new item in return. And again, we only do it because we can afford it.

Concept definition

Consumer attitude is a phenomenon that has many negative aspects. Enough has been said about this already. However, all this is not so scary. After all, it is worse if it comes not to inanimate objects, which, in fact, are created in order to be used, but about the consumer attitude towards people. Victims of this phenomenon, describing the nature of their feelings, often indicate that they feel like an ordinary thing.

A person who shows a consumer attitude towards people uses others as a resource. At the same time, he does not care at all about their feelings and does not have a desire to give anyone anything in return. In those cases when the victim begins to realize his position and understands that everything cannot go on so simply, it is she who takes the initiative and breaks such a connection.

However, unfortunately, it is far from always possible to objectively assess the situation. Sometimes the victim lives with the consumer, suffers, but continues to suffer. Sometimes she worries silently, sometimes she resents aloud, but she endures, not fully realizing her position.

Examples of a negative phenomenon

There are various relationships. How can they be expressed? In general, consumption is a process that allows you to fully satisfy your own desires and needs. At the same time, it allows a person to achieve goals using various means. Judging by the definition, consumer attitude is a phenomenon that we encounter in one way or another every day in our lives. However, it is not always a problem. Its negative sides are manifested only when the interests of a certain person are infringed, due to which a person begins to realize his desires.

If we do not take into account the purely material aspect, then the consumer attitude in society is manifested in the following aspects:

1. Often such troubles arise between a woman and a man. At the same time, the representatives of the stronger sex use women only to ensure that they maintain the comfort of life, satisfy purely physiological needs, they have them just for show, etc. There are many options for such relationships.
2. Sometimes the consumers are ladies. They use the representatives of the stronger sex for their own material gain, as well as for the realization of their femininity, etc.
3. Another type of consumerism is the sometimes unfair attitude of children towards their parents. Moreover, this phenomenon is quite widespread. Parents sometimes do everything possible to bring their child into people. But in the end, the son or daughter not only does not thank them for their efforts, but also nullifies all their efforts.
4. Consumer attitudes towards people can often be found in friendship. Almost every person has probably encountered this type of similar phenomenon. After all, there are such friends and girlfriends who appear only when they need something - to borrow money, spend the night, etc.
5. Consumer relations are also manifested at work. Most often, this phenomenon comes from the authorities. It uses its subordinates, squeezes all the juice out of them, but is not going to pay for it. Or vice versa. A person, being in a leadership position, tries to treat everyone in a good way. He respects other people's opinions and interests, but the annoying employee constantly asks to go home early without completing the task, as his grandmother allegedly got sick again.

It should be borne in mind that in the event that any of the types of relations described above towards a person begins to cross all sorts of boundaries, and he feels that he is simply being used, this problem must be resolutely dealt with.

Consumer attitudes towards men

In the case of a patriarchal society, all the functions of the head of the family are certainly assigned to the representative of the stronger sex. At this time, it is believed that a woman should obey the decisions that were made by him. On the one hand, it can be argued that a man is given a very privileged position. However, this medal has its flip side. Such social roles gradually lead to the fact that the personal traits of the spouses begin to be erased. Each of them is within a clear framework of patriarchal standards.

In such families, both sides lose out. The husband suffers from the fact that he is considered only as a source of income, family well-being and domestic comfort. No one perceives him as a living person with his desires, needs and emotions. Love in such marriages, as a rule, is either absent initially, or rather quickly begins to fade into the background, fading away.

The consumer attitude towards a man gradually leads to his realization that his wife needs him mainly only for material support. It's just wonderful when the head of the family is able to pay for a family vacation or give his soulmate an expensive thing. However, it is not normal if:

• his surprises and presents are taken for granted;
• he never gets anything in return;
• in the absence of an expensive gift, a woman expresses misunderstanding, irritation and expresses resentment;
• Communication with a spouse comes down to only one-sided reproaches with demands like “you must”.

In such a situation, a man should be aware of whether he is ready to endure such an attitude towards himself for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, re-educating an adult is unlikely to succeed. And if a certain scenario of family life has been laid in the head of a spouse since childhood, where only consumerism finds expression on her part, and where there is no mutual respect, support and sympathy, then it is unlikely that her approach to this issue can be changed with the help of quarrels , requests and conversations.

It is worth noting that a similar view of relationships is sometimes developed by a lady already in marriage. This happens due to the fact that the spouse is the first to begin to treat his soulmate with a consumer attitude. He deprives her of her voice in important decisions, and also demands that the wife unconditionally perform "typically female" functions, raising children, working at home, etc. This is how he forces his wife to treat him in the same way.

Consumer attitudes towards women

Many husbands sometimes do not even notice that they themselves create relationships in the family that are more like slave-owning than love. Such representatives of the stronger sex absolutely do not care about the mood of their wife. It doesn’t matter to them how people around them look at their soulmate.

The consumer attitude of a man towards a woman is expressed in the fact that the spouse never helps her in solving everyday issues and problems. The main thing for him is order in the house, cooked food and the fact that the mother is raising children. But all this, they believe, should take place without their participation.

Wives in such families constantly complain about their lives in various forums, go to psychologists, and seek support from their friends. They are not satisfied with the husband's indifference, his detachment and misunderstanding of the current situation. However, conversations directly with the head of the family do not give any positive results. After all, these men have a consumer attitude towards a woman precisely because they do not see in her a person who has her own beliefs, desires and habits. For them, the spouse is a slave who lives to fulfill his whims. As a rule, it is very difficult to achieve respect for a woman and a normal attitude towards herself.

How to explain such a consumer attitude? This phenomenon may not always be due to the high salary of the husband or his social status. After all, it often happens that a spouse who brings much smaller amounts to the family than his soulmate, and is less busy with other things, still strives to shift all domestic problems onto the fragile shoulders of his partner. And a similar phenomenon can be observed all the time. Most often, the foundations of such relationships are laid in boys in early childhood. Unfortunately, not all parents can understand in time that their child seeks only to receive from life, without giving anything to people in return.

Often a woman does not understand why she is so unlucky with her husband. She is trying to find the answer to the question of what she is doing wrong. But the reason, as a rule, lies precisely in the man. At the same time, psychologists distinguish three types of personality of representatives of the strong half of humanity, each of which in its own way relates to its soul mate. Let's consider them in more detail.

connoisseur

A man with this type of personality takes care of his soulmate. He treats her without fail with tenderness. For such men, it is especially important that their partner always look one hundred percent.

That is why they have nothing against the beloved striving for perfection. Such women do not focus on household chores, and their spouses tend to take on part of the family chores.

Democrat

A man with this type of personality respects the preferences and tastes of his wife. This happens even in those cases when he cannot agree with her on this or that issue. A Democrat would never wake his woman up on a day off to get up and cook him breakfast. He will patiently wait for her to get out of bed. In addition, this man himself will be able to cook himself scrambled eggs and sandwiches. In such a relationship, partners take care of each other without shifting their responsibilities onto other people's shoulders. Such a man respects a woman and sees a person in her.

slave owner

Such a man has developed a consumer attitude towards a woman. He is not interested in what his wife looks like and what she is wearing. It is worth noting that sometimes her appearance is also not important for a lady. After all, a woman simply does not have time for herself.

Psychologists note that such a consumer attitude of a man cannot lead to anything good. After all, people are only happy when they can make others happy. Otherwise, they will feel mentally exhausted and feel unloved.

What to do so that the child does not grow up to be a consumer?

Most parents dream of seeing their child obedient, trying in every possible way to stop his manifestations of initiative. The result of this is childish infantilism, which persists in the future for many years. In those cases when, at the age of one, babies treat their parents, and indeed everyone around them, as a source of benefits, you should not blame the child for this. At his early stage of development, he simply does not realize where sweets and toys come from and at what cost adults get them. If a similar situation is repeated in the future, that is, in kindergarten, school and student age, then this is already abnormal.

How to wean a child from a consumer attitude to life? To do this, parents should leave him space that would allow him to make independent decisions. And let it be still at the minimum level that is available for the appropriate age of the child and is safe for him. Children should be allowed to help their parents. Then the exchange of goods will be bilateral between them. In this way, parents will be able to instill in their son or daughter values ​​that are considered more important in society than consumer values. Thanks to such upbringing, children from an early age will acquire the ability to show gratitude and respect, to sympathize and to provide assistance.

Consumer attitude in friendship

Spiritually close people always share their emotions, time, actions, and sometimes material values. That is why we can talk about friendship as a relationship that is based on a mutually beneficial exchange. Only in this case they will continue and develop. However, sometimes it happens that an equivalent exchange between people does not occur. In this case, sooner or later, but the giving side will certainly come to exhaustion. She will either have nothing to share, or the desire to do so will disappear.

What is the reason for the consumer attitude in friendship? It is based on disrespect for the values ​​and personality of another person. Sometimes a situation arises when a person wants to be friends. However, at the same time, he shows inattention to the feelings and thoughts of another. He simply does not pay attention to his reaction to his actions and does not draw any conclusions. For example, he can greatly offend a friend and not notice it.

Restaurant. The picture is illustrative.

In the life of some couples, sometimes there comes a moment when a man sees only "borscht" in a woman, and a woman sees only a "purse" in a man. Such an attitude towards each other is called consumerism. We tell you how to notice that sincerity and warmth have disappeared from relationships, and how to return them.

Consumer relations become when one partner sees in the other only a function that can satisfy some of his needs.

For example, a woman needs a man only to bring money into the house, to be able to fix a broken tap, or to distract her from thoughts of unrequited love for another. And a man needs a woman exceptional so that there is comfort at home, or so that he can go out with her and all his friends are blinded by her beauty and envy.

“In general, in a global sense, consumerism is not so bad. The type of relationship “by offset” was formed centuries ago, when the functions of husband and wife were firmly fixed, - explains psychologist Elena Lavrova. - Therefore, physically strong women were taken as wives so that they could give birth to healthy offspring and work well in the field. To some extent, this functionality is important and necessary.”

Indeed, if we all love each other only for a quivering soul and no one does anything, this will not lead to good. “But if a loved one turns into a function, then the relationship ceases to be warm, sincere, harmonious and happy,” Elena Lavrova sums up.

To prevent this from happening, we tell you by what signs you can recognize that partners treat each other in a consumer way.

Sign 1: trade "you - to me, I - to you"

“I’ll pick up the child from the kindergarten, and you take out the garbage”, “You can go to a bar with friends, but only if I’m in a cafe with friends”, “Buy this droid for yourself, but then I’ll go to the spa for the whole day” .

In the male version: “I am ready to kill myself for days at work and make a career if you take good care of the children and keep the house in order”, “I will buy you a car if you give birth to a child”, “We will go on vacation to the sea only if you lose weight ".

Of course, it is very useful to have agreements on how the responsibilities of partners in the family are distributed.

“But if the imaginary list of what a husband or wife should do prevails over the usual human attitude towards each other, this indicates that the other person is perceived solely as a function,” explains Elena Lavrova.

Sign 2: Demand "you must/you must"

Every person has an idea of ​​the ideal partner. For example, a woman is one who cooks, cleans, looks good, is sweet, gentle, or, conversely, is a purposeful careerist. A man is one who cares, strong, confident, or, conversely, sensual, attentive.

And each person expects that these ideas will coincide with reality. But no one is obliged to conform to other people's ideals. “As soon as the requirement “you must” appears, this means that a person cannot be accepted as he is, but is perceived as a thing with a certain functionality that should work properly,” Elena Lavrova believes.

If the wife is allergic to dust and cannot clean, but offers to hire a cleaner with her hard-earned money, and the husband is categorically against it, this indicates his consumer attitude.

Sign 3: dissatisfaction

And, like any consumer dissatisfied with the quality of the purchased goods, a person is ready to make claims: “You are a woman, why are you so rude / slovenly / uneconomical?”, “You are a man, why are you not successful / confident / assertive?”

It is clear that there is no limit to perfection, and it is not bad if a partner helps to develop. But, you see, a loving person who is afraid of hurting a loved one will choose completely different wording in order to point out shortcomings and express his wishes.

Sign 4: Denying the Interests of the Other

A typical marker of consumer attitude at the stage when the relationship is just being established is the phrase "I'm interested in you and I like you, but I'm not ready for a serious relationship." Or "You're so wonderful, but I just went through a difficult divorce, so I'm not capable of deep feelings yet."

Many women buy into this. They think - I’ll be so good, accommodating, for sure he will change his mind over time. “Behind this phrase lies the meaning: give me more,” Elena Lavrova is sure.

We consume so many different things: useful and useless, high-quality and low-quality. We are aiming for a gradual increase in the level of consumption. We are increasingly buying new cars, wardrobe items, jewelry, mobile phones, computers and much more.

The production of new goods is developing at a rapid pace. The frequency of release of new models, brands, brands, accessories is accelerating. Everything new is presented as the best and highest quality, advertised and promoted with large financial investments.

In the subconscious of people, through advertising technologies, installation programs are introduced that cause a desire to purchase the advertised product. There are a huge number of such manipulations, we just got used to them and do not pay attention, do not analyze, do not think.

As a result, the level of consumption is growing, and the accounts of companies in banks are increasing - everything is going its own way. But this cannot go on forever, because the resources of the planet are far from unlimited.

Modern man is accustomed to being in constant expectation of getting something new, of high quality. We buy phones, but often without even using them for a year, we exchange them for more advanced ones, throwing out the old ones. We crave to receive pleasure from the outside, through the acquisition of material things. And thus we begin to destroy ourselves internally.

We begin to sacrifice full-fledged communication with our own child for the sake of maintaining a profitable job. We begin to envy our neighbors who have a more modern car. And some people, in order to keep up with the latest innovations, even go to the destruction of the law. The consumer attitude to life, which is cultivated by modern society, leads to a gradual impoverishment of the soul, a decrease in love in the heart, and degradation.

How to get rid of the consumer attitude

How to recover from the consumer attitude?

In fact, everything is very simple: you just need to remember that the spiritual should always be higher and more important than the material. And remembering, we will see the actions that are necessary to restore the lost.

These are actions for the gradual introduction of the spiritual into life: prayer, Holy Scripture, the church. This is the very thing that our ancestors knew well even before the times of the USSR, but was lost during the years of atheism. There is only one thing left - to start acting!

Often I am accused of excessive idealization of the relationship between a man and a woman. Nothing can be done, such is my view of the world. So today I would like to touch on a topic that will be intertwined with ideality. Namely, the desire of men to get everything from women for nothing.

I came across this in conversations with women I know. As sad as it is to admit, men now want the maximum benefit from meetings, but at the same time do nothing themselves. They do not want to do not only “global”, but nothing at all. And this concerns not only the intimate side of relationships (although male egoism manifested itself here in all its glory). What do they want from a relationship? That's right - delicious food, order in the apartment, clean ironed things and mind-blowing sex. But on the other hand, what will you give a woman in return? And there is no answer...

A friend told me a perfect example of this. She communicates through a dating site with her acquaintances abroad, and in the process, regulars of this site constantly write to her. They offer different things, who is good for what. According to the first reports, everyone is brave, just heroes, they immediately meet, offers to meet. But the only question is “What can you give me in this relationship, besides intimacy?” unsettles almost everyone. Many people stop writing after this question. That is, apart from the consumer attitude, there is nothing to offer. Sadly.

And this is not only the case on the Internet. Even in the first issues, I already wrote that you won’t get any compliments or flowers from today’s men. So, after a while, I saw guys with flowers only on February 14 and March 8. Why? I don't know, maybe it's a waste of money. Although I think you can buy a rose for your girlfriend. You don't care, but she's happy. But it's not profitable! I want to get everything for free, at minimal cost. In the same clubs, men now act differently: they get to know each other only when the lady has already ordered something for herself. Logically, there is no need for extra spending. And women living alone are especially popular. Few have their own free living space, and here you have a girlfriend and a free apartment. No need to think about where to take it, spend money on a rented apartment. Just perfect! And so everywhere. Everywhere you look, everywhere men are looking for easy ways. Why are beautiful good girls lonely? That's right, because they need to be achieved. And this is a waste of time, effort and nerves. But if you can get the same thing with less "costs", then there is no point in getting angry at the worthy.

I finally became convinced that we, men, are gradually losing our masculinity and our image of a "getter" (in every sense of the word) in the eyes of women. As sad as it is to admit, it is true. We do not give our girls flowers and gifts, we do not make romantic surprises - we have ceased to surprise. And why? Yes, because initially there is no such goal. All that remains is a consumer attitude, and the only goal is to drag the girl into bed as soon as possible. Girls from beautiful muses have become a kind of thing that can be used and thrown away, not caring about its future.

No, I don't want to seem perfect and good. It’s just that I really feel disgusted when a car stops near a passing girl and the offer “to go have fun” comes from there. It is unpleasant when the only thing that a man can offer a woman is sex (according to women, not everything is perfect here, not many can boast of the ability). And it’s just a shame when the only compliment that a girl hears from guys is “I would give you vd..l” ...