How to be more confident in yourself. How to be confident in yourself: advice from a psychologist, practical recommendations

Readers of my blog often ask me the question: “ how to become a confident person" In this article I will answer this question.

Self-confidence is determined by our subjective perception of ourselves, our capabilities and skills, our psycho-emotional state, our beliefs and internal attitudes. In addition, this quality is based on our actual skills and abilities.

When you are good at something, and, at the same time, reality has repeatedly demonstrated to you that you have truly succeeded in this skill, you have less food to doubt your skill.

If you have never had problems communicating, if you have always been able to clearly formulate your thoughts, be an interesting conversationalist, and you have always seen what a good impression you make on other people, then it will be difficult for you to doubt yourself as an interlocutor.

But things are not always that simple. Often we do not have an adequate assessment of our skills, and regardless of what we can and cannot do, we still doubt ourselves.

I'll give you 25 tips on how to become confident. Self-confidence concerns different aspects. Firstly, it is confidence in one’s strengths, in one’s capabilities, in one’s undertakings. Secondly, it is self-confidence in the communication process, which is expressed in firmness, perseverance and lack of shyness. Thirdly, this is the perception of your real qualities. By developing these qualities, you can be confident in them.

In my advice I will touch on all these components. I won't categorize advice based on how it relates to these multiple levels of self-confidence. After all, self-confidence is connected, for example, with confidence in communication. All these tips are interconnected and are suitable for a person who is afraid to communicate and a person who doubts his abilities or cannot defend his own point of view.

However, I will try to follow this line: first there will be advice related to working on eliminating doubts, then there will be advice regarding confidence in communication, and only then I will talk about acquiring some personal skills and abilities.

Tip 1 - Don't try to get rid of doubts, live with them!

When I started writing articles for this site, I was tormented by a whole lot of doubts: “what if I won’t be able to write, what if my advice won’t be useful to anyone, what if no one will read my site, what if my thoughts seem stupid, etc. »

At the same time, I was reading the book by G. Hesse - The Glass Bead Game. And one phrase from this book helped me awaken faith in myself. “...his doubts did not cease at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation...”

Some of my readers may think that this will be followed by my phrase: “I read this, and, at this moment, all my doubts were miraculously resolved!”

No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me finally become convinced of what I had only guessed about. Doubts and uncertainty are natural and natural. They accompany any endeavor. It is not always possible to escape from them somewhere. . Moreover, this is normal, because I started doing something new, unusual for myself and ambitious. Therefore, my first task is not to resolve doubts, but to simply do my job, without listening to the voice of uncertainty when it bothers me.

The fact is that in a large number of cases doubts are just emotions that have nothing to do with reality. If you think that you won’t succeed at something, it doesn’t mean that you really won’t succeed if you make every effort.

If it seems to you that they will not understand you, that they will laugh at you, this does not mean that everything will be exactly like that.

Doubts and confidence constantly replace each other. These are temporary phenomena. If you want to test this thesis, then remember the moments when you doubted something, and the next day you were more confident in it than ever. And if you don’t remember, then just watch yourself for a few days, pay attention to how confidence constantly replaces uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in themselves in the morning, when they are full of energy, than in the evening, when their strength leaves them.

Self-confidence depends on your tone, on your mood and even on your health. It's just one of the emotional states that comes and goes. Of course, this doesn't mean that you should simply ignore this condition in every case. Sometimes it can tell you something, for example, that you overestimate your strength. Sometimes you can simply get rid of it as a hindrance, an internal limitation that prevents you from achieving your goals.

But other times, you just have to stop listening to that voice of doubt and take action. It's normal to doubt yourself, and sometimes it even helps to get rid of a lot of arrogance. But doubts should not stand in the way of all your endeavors.

I want to say that becoming self-confident does not mean never doubting yourself. Being confident means overcoming your doubts and fears!

If you want to know, I still doubt myself often, but do I come across as an insecure person? If I stopped every time I encountered doubt, you would see almost no article on this site.

Tip 2 – Know the time when self-confidence leaves you

Pay attention to when and in what situations you are usually tormented by doubts. If you find some kind of pattern in this, then do not attach much importance to it.

For example, I noticed that I begin to strongly doubt myself, my endeavors, my words, my thoughts just before bed, when I start to fall asleep. I’ve already gotten used to this, and when self-doubt visits me again, I greet it like an old acquaintance: “here they are, evening doubts, as usual.”

I can’t say that I completely ignore this voice, but if I listen to it, I make allowances for the fact that this is a common emotional state for this time of day. And if at this time I doubt what I said, this does not mean that I am actually wrong.

On the contrary, in the morning I am usually confident in myself, sometimes even too confident. And evening doubts balance morning confidence, so I don’t deprive the evening doubting voice of attention, I just make corrections.

Learn to pay attention to the temporary, incoming nature of doubt, depending on your current state. Remember at what moments uncertainty comes to you. And if this happens all the time, and you see a pattern in this, reduce these doubts “in price”.

Also use moments of “confidence” to destroy your doubts. Think about what you doubt when you are on the rise of vigor and strength. This will help you decide on something.

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Sometimes, if I'm tired or upset about something, one unkind comment on the site can kill the confidence in what I'm doing for a while in a matter of seconds. (True, lately this has been happening less and less. Not comments, but uncertainty.)

And at this moment it doesn’t matter to me that a few minutes before I didn’t doubt anything. It also doesn’t matter to me that reality has repeatedly demonstrated to me that what I’m doing is correct.

People tend to overestimate the significance of the present moment in time and they extrapolate their current state to the global perspective of life. If it now seems to them that they are capable of nothing, then they begin to think that it has always been this way, despite all past successes.

At such moments, just try to look at reality, at your actual capabilities and successes, without succumbing to your current state. It’s like “in fact, I can do this and that, I can do this and that, I’ve already achieved this and that.”

For example, when I start to doubt my ideas, I think: my site has helped many people, they have already written to me about it, they read it regularly and leave grateful comments, someone, thanks to my advice, has learned to cope with panic attacks, etc. d.

At such moments, I do not try to praise myself, but simply look at the facts in order to regain an adequate understanding of reality.

I recommend that you stop at the facts and no longer argue with yourself. If your doubts are caused by your current mood (fatigue, irritation), you most likely will not be able to get rid of them until this state passes.

And if you start thinking about it a lot, then your mind, constrained by a state of fatigue, will continue to doubt and lead you to uncertainty. So just tell yourself that these doubts are lies. Rely on reality, not emotions. Didn't help much? Nothing, it happens. Then just forget about it and don't think about doubts. They will pass along with your bad mood.

Tip 4 – Don’t listen to people who say “you can’t do it”

It happens that when you doubt something, you share your plans with your friends and acquaintances. You expect them to support you in your new endeavor, but often all you get is a stop sign.

Some people are simply unable to dispel your doubts for the reason that they care about their own psychological comfort, and not about your happiness.

You don’t think that you are the only person who lacks self-confidence, and you are surrounded only by people who are confident in their own abilities? Unfortunately, most people never decide to do anything bold and independent. They want to believe that if something didn’t work out for them, then you won’t succeed either.

They secretly wish for your failure and even expect it. Because your success can become a living reproach for them, a reminder of missed opportunities.

Imagine that you have decided to open your own business and are consulting with a person who has been employed most of his life. What advice do you expect from him? Most likely, he will say that nothing will work out for you (because it didn’t work out for him), that you are taking risks and you should not go into this field, but continue to live an ordinary life and go to work every day.

Therefore, consult about your endeavors with those people who have already achieved some success in the area about which you want to get advice. Take your example from them, and not from those who have failed.

Tip 5 – When you doubt yourself, think about your “ideal self”

It happens that our self-doubt tries to fraudulently pass itself off as arguments of common sense. For example, you are afraid to approach a girl or young man and ask him or her out on a date.

You tell yourself that it is not fear that is holding you back, but some objective obstacles. You think that this person will refuse you, that he already has someone, that you are not his type, and therefore there is no point in asking him out and wasting your time on it.

But, in fact, you are just afraid and do not want to admit your fear to yourself, coming up with excuses. How do you understand that it is fear that is holding you back?

Form in your mind an image of an “ideal self” who is not afraid of anything and who is always confident. It is a perfect copy of yourself. Think about what it would do if it were you? Wouldn't it even try to get its way?

But even if this “ideal self” decided to invite another person on a date, this does not mean that you are obliged to do so. You are not perfect. But when you realize that ideally you would have to cast aside doubts and act, you realize that all that is holding you back is only your fear and no other restrictions. The problem will immediately lose the complexity that you assigned to it. With this understanding, it will be much easier for you to decide on something.

Find out more about the “ideal self” method in my article.

While you are tormented by doubts: “I won’t succeed,” “I’m not capable of anything,” “I won’t be able to, etc.” , remember that everything depends only on your will. You yourself determine whether something will work out for you or not. If you want and show diligence, then everything will work out. And even if not, try again.

You are free people, and no innate qualities or character traits prevent you from achieving your goal and becoming the kind of person you want to become, having received from life what you want to get. There are many more things subject to your will than you yourself are used to thinking.

You should stop seeing restrictions where there are none. Don't be afraid of difficulties, just start taking action.

The next few tips will touch on the problem of self-doubt in communication.

I already wrote about what I want to talk about at this point in the article, and here I will repeat it again. Don't think that all the people around you are constantly watching you, noticing all your shortcomings and remembering all your words. People are obsessed with their problems. Most of the time they think about themselves, even when they pretend to listen to you.

So relax and calm down. There is no reason to be afraid of communication or public speaking. People pay much less attention to you than you think.

I give this advice in many of my articles. Here I give it for the following reason. If you learn to pay attention to someone other than yourself, your mind will be less occupied with fear of possibilities and plagued by doubts. You will stop endlessly thinking about yourself, about how you look, talk and what people think about you.

You will look at other people and engage in dialogue with them. You will take your mind off your fears and see in other people much that you had not noticed in them before. You will realize that you and other people have more similarities than differences. And therefore there is no need to be afraid of anyone.

You are not perfect. And no one is perfect. Accept it. Therefore, you should not react painfully to your mistakes and failures, which undermine your self-confidence. Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay.

Therefore, be calm about your mistakes. If you feel that you did something wrong or said something wrong, then simply draw conclusions from this situation, learn a lesson. Try not to make this mistake in the future, instead of worrying about how stupid you were.

It's human nature to make mistakes, there's nothing wrong with that.

The people around you most likely have many flaws and weaknesses, even if they seem very confident. You don’t need to think that when you find yourself in society, you become in the position of a small fish surrounded by sharks. In fact, you may be surrounded by people who are just as meek and self-doubting as you think you are. Even if they try to hide it.

You should not be afraid of people, especially if they cannot do you any harm. Do not be shy in front of your bosses, women or men, or colleagues. They are people just like you.

You shouldn’t go out of your way to convince people that you are the smartest, the most sophisticated, the most erudite, the most “correct.” Such attempts, as a rule, indicate uncertainty about some of your qualities. When you are not too confident in your mind, you try to make other people believe in it.

Therefore, in some cases, vanity, boasting, and excessive assertiveness in communication can indicate internal self-doubts.

So stop bragging and trying to impress every person. First of all, you need to convince yourself that you are worth something. Be who you are when interacting with other people.

Undoubtedly, moderate modesty is a virtue. You don’t need to appear better than you are, but you also shouldn’t seem worse than you are. Everything must have a limit. Don't be shy about speaking directly about your strengths if you are asked about them (for example, in an interview).

If you are not afraid to talk about your strengths, it shows your confidence in those qualities. And when other people see that you are confident, they become confident in you. They think: “I see that this person does not doubt himself, and since he does not doubt, then most likely he has nothing to doubt, and I can also be confident in him.”

And if other people praise your qualities, then without embarrassment, accept their compliments as if you deserved it. Thank people for their kind words towards you.

Despite the fact that a little higher in the article I advised being yourself and not pretending, I still recommend portraying self-confidence in situations where you feel a lack of this quality.

Firstly, appearing confident is simply beneficial, for the reason that people themselves become more confident in you. It is a fact that people who are insecure are less loved and respected.

Secondly, when you simply pretend that you are confident, you actually become confident. After all, very often feelings of uncertainty and doubt have nothing to do with your actual qualities. These are just emotions that can be overcome. And when you try to do something different instead of following their lead, you take control of them.

Smile more, be interested in other people's problems, encourage them. This will endear your interlocutors to you. And when people are friendly towards you, it is easier for you to maintain self-confidence.

Do not withdraw into yourself, speak openly about your views and thoughts if the situation allows and this will not disturb the comfort of other people.

Previously, when I was an insecure person, I always had something on my mind, not letting it go. But this did not help me gain faith in myself, on the contrary, it only contributed to the fact that I lost it. As a result of self-development, I became very open. It seems to me that for my close people I am always in full view.

On the one hand, I am confident in my thoughts, so I speak about them directly. On the other hand, I am not afraid that I will not be understood or will be criticized. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m wrong, to renounce my views if someone convinces me otherwise.

I am interested in discussing with people on topics that concern me, learning other people’s opinions, expanding my horizons.

When I talk about myself out loud, when I present my thoughts to everyone, then I have to eliminate all doubts, since I do this. And such an action helps to be more confident in myself, because I expose myself to the test of the opportunity to face someone else’s opinion. Under the influence of these factors, self-confidence blossoms!

Don't wait for someone to pour out their soul to you first to open your soul to that person. Take the first step (although the circumstances must be suitable, there is no need to pour out your soul unnecessarily. You should start a sincere dialogue as delicately as possible, removing all barriers). Be frank with your interlocutor, and then the interlocutor will be frank with you. And when someone opens up to you, then your self-confidence will increase!

Of course, appearance has some meaning, but charisma, intelligence and charm mean incomparably more! 😉

Speak clearly. Look into the eyes of your interlocutors, do not make unnecessary hand gestures. Don’t crumple your fingers, don’t pick your lips, don’t “uh-huh.” Just watch yourself, the position of your body, hone your communication skills and then, sooner or later, it will start to work out for you.

Have a strong position and unshakable views regarding certain things. Don't rush to agree with everyone. A firm position does not mean blind stubbornness in opinion. This also does not mean that you always need to aggressively defend your opinion, or engage in long, meaningless arguments (although, in some situations, you have to defend yourself).

This means having a strong, well-founded, thoughtful position, a set of one’s own principles that cannot be shaken by every random opinion.

I am confident that I am doing the right thing by maintaining this site and filling it with articles. I believe that meditation is beneficial, and people are missing out on many of the benefits if they give up the practice. I am sure that people themselves are responsible for their own shortcomings. I am sure that every person...

I have strong principles and views on which my words and actions are based and therefore I am confident in those words and actions. This confidence helps me continue to do what I do. Sometimes clouds of doubt begin to obscure it, but behind these clouds you can always see the Sun, because it never disappears.

Form your life position. Understand what you want from life. Think about your principles, stick to them, but avoid stubbornness, blind enthusiasm and rejection of other people's opinions! Maintain a balance between moderate healthy stubbornness and softness, be flexible but firm, rely on the opinions of other people, but do not depend on them!

Formulate your principles. Let me give you an example of this principle: “if you show diligence, everything will work out.” Realize how confident you are in this principle. Reason like this: “the experience of many people confirms this principle. The one who really strives for something does not give up, only he achieves something. Therefore, I can be confident in this principle. And it doesn't matter what others say! They can say anything!” Hold on to this principle. Sometimes it will be obscured by doubt, then return again to your inner confidence, again and again find confirmation of the truth of this idea in life and in experience.

You don't necessarily need to take any special courses to improve your self-confidence. Why do this, why pay money, when reality provides many reasons to develop this quality?

Why would you train in some artificial situations when life gives you the opportunity to hone your skills in real situations?

You need self-confidence for life, so learn from life!

Meet other people, go to meetings, group events (it’s better to abstain from alcohol; I wrote why in an article about). Put the recommendations I have given into practice, take care of yourself, be aware of your fear and uncertainty. Try to understand what things you are unsure about and why. What are you going to do about it?

are great free lessons in business communication and self-confidence. Just remember to put a salary above your current level on your resume. The higher the salary you ask for, the harder it is to justify that you are worthy of the money. But in the process of such communication, your self-confidence will strengthen.

A side effect of such training may be that you find a more suitable job for yourself for more money. Isn’t it tempting to not pay for lessons and get them yourself?

Of course, it is very difficult to be confident in your qualities if these qualities are poorly developed. Self-confidence must be based on something real, on your actual merits.

Of course, self-perception and emotional state are very important components of self-confidence. People need to stop belittling their merits and learn to cope with doubts, as I wrote about above.

But, unfortunately, this alone is not enough. I think it's not entirely correct to convince them that they are better than they really are. Increasing self-confidence must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself, self-development, so that something in a person can be confident.

Therefore, develop your personal qualities. This blog is dedicated to how to do this. Read my articles, try to apply the recommendations. , improve self-control.

Read more books of any kind: fiction, science books, educational books, etc.

Improve your professional qualities. Think about what you want. Follow this goal.

Always strive to learn something new about this world, to learn some skills. As you master certain skills, your confidence in those skills increases. After all, it is difficult to doubt what you have devoted so much time to and what you do better than others.

Think about what you are good at.

If you constantly learn something, put your skills into practice, and see the impact of your actions, then there will be much less room for self-doubt!

Update 01/22/2014: As I read in the book, it turns out that people who think that all their qualities are given by nature and cannot be changed are less confident in themselves than those who believe in the possibility of self-development and growth! Why is this happening? Because people with the so-called fixed mindset (qualities cannot be developed) believe that if they are shy, lack charm, and are not smart enough, then this will always be the case. Therefore, they are afraid of communication, since it will once again remind them of their “ineradicable” shortcomings.

But people with a growth mindset (traits that can be developed), on the contrary, do not miss the opportunity to develop their communication skills and self-confidence. For them, the very fact that they are not smart and self-confident does not mean that this will always be the case. It may be difficult for them to communicate and believe in themselves yet, but everything can be developed. That is why failures do not undermine these people’s self-confidence. They are not afraid of challenges and are only looking for a reason to develop themselves and become better!

Someone else's criticism is not a death sentence for them. It becomes valuable information that they can use for self-development. Failures are no longer failures, they become valuable lessons. Willingness for trials and failures, healthy stubbornness and intransigence build people’s self-confidence! And if you do not strive to develop your qualities and consider yourself a worthless person who will never be capable of anything, you will never achieve anything and will not be able to develop self-confidence.

Therefore, I reminded you once again that any qualities can be developed! Every person can change! You suffer from self-doubt not because you are “that kind of person”, but because you have not made any effort to change!

I have already said that you should know your strengths. But besides this, you need to know your shortcomings. For what? To be calm about them and understand what you need to work on.

Instead of thinking: “I’m so bad, I can’t do anything,” you need to think like this: “I can do this, this and that, but I’m weak in this, this and that. I can improve some qualities, some I don’t need at all, and with some of them I can’t do anything. It’s normal, because you can’t be perfect.”

Make a list of what you are good at and what you are bad at. And think about what you can improve in yourself. Take these shortcomings not as a given, not as something unchangeable, but as a frontier for future work.

Yes, you don’t know how to do something now, but in the future the situation may change thanks to your efforts. All in your hands. This understanding will give you extra confidence in your abilities, which will not hurt you at all.

If you believe that practically any qualities can be developed (and this is undoubtedly possible) and strive for this, then you will stop avoiding those life situations that you were afraid of due to self-doubt. Because, as I said earlier, many of these life situations are training for your personality traits.

Are you bad at communication? Instead of avoiding communication, on the contrary, communicate! This is the only way you can develop your communication skills.

Are you afraid of speaking in public because you think you're bad at it? There is only one way to learn this and I think you can guess which one.

Do not avoid what you are afraid of, work on eliminating your shortcomings, those qualities of your personality that you are not sure of. Learn new skills and put those skills into practice in a variety of life situations. Instead of giving in to difficulties, overcome them armed with the desire to develop. And then you will open up many more life opportunities than if you just sat with your hands folded.

If you don’t know how to do something, or doubt some of your qualities, develop it! Why grieve? Try, experiment, be diligent. And if something is impossible to achieve, then there is no point in being sad about it! Why worry about something you can't change? Accept it!

Tip 25 – Don’t wait for confidence to appear – take action

This is the last and most important tip. You don't have to wait until you don't have any doubts or fears before you decide to do anything. You can wait in vain for this state to appear all your life without starting to do anything.

Doubts and fears will not go away. Remember, I said that doubts accompany any bold endeavor. And you will not be able to become confident in yourself until you begin to step over your fears, act contrary to them, not paying attention to your anxiety and uncertainty.

Your goal is not to get rid of fear, but to learn to ignore it! And the more control you gain over it, the smaller it becomes. Therefore, do not wait for it to become easy, act now, through strength, through uncertainty. Then life with all its troubles will strengthen your character and it will become as hard as a diamond and indestructible as a typhoon!

Many people have heard about self-confidence, but few people realize what self-esteem consists of and how it changes. In addition, there are a lot of tips on how to become self-confident; each person will have their own recommendations, which will become clear from the article.

To begin with, it is important to understand that the formation of confident behavior is the result of long, painstaking work.

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When it comes to how to become more confident, women tend to focus on sensations and feelings, while men focus on behavior and determination. Moreover, the stronger the negative emotions (fear, embarrassment) and the more often a person experiences them, the more life problems arise and the lower self-esteem falls, thus closing a vicious circle.

It must be remembered that confidence consists of three aspects:

1. A sense of rightness, strength, sufficiency of one’s abilities and knowledge.
2. Confident behavior with a display of strength.
3. Decisiveness – certainty in opinion, decision.

Success in life is not enough for confidence; a positive assessment of it is necessary, which is why people with neuroses, despite their achievements, still suffer from uncertainty. There are several techniques on how to increase self-confidence, which are worth describing first.

A confident person is identified by his posture and gait.

Positive thinking

The principle of how to become self-confident is known to everyone - you need to look for positive aspects in everything. It will be difficult at first, but if you are persistent enough, the habit will reduce your anxiety level. An important principle is to always treat your thoughts as something erroneous, carefully analyze them for objectivity and positivity. This is a rather difficult habit that needs to be developed through constant training.

Of course, you need to be careful and understand that overusing this technique will lead to unjustified self-confidence. In addition, you cannot use only this method of increasing self-esteem. He is powerless if he does not direct energy to other techniques. Therefore, other techniques on how to be a confident girl are described below.

Know yourself

One of the problems is that a person often does not notice incorrect beliefs because they seem adequate to him. On these principles, he builds relationships, his own system of requirements for himself and the rules of self-esteem. Often, to break down internal barriers and increase confidence, you need to address these underlying misconceptions. Therefore, the first tip on how to be confident in yourself is to know yourself.

Examine your belief system, as well as the thoughts (even random ones) that appear in different situations. Analyze your beliefs for objectivity. Are they really true or are they based on subjective opinions and experiences?

Make 2 lists of your positive and negative qualities. Evaluate each character trait objectively. Are they really present in you or is it a clouded mind that distorts your self-esteem?

Appearance

For girls, increasing self-esteem through appearance will be especially important. There are 2 tips on how to be confident through your appearance that should not be forgotten:

1. Limited change. Buying clothes, putting on makeup, losing a few kilos - all this has a positive effect on a girl's confidence. This can be used, but cannot be abused. The reason is not only that you can harm your health and wallet, but also that confidence is precisely a subjective assessment, a way of perception.
2. Persuasion. The method of becoming a confident girl is well known - we stand in front of the mirror and say compliments. At first, words of praise will seem funny and unnatural, and actions will seem meaningless. Do this 2 times a day when brushing your teeth. When the action becomes a habit, your attitude towards your appearance will improve. An important rule is to praise yourself out loud, loudly and clearly.

Confident behavior skills for women

Thoughts are directly related to actions and body language. They are instantly reflected in nonverbal messages, which in turn influence the ideas that are born in the head. The same applies to actions, deeds and achievements. Positive thinking must be reinforced from the outside, and confidence must influence the world around us. Otherwise, the process of personal development will stall. Therefore, it is necessary to develop skills of confident behavior.

1. Speak loudly. Confident people aren't afraid to appear inappropriate, stupid, or too loud, so you should behave in the same way.
2. You can try to give yourself confidence through body language. To do this, you need to walk upright and communicate while looking into the eyes of your interlocutor. At the same time, you must not clamp down, but also not make unnecessary movements.
3. Another tool is . People who are afraid of being criticized or not listened to tend to speak quickly. Therefore, it is necessary to speak slowly, pronouncing sounds clearly.
4. Smile. This simple method induces good mood and calm. This is a great way to relieve anxiety. A smile has a magical effect; it is transmitted to other people, which makes dialogue with them easier.

You need to clearly understand what you want

In addition to nonverbal demonstrations of confidence, you can and should do things that will increase your self-esteem. A psychologist’s advice will help you on how to become self-confident:

1. Stop hiding. You need to learn to express your opinion, answer difficult or awkward questions in front of everyone, attend major events, and sit as close to the front rows as possible. You need to try to pay attention to yourself. If it’s too scary, then first learn how to do this in small companies among old friends.
2. Change your habits. It is difficult for a person with low self-esteem to immediately change their habits. But you can do this in stages. Change a little, but constantly. First, learn to wake up 10, 20, and then 30 minutes earlier. Then make it a habit to start your day with gymnastics. Then make it a rule not to smoke after 18 o'clock, then until 12 o'clock, then give up cigarettes on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and finally completely.
3. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Remember that suffering that is not related to the body and disease is in the head. Yes, there are difficult life problems, but even in them, suffering is not a necessary phenomenon. You can stop feeling sorry for yourself in any, even the worst and most hopeless situation. This will not make the problem go away, but life will become easier. Make it a rule to never focus on what the next problem might bring. Better think about resolving the situation.
4. Avoid perfectionism. If you think about doing everything perfectly all the time, then you will very quickly be disappointed in yourself and in the world. No one is immune from mistakes and stupidity; it’s just that more successful and talented people make mistakes less often. In addition, we are susceptible to the blues and other vices. Of course, you should always strive for high-quality work, but if this does not work out, then you should not reproach yourself with the last words.
5. Physical exercise. This is not just another way to be a confident woman. Training is an important component of the comprehensive development of personality, health and a beautiful body. Finally, physical exercise gives a boost of energy, reduces depression, improves performance and overall mood.
6. You can't compare yourself to others because it's impossible to be the best at everything. The desire to be like someone else is a clear sign that you are not sure that your uniqueness is attractive and sufficient. One of the misconceptions of our time is to evaluate a person’s life by social networks. In them, people post only the best moments of their lives, which gives the impression that everything is fine with them and there are no problems. Therefore, you should not compare yourself with others.
7. One of the worst habits is the desire to please others. It seems that this is a natural desire, but this is a big mistake, since everyone will not like you anyway. And even the majority. Therefore, the best solution is to relax, since becoming a confident woman means independence from the opinions of other people.
8. Learn to say no. It is especially important to do this in cases where there is a risk of conflict or misunderstanding. At the same time, one must refuse correctly, that is, one cannot make excuses. On the contrary, it is necessary to directly state that you do not want to do something simply because you do not want to. Or without any explanation at all, I just won’t do it and that’s it.
9. Correctly assess your current situation. Usually people compare themselves to a fictitious ideal self, which in the future has a lot of money, fame, success and everything else. Of course, in reality, none of this usually happens, which causes great disappointment. You need to get rid of this habit by carefully catching your thoughts and recognizing them as stupid.

It is necessary to evaluate your achievements by comparing with yourself from the past. Then it will quickly become clear that you have achieved considerable success.

How to increase a man's self-confidence

The answer to the question of how to become a confident person would be incomplete without pointing out the rules of communication and building relationships:

1. Learn to be neutral about criticism. Throw away any shame, resentment and negative thoughts from the fact that something didn’t work out for you and you were criticized or even scolded for it. Criticism is a completely normal and useful phenomenon that can point out mistakes and develop you in the right direction. You cannot respond to it with defense, aggression or shifting responsibility. Learn to admit your mistakes.
2. Beware of harmful connections. Often the people who have formed our low self-esteem are our relatives and loved ones. Breaking ties with them is very difficult, but often absolutely necessary to create normal confidence. Remember that breaking up with them is often not as painful as it may seem. In addition, after this you will feel much easier.
3. Make positive connections. We are not talking about useful connections (although this is also not bad), but about positive acquaintances. You need people who will support you in your endeavors, who will praise you and rejoice in your successes. Of course, sycophants are also not needed; they do even more harm.
4. . To make positive connections, you need to make new contacts. To do this, you need to use all available means.

The following tips will help you become a confident man:

1. Lead an active life. Get acquainted, learn - it is better to do at least something than to do nothing. You need to get out of your comfort zone. At first it will be scary and unusual, but then it will become easy and simple.
2. In the process of achieving a large goal, it must be broken down into many small tasks. This simple technique simplifies the solution to any problem. It is imperative to praise yourself for achieving secondary tasks.
3. Learn. First, study psychology if you have a problem with self-esteem. Of course, higher education would be an excellent goal. However, you should not focus only on the professional field. Studying history and social studies will greatly simplify your understanding of how large teams work, and programming will greatly simplify your understanding of how your personal computer works.
4. Don't put off important things. The reason for not wanting to do it now is the fear of not being able to cope or the belief that nothing will work out anyway. All these dangerous thoughts need to be eliminated. Don’t be too demanding of yourself, then it will become easier to perform actions.
5. Make your apartment clean and attractive. Caring for plants and home improves mood and confidence. You can bring order to your workplace.

Try to keep your surroundings free of clutter and chaos.

Advice from psychologists on how to feel confident in any situation

All the training described above does not give results immediately. But there is a need for high self-esteem now, so some recommendations are needed to normalize the condition in any situation at the moment. The advice of a psychologist can help you answer how to be confident:

1. Imagine a person nearby who will praise you. It is better to imagine a relative, loved ones or loved ones.
2. Monitor your thoughts and discard the bad ones. This is the best option for feeling confident in any situation; you should resort to other methods only if this method does not help.
3. Do not overestimate the significance of the situation in this communication. In most cases, the desire to be liked is not justified in any way, so you can relax.
4. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and be imperfect. Every person has shortcomings, and most have more than one and sometimes even many.

How to help your child gain strength and self-confidence

When it comes to self-esteem, any normal parent will definitely wonder how to help their child become self-confident. This personality trait is formed in children by parents. The foundation is laid before the age of 5 and later develops until the age of 14. For example, problems in the family have a much stronger impact on children aged 3 than on teenagers aged 13.

Important! The foundation of high confidence is the unconditional love of parents. Children must understand that they are loved not for excellent grades and obedient behavior, but for no reason.

Initially, the baby does not have any information about who he is, what place he occupies in the world and family, how he should feel about himself and his actions. All this is laid down by parents through not only words, but also actions, non-verbal messages, family rules and attitude towards children in general.

If you want to help your child feel confident, you need to follow several rules:

1. It's not enough to just say you love. Children trust gestures, behavior, and intonations more than words. Therefore, you need to hug and stroke the baby more often. If it is necessary to punish, then this is done calmly, without shouting or scandals.
2. It is necessary to pay attention to events in the child’s life. Quarrels in kindergarten are not a trifle, but a serious problem that can lead to major consequences. It is necessary for children to successfully resolve these situations, otherwise their confidence may be shaken. And for this we need you, parents, who will show you the right path.
3. For normal self-esteem, certain skills and life experience are required. Therefore, you cannot limit the baby and try to do everything for him. Children must do their own homework, fix their toys, sew up their clothes and stuff their own bumps.
4. You can't be intimidated. A typical style of education and restrictions from all kinds of dangers is the child’s belief that everything in the world is dangerous: uncles steal children, dogs bite, cats scratch, and every object contains a deadly infection. This inadequate perception of the world will not lead to anything good. Better teach how to recognize dangerous and safe objects, animals and people.
5. When criticizing, point out specific mistakes and tell them how they can be corrected. At the same time, criticize not the person, but his actions and work results.
6. Motivation for school performance should not come from screaming, but from the child’s desire to learn. And for this, you yourself must set an example of a person who strives for knowledge. Finally, remember that bad grades in school are not the end of life.

To increase self-esteem and self-confidence, a woman needs to learn to recognize negative thoughts about herself, and then carefully catch these ideas and “dispose of them.” This is the main and most reliable method, since self-confidence is a purely subjective perception of oneself. However, external confirmation of your self-esteem is also necessary, for which you need to systematically change your life.

First, you need to understand that self-love is not constant admiration and narcissism. Love is more about accepting yourself with any shortcomings. There is nothing enthusiastic here, this feeling is neutral. To fall in love, you need to praise yourself more often - many psychologists repeat this tired exercise over and over again simply because it really works.

The first step is to try to get rid of complexes

We are taught from early childhood which events in a person's life are shameful, terrible, shameful, and which are cool and respectful. They reinforce this with punishments and praise. Therefore, the solution to the problem consists of two parts. First, we must destroy old beliefs about what is shameful and forbidden. Secondly, you need to love yourself, restore the confidence destroyed by punishment.

The topic would not be complete without information about leadership qualities. Here it must be said that high self-esteem and leadership are interrelated concepts. You can't be a leader without self-confidence.

Leadership consists of several aspects:

1. Charisma is a combination of qualities that make a person liked by others. The main ones are humor, positive attitude, honesty, courage, and sociability.
2. Professionalism. A leader must have the best skills and knowledge in order to have authority among his colleagues.
3. Lead the group to the goal. The leader must set a goal for the group that would be attractive to each member of the team. Of course, a leader must lead other people to achieve this task.

Conclusion

1. In order to become self-confident, you need to constantly praise yourself and remind yourself of your achievements. You cannot blame or scold for mistakes. On the contrary, you need to learn to forgive yourself.
2. Criticism is appropriate, but only constructive and without emotion. Don't make too many demands on yourself.
3. Knowledge of psychology will help in working on yourself. Therefore, read articles on this topic.

In contact with

Confidence is not something that can be learned by learning some rules, it is a state of mind. , learning, knowledge and communication with other people are all useful ways to become a confident person. Self-belief comes from a sense of well-being, acceptance of your body and mind (your self-esteem), and faith in your abilities.

Becoming a confident person can mean different things to different people. It really just means believing in yourself. Self-confidence is, in part, a result of how we were taught. We learn from others how to think about ourselves and how to behave. These lessons influence what we believe.

Self-belief is also a result of our experiences and how we have learned to respond to different situations.

Low self-confidence could be criticism, feelings of unpreparedness, lack of knowledge, or previous failures. Often when we lack self-confidence, it is because we have strong perceptions of what others will think of us.

Perhaps others will laugh at us if we make a mistake. This kind of thinking can prevent us from doing what we want or need to do because we believe the consequences will be too painful for us.

Overconfidence can also be a problem if it causes us to believe that we can do everything, even if we do not have the necessary skills, abilities and knowledge to do it well.

Having too much faith in yourself means you are more likely to be seen by others as arrogant or selfish. People are more likely to enjoy your failure if you are perceived as arrogant.

Confidence is a term we use to describe how we feel about our ability to perform roles, functions, and tasks. Self-esteem is how we feel, how we look, how we think, whether we feel worthy.

People with low self-esteem often also suffer from low self-confidence, but people with good self-esteem can also have low confidence.

Ways to Increase Confidence

There are two sides to improving confidence. While the ultimate goal is to feel more confident in yourself and your abilities, it's also worth thinking about how you can appear more confident in front of other people. Next we will talk about how you can achieve this.

Planning and preparation

People often feel less confident in new or potentially challenging situations. Perhaps the most important factor in developing trust is planning and preparing for the unknown.

For example, if you are applying for a new job, it would be a good idea to prepare for the interview. Make an outline of what you would like to say and think about some questions you might be asked.

Know your strengths and weaknesses

Write a list of things you are good at and things you know need improvement. Discuss your list with friends and family, as they will inevitably be able to add something to the list. We all make mistakes. Don't think of your mistakes as negatives, but rather as learning opportunities.

Accept compliments and praise yourself

When you receive a compliment from someone, thank them. Ask what exactly did they like? Recognize and celebrate your strengths by rewarding yourself and telling friends and family about them.

Use criticism as a learning experience

Everyone sees the world differently, and what works for one person may not work for another. Criticism is just someone else's opinion, but don't let criticism lower your self-esteem. Listen to criticism and make sure you understand what is being said so you can use criticism as a way to learn and improve.

Try to remain generally cheerful and have a positive outlook on life. Complain or criticize only when necessary, and when necessary, do so constructively. Give others compliments and congratulate them on their successes.

Communicate with people who are higher than you in status

Find yourself a role model. Ideally, this will be someone you see regularly, a work colleague, family member or friend. Someone with a lot of self-confidence that you would like to mirror. Observe them and notice how they behave when they are confident.

How do they move, how do they talk, what do they say and when? How do they behave when faced with a problem? If possible, find out more about how they think and what makes them so confident.

Hanging out with people who are confident usually makes you feel much better. Learn from people who are successful in the tasks and goals you want to achieve and let their confidence rub off on you. As you become more confident, offer help and advice, and become a role model for someone less confident.

Confidence is contagious. Just like her absence.

Be assertive

To become a confident person, you need to stand up for what you believe in and stick to your principles. This statement also means that you can change your mind if you think it is right, and not because someone else is pressuring you.

Keep calm

There is usually a connection between confidence and calmness. If you believe in yourself, you are likely to feel calm while completing a task. When you feel less confident, you are more likely to feel stressed or nervous. Trying to remain calm, even under pressure, will make you feel more confident.

Avoid Arrogance

To become a confident person, try to avoid arrogance. It is harmful to interpersonal relationships. As your confidence grows and you become successful, avoid feeling superior to others. Remember, no one is perfect and you can always learn something. Celebrate your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses and failures.

Developing Self-Confidence Skills

Self-confidence can decrease over time if you don't practice your skills or if you find yourself in unpleasant situations. As you become more confident, you should continue to practice your skills to maintain and increase your self-confidence in the future.

Install for yourself "goals of trust", which require you to step out of your comfort zone and do things that make you feel a certain amount of nervousness or apprehension.

For example: Start a project you've been putting off for a long time. We often put off important tasks because they seem overwhelming, difficult, or inconvenient to complete. Simply starting such a task can boost your confidence and make you more inclined to complete it. Or stand up and ask a question in an open meeting or group. By doing this, you make yourself the center of attention for a few minutes.

Give a speech at a conference. For many people, this is especially scary. The best way to overcome this fear and gain confidence is through experience.

Introduce yourself to someone new. It could be somewhere where people have something in common. For example, at a party or conference, potentially facilitating conversation. Or you might start talking to a complete stranger in an elevator.

Wear something that will attract attention, such as a bright color. is an important factor in self-esteem, and people with lower self-esteem try not to be noticed.

Take an unfamiliar journey to a new place, along an unfamiliar route, with random people. This will make most people feel at least a little uncomfortable.

How do you feel about each of the ideas in the list above? Some of them may have left you a little puzzled, while others may have filled you with fear. Although the list contains typical examples that potentially increase self-confidence, none of them may be suitable for you. Think about some confidence boosters that work for you, then start with the simpler ones and build up.

An article about leadership quality, the quality of a real man - confidence.

About how to develop this quality, how to become confident in yourself, what this will give you, etc. and so on.

Confidence is not given to us at birth (contrary to this opinion). This quality (like many others) needs to be constantly worked on and developed in oneself.

Why do you need to work and produce?

• Firstly, because without confidence you can’t go anywhere. I think you understand this yourself! Confidence is necessary for success in any field of activity. Relationships, business, sports, politics, etc. the list goes on and on.
• Secondly, because confidence is one of the main qualities that defines a real man.

If you are unsure of yourself = it is your decision, your choice.

To be confident or not is only your choice. Do you understand?

In other words, like everything else in this life. It all depends on you.

If you really have a desire and you want it, you act. If you don’t have a desire - you don’t want and nothing will help you - you are inactive.

An article for those who have a desire and who want to be confident. Who wants to change! Work on yourself. Plow. Upgrade yourself. I have a desire. And you?

Self-confidence begins, first of all, with inner faith in yourself!

If you yourself do not evoke this feeling in yourself, if you yourself do not believe in yourself (although who else if not you?), then how are you going to become a truly confident person? This is where it all begins.

Conclusion: Confidence begins with inner faith in yourself. Believe in yourself!

In everything, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you act, you are doomed to success.

If you program yourself to have negative thoughts, nothing will work out for you. If you think that you are a loser and nothing will work out for you, then that’s exactly what will happen.

It all starts with the thoughts in our head (inside us), so keep an eye on them!

Life is a pain, I was born in the wrong country, my girlfriend left me/cheated on me, my salary means nothing, how can I live at all, a lot of problems, why do I need all this, I’m fat, I’m shabby, I have no money, I have nothing, no car, no apartment/house, no girlfriend, etc. and so on.

This is not masculine behavior! Complaining, whining, etc. is weakness, a manifestation of insecurity.

All this needs to be eradicated, weeded out, cut down - instantly in the bud.

Otherwise, all this whining, complaints and other negativity, negative thoughts will depress you, drive you into depression, thereby making you an insecure person!

Conclusion: confident people never complain or whine.

Yes, believe me, I understand perfectly well what really difficult life situations there are. But this is life! Do you understand? That's life! We all have difficulties, problems, failures, failures, stress, mistakes, etc. etc., without this there is no way.

But you must always move forward. No matter how difficult it is, just move forward.

You have to forget about complaining/whining, etc., you just need to move forward, take it and do it while others whine/complain. This is the position of strong, confident, successful individuals.

No matter how difficult, difficult, or bad it is, you must not give up under any circumstances. You need to look for a way out, solve a problem, a way, take it and do it, this is the position of real strong and confident men.

If you whine, cry, and complain about everything, you will remain in one place without changes.

If this has already happened, get out of this hole! After all, if you move forward, despite everything, you will begin to really value yourself, you will become a strong, successful, and, of course, self-confident person.

Tip #3. Don't dwell on failures and the past.

As I already said, we all have difficulties, problems, failures, failures, stress, jambs, etc.

However, there is no need to dwell on this. Only forward and nothing more. Remember?

The more you live in the past, the more opportunities you lose in the future.

Never reproach (criticize) yourself for anything. Don't get hung up.

Draw appropriate conclusions (learn the lesson(s)) and take them into account in the future.

This is the position of strong, confident, successful individuals.

Moreover, don't be afraid to endure and fail (or fail) at anything.

All these failures are an invaluable experience that develops you and makes you stronger and better.

Never, under any circumstances.

This is harmful because... lowers self-esteem.

The fact is that no person will compare himself to someone who is worse than him!

And in life there will always be someone who will be better than you in this or that or in everything.

This is where negative thoughts and envy begin. Alya, he is better than me, he has a better car, a cooler apartment, a more beautiful girl, dresses better, everything is better for him...

As a result, self-esteem falls, something is wrong with me, I’m somehow different, I’m no better, I’m worse, ahhh, as a result, internal insecurity arises.

Nip any negative thoughts in the bud.

So what? Realistically, so what if someone is better? Doesn't it matter?

You are an individual, you have your own life! So live your life. Look after yourself and be yourself and never compare yourself to other people because there is no point in that.

This is the position of weak, insecure individuals.

Self-criticism contributes to the formation of a negative perception of oneself!

When you say something (bad about yourself) = you program yourself to do it.

As I said earlier, we made a mistake, mistakes, messed up, drew appropriate conclusions (learn the lesson(s)) and take them into account in the future, period.

You need to move forward and only forward, no matter what.

Criticism of other people contributes to the formation of an insecure and complex person. Don’t waste your strength, your energy, your time on this, there’s no point in it.

Focus on yourself. For your own purposes. And just move forward.

All this is the position of confident, strong, successful individuals. And be sure to study these articles: “Attitude towards criticism” and “How to respond to insults, negativity, provocations.”

Tip #6. Look after yourself and don't be a pushover.

Start doing things that help you develop a certain lifestyle. Those. do those things that will increase your self-esteem and, as a result, self-confidence.

• Start going to the gym or take up some other sport.
• Eat well, dress well, take care of yourself, your appearance, your body, and take care of your hygiene.
• In general, develop yourself, read books, articles, literature, improve yourself.
• Create yourself varied hobbies and so on by analogy

All this will help you love yourself, value yourself, gain self-respect, and of course, confidence.

About clothes, by the way, if you know that you are well, beautifully and expensively dressed, then your self-esteem increases, you feel and behave completely differently.

If you eat well, take care of yourself, your appearance, develop, etc. and so on. then you love yourself and treat yourself with respect. You know your worth!

About goals, by the way, set goals for yourself!!

When you achieve what you want, your self-esteem will skyrocket, rest assured.

Confidence is based on the feeling of victory. When you win (achieve your goal, your goals, desires, etc.) you become more and more confident in yourself.

With every victory you respect yourself more and more, because you set goals for yourself and you achieve them, therefore you are cool. To put it simply 🙂 Study: “Entrepreneurship.”

You see, if your surroundings are drunks, then it is very likely that you will very soon and unnoticed by yourself)) turn into the same drunk.

Another example on our topic. If there are only whiners and losers next to you (surrounding you), then you will turn into the same weirdo. Do you need it?

If you value yourself, you will never waste time on people who are unworthy of you, people who bring nothing to your life, but only waste time on some nonsense, make you weaker, drag you down, torment you, “they give” only negativity, etc. and so on.

It's the same with girls. Don't be fooled by just anyone. I understand that in the modern world there are, so to speak, young ladies of easy virtue, but my advice to you: know how to choose.

If you win a beautiful, smart, qualitatively cool girl who knows her worth, your self-esteem will skyrocket. After all, if she is so cool, and you conquered her and she is with you, then you are cool too. Do you understand?

Tip #8. Communicate, make new acquaintances, speak in front of your audience(s).

New acquaintances in real life (in life, not in social networks on the Internet) are:

• new impressions
• something unusual
• new experience, knowledge
• it's communication in general
• it is overcoming fears, uncertainty, doubts, etc.
• it liberates, makes you open, helps you become more confident in yourself.

Performing in front of an audience (s) is generally the highest aerobatics, which is guaranteed to make you more and more confident every time.

Do not be afraid! Don't be shy, etc. for all this is a manifestation of weakness and self-doubt.

Someone's condemnation, opinion, etc. shouldn't worry you. You are a person!

You must have your own opinion, so express it.

Rest assured, there will always be someone who disagrees with you on this or that issue. So what?, this is absolutely normal, just be yourself!

• Confident people never pay attention to other people's opinions.
• Confident people don't care about other people's opinions.
• What other people think about them, what they say about them, etc.

Confident people do not like to prove anything to anyone, such people are purposeful and move forward and only forward, achieving their goals!

Tip #10. Be independent and don't rely on anyone.

The ability to solve your problems is a sign of a strong, truly successful man. Men who are not afraid of responsibility.

He is not afraid to take responsibility for himself, his life, making decisions, etc.

Men who control the situation, not the situation.

Men who do not go with the flow, but choose the direction that is convenient for him.

Tip #11. After a while (I’m adding) = get rid of your fears, break your fears.

Break your fears. Challenge yourself. This really boosts your self-confidence! How to break your fear? => The best way is to “look the emu in the face.”

Yes, it’s scary, but you need to act with inner faith in yourself. With faith in success.

Finally, I recommend you the article: “How much are you worth as a man.” There are a lot of articles and information collected there that will help you develop to a high level!

That's all. Reading all this is not enough - apply your knowledge in practice, work on yourself. Inaction will not bring you anything. There must be constant work on yourself! This is the only way to achieve something. The only way. Good luck and success.

Some people are ashamed of themselves and worry all the time about the opinions of their family, friends and colleagues, while others boldly go towards their goal. Self-confidence is a defining characteristic of leaders, successful people, politicians and artists. How to become confident? Let's talk about this in more detail.

What is self confidence

Psychology defines self-confidence as a positive assessment of oneself and one’s abilities. This is his perception of himself in the world, in society. This is influenced by many factors:

• presence or absence of complexes;
• psychological trauma;
• mental makeup;
• temperament;
• stress resistance;
• family situation;
• childhood, adolescence;
• appearance;
• attitude of friends, relatives, their assessment;
• work and its features;
• a person’s goals and desires, the ability to achieve them;
• successes and failures.

Each item on the list is like a puzzle. And from them the overall picture of self-confidence emerges. The feeling of confidence cannot be called innate. But certain inclinations are present in a person. He is born with a set of qualities, temperament, and character. How a person adapts to circumstances and how resistant he is to stress depends on them.

Growing up, a person adds acquired personality traits to his innate personality traits. The psyche is being formed. Psychological trauma appears or, on the contrary, the psyche becomes stronger. Starting from three years old and ending at 18-25 years old, this process is in a flexible state. All the events of childhood and adolescence leave an imprint on. His self-esteem and self-confidence will largely depend on this.

Causes of self-doubt

The foundations of all psychological problems always go back to childhood. But various factors can affect self-esteem at different periods of time:

• Raised by an authoritarian mother or father.
• Lack of support in childhood. If parents do not praise or support the child, he will grow up lacking self-confidence.
• Ridicule at school.
• Psychological trauma: events that left an imprint on the human psyche and caused strong negative emotions. These are blocks that will influence a person’s behavior and personality throughout his life. For example, public humiliation or violence.
• Character, subtle mental organization. A person takes everything to heart and invents problems for himself. Any sideways glance is perceived as a threat.
• Flaws in appearance, failure to accept oneself as a unique person.
• Financial situation: insufficient earnings, work that does not evoke pride and zeal.

If a person has not succeeded in what he has the ability to do, he will feel self-doubt. Unrealized talents are a heavy burden. In men, self-doubt can be caused by a lack of abs, female interest and a big car. Women are overweight, lack of beautiful things, lack of fans. Everyone is different. Failure to live up to your own ideal is equal to a lack of confidence.

Self Confidence Structure

Self-esteem consists of many factors. Therefore, people with low self-esteem usually go to a psychotherapist. And there the doctor, like a mechanic, spends hours looking for the cause of the “breakdown.” Sometimes this takes weeks, because, more often than not, the cause of insecurity lies in deep childhood.

A good example from the practice of a psychologist. A 16-year-old girl came to the appointment with a problem: she could not eat in front of other people. When she tried to eat in the school cafeteria or at holidays, her hands began to shake and she began to sweat. She felt like everyone was looking at her. I was so ashamed of myself that I simply refused to go to the canteen. It turned out that as a child, her aunt yelled at her at the table in the presence of other children. And the girl suffered from complexes for more than ten years.

Self-confidence consists of:

• assessing oneself as an individual;
• a person’s dependence on the opinions of others;
• ability to ignore negativity;
• stress resistance;
• healthy psyche.

But even in the absence of these components, you can fix everything and become a confident person.

How to achieve confidence

If a person thinks about how to become self-confident, this is already a third of success. Another two-thirds is in correcting psychological inconsistencies and getting rid of prejudices.

Techniques for getting rid of stereotypes that affect self-esteem

1. A person evaluates himself by comparing with others. But this is wrong, since every living person is endowed with his own set of qualities, external data. Personality is multifaceted and is formed under the influence of thousands of external circumstances. It's stupid to compare yourself to others. Remember: the living is incomparable! There are no two identical people in the world.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others and let go of the importance of other people's opinions. If people evaluate your qualities, then they are comparing. After all, “good” and “bad” are concepts that are formed based on comparison with other individuals. “You’re weird,” “You’re ugly.” Where did you get the idea? Who did you compare me to to come to this conclusion? And how many strange and ugly ones have you seen before? Other people also have no right to compare you; this assessment cannot be objective. Comparison is a delusion and a direct path to a lack of self-confidence.

People who judge you behind your back are initially wrong. To listen to their opinion is to be a fool who does not realize that comparison will not lead to anything good.

Dealing with complexes and psychological problems is more difficult. But you can try to do this yourself. A person must remember all traumatic situations and analyze them. Understand the reasons, forgive the stupidity of the offenders and eliminate the influence of these situations on your future actions and thoughts.

Learn to accept doubts

Self-confidence and tyranny are not the same thing. Every sane person periodically doubts himself and his abilities. But how can you be confident if doubts persist?

Don’t be afraid, accept them, let them in, analyze them and let them go. You can’t get hung up, you can’t resist. Every thought can and should be analyzed. It is enough to do this once. Trust yourself. It is impossible to gain confidence without productive self-criticism and a certain amount of doubt.

Notice the times when you doubt yourself the most.

To eliminate psychological problems that affect self-esteem, you need to understand where they come from. It is not the effect that needs to be treated, but the cause. Not the feeling of insecurity, but the reasons for it.

Perhaps self-esteem decreases after meeting with parents or friends. Or it's an arrogant boss and a grumpy co-worker who looks at you with soul-sucking hatred.

Remember your strengths

How to become self-confident if you only see your flaws? Remember the positives. It could be kindness, love of nature and animals, caring for loved ones, playing the guitar, talent for putting things in order, skill in making sandwiches.

Be sure to read. Without this, you cannot become a self-sufficient person. Books develop vocabulary and make a personality multifaceted.

Fail Fast, Fail Often

They learn from mistakes. Each person goes his own way, stumbling, falling, but continuing to move forward. Thank heaven and everyone you believe in for every failure.

Yes, you didn’t achieve your goal, but you gained much more: experience and confidence. And this is priceless. And, no matter how painful it may be to make a mistake again, remember: this is a gift from God, not a failure. This is what distinguishes a wise and self-confident person from an angry fool: awareness and acceptance of everything that happens around.

Remember the ancient Chinese proverb: “For those who want, fate leads, but for those who do not want, fate drags them.”

Accept your flaws

How can you always be confident if you are not perfect? It is necessary to destroy the stereotypes imposed by society. To have normal self-esteem and love yourself, you don't need to look like a skinny American actress. It is enough to understand that all people are different. Images of ideal people are imposed on us from screens: thin girls, strong guys. This is a big misconception.

A person can look whatever he wants. And it may also have disadvantages. Can be greedy or stubborn. Everyone has these similar qualities. It’s enough just to accept them and work on yourself. Love your shortcomings, understand yourself, don’t scold yourself. Don't you have the right to be yourself?

Overcoming childhood traumas and grievances

It is better to discuss psychological trauma at an appointment with a psychotherapist. This practice is not common in Russia. But in vain. You can figure it out on your own. Everyone remembers the events of their childhood, when they were undeservedly offended, and this greatly influenced the psyche. You need to start small:

• Remember and write down on a piece of paper all the cases when you were unfairly offended. Starting from deep childhood and ending with today.
• Analyze each case, put yourself in the position of that person, remember the feelings.
• They were just situations. It's time to let them go. Tell anyone who has offended you that you forgive them. Wish him well, health and happiness.

After this, you will feel how much lighter your soul has become. You will feel it almost physically. It was the shackles of your grievances that fell away. Also, easily part with every similar situation.

Now you know how to be confident. What will you do with this knowledge?

Experience suggests that most people will not follow advice. This article will help those who will not stop at simply studying the information. You may need to read the article again, write out or print out important points. You'll have to practice for a long time. Just reading it doesn't change your personality.

• Repeat daily: “I love myself and this world. Everyone loves me".
• Take care of yourself. You don't need to be perfect, but it is important to be well-groomed. This is also a small key to success.
• Remember: being shy is stupid. This is the lot of the ladies of the century before last: to blush, faint, and drop their handkerchief.
• When approaching the mirror, compliment yourself: “You’re just handsome today!” Do it sincerely.
• Remember: you must be the center of your universe. People around you will not believe you until you create your own world in which you will be the main character. Love yourself, your flaws, your strengths. Love desperately and deeply. You are alone. This is the main secret of normal self-esteem and self-confidence.
• Force yourself to do something you don't like every day.
• Learn to accept failures with love and gratitude. If this happened, then you needed it. Those who write the scripts for our lives from above are much smarter. Trust.
• Whatever happens to you will not make you any less of a perfect person. Situations are different, but the human essence does not change. Always be yourself.

Remember these truths, practice self-hypnosis - and confidence will appear. You will feel it, just like... You will be happier.

Conclusion

Instead of sad self-flagellation, take fate into your own hands. You are born with a certain set of qualities. But the rest is in your hands. You can create whoever you want, the main thing is to put in the effort every day.

Nothing stops you from starting to love yourself and become confident from this very moment. Right now. Go to the mirror and say: “How to be confident and arrogant? Ask me. That's exactly who I am." Change yourself, and you will see how the world around you begins to change in a mirror.